under 40 with young children

cbwojo

under 40 with young children

cbwojo

It would be nice to talk to someone my age that has gone through what I have or is going through it right now.  I am 37, mother of 4, married diagnosed with invasive ductal and lobular stage IIA N0 and just had a mastectomy after chemo

LUVmy2girlZ

I am 39 married with two girls 9 and 12  and I have just been diagnosed Nov. 12th w/ DCIS....HOWEVER, I can not be staged as I am looking at a mastectomy and "suspicion" lymph node.  Until that final surgery I won't know.  The waiting and worrying is taking a toll on my anxiety.  Speaking to the Doctors is seems like no big deal...yet,  I read all the ladies reports and my mind goes into a tail spin...LOTS of support and yet fear at the same time.  Do a lot of research go for second opinions if reconstruction and take it little by little as it can get overwhelming ! 

I am unsure of my treatment...until after my surgery and then its questions on reconstruction !  I find peace in talking with other friends or people who have gone through it via phone..and reading books regarding BC...Susan Love has a book about DCIS and I am currently reading one Straight Talk about Breast Cancer.   These are VERY informative books and soon you will understand EVERYTHING...just remember EVERY case is different and every person responds different.

Best of luck in your recovery.

Laurie

SandyAust

Hi I am sorry you are going through this but you will find lots of support here.  I am more than three years out from diagnosis but I am happy to help in any way that I can.  I was 36 and married with two children aged four years when I was diagnosed.  I had a mastectomy and chemotherapy and I am still taking tamoxifen.

I found there was lots of information out there about the disease and the treatment but not enough on the emotional impact on breast cancer.  My biggest issue was what to tell the kids and how not impact their lives any more than necessary.  However everyone reacts in different ways so feel free to ask questions about the things YOU need to talk about.

Take care,

Sandy

badboob67

Welcome to the "club" nobody really wants to have to join! I am glad you have found this message board. There are lots of wonderful people here to laugh and cry with and to share information with. It is an absolutely essential part of my journey with metastatic bc!

I was 38 when diagnosed with breast cancer that had already metastacized to most of the bones between my skull and thighs. At that time, my 3 boys were 15, 10, and 9. I am a chemo "virgin" and have been treated with hormonals. I had a mastectomy 3 weeks after my very first mammogram! Everyone kept telling me I was too young, that I shouldn't even "need" a mammo yet! I also had some fractures in my spine, one of which caused lots of pain and was fixed surgically with a procedure called vertebroplasty.

I have had 2 rounds of radiation to my spine/pelvis that they refer to as "palliative" because the main purpose was to lessen my pain. Some of the doctors seemed to write me off; I am sure there are at least a couple that are surprised to see me still around--AND DOING BETTER THAN I WAS AT DIAGNOSIS--nearly 2 years later! I suppose I did manage to draw the short straw in lots of ways; I also have lymphedema in my mast side arm.

I think there are lots of issues unique to a younger cancer patient. Those of us with younger children have different issues than those with grown children. That being said, however, we all have one (rotten!) thing in common!

I am usually over on the "recurrence and metastatic disease" area of the boards, but I check the "active conversations" frequently. If there is anything I can help you with, just give a holler! 

(((HUGS)))
Diane

Ivylane

Hi there:  I was 36 when first diagnosed and my kids were 4 and 5-1/2 at the time. It was hard, but I got through it and so will you.  I was Stage 1, had a lumpectomy CMF and the rads.  That was in 1991.  I remember at the time being much younger than many of the patients.  15 years later I am one year out of treatment for another stage 1 BC in the other breast.  My kids are in college now, but I was just as scared this time around.  Treatment is much tougher (bi-lateral masts) and ACT for 4 months, but I got through it again.  We do what we need to do.  God bless all of you fighting this crappy disease.

JulieK_11_30_07

Hi ladies - I just came across this conversation and am in the exact same situation. I'm 38, have a 12 year old son and work full time. I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma on Nov. 30 and am actually heading to surgery in the next 15 minutes. They're "guessing" I'm near Stage II but that will be confirmed during surgery. They are also doing a lymph node biopsy during surgery b/c at least one lymph node is "suspicious."

I am having a bilateral mastectomy today - my mother had bc at 32 and again at 38 in the other breast. I am very nervous and anxious about the surgery, but am more concerned with how I will respond to the chemo. Radiation is a possibility, depending on the lymph node biopsy today.

I will check back in with this group when I return home and am able to get back on the computer. Best wishes to all of you - let's keep in touch -- we sure seem to have a lot in common with what we're all facing.

badboob67

My goodness, Julie! I thought I was "addicted" to this site, but you have me beat there in posting 15 minutes before surgery! LOL!

I will say a prayer for you that your surgery goes well and you are back at home resting comfortably soon. Here's to hearing "we got it all" and "no positive nodes"!

(((HUGS)))
Diane

conniehar

Hi - I am also a young mother.  I was dx'd in March at the age of 39 with stage IIIa lobular cancer.  My tumor was huge but was not detected by mammo or US - only MRI.  I had a mastectomy, chemo and am now in radiation and on tamoxifen.  It sucked but was certainly not as bad as I thought it was going to be.   And other than being bald and a few days when I was really tired, I don't think my kids noticed much different about me.  That was really nice as I was so worried about them.

This board is awesome and these ladies can help you through most anything.  I also frequent the youngsurvival board, but for some reason I like this one better.

Let us know how you are doing.  Keep posting the questions and we will try to help!

nash

Hi, cbwojo, I'm 39--diagnosed at 38, with a 5 1/12 year old and 9 year old. Just finished chemo last week--will be heading onto rads in January.



I was really worried going into treatment about keeping the kids on their routine, but thankfully have been able to. My "bad" chemo days fell on weekends after treatment, when all I had to do was sit in my recliner and drool.



My mom is Stage IV bc and lives with us, and both grandfathers died of cancer, so unfortunately my kids were already somewhat used to all of the cancer crap. It's been hard on them, but they've held up well. It's been harder on my 9 year old to see me bald and sick than on my 5 year old (he just tells me I look "funky"). Which I do.



And welcome to Julie K, also! Hope your surgery went well!

Liezel

Julie K, hope your surgery went well...

I was dx at 35 with Stage IIIa bc.  My son was 2 at the time, and we were thinking of another baby then.  There was no support available in our community for young bc patients, so this board was a real help!!

That was 2 yrs ago now, and after 4 x CEF, 4 x Taxotere, 38 rads and 1yr of Herceptin, I am also doing much better than before my dx.  It was difficult, mostly trying to keep life normal for my baby and keeping my business going, but we got through it, and so will you.  I just had prefentative mastectomy of other breast and reconstruction on both sides and feeling wonderfull.  It has been a difficult journey, but I can see colors again!!

JulieK_11_30_07

Hi everyone! I arrived home yesterday after my surgery on Tuesday. Everything went well and lymph nodes were negative! The tumor was "free floating" (not attached to anything) and they believe they got it all. I'll have the drains in now for about a week or so. I've been fighting a migraine since I got home - most likely b/c of all of the stress leading up to the surgery.

I'll check back in later - my son is almost home from his school Christmas program - I've never missed one and was too out of it from my migraine to be able to go tonight.

Take care!

Julie

nash

Glad you're through the surgery and doing well! Good news!

ilenee

Hi. I am 36 have a 9 year old son, 11 yr old daughter, and one fabulous husband. My youngest is our dog, Katie. She is a 1.5 yr old snorkie. I can't play with her like I used to.

My kids go to a catholic school and I got an email from a parent saying my son was praying for me and crying in the chapel. Oh my poor little man.My daughter seems to be doing ok.

I did have the sentenial node biopsy and everthing came back negetive! Yeah! I will start rad in Jan and tamoxifen soon after.

Lets all try and have a Merry Christmas. I know I will because I am just counting my blessings. Great family and I have a good prognosis as well.

Good luck to all of you,

Ilene

chemomom

Hi.  Just wanted to chime in here as a young mom.  My boys are 5 and 2.  i was dx'd on 07/16/07.  I remember as I started this journey crying and thinking I'd never see my youngest's 5th birthday.  Now I am hoping for the best and it has gotten a little easier.  So far I have had 5 chemo, and a bilateral mast.  I have 1 chemo, rads and a year's worth of Herceptin still to go (not to mention a lifetime of vigilance and probably worry...). 

I think being a mom with cancer is hard no matter what.  A part of me is glad that at least my kids are too young to understand the implications of "cancer."  They know mommy has been sick and is taking very strong medicines, but they have no concept of the stakes.  So while we moms with small kids have a whole set of worries, maybe at least it means we can spare the kids some of it.     Angie

morgansmom

Hi!  I am 38, mother of two girls 5 and 2 and was diagnosed with IDC last spring.  They found bone mets at diagnosis. At this point I am doing hormone therapy and have not started chemo yet.  I took tamoxifen for about six monthis since at the time of diagnosis I was premenopausal, have had an oophrenectomy and now have begun taking Femara.  You will find a ton of information and lots of supportive people here that unfortunately are in the same situation as you are.  Good luck with your treatments. 

Mindy

mrs_X_Sunneedazee

Hello to all of you!  I too am a young mom with cancer.  I was dx at 28, now I'm 29, with 5 kids.  It has been really hard, but I have had tons of help which has made all of this treatment doable.  My advice to you is to accept help whenever it is offered.  If someone wants to do something, have them have your kids over to play so you can rest, bring in meals, clean, drive car pool, whatever.  When people offer to help, they truly do want to do something, so let them.  It helps you, and it helps them feel better. 

I think it is crazy that there are so many of us young ones around.   I am so glad to have the support of this site.  Good luck to us all.

Julie-I can't believe you are posting this soon before and after surgery.  You must be a warrior!!  Great news on the lymph nodes.  

  

mommy_mia

Hi all...I'm with you!  I'm 39 and have 2 boys who are 14 and 10.  About to have tx #3 tomorrow.

It is so true that we have different challenges as we go through this, but we CAN do it!  And it's so great to have a group like this with wonderful ladies who UNDERSTAND!

zarowny9

Hi all, I was 29 at dx time in 05,now 32 and stage 4.I had my kids young they are 12 and 16 and we as young mom's do have different challenges,different worries.Hugs to all the young mom's.....Dawn

Rebecca

I was 35 last year at Dx.  I have three kids, who were 4,6 and 9 at the time.  It was a hard age range to deal with, because I had to run the gamut.  My son, the youngest, did not understand what was going on other than Mommy had a big boo-boo and did not feel well.  My eldest understood all to well what was going on, but she held it in so that she would not upset me.  I found out from her teacher (a wonderful woman) that she spent the year fretting, crying and counting down until chemo was over.  She even had a little calendar that she marked off the days.  My middle daughter had it the hardest, though.  At 6 she understood enough to know that it was very bad, but she was still too young to be able to cope with her complex feelings.  Through that school year, no less than 3 wonderful staff members at the school took care of her, pulling her from her classroom when she cried and giving her special individual attention.  I was, and will always be grateful for the help my children received all through that horrible year.  My children were my inspiration, and I am not sure I would have made it were it not for my very strong desire to be with them, raise them, and watch them grow.  Even the thought of leaving the job of raising my kids half done made me burst into tears.

Here I am, almost exactly one year later....in some ways it is business as usual now, and in others it will never be the same.   

Hugs to all of you, who shared the same trials.  People often ask me how "I did it"....I think you all know that answer! 

mexico2009

Ladies,

I have posted to the site for over a month now and just discovered this thread...

I was 37 when I had ADH and now 39 DCIS...Double Masectomy will be in  January 2008 surgery date to determined by 12-18-07.......

Have 14 year old girl.

Tamara

momtothree

In 1997 I was dx with invasive breast cancer...I was 36 years old. My children were 15 months, four, and seven. That first year was soo difficult, but my family was wonderful! I had lumpectomy, A/C, rads, Tamoxifen, total hysterectomy, and now I'm on Femara.

I'll be 11 years out March 26th!! The fear of recurrence is still there...I think it always will be...but it does ease a bit with each passing year.

Take care,

Julie

p.s. JulieK, glad you are back at home with good news about your neg nodes!!!

janeausten10

I just turned 31 years old in October and have a 10 year old boy, 4 year old daughter, and 2 year old boy.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer on December 11 and have not got the hang of rattling off the type I have.  I will be going through my surgery right before the new year and have yet to decide on whether to have reconstruction.  I will have my right breast removed totally with no signs of cancer on the left.  Everyone in my family is pushing me toward reconstruction right after surgery.  You know, have the breast replaced with a new, perkier one and you won't feel any different.  That's their view, not mine. They just don't seem to understand how much is involved and how much it will change my life.  They just see the superficial stuff.  Make believe that nothing happened (my mom's exact words).  Everybody just keeps saying you're way too young.  That is so tiring!  I have a great mental and emotional outlook on the whole situation and have accepted that everything will be topsy-turvy for a while.  I have a great husband who supports whatever decision I make.  He'd like me to not feel different from everyone else, but I always will, so maybe he doesn't understand.  Oh well.

A great big squeeze to everyone else in my boat,

Andrea

KathyL

Hi ladies:

I often post to other threads but checked this one out tonight.  I was dx in Aug. at age 36, I turned 37 this month.  My kids are now 2 and 5.  I nursed both of them past age 1 year-- and cancer still got me.  I start chemo Jan. 16 and it scares the hell out of me.  I want to be around to see my kids grow up and have their own kids one day.  But how will chemo leave me?  I worry about my daughter (the 5 yr. old) the most.  She totally knows what's going on and gets nervous everytime I'm gone for surgery (I've had 3 so far).  My son just wants to be held all the time and that's impossible after each surgery.. can't imagine what chemo will do to me next.  But both kids are what drives me to do the seemingly impossible-- the surgeries, the up-coming chemo, to get out of bed on days I'd rather pull the covers over my head.  I weep for what they have to watch me go through, but I thank God each day I have with them.  I will keep fighting just to be around for them

chemomom

KathyL-- I feel for you. I am 32 with boys ages 2 and 5.  We shared many of the same fears and obstacles (like not being able to pick up or hold the kids for a while-- heartbreaking, but we all adjusted eventually).  I had 4 neoadjuvant chemo prior to a bilateral mast to shrink my tumor (right side only).  My chemo regimen was Taxotere, Carboplatin, and Herceptin.  As you may have read on this thread, it works wonders.  I just finished the last of my 2 chemo post-surgery.  Now I have Herceptin for a year and rads.  It's all downhill from here. 

I see you are also HER2+ and I expect the terrible stats on the internet may possibly be part of the fuel for how you are feeling about seeing your kids grow up. i know they did that to me... but the drug Herceptin has really seemed to turned things around for our type of cancer.  Do you know what you will be getting at chemo?  If it's not a combo that includes Herceptin, please ask your Onc why.  I call it my miracle drug.  Well, that and a hefty dose of carbo, to be totally honest. 

I was out of it and too dumb and tired to work for 3 days to a week after each treatment.  I was also very fortunate to have a lot of help from my family with the kids-- I needed it.  And all those people that you have undoubtedly run into that say, "let me know if there's anything I can do...," well-- ask them to bring dinners over.  It really helped me and helped keep things somewhat normal for the kids (although they ate better than anything I would have made).  People felt so glad to be doing something. 

And chemo is very manageable as far as nausea these days.  I had Emend, another wonderful drug (and one worth asking for), Kytril (iv only), compazine, dexamethasone and ativan.  At most, I had reflux or a little nausea that I was able to chase away with one of my compazines.  Although I did have stomach pain that no one can really explain-- just my own personal spin on a side effect.  But overall, it is not as bad as it used to be.   

Finally, my bit of chemo advice for young moms like yourself, is to try to get Neulasta if your insurance will cover it.  It is a single shot given the day after chemo to goose your body back into making the blood cells necessary to keep from becoming neutropenic and getting really sick.  With everything your kids may be dragging home from school and/or daycare, you need to do all you can to keep your immunities up.  Neulasta has worked extremely well for me.

Well, sorry for such a long post.  But I am hoping that with more info, it will help you and others feel less scared about chemo and help you feel more optimistic.  Chemo does suck, but you don't have to become frail or be throwing-up all the time.  Plus, I just had my last chemo and it seems posts fueled by steroids always are a bit long-winded...  But seriously, there is hope KathyL.  You can certainly do this.  Somehow I made it.  Good luck.  Angie

KathyL

Angie:

Thanks so much for your encouragement!  That's why I love this group.  I'll be doing taxotere, cytoxan, and herceptin 3 weeks apart each time.  The first two drugs for 4 cycles, and the herceptin for a year.  Yes, so glad to get the herceptin.  I had my MUGA scan already-- I hope my heart looks good and stays good!  Right now my onc says I won't get the neulasta unless my counts drop a lot-- he thinks I'll be ok.  I guess b/c I'll be doing each cycle 3 weeks apart.  Trust me, it's on my list of questions to review and I'll be charting my counts along the way.  If I'm really tired, I may push for it.  For nausea they are doing Aloxi the day of, and decadron the day before-of-and after chemo.  I have an RX for Zofran at home.  I can't take compazine-- highly allergic.

I am lucky that my husband is a great support, as is my mom and dad though they live farther away.  My mom already plans on coming for my first 2 rounds and staying for a few days afterwards.  The kids preschool is fabulous, too and are helping out so much-- it's like the kids' second home.  They are planning on doing meals for us I think.

It helps so much to be able to vent here and talk about fears.  I really like this thread since it's all younger women too.  Thanks again for your advice!

badbabe56

I have not been around for a few months due to heavy work load, I totally understand the differences of having bc with young children. I know this sounds unfeeling, but I do believe it is a greater issue when you have young children etc. I was diagnosed when my baby was 6 weeks old, I was an equal partner in a business with my then husband, and had very little family help. We do survive, however the issues are more demanding, try telling a 6 week old baby to get their own meal, etc etc. It is my dream for those young mothers to have some financial assistance, re housework, babysitting, meal cooking etc. It is all very well to say well you had a husband, yes that was true, but we also had a business to keep going. Just for those above, I was 33 when diagnosed, and that baby I spoke about just turned 18, so there is hope, take every chance you can to survive, if your odds are 2% more, take it, you might be one of those 2%. Hugs to you all and know you're all in my prayers daily. Just for the record, my real name is kathy also.

mrs_X_Sunneedazee

Ya know, my grandma got diagnosed with breast cancer 2 months after I did.  She had lumpectomy and then radiation. She told me all the time, that she didn't know how I could do it with kids. She said she was just exhausted and didn't have energy to do anything, she didn't know how I would take care of my family.

I think it just comes down to you don't have any other choice. You just do it.  I had a lot of help, and I let a lot of things slide.  There are still days that my 2 youngest stay in their jammies all day and we watch movies all day.  There are days my little girls go to school with hair-do's they did themselves, but I have learned that it is okay.   It's okay to go to bed with dishes in the sink, it's okay that the kids rooms are a mess.  There are more important things.  I may not be able to go outside and run around with the kids, but they can snuggle up next to me on the couch and read stories.  Just do what you can do, and let that be okay.

Pharmmom

Hello,

I was diagnosed at 38 with twin girls 11 and a six year old daughter with severe autism.  I did chemo, 4A/C plus 4 Taxotere.  I had reconstruction TRAM.  Anyway I am 43 and doing great.  Its hard but you can do it.  I don't know where you get the strength but you do and people will help you.  It just all works out somehow.  God Bless.

Love,

Barb

lepardmama

Hello, I am 35 and I was diagnosed in June last year. I am done with chemo therapy and am waiting to find out the next stage of my treatment. I have 3 girls, 12, 4, and almost 2. My oldest lives with her dad so she was spared seeing me sick. My little ones were here for all of it, unfortunately. I am their primary care giver and even through chemo that didn't change. It would be great to know some key questions for my Dr. All of you ladies seem to know exactly what your diagnosis is. I need advice on how to ask the right  questions and not feel intimidated. Happy New Year ladies. God bless.

nash

Hi, lepardmama. Do you have a copy of your path report from your surgery? If you can tell us what it says, we can help you formulate questions for the docs. You need to know 1) tumor size 2) tumor grade 3) type of bc (ILC, IDC, inflammatory, etc.) 4) ER/PR positive or negative 5) HER2 positive or negative 6)status of lymph nodes.

Hope that helps a little. Sorry you had to join us, but welcome!!