Starting Chemo in May 07

Well I'm still waiting.  I got a referal to a bc specialist and the my old oncs office is trying to get me an appointment.  I hate waiting.  I've become a learning tool.  I've been subbing in the same school almost every day so I've gotten to know alot of the teachers.  Today I was subbing and during a break we were talking about the lump.  Most of them had never felt one before so I asked them if they wanted to feel it.  Most of them did.  There are all in their mid to upper 40's and have all had mamograms.  I'm trying to be as open as possible about all this and if I can help someone else to know what to feel for then I'm gonna do it.

I'll let you know when my appt. is scheduled for and of course what I find out.                       

I have a blog well its a windows live space at

 http://ocinny414.spaces.live.com/    I've not kept up with it but I did add some pics of me before, during and after chemo.  Gonna take some pics of my commmando hair and puton there.  I have more now than the last set of pics.

Talk to you soon,

CindyKS

Thanks Traci.  I feel better.  I am having a hard time just being happy it's my LAST CHEMO NEXT WEEK!!!  Gotta find something to worry about. Geez you'd think I'd be over that by now. 

Traci!  You GOT me!  LOL  I'll blame it on chemo brain!!  I was wondering to myself how could someone from Texas NOT know about NASCAR.  Durrrrrrrrrrr for me...

My Giants will be playing your Cowboys week after next...  mmmmm  Will we still be friends?? 

Oh, and the mummy smiley is a scream (pun intended).

I had the MOST VIVID dream last night.  I had HAIR down to my shoulders...perfectly straight...dark brown and shiny (much like my old hair).  OMG- It was so vivid...I just kept saying in the dream, "I can't believe it grew so much overnight..."  And I woke up really really sad for my hair! 

Liz- good to hear from you...  One more treatment!!  You can do it girl!  Just think, after this treatment you can say 100% done!  YAY!!

Cindy- I knew you were a g'ma from previous posts, but I still can't believe it...you look like a teenager in your pic!! 

Happy Halloween everyone (I am a scrooge when it comes to Halloween...can't stand it.  Going to my friends house to drink and pig out...the trick or treaters by my house won't be happy with me!)  Oh well...

Mornin' ladies!

Virginia - thank you for the laugh this morning - your comment about the Marathon bar made me LOL (that's "laugh out loud" for you Traci) giggle!  I too still have hair dreams - even though I now consider myself to have a luxurious head of hair at about 1/4 inch long- whodda thought?

Liz - you hang in there!  I am so excited for you being so close to done with chemo (when I was waiting for my last tx, I was just so full of dread...I was sooo happy that it was the last one but I just didn't want to go through it again)  Then you're all done treatment - well, except for another surgery and then Tamoxifen....still - it's gonna be so much better so very soon!  Sending you cyber hugs.

CindyKS - still keeping you in my thoughts and hoping you hear (some excellent) news soon.  Waiting is so hard.

Traci - love ya!  What more can I say?

LeeAnne - read your blog last night - you have some awesome pix up there and you look great!  Have you and your sister planned your next trip yet?  It's amazing what a difference a year (or a day) can make!  You have the best smile  in your photos!  I don't have a blog - maybe I should then I wouldn't post such long messages here

Well, off for another busy long day.  I've put in 60 hours of overtime for this month already!  Good thing I love my job!  (Also, I only work part time so that overtime is only above my normal 26.5 hours...but having said that, those hours were accumulated jsu tin the past week - so I guess I have been working my guts out on this haunted house!)

Take care,

Mandy

I've been feeling a little depressed lately. Think I'm grieving some losses that I didn't have time to deal with during treatment. But I've just found a pretty cool website that has some really helpful articles. I'll post links to a couple of them, but check out the list at the bottom of each article.

http://www.abreastinthewest.ca/medical2.cfm?Num=13

http://www.abreastinthewest.ca/medical2.cfm?Num=34

http://www.abreastinthewest.ca/medical2.cfm?Num=61

--CindyMN

OK ladies I went in and made it so everyone can view my photo albums.  On my spaces live account.  LOL chemo brain made me forget I had it so specific people could view.

I have an appointment with the specialist on Thursday so I will let everyone know what they say.

CindyKS

CindyMN- thank you so much for that web-site.  It does look like it's got lots of great articles...  I truly hope that you are feeling less *blue*. 

Golly emotions are crazy.  They really sneak up on you.  I had my first mammo today since all of this *stuff* started happening.  It was a diagnosic, so I just sat and sat and sat and waited for my results.  Got a stomach ache waiting, but was reading a really great book, so that helped pass the time.  After 2+ hours (and extra pictures of course), my mammo was OK!  WHOO HOO!  They want me to have an MRI, of course...but at least the mammo was ok...that's what found my cancer a year ago.

I left the breast center at the hospital and got in my car to drive to work (same town) and I BAWLED MY EYES out the whole time.  Then when I got to work, I called my sister from the parking lot, and bawled again...  UGH!  Good news...made me crazy as well...

CindyKS- will be thinking of you tomorrow.  Let us know how you make out...

Lorain- I know I told you this already, but my sis is also a Loraine but with an "e" on the end...only 1 "r".  Has never had her name spelled right her whole life.  My Dad said he spelled it with 1 r because he thought it "looked" better.  LOL

Ok girlies...thinking of everyone.  Waiting for more hair updates!  I think those make me smile the most.  I was going to do the mohawk thing today for Halloween, but I chickened out...  It's still not quite long enough...

V

Hey girls,

I've read posts, but I'm not like some of you amazing women with your pen and paper!  It's so fun to read everything, though, and just to know that you've all been through what I've been through.

By the way, my blog is actually at carepages.com (like Caring Bridge, but a different site).  The name of my page is amyappold, in case you feel like reading it some time.  I started it very soon after my diagnosis.  I think I might switch to a regular blog at some point.  That'll have to go on my "to-do-when-I'm-not-so-tired-anymore list".  Along with about 150,000 other things, LOL.

Yep, I'm totally commando!!  It's SO nice.  I've gotten LOTS of positive comments, everything from "It makes your eyes look amazing!" and "Very chic!!" to "It begs to be touched!"  I swear, it seems to get longer by the minute.  I had a friend who saw me on Sunday and then again today (Wednesday) and she said it absolutely looks longer.  So that's cool!  I have an appointment for the Friday before Thanksgiving to get it cut.  There won't be much to cut, probably, but I figured she could shape it a bit and make it seem a little more hip and less like a big fuzzball on the top of my body.

STarted tamoxifen on Monday.  So far so good, but I know the SE's don't come for a couple of weeks.

Virginia, just a thought--my obgyn said that I should keep track of my cycles while on tamoxifen, and let them know if I started having periods that were closer together than normal.  Not to scare you, but he said it was because they like to be really on top of that, as a possible indicator of uterine cancer.  So you might want to keep track and if it keeps happening closer together like that, just let your docs know about it.

CindyKS, anxious to hear your results.  I can only imagine the horrible feeling of waiting for this.  We're all going to be right here for you, regardless of the outcome.

Oh, two more things--I'm NOT active!  Except for running around with 2 preschool kids, which is kinda-sorta like working out, but it's hard to really know which is more taxing, the physical part or the mental part.  Sheesh, they can drive you CRAZY!  Lately dh and I have been giving our almost-5 daughter talking breaks at the dinner table any time she can't behave herself.  We literally tell her she may not speak unless spoken to--hello, 18th century!!  Man, those early settlers had something figured out!  It's like HEAVEN to sit and actually be able to TALK to dh at dinner without being constantly interrupted by requests for milk, meaningless questions, complaints about the food, idle chatter  and general silliness aimed at making little brother laugh.  Back on the exercise question, though, we're planning on joining a gym soon, and working on a schedule to allow me to go work out there.  I'm not overweight, but I'm definitely not in great shape, and bc treatment has taken me into the pitiful realm--I'm so easily worn out now it's not even funny!

And lastly,  about hair dreams, I'm having them too!!  Anybody else?  In them, I always have hair that has suddenly grown quite long, and I'm astounded at how much I have.  But sometimes it's only long in one spot on my head--really strange!  When I wake up I'm always surprised to realize that it's still very short and all the same length.  I'll try to post a picture soon.

Amy

Traci!  Sending happy healing thoughts and good vibes to you today.  Hope we will hear from you soon.

Hi to everyone else. Hope you're enjoying your halloween.  We had lots of cute kiddies tonight, but unfortunately we still ended up with a lot of candy.  I never know how much I need.

I'm feeling pretty good now. But today I went to the university to pick up my diploma and take care of some business and actually had to do a little walking.  I thought my legs were going to give out.  I am soooo out of shape it's not even funny. Very frustrating.  I'm going to have my work cut out for me starting in January.

Nighty-night all. 

Hey girls, 

I'm home. I'm copying and pasting my message in case anybody reads it twice....sorry.

The surgery was a success with the Robotic guidance. Thank God. This will make my recovery time way less. They were surprised that I was sitting in the chair in my room waiting for breakfast at 7:00 this am.

Here's a hint....I sorta starved myself two days before surgery to avoid constipation after. Mistake!! I was so sick after surgery and had nothing to throw up. Just dry heaves....I'll never do that again! Finally, I said...I need some crackers. As soon as I got those down, I started to feel better. Whew!

I am starting to feel cramps as the anesthesia is starting to wear off. But, not bad really. Anyway, just wanted you to know I was o.k. I'll get the pathology results in a few days to see if there was cancer in my ovaries but my doc said....even if there was, I don't have to worry now!!!

Thanks for all y'alls prayers! I'll write more later. Gonna go take a nap!

Love ya, Traci

Traci- great to hear from you...one more hurdle done with!!  You sound fantastic...don't overdo it!!   

Hey all,

Liz: congrats on the diploma AND the job! What are you going to be doing?

Traci: glad you are feeling decent. Amazing how surgery has progressed.

Amanda: I am so sorry that those dumb, loser kids stole your bank cards. Sheesh. As if you needed to deal with THAT.

Mandy: Thanks for reading my blog! Who knows about trips for next year... I am not sure how I'm going to even ask for vacation time next year after all my time off this year, much less get 2 weeks to go to Europe! I guess I"ll just have to get a new job and INSIST on the holiday time, LOL.

CindyKS: Any news?

Virginia:  I can't count how many times I've left the docs and started bawling in the car. Even after rad appts. sometimes it sneaks up on me. Nothing like unexpected tears to really make ME feel like I've lost my grip on life!

Amy: good to "see" you here again. I missed you!

Kara: Your hair is growing fast! I can't believe your SIL's comment...

I know there is more I should comment on but I just go off the top of my head and that's all I can remember.

So in the "I didn't need that" category, I was stopped by a cop the other day. IN my neighborhood, just down the street, no less. He said I didn't stop adequately at the stop sign (ha!) and THEN he was going to give me a ticket for a brake light being out. I might be going to he** for it, but I totally pulled the cancer card. I had had a very stressful day anway and I started crying, saying that I was going through cancer treatment, that I was just trying to get my kids to their b-day parties (totally true) and that I promised to fix the light right away ("oh boyfriend...").  Cop let me go. No ticket. Just the IDEA of having to go court to prove I fixed my brake light makes me cry! Why can't they pick on actual CRIMINALS instead of a frazzled single mom with bc? Geez.

One more radiation treatment and I'm done!  I have an appt. on Monday with my chemo doc to presumably talk about hormone treatment (and I assume start Tamoxifen.)  My work finally got around to addressing my absence and let me know they will pay me through the end of the year, so I think some of my anxiety has abated a bit knowing that I have time to work my way back slowly. I don't think it is unrealistic to have a goal of working full time again by January 1. The hardest part of the work thing will be remembering how to do my job and pulling the pieces of it back from those who have been doing it in my absence. I am, or I was, the transaction manager for a real estate company branch that sells high-rise condos. I think my job will be different, because the market has changed, and we are selling finished product now, not pre-selling air and babysitting files for 2 years while the towers are built. I guess it is a good time to re-design my job since I've been gone so long. I just REALLY don't want my work to stress me out like it used to... it ain't healthy!

Happy November everyone. Boy we have come a LONG way since May!!! 

Hugs all,

LeeAnne 

Hi all,

Thanks for all the encouragement you gave me.

Just got home.  Wow what a long day. 

My new doc is awsome.  I'll be having all sorts of tests over the next couple of weeks.

Starting Tuesday 11-6 I have a PET scan/CT scan,  then Wednesday I have a meeting with a surgeon to talk about the surgery which will be either Friday or Monday.  We are not going to do the biopsy just surgery to remove the lump.

Pelvic Ultrasound on Tuesday the 13th. 

I will also talk about genetic testing and need to go to an obgyn doc, havent had my yearly exam yet, was going to have one in April but the cancer and chemo made me put it off.

I'll let everyone know how things go.

Congratulations on all the good news everyone has posted lately.

Amanda- Kids are so dumb and thoughtless these days.  Its hard to believe they would do something like that.

Well it was a really long day and I'm really tired so I'll post more later.

CindyKS

Evening,

Traci - so glad to hear that you're doing well!  Keep resting and dont' overdo it!

CindyKS - glad to hear that you like your new doctor and that they're going to be so thorough...still keeping my fingers crossed for you!

I just finished a 12 hour (no breaks) workday - tearing down the haunted house-(all physical work too) so I am going to hop into the tub and then hit the sack!

LeeAnne - CONGRATS! on having only 1 more rad to go!  Geez, I won't even start for another 2 or 3 weeks! 

Mandy

Cindy...you're funny.

K ladies....yesterday, I felt like I was hit by a truck. Today, I'm better but, I'm am on the pain meds. I guess after the anethsia (sp?) wore off....man, it hurt. It only feels ok when I have a pillow pressed against my belly.

I did some laundry today...slowly...and other than that just kind of walked around the house cleaning up little stuff....like behind the coffee maker and stuff like that. The doc said I need to walk.....

Well, I'm in bed now. I went to bed at 8 last night and slept 'til 9 this morning...except for waking up every few hours to take a pain pill.

I hope everybody is doing o.k.....I don't have a pen and paper to catch up with everybody but I'm gonna go back and read all I missed.

Love you ladies!

Traci