Survivor Dating?

Oh kater....Surely there are other farmers in that vast barnyard! Seriously, if he can't handle it, I say screw him. And better you find out before a meet-up in case you become too hot on him before giving him the low-down. Alternatively, you can keep the head under wraps and let a new guy get to know the other-than-cancer YOU, ya know?

I joined a new social type website that has a bajillion interest groups and is very active. I've gotten tons of emails from guys on it, but I'm a little skittish and sceptical after my perv-guy from match.com. I'm thinking of sticking with superficial, purely physical relationships with men for awhile. There are just too many jerks out there.....what's a girl to do?????

~Marin

I guess I'm looking for some encouragement (or discouragement?) and advice here, so even you married women's opinions are valued. I thought that I'd given up the idea of online dating (OLD), but seem to be stumbling back into it here and there and, lately, seeing some fairly attractive, seemingly interesting guys' profiles on a few sites. I'm especially intrigued with fitness-singles.com, for obvious reasons, and it seems to have quite a few men in my age range who live in my area. But there's a fee. Previously, I assumed that I wouldn't find any 'worthwhile' men (whatever that means) online if I only frequented free sites, but I met mostly losers on match.com after paying a fee. So I'm thinking that the fact of a fee isn't a huge determinant of quality people. Also, my finances are severely limited, so I can only select one pay-for site.

What to do? Would you try....just one more time? Or leave it up to luck/chance and stick only with the free sites?

~Marin

Kater...That's a good idea. I think you're referring to plentyoffish.com which is known as a great site for certain parts of the country (don't know where though..?).

Have you met many guys on fitness-singles? It's sorta expensive although if you do a year, it comes out to $8.25/month. Still.....?

~Marin

Well, y'all, it seems that I've kinda hit the jackpot here. The fitness site has alot of interesting, fit, hot guys on it and I seem to be emailing with a fair number of them (7 to be exact!). Niiiiice! I am planning to actually meet one of them this weekend, if we can coordinate our schedules. And I swear, he sounds almost normal....could that be so?????  The other guys live about 3-4 hours away, but seem interested in continuing our chats. There are 2 guys who seem kinda loser-ish, but I certainly don't know that for sure and, besides, what does that really mean? They are both very sweet, so I plan to keep emailing, but I hope not to lead them on either.

And who knows...this is cyber-stuff and could disappear in a puff of smoke in seconds! I'll try to enjoy it, then, for the moment and for what it is.

And I'll keep you posted!

~Marin

Bumping up for more daters.....

OMG, Jaybird, I went through that age thing for years! Absolutely NO ONE but my family and my employer knew my age and I was FOREVER 38! As my daughter aged (she just turned 24), I bumped it up to 43 and then just stopped discussing it. Even when I took my skating tests (and my age had to be recorded with the United States Figure Skating Assoc.), I went to endless lengths to hide the fact. Finally, I decided to come clean with the boyfriends. The first guy was completely cool because he was 49 and I was 52. The next guy, though, was very uncomfortable about it and brought it up on countless occasions, making me feel embarassed and regretful that I'd ever told him...he was 41 to my 53. So my advice is about the same as I'd say for revealing one's medical history....if/when the relationship deepens, tell the truth; otherwise, you have every right to ignore it and have fun. On the other hand, if it's really on yur mind, try hinting or bring up the age difference in dating issue in general and feel him out. Maybe you'll find that he's excited by the prospect of dating an "older woman"! Despite my guy's discomfort, he must have liked something because he stuck around for 2 years!

~Marin

LuAnn....I've thought about this actually, I guess because once you've had BC, it's always a possibility and being single, mets would certainly be an issue. I think I'd try to communicate about it in ways that "civilians" can understand and, so, would bring up people like Elizabeth Edwards who are stage IV but proceeding with life and fully living into the discussion as examples of how to approach it. So if you stress looking at stage IV BC as a chronic illness, much like diabetes or heart disease or whatever, your dates or boyfriends can see it similarly. Would you feel comfortable with that? It doesn't seem right to depirive yourself of romantic opportunities because of your health issues. After all, LuAnn, I've not forgotten that Glamour Shot photo and think you also shouldn't be depriving potential male suitors of such a babe as yourself!!!! JMHO, of course..... 

~Marin