Survivor Dating?

Anonymous

We had a fun thread going for quite awhile there all about post-BC dating...the how to's and the unique issues that arise for us as survivors. I guess all of us either met our matches (don't look at me!) or perhaps have given up..? Me, I'm still browsing! Though still seeing my HUG (hook-up guy), my eyes are staying wide open. Unfortunately, though, they're not seeing much. Maybe a few potential recruits at the putting green, but then I'm always with my HUG there. Ughhh.

So here's what I plan for my next adventure....speed dating! Never done it, but found out a few days ago that there's a very successful service right here in my local area. I've emailed and learned of an event scheduled for July 24th. I'm psyched but have no idea how these things work. The women are supposed to sit at tables (?) and guys 'visit' each woman, switching tables every 3-5 minutes. My question for anyone who's ever done this is....are you expected to prepare a list of questions or do you just wing it and hope for a chatty guy? Any advice would be appreciated!

And how are the rest of you fun, fearless, single chicas doing????

Marin

kater

i searched and even asked the list owners where the dating group went and they were puzzled as well. i loved it, thanks for starting it up again! where is speed dating? i'm suburbs, western and i only see them in chicago. i would love to try that!

LuAnnH

It couldn't hurt to have some questions ready. Think about it 3 to 5 minutes isn't alot of time so you may just need to have a few base questions with things that are important to you. For instance, you love working out and fitness, maybe a couple key questions to see if you like the same types of activities. Before you know it you will be on to the next guy. The ones I read about in my area you get a score type card that you turn in at the end of the evening. It is your little cheat sheet. Could the organizers of the event possibly answer your questions? Looking forward to hear how it's going.

As for me, I think I got my cancer progression under control now and am getting ready to go on disability. In the meantime I am still playing the field online but am starting to flirt a little more. Going to need someone to help me fill in my time.

LuAnn

Anonymous

Ive started the dating game again too...am currently dating (or something like that) a man I have known for alot of years, but for some reason we never hooked up until recently...
Im very independant and he lives about 140 miles away so works good for me right now other than the idea that he thinks I need to check in with him on most things I do....believe me, that will change if things progress any further!!!!!
I dont need a babysitter (well, maybe sometimes) but I do enjoy his company when he comes for a visit or I go there so we will see how things turn out ...

Good luck to all of us starting this dating game again!!!!!!!

Jule

sschmidt

I have been single for so long and not dated for almost 8 years. There has been a couple 2 date deals in there.

I am thinking aobut dating....have been thinking about it for a long time. In the distant past I was never without a guy so this has been good for me.

I have been thinking about on-line dating as that is the easiest for me. How do you bring up the BC deal or do you bring it up at all? When do you bring it up? I think it would be fair to tell soon ....like the third date? What do you think?

Good thread...Shirley:)

Anonymous

kater...try this: http://www.8minutedating.com/ Also, cupid.com has a 'pre-dating' section with speed dating listings.

Shirley...we talked alot about that in the previous thread too since it's the obvious question for all of us. For me, I wouldn't bring up the cancer until it actually came up in conversation. Like...'so what have you been doing with your life these past few years? Oh, having cancer. And you?' But seriously, we don't have an obligation to tell anyone about our cancer unless it's obvious (like you're still bald) or you feel close enough to him to discuss it. I mean, if you had diabetes or even something like lupus or whatever, would you feel compelled to talk about it? Probably not right off. At least that's MY take on it. Some of us have such a fear that as soon as a guy hears the 'C' word, he'll be so outta here. Maybe some guys will, but those are the ones you'd throw back anyway, right?

Marin

sschmidt

Marin are you taking an A.I.? You are so active. I have been doing water aerobics, walking my dog, some weights at gym but my arthritis is a killer and a bummer for exercise. I just got a message from a computer dating place and the guy likes to hik...all the time., i cannot hike more than a few miels due to the arthritis. I guess my question boils down to ...are you on an A.I.?

iodine

I know you are all adults, but I'm gonna play Mom for a second since you've talked about online dating.(my daughter has,too) Please be careful on dates if you go to the restroom or leave the table, some guy has been slipping the date rape drug into drinks and assaulting his dates.
Just one of those heads up things.
Now on with your regular programming.

Carol_D

Good for you! I think it's great that you're ready to get out there and see what's what.

As for questions, I think I'd have a few ready to get the ball rolling... but then be flexible to go off on a tangent should the occasion arise. Design your questions around things that are important to you, such as personal fitness, and whatever else you hold in high priority. Make your questions help you "weed out" the rejects (such a harsh word!) so you can narrow the field quickly.

Have fun!

NoH8

I always wanted to try speed dating. You'll have to let me know all about it.

Anonymous

Well I'm all signed up and so psyched! I hope they're not all losers, but I'm just determined to have a good time regardless. Besides, who am I to define 'loser'? Maybe some guys would think the same about ME? Well, yes, it's unlikely, but you never know (just kidding - I swear !). I'm looking over the website's photo gallery for an idea as to what to wear and it seems that alot of women just wear jeans...? How fun is that? Well maybe I just need to go shopping for some best-butt-enhancing jeans! Did anyone see Oprah's show on that (yes, the entire show was on finding the best jeans for one's butt & other significant body parts!). Anyway, I've got time since the event isn't until late July. In the meantime, I don't know what to do. The online thing isn't really working because I'm just not feelin' the chemistry. Highlight, so far, has been a date with a (too short) guy who has a Ph.D. in dirt (yes, girls, freakin' dirt...as in its composition !)! Oh well, there's always HUG........

sschmidt - yes, I take Aromasin and had severe muscle pain for over a year on it. I take Glucosamine with Chondroitin and MSM and also fish oil and I think those help alot. The pain has abated significantly though, but if I get any, I use ibuprofen and Tiger Balm. I don't have arthritis, but these remedies might help you too. I'm thinking they can't hurt..? Exercise, as I'm sure you know, is really the best way to keep everything in as good working order as possible and, so, the water aerobics and weights are a great plan!

Amy...I will let you know! My daughter's professor has done speed dating and she's gay, so I KNOW there are sites! If you're not familiar with any, I can ask her what service she used..?

Marin

Anonymous

Marin, my oldest daughter did speed dating. The fella she liked was a nice guy. He made loads of money. They dated for over a year. Went to Africa and Los Vegas together. He was good looking. HOWEVER, she decided to get out. They remained "friends," but he would have rather been more than friends.

She also has done EHarmony. And the latest guy she's now finally dating she "found" on Yahoo.

Some people get the wrong idea about men or women finding dates this way. Loser..nope. I know my daughter is extremely busy (she's an attorney and also has just finished her certification for Life Coach), and has no time to meet people elsewhere. She's going to be 38 and many men are married.

Have a great time. Heed Dotti's warnings. I always give my daughter a pep talk before dating these guys (if she tells me lol).

Oh, and I have a friend my age who found a great guy on Eharmony, but lived too far away. So she's now dating a guy who was introduced through a friend.

Good luck.
Shirley

christineK

I am still messing arond with the OLD (on-line dating) I am registered at Yahoo and eharmony, but really only "talk" with the yahoo guys, it's easier. I have not gone on an actual, although I have passed up many chances for one reason or another, maybe some insecurities. The two guys I am talking to now are darling! One is 11 yrs older, but so handsome and the other is a year younger and I have tons in common with both of them.
I did have a date planned, he bailed at the last minute and I am wondering, if it is because he finally got my last name and googled me. If he did, the first thing that comes up is a big bald pic from the lifetime TV website, aarrggh! Kinda funny really. I like both of these guys and I am thinking about telling them, before they get shocked! What do think?
Maybe if I say the truth like "OK here's my email and last name, but be warned, almost 3 yrs ago I was dx w/bc and there is a bald pic of me out there" Then they can get out then if it is a problem. The older guy says, tell me something about yourself, that alot of people don't know. The other says he wants all the "baggage" up front. Is bc "baggage?

NoH8

Marin I know they have speed dating for lesbians, but when I checked it out it was only for younger folks. I swore off younger women after the last one I dated told me 50 yos were "elderly" in response to many of my friends being in that age range. Mind you, she was in her 30s and I was in my 40s. Of course, she's not representative of all younger women and I did have to laugh at her premise. LOL

Anonymous

Oh Amy, 50 does sound ancient when you're in your 30s...at least it did to me! There is a definite age bias out there, regardless of sexual preference. I'd guess my daughter's professor to be in her early 40s. She's an incredible active dater from what I hear and has even had a date with a famous country singer's sister (not generally known to be out, as far as I know)! This group I've signed up with has 3 age groups: 21-34, 30-45, and 40-55. When I asked them what happens when people turn 56, they kind of indicated it was tough luck. Geez.

Christine...I'm tempted to say that if a guy doesn't want you because of a bald picture he googles, he's not worth it, but I'm not sure if that's true. I post on an online dating message board and it's been pointed out several times that people need to have some screening criteria and sometimes those are looks-related. So I gues if I were you and wanted to avoid being judged before even meeting someone, I'd misspell my last name. Okay, I know that's lying, but just a little bit and not about something crucial, at least IMO. Otherwise, you can go into the whole bc/bald spiel on your own, but it's also my opinion that that might be more than I'd want to share with someone I don't feel close with and trust.

Though far less serious and not even in the same category, this type of dating is like bc in that it really is a crap shoot!

Marin

LuAnnH

so anyone got any good dates this weekend? I found two interesting guys I am emailing with. Had three but the one I kind of lost interest in. Hopefully by next weekend I will have a date. YEAH ME!!!

LuAnn

barbara913

a friend of mine actually ran a speed dating thing... he met a girl while running it... he is getting married tom'w!!! what a great story he will have to tell the kids
barbara

kater

i met a nice guy on my space, i asked for friends and networking....i am on chemo 4 so i could not NOT talk about it, because i obviously am not in my normal state. He has been very kind about it all. We had a lunch date and he has another girl he's dating and he realizes I just wanted friends and this isn't the best time. The only speed dating i found was chicago and 40 was the highest age! i'm 49, no kidding! ( mean, not the perennial 49, actual)

kater

eharmony beware. YOu can sign up, try to not sign up and they give you a good deal for 6 months or a year, then if you dont cancel exactly at right time, they give you a a real run around about the next charge. So beware. I was on there two years collectively and never found anyone that was even a good emailer for longer than 2 weeks. Matchmaker in 2001 was good for me, had a 3 month relationship, but wasnt meant to be (and he got nasty so I went off line for years).

Anonymous

Time to update this thread y'all! I had to cancel my speed dating event so don't have any feedback from that. Besides, I had just gone back to the ex-bf and, once again, had broken up with him so my emotions were wacky back then. It's been a month though and definitely time to get back on the horse. Gotta find me a fine horse though, right? Well I had totally forgotten about match.com and suddenly got an email from someone on there. His pic was a bit iffy, but his portrait was funny and he sounded pretty cool. Anyway, after some emailing between us, I'm meeting him next weekend. So who knows...I may just find him distracting enough to keep me from getting back with ex-bf again. That was our 7th break-up and it's getting sad. Still, I find it hard to stay away....What's up with that?

Anyone else progressing in the dating department?

Marin

Anonymous

Dont I wish:(.....I was dating someone I had known in the past but he turned into one of those possessive guys that think I needed to let him know every step I take in a day!!!! Sorry, not happening!!!!! He's a great guy but not for me ...

Im really not sure how to get back into this dating thing so am going to register on a couple of the sites you ladies have talked about and see where that leads....

Happy man hunting ladies!!!

Anonymous

Oh girls, I am so, so, so disappointed! I was trying very hard to be open and give online dating and men who do it a chance and....ughhh! I started emailing with a guy this past weekend and we've been having great "conversations," seeming to have so much in common it was spooky. Well, I guess I should learn not to believe in magic or kismet or any of that romantic crap. I get home tonight and was excited to find another email from him. So I open it and what do I find? His freakin' sick, sick, sicko version of "erotica"....absolute disgusting filth! And with no provocation, mind you! We had never even hinted at anything remotely sexual! It was seriously gross, y'all! So I reported him to match.com, blocked him, and removed my entire portrait altogether!

Now anyone who reads my posts on the "MOJO" board here knows that I'm no prude, but this guy is pure sleaze! So I've totally had it with OLD (online dating). I am just so very sad and disappointed....

Marin

kater

Don't give up! dont let one bad egg do this to you!!!!!
I was just going to start up again!!!

LuAnnH

Marin,

I thought you had gotten back with your old boyfriend. As for the jerk, they are out there online just like in the bars. At least his true colors came through before you got too involved. I have met many guys who put up pictures of themselves that are years old and look nothing like them. I think dating is tough period no matter how you do it. Don't give up you will find one.

LuAnn

kater

Also, I just me a couple who met on match.com, they were so sweet together, going out since May, she has had a terrible bout with ovarian cancer...he was so very nice..you must not give up, get back on the horse!

Anonymous

I don't know, y'all. I feel a bit more positive today as I realize how repulsive this guy was and know that not EVERY man is like that (right?). Has anyone tried eHarmony? It seems that guys who just want to hook-up wouldn't be as likely to go through that whole personality test process, so maybe they're of better quality..?

And LuAnn, I DID get back with him...and then broke up with him again. I'm starting to think that he preferred me when I was a "cancer patient" and more vulnerable and submissive. Now that I've regained some strength and independence, I just seem to piss him off!

Sigh....

Marin

Bren-2007

I tried Eharmony and didn't like it. You don't get to look at the guys pictures and then pick the ones you like. They send you the ones they think you would like based on your profile. I said I liked handsome men (along with all the usual qualities) ... well their idea of handsome and mine was very different.

I also ran into some very strange types on Match.com.

I met my current (over 2 years) boyfriend on American Singles. He's a sweetheart.

I think it's a kind of hit or miss proposition. Maybe some luck involved too. Also, this lovely man I'm with probably wouldn't have normally been someone I would have gravitated to. My ex-husband was a lawyer (cheater, mean, hateful son of b--h) and my b/f is a tattooed, Harley riding, truck driver (loving, handsome, sweet and kind).

So ... please don't give up.

CalGal

Keep looking, keep trying!

Although not single now, I did tons of singles type of things, from activities to online. At the activities, no luck on the guys, but I made a few good girlfriends! I realize that post-bc it's more difficult ...

DH and I have been married 3 yrs 4 mos and UNFORTUNATELY, got dx'd the first time as a 4-1/2 mo newlywed (and am now on my 2nd mets dx)! He has been truly wonderful through this whole ordeal ... after being NED for 1 yr despite mets; last month we found a new met ...

The reason I wanted to post is to say that DH and I met online! At that time, I figured that at least I was being pro-active and doing something ... Unfortunately, that website is no longer around.

I agree that many of us are busy ... and the online dating can be the way to go ...

Good luck to all of you!

CalGal

Jaybird627

Marin,

IMO, eHarmony is a waste of money. I've been on/off (I re-up when they offer 'deals') for about 4 years and their idea of who I should be with (someone who doesn't know how to spell or use punctuation???) and mine usually differed. I did meet a few okay guys but, again, it's not worth the cost. It seems my ideal man does NOT live in Chicago. I've had guys 'close' me for distance (20 miles?) and quite few guys who live in CA an AK and FL who want to meet me. Good luck, though. I'm sticking with the sex web site and 'casual' dates.....

Jaybird

Anonymous

Thanks, BinVA & Jaybird. I was afraid that would be the predominant experience with eHarmony. Though this may be superficial of me, I could NEVER date someone whose picture I hadn't seen.

CalGal...Thanks for your positive input. I may become more hopeful after a time. For now, I think I'll lay low and focus on school and pursuing some of my own interests.

Think I'll meet some hot guys in my aerobics classes?

Marin

Calif-Sherry

Have been on eHarmony and have NOT met any real potentials. I have been on Match.com with the same results. I have been playing a lot of golf and met great guys. So, I get to do what I like and maybe I'll meet someone with the same interest. Actually, it's kinda scary (the whole idea of dating)......