Starting Chemo in JAN 2007
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Cindy & Melia - congrats! I can't wait to join you in being done with chemo.
Lynn - is there something else you can take with the Emmend, Zofran, Ativan, etc. for nausea? I'm taking phfenegran in additoin to the things you listed and it helps. It's not very strong on its own - but it does help. It also makes me very sleep so I sleep through feeling bad. Also - make sure you stay hydrated, if you don't that makes it so much worse. Are you eating? Hunger makes it worse too, so even eating something small like saltines, graham crackers, chicken soup, or anything you can manage will help. You'll feel worse on an empty stomach. -
Lynn, make sure you wake up in time for Sopranos!
My brother, his wife and kids are supposed to be driving out here from Boston on Thursday...12 hour ride. I hope the bad weather doesn't force them to cancel their trip. By then, it'll probably be clear. However, my brother is a plumber and depending upon how many people's pipes freeze, he could end up having to work...
I just cannot believe the number of hot flashes I've been having. Like 10 a day. It's crazy. They come/go really fast but you feel like you need to go make sure your deodorant is still working... very weird. I read someplace, I think in that Harvard dr/patient's book that her chemo weight didn't come off until her period resumed. I wonder if mine will...
I went back to low carbing this weekend. I need go get off ten. I hate to say it, but this ten didn't come on until my weekly Taxol's began... the weekly steroids, maybe? I dunno... but I was able to maintain my lbs. through the A/C. Just a "chemobservation" of mine.... I was a little afraid to go back to low carbing but then I thought gaining a lot of weight puts you at a risk for recurrence AND, had I not lost all that weight two years ago, I may not have found my lump. (Talking myself into believing low carbing will not hurt me.) -
Mizsissy, I finished chemo on April 4, but I continue on Herceptin through Jan. 08.
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Amera, I just checked w/my son to see if he TiVo'd yesterdays Sox game, but he didn't. He has MLB Extra Innings so he can watch here in OH. He's got a Red Sox bedroom.
Not surprised at the "fans". Sox and Yankees fans can go overboard... -
You know, Nancy, I'll be here 5 years this June and I don't think I've been to Victorian Village yet. I've driven through German Village and I think it's near there. I actually just drove up High St. (Rte. 23) all through the OSU campus for the first time like a month ago. I'd never done that. It kind of reminded me of the Syracuse, NY campus.
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TPPJ- Ha... If you drove up High to OSU then you went thru the Short North which is just a stone's throw from the Vic. Village. It is an old area that years ago was not to "liveable" If you know what I mean. Then some really neat people got together bought up the properties and fixed the area up. I love it because it is old fashioned and you can walk anywhere and not feel scared. I never worried about her living there. THe German vill. is awesome too. Before my DD went to AZ. I would of moved back to Col. to be closer to her. I still have lots of relatives there. One of the buildings at OSU is named by my maiden name. After an Uncle who was a prof. there. You have been around, what brought you to Ohio?
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TPPJ, I've been a low-carber for years too. Not the eat-lots-more-meat variety but extra soy, nuts, etc. And I've pretty much stayed on it throughout the AC and now the Taxol, with some cheating on queasy days when I find a little scone or Racine kringle goes a long way. You are absolutely right that it's better not to gain a lot of extra weight; excess fat produces estrogen, which is not good if you are ER+. Besides, it's bad for our mental state to have to buy bigger jeans. The one way I modify my low-carb is to not count veggies or fruits as carbs, just eat as many as possible. I think it's a pretty healthy way to eat; especially without the sugar or white flour or trans fats.
Tae and Terry, I've also had more nausea with the Taxol than with AC. I do think it's the bigger dose. One thing that helps me is popcorn, very absorbent. But I'm just queasy, nothing too terrible. I sure hope Tae is feeling better, and I agree that her high temp should have been an emergency. I've been told anything over 100, don't even ask just get to the ER. I was able to get outdoors for two short walks today which really helped; the numbness is finally about gone. Anyway I hope you can get some answers tomorrow and decide whether Tae can stick it out or needs to go with lesser doses. Do let us know! - Skye -
You are absolutely right that it's better not to gain a lot of extra weight; excess fat produces estrogen, which is not good if you are ER+.
Absolutely, Skye...I agree! My husband flew off to a week long mtg. in Dallas today so it was a long-ish day so I took the kids to Olive Garden (w/my $3 coupon and I ate well...but had no pasta, no breadsticks. I had salad and chicken marsala and broccoli. I felt totally satisfied and not like I broke the carb bank. I have low carb (low glycemic) chocolate treats in my fridge (York peppermint patties, etc.) I did this from Feb. 05 to May 05 and lost 25 lbs. At 5'3", that made a huge diff. on me. I felt youthful again. I don't want chemo/cancer to totally devestate what little looks I may have left, for who knows how long... I was so proud to be looking better at 40 than 30. Not gonna let cancer take that away from me! -
RRRRRRRRRRRRRiiiiinnnnngggggggggg!!! Wake up Lynn! Wake up!!! Sopranos are on!
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I can feel the fog coming in. I've actually had a fairly good day. I was outside in the yard for an hour. I've napped twice. And I can feel a strong urge to soak in the tub, put on clean pjs and crawl into bed.
I've been thinking that while I'm on a reduced work schedule and getting disability before I'm ready to work full-time, I'm going to speak to the bosses about taking some time off to regroup. Since my dx on October 30, I feel as if I've been going full force at 75 mph. There's been no stopping. Surgeries, procedures, treatments, appointments, labs, injections, working when I can.....it's not stopped.
I don't think I've stopped to consider what's happened. I want some down time that isn't involved in treatment recovery. I want some meditation time. I want some prayer time. I want to think about what this means to me.
People have quietly suggested that I've not processed everything. I don't know about that. I have been rather stoic. My tears have come from specific events but always dry up quickly. I haven't had a massive cry over the dx. I think that I need to open up to some of that before I just plow on with my life.
I think that my bosses will be agreeable. They've been so supportive.
Anyway, the tub is calling. And a Popsicle.
Cindy -
I to think it might be the cumulative effects of the taxotere, that's what I'm getting now, and it has kicked my behind on more than one day. My onc said it is usually easier than the A/C, but I've found the fatigue and aches to be worse with the Taxotere - though I realize I need to look at these treatments as #s 5-8, because as far as the side effects go, I'm just continuing chemo, not starting on a new treatment. Anyway, I pee alot too 8-), and am pooped most of the time.
tlc -
Thanks Tina, dh woke me up and I fogged my way through Sopranos. I'll definetly need to watch it on demand after the fog has cleared.
From the foggy couch --->>> foggy bed.
Good night ladies. -
You missed nothing, Lynn.... watch it on TiVo.
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Good morning everyone!
well, so much for the storm fizzle...we got over 6 inches of rain, and it is still coming down. Dreary, nasty cold and windy. I have a river in my basement, and they closed the elementary school, but not the college...which means I get to drag my sorry butt out to work WITH my daughters in tow so I can sit in what is most likely going to be an empty classroom. Well, at least it has a computer, and if my daughters will be with me the company will be pleasant
I am officially totally whupped from this treatment. Usually by Monday AM I am feeling relatively OK, but I have to say that I am having serious trouble walking. Pathetic. My nails are continuing to head towards black, and they hurt besides. Totally gross. Something to remind me of this experience months later, I guess Makes me wish that I wore nail polish....maybe I will have to start.
Actually of more concern is that fact that I seem to have LOST A WORD!!!!! I have been fumbling for a single word to describe someone I know for about 3 days now, and I can not pull it out of my brain! It is very frustrating, because I know that I know the word (that is metacognition, for those of you that thirst for useless triva) and I can almost TASTE the shape of the word, but can not say it. Complete "tip of the tongue" syndrome. Absolutely maddening. May seem minor, but as an English teacher I am totally freaked out.
Well, I have to grade some papers, and I think I have to boil some water as well....there is a warning about the water here. Sucks because I already drank some coffee that DH made this morning. -
OK...got the word!
FLAMBOYANT
of course I had to use an online thesaurus to get it -
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I don't think I've stopped to consider what's happened. I want some down time that isn't involved in treatment recovery. I want some meditation time. I want some prayer time. I want to think about what this means to me.
CINDY, I JUST SAID IN AN EARLIER POST THAT I THINK I WAS RUNNING OFF PURE ADRENALINE TO GET THROUGH THE TX'S...JUST RUSHING, RUSHING, RUSHING SINCE LAST 8/26. I FINISHED ON 4/4 AND THAT WEEK I FELT IN SUCH A STRANGE PLACE, MENTALLY. LIKE IT HADN'T DAWNED ON ME YET THAT THIS IS TRUE; IT'S HAPPENED, IT CONTINUES TO BE... IT'S A VERY HARD PLACE TO GET COMFORTABLE IN. I HOPE IT GETS EASIER.
I SAY TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. WE GET ONE "GO AROUND" IN THIS WORLD AND WE NEED TO MAKE OURSELVES AS IMPORTANT AS EVERYONE ELSE.
I DISCUSSED THIS W/MY HUSBAND. OUR GOAL IS GET A CONDO AT THE BEACH OR ON A GOLF COURSE IN BOCA. I SAID HEY, FOR ALL WE KNOW, THIS NEXT TWENTY YEARS IS THE TWENTY WE HAVE IN WHICH TO DO THIS (AGE 40 TO 60 AS OPPOSED TO 60 TO 80). WE NEED TO LIVE IN THE NOW BECAUSE NONE OF US, BC SURVIVORS OR NOT, KNOW HOW MUCH TIME YOU HAVE. -
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Actually of more concern is that fact that I seem to have LOST A WORD!!!!! I have been fumbling for a single word to describe someone I know for about 3 days now, and I can not pull it out of my brain! It is very frustrating, because I know that I know the word (that is metacognition, for those of you that thirst for useless triva) and I can almost TASTE the shape of the word, but can not say it. Complete "tip of the tongue" syndrome.
REBECCA, I'VE HAD THIS HAPPEN TO ME SEVERAL TIMES NOW...I'VE BEEN CHALKING IT UP TO CHEMOBRAIN. ALSO, I'VE USED THE WRONG WORDS QUITE A BIT, BUT THAT'S MORE BECAUUSE I'VE BEEN DISTRACTED. I WAS TRYING TO THINK OF THE SIMPLE PHRASE POLICE "ACADEMY" AT THE ONCO'S OFFICE A FEW WEEKS AGO AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME...COULDN'T COME UP W/ACADEMY. IT WAS EMBARRASSING. -
CIndy and TPPJ
I am with you guys. I have been running full tilt to deal with this trauma. Every time I stop and try to wrap my mind around what has happened to me I can not cope. I have spent the time since my Dx completely immersed in either treatment or work, so I have not allowed myself the mental space to freak until after the "worst" is over. I very deliberately did not take a class for the first summer session, so I will be off of work from May until July. I hope I do not completely lose it....and I hope I can use this time produtively to heal my spirit. I just do not know where to begin. -
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Actually of more concern is that fact that I seem to have LOST A WORD!!!!! I have been fumbling for a single word to describe someone I know for about 3 days now, and I can not pull it out of my brain! It is very frustrating, because I know that I know the word (that is metacognition, for those of you that thirst for useless triva) and I can almost TASTE the shape of the word, but can not say it. Complete "tip of the tongue" syndrome.
That has been happening to me a lot lately. I cannot remember the word I was trying to use (see?)while talking to my mom and I finally used several words to describe the word I wanted and she figured it out.
Also, while folding the kids' laundry the other day, I could not figure out whose was whose. I kept putting the 4 year old's underpants into the 9 year old's basket. I just stood there and couldn't figure it out. I *really* hope this doesn't last. -
Skye - with 2 tx left I do find myself thinking a lot more about life after chemo. I don't imagine too many big changes as I liked my life a lot before my diagnosis. I'd be happy just to get back to that. I have planned to add a few things that are more for me (I tend to spend all my time on the kids). I have a goal of re-learning how to rock climb this summer. I haven't done it in 10+ years, but think it would be a great way to re-gain some arm strength. I had also been planning to train one of our dogs to work as a therapy dog so I want to get back on track with that goal.
TPPJ - nice house, love the landscaping
T4T - Sorry she is having such a hard time. Having a temp is scary.
Cindy - I like your plan to take some time off, sounds like a very healthy idea.
Word loss - I've had the same problem. After having each of my kids and not getting any sleep for several months the same thing happened. Anytime I'm not able to sleep I notice that I loose words, or sometimes reverse the word order in a sentence. Sleep seems closely linked to language for me. Weird. -
Hey Ladies,
Chemo-brain is a true reality; it's almost like certain switches get turned off in the brain, perhaps the body's way of trying to make us cope with what's happening to us physically rather than forcing ourselves to carry on mentally. Not a good thing for someone like me with book contracts to fulfill; writing and daily business correspondence to fulfill. I've learned to read and re-read every business email, it's amazing the bloopers I make. Last week after the Taxol treatment I had about 20 release forms that had to be sent to various book contributors and I simply could not wrap my head around the task of getting the addresses (most of which were in a folder), printing up the letters and assembling SASE's to go with them. Suddenly, yesterday, as the Taxol physical numbness finally wore off the mental numbness also lifted and I accomplished the whole thing in a couple of hours.
One of the books I like to re-read, 50 Essential Things to do for Cancer, has a chapter on fatigue. It reminds us that our bodies have had major medical trauma (surgery) and then been subjected to toxic substances and radiation, and that rest is the body's way to heal from all this. Fatigue is the body's way of forcing the rest we need. It says go ahead, take a morning nap and an afternoon nap too if needed, but do not try to force yourself back into the frenetic pace you went at when you "thought you were healthy." I think that feeling we are having now of wanting to regroup mentally is part of addressing the fact that our brains as well as bodies are fatigued. We have been through a hell of a lot and we NEED recovery time. Months of it. For me, part of that is figuring out what I can streamline and cut from my life so I don't immediately overburden myself again. And understand we may not be doing things perfectly for a while. Amera, did the 9-year old wear the baby's underpants? LOL! Such a funny image. That would be a good moment for a family laugh. Thanks for starting my day with a laugh...a good beginning for the week. - Skye -
Now see, here I just provided a prime example. I went to revise the above letter because it contains some repeated phrases and convoluted sentences, and instead of hitting "edit" I hit "continue." Sorry for that! Chemo-brain proves its point once more!- Skye
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How much time I have left has been a concern of mine too. Strangely enough, when I realized my life might be shorter than anticipated, I accepted it very calmly. Maybe it has to with my age...58. I've done a lot of the things I wanted to do already, but I was so much looking forward to that cottage in Maine when dh retired.
Problem is, my husband is ten years younger than I, which means I would have to wait until I am 75(!) before we retire. Will I live that long?
Another issue, and this is a biggy, is that my husband, who I love dearly, would make a wonderful father but I was unable to have children. We have had a very happy marriage that has nurtured both of us for nearly 20 years. But when I got breast cancer, I couldn't help wonder if this was God's way of making a place a younger wife for my husband, someone who could have children, a way of giving him an opportunity to be a father, to beget more wonderful little human beings with his very special genes who would benefit from his wonderful nurturing.
I comforted myself with the fact that I wouldn't have to get old and decrepit...but I like being alive. So I made a little pact with God that I would get out of the way somehow if he let me live. There is more to this story, that I am not quite ready to tell right now but these are the things that went through my mind and I felt very calm about it all.
I do have some difficult decisions to make now. -
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Skye - with 2 tx left I do find myself thinking a lot more about life after chemo. I don't imagine too many big changes as I liked my life a lot before my diagnosis. I'd be happy just to get back to that. I have planned to add a few things that are more for me (I tend to spend all my time on the kids). I have a goal of re-learning how to rock climb this summer. I haven't done it in 10+ years, but think it would be a great way to re-gain some arm strength. I had also been planning to train one of our dogs to work as a therapy dog so I want to get back on track with that goal. >> Rebecca
Rock-climbing sounds like huge fun, I've never tried it. Everything you read now says exercise is a big key to recovery. And therapy dogs are wonderful, what a great service you could provide to people. I once did a big story on them for the newspaper and followed a woman around to nursing homes, etc. with her dog dressed in a fancy kerchief (like us!). It was amazing to see how people responded to the dog's presence and affection. What kind of dog do you have, Rebecca? -
Hey Skye,
Chemobrain Tina didn't even notice! So don't worry.
Jan, I looooove the landscaping. I went to their house to find out who did their fence. I need some curb appeal on this place and I think that fence would do it...
Just got in from my power walk w/neighbors. Making a greek salad for lunch and two girls are coming over to help me put some trim on a table runner I've been trying to make w/little success. -
Skye - I have 2 dogs. One is a 45 lb black lab mix (mostly mix) and the other is a 80 lb malamute mix. I'm leaning towards the malamute mix for training as a therapy dog. She's very friendly and doesn't have any aggressiveness. Even my 3 year old can boss her around. But - she's not that smart and is very stubborn. The lab mix would be easier to train - but he's not as cuddly with people. I'll figure it out. I actually met a local woman through this message board that has experience with therapy dogs and offered to help get me pointed in the right direction. So many great people I've met here!
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I comforted myself with the fact that I wouldn't have to get old and decrepit...but I like being alive. So I made a little pact with God that I would get out of the way somehow if he let me live. There is more to this story, that I am not quite ready to tell right now but these are the things that went through my mind and I felt very calm about it all.
I do have some difficult decisions to make now.
Yikes, Mizsissy, I have a big feeling your husband probably feels very differently about this than you do! Cancer is not usually a death sentence these days; while we do need to be realistic there is a fine line betweent that and being fatalistic. It sounds like you have a very strong religious faith; if so then you have to believe God is in it with you for the long haul (pre-and-post cancer), and that perhaps you and your husband came together for some special reasons that have nothing to do with children. I know you must feel there is more to it...I'm just suggesting these thoughts for your consideration. But I can say this from what I've come to know of you from this board; you are a vital, caring person with a lot of giving energy who deserves to be right where you are in this world. I am grateful to have you as a co-conqueror! -
Mizsissy - You are really thinking about some life-altering changes. Take your time. Right now we are all tired, hormones out of whack, and under the influence of way too many drugs. NOT the best time to be making life-changing decisions. We are here to listen.
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Hello all:
Well I'm just heading out the door for my last chemo #6 of FEC. I'm excited, but scared too. Wish me well please.
I don't know why I'm crying, but I am.
Joni -
Joni - that's awesome!!! I can't even imagine how it must feel.
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