STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
Comments
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Wow! Someone living to 100 is pretty good. I did see a story on the news over the weekend about some farmer who still was what he called himself "a windshield farmer" and got out every day and walked in in his fields and hired people to do the physical work he can't do right now but did all the "managing" of the farm of 100 acres or more he owns and is 105!!!! Goes out every day and said keeping moving is the only way to keep going. He was inspiration to me definintely with my own aches and pains.
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My Dad had an aunt who lived to 104. She was independent until very near the end. After she got kicked out of an apartment for playing her stereo too loud when she was about 100, she bought a house. The atmosphere in that area must be good: my grandmother lived to 90, grandfather to 94, Dad to 93, his sister to 96, my Mom to 97, and one of Grandma's brothers was 95. Grandpa still lived on the farm after Grandma died, and only left it to visit another daughter in Florida for the winter, and that's where he died. His body must have missed the daily hilly walks on his land.
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Aunt Flo passed away at 100, at 60 she was diagnosed with breast cancer she had lumpectomy and radiation. She didn't have hormonal therapy not sure what the hormone status of her tumor was.
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That is amazing as well.
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I just want to rant a little about doctors who tell people with breast cancer genes that they catch breast cancer early and cure it with constant monitoring. It's not a lie perse but it is misleading thanks to all the positive hype out there about breast cancer. Yes, we've got great drugs right now that have made a huge difference in the diagnosis. And certainly catching breast cancer early is a good thing. But even early stage people relapse. If you get breast cancer you will always have that possibility. It's a weird cancer that way. Your cancer isn't considered cured until you die of something else so monitoring helps assuredly but don't tell patients they'll be okay if they monitor. There's not a guarantee of that. The only way to guarantee someone won't die of breast cancer is if they never get it in the first place. I mean people shouldn't be told a double mastectomy is the only way to prevent that because that's a lie, too. But with women who have high penetrative cancer genes it is most assuredly the superior option over monitoring. Anyway I wish they would remind women of the beast breast cancer really is and do more studies trying to figure out what happened with those of us who got it. Sure some people have some genes for it but not most. There's some other reason for them and prevention is the only cure so let's definitively figure out how to prevent.
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Kay, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Heard of yet another BC ‘survivor’ dx with Mets to bone and brain. My first thoughts were about how it could be me. (Or any of us, really) because this never does get “cured”. I’m angry and sad about BC all over again.
It’s been 2 years since my DX and I’m wondering when there will be a day goes by that I dont think of cancer.
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I have to rant, my mother is driving me crazy. I am her only child, she is constantly wanting me to sit with and hear all of her reasons she doesn't feel good. We have had a horrible summer, been to every doctor and emergency room multiple times just to get told she is ok. Her gastrointestinal doctor had a colonoscopy and endoscopic exam which did find an iratation in the bowels. Been on meds and constantly complaining for 2 months. I can't take anymore, if I need to go out for any reason it is hurry back ASAP, even though my husband and sons are with her.
She can not relax constantly pacing, I sure hope the stress doesn't cause my cancer to return. She 87, totally capable of walking, driving a little, showering, dressing she doesn't need that kind of help. She refuses to see her neighbors or others.
Over and over she says why can't I just die. She is on an antidepressant her GP knows what I am going through but no help. Social services basically handed me a print out from a web site. This can't continue. Refuses to watch TV, read or do anything. I feel like wants me to be miserable.
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meow13, I am so sorry your mother is making you crazy. It sounds like she may have a bit of mild cognitive impairment. Being stuck on her health constantly, and the pacing are signals to me. Only speaking from experience as both my mother and mother in-law had issues. My mother in-law suffered from delusions (she thought her husband was cheating anytime he left the house-he was on dialysis). Someone had to stay with her so she wouldn't go out after him. She did take the car once and got lost. Luckily she wasn't too far and a family friend called. We worked with her GP and also got her into a neurologist. She was on some heavy meds (Abilify-busprione-donepezil) and it helped but her kids did not like that she was a bit zonked out at times yet she would still respond to you when prompted. So I asked them, you want her delusional or calm and a bit sleepy? It was around this time that I was diagnosed. BC got me out of going there every night to medicate the poor woman. It was a horrible ordeal.
Anyway, you are a wonderful daughter for taking care of your mother and having her in your home. It is very hard to watch their behavior change and to accept and adapt to it. Deflection and distraction are skills I wish I never had to learn, but they work in certain situations. Would she like puzzles, or even a coloring book? Try to find an activity that will keep her more relaxed since she doesn't watch the TV. Trying to get a diagnosis takes months. I really feel for you and what you are going through. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
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Or if she enjoyed doing knittng or crochet or any needle point work anything to occupy her. Since I have a form of what is considered "early onset dementia" called primary progressive aphasia and it affects my speech I am also on a board (not as good as this though) of people who are either caregivers of people who have this or are searching for a diagnosis or people who have it. A lot have those behavior issues though on there I know. I can pass on information to you if you would like to send me a pm and you can check it out as a "guest" and decide if you want to join that one. You may find some people who have some good coping skills in there for you.
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kay - according to breatcancer.org ..."Nearly 30% of women diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer develop metastatic disease." I'd like to hear this spread around during Puketobber. No oncologist should ever use the term "cured" when speaking of breast cancer.
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meow13:
That sounds really stressful. It might be a long shot, but have they checked her thyroid? Thyroid issues can cause malaise, depression, gastrointestinal issues and anxiety.
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My MO did not use the term 'cured" at all for me as what "early stage and "nice cancer" as my BS called it so easier to treat with hormonal therapy. I still she her and get checked all the time including lab work by MO but now only have to go once a year now unless there is an issue and need her sooner since I am not on meds now. Any MO who says someone is "cured" is not speaking honestly to their patients and I would look for another doc.
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I find the topic of cure and bc to be both baffling and interesting. The odds favor the treated early stagers but no one is truly ever out of the woods. Heck, someone here on the stage IV forum said I was probably cured. I believe I have been very lucky but not cured.
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just saw a big PSA about about getting your mammogram every 2 years. Well, 18 months (covid delayed my annual) wasn't close enough to catch this de novo before it spread. While I'm thankful it was caught and I'm in treatment, it really does make stage 4 seem to be our fault.
None of the 84 known genetic markers, no family history, my job IS excersise, my dad keeps asking what I did wrong. Sigh.
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You cannot blame yourself at all. I was thin and exercised every day and we ate low fat, low carb low sodium already due to DH health issues he had. No family history of breast cancer (other kinds but not that one) so it was a bit shock. I was busy taking care of DH who was very ill and put off exams myself when I got sick one day with strep. When at the doc to get antibiotics he noticed I was due and needed one so scheduled it in that office (across the hall) on the way out of the building. Shocked to find cancer at that point and glad primary doc nagged me to get a mamo done. You work hard and do what what you should and still get it!!!
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Let’s put an end to self blame now! Let’s also educate those, even close family members, who attempt to blame us for our bc as well. My late mother was convinced that I was stage IV de novo because I waited 13 months between mammograms 🙄. We did not cause our bc, full stop!
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Brother. I was mad enough at my SIL who still refuses to get one because she is convinced "they hurt" or something. I told her NO cancer hurts! I was surprised though after people found out I had it how many I knew who were someone I knew came and told me they had been through it as well I had no idea they dealt with it at all because they kept it so private.
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People like to blame us because it makes them feel better about their own chances of getting cancer. I would like to say though that the 30% of early stage breast cancer relapse doesn't appear to have a modern source or even a good source for that statistic - "https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/849644#vp_3". It's high but I don't know if it's that high. Another study I read said this, "Breast cancer recurrences represent a major source of cancer-related deaths. 21 On average, 8% to 10% of breast cancer cases present with locoregional recurrences after surgery, and approximately 11% to 30% of patients develop distant metastases."
Either way I definitely agree we need to stop saying "cure". Early breast cancer patients can relapse whether it's 11% or even as high as 30% for years and years after diagnosis.
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My son-in-law's grandma refused to go off hormonal therapy even after her MO said she could stop taking it because she was convinced it was keeping her from getting it again. She took it until the day she died. They let her stay on it even though she was older when diagnosed even. Bet she was on it 15 years though before she died.
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My DH & I get along very well,,,,but I'd like to strangle him right now. I've been hit hard with fatigue & numbness in my legs (likely from eribulin, will know next week when I have scan & see MO). As I decline in health, physical & mental, he seems to do the same. Overweight, but eats lots of desserts. Stopped regular exercise & says knees hurt, but won't see ortho or schedule PT. Cardio sent monitor because he's had some recent afib (ablations etc in 2020) but it's been sitting on a table unopened for 2 weeks. He doesn't know what to do when I'm depressed, doesn't want to know how to pay bills, logon to accts. Don't get me started on cleaning out anything! That almost causes him hives...really, an aquarium that's not had a fish in it in 5 yrs, but runs water noise that chases me out of room. 6-8 old stereo receivers that he got tired of collecting, but won't get rid of, etc. I'm trying to enjoy life before they run out of drugs for me....that comment makes him clam up too. ARRRGH! Thanks for being here & listening. I'm trying to pass it off and just go on with things I enjoy, but when he sits in a chair more hours a day than I, it infuriates me.
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Thanks everyone, just got done taking my Mom to our condo in Oregon. She complained non stop blaming me for taking her away from home while she was"sick". Ugh she won't leave me alone for 20 minutes all week long. I have had it, but now she is home and it gave my youngest son a break, he lives with her.
Honestly she embarrasses me in public she does everything to be as pathetic as possible, this is not the mother I knew. We need to get her counseling ASAP. Thanks for your support and hope that we can get to a normal state again.
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I'll stay on it as long as I can tolerate it although I might get my ovaries removed instead. We have ovarian cancer in our family, too, andn thus far I've tested negative for those genes but you never know. Got my fallopean tubes out preventatively two years ago and was so thankful when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. One less organ down there that is sensitive to estrogen to worry about so I could ovarian cancer in the background for the time being.
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That one is a lot harder to detect I know and know someone who died from that.
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I just picked up an online order from the grocery store after I got home and had everything unpacked and thought there were items missing I see two calls from the store but NO messages so I look at my receipt and sure enough at least one maybe two BAGS of produce didn't make it into my car. I called them and and I got a linewell they tried to call you. SERIOUSLY maybe leaving a message maybe apologizing should have been their first step. Look I get it that mistakes happen but it's not like I got no refrigerated items got my milk got my tomatoes even the potatoes were cold as if they were in the fridge and eggs also so when every bag is labeled with my name and you are suppose to check every thing off how do you miss the other bags. But more than that why aren't you leaving a message
Okay I'm done my husband will have to pick it up on his way home from taking my son to lessons.
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quietgirl that is frustrating. We have not done on the pick up option at the store. We did order online at the very start of COVID and DH is a trasplant patient on top it so we are are super careful all the time. We ordered and had it delivered to the house and they left it at our door. Cost us about $10 more to do it but we figured worth it. It worked and only did once. Problem was though if they could not find something I picked they chose something "similiar" and got that and that was not always ok since something I am kind of picky about. Now we go when the store first opens pretty mich and shop in person and sanitize the cart well and we see no one in there but there checker and we all mask and keep our distance No one on any aises or anything and in and out and back home and we stock up when we go to minitize trips to the store to about every 2 1/2 weeks. We try to buy fruit that lasts long.
We do ouir holiday shopping as delivery now as well or order and pick up after we are notified it is ready to pickk up at the store. No shpping anymore.
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