STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

bcincolorado

I have not even had my own hair cut at all since COVID and live with a transplant DH in the house so we are so careful. Chopped off 6" on the back deck of our house a year and half ago but it down to my waist now and driving me crazy and need a major cut but do not feel safe going at all anywhere. Hate feeling trapped because we are afraid to go anywhere.

Anonymous

I’ve started cutting my own hair with just a little help from my younger daughter. It’s a simple straight blunt cut. Before cancer I had very long hair, but with all the meds trying their best to thin my hair , it looks better short. At least my hair is still dark.

bcincolorado

I went gray early (staring in my late 20's even heredity). Dyed it for many years since did not want gray hairs with my dark hair. Dyed at home myself but when cancer surgery could not do it anyway let it go and that was it and now all gray. Figure I'm in my 60's now so not as bad. Gray and young with kids was sad.

Anonymous

There’s a local news anchor who let her hair go gray during the pandemic. It’s stunning. 👍

exbrnxgrl

I letmy hair go grey during the pandemic and I really like it! I knew that I would eventually stop coloring it. I also let it grow to collar bone length. I now have mostly very dark brown spiral curls (natural) with silvery grey framing my face. I am very happy with it and saving money since my hairdresser used to color it and it was not cheap!

Betrayal

Pre-Covid, I used to frost my hair but then nature took its course and it is now silvery gray frosting rather than ash blonde. It has always been baby fine but was much thicker before all the AI's. My last haircut pre-Covid was in January 2020 since my next appointment in early March was canceled by the lockdown. I let it grow and wear it most days in a ponytail since it doesn't seem to want to curl anymore. I have ventured into the local walk-in salon picking times of low volume and they mandate masks. So I have had it trimmed twice in the last year. They just cut off the dead ends and blunt cut it. So I call it my Covid cut. It is probably not all that flattering but it is minimal upkeep and that suits me for right now since we seldom go anywhere other than grocery shopping and to medical appointments. I agree coloring it was not cheap so having that extra money to use elsewhere has been great, too.

AliceBastable

I had been cutting my own hair for years pre-Covid, so I've got my regular short messy hair I've had for years. And I hadn't colored it since a year or two before cancer, so that's been at least five years. If my shoulders get any more painful, I'm out of luck.

oldladyblue

Oh for heaven's sake, all of the crap going on in my life and now the tenants in my back apartment were fighting with each other and calling the cops during the night. I found out because, of course, sleeping soundly after finally falling asleep during the loud fireworks being set off all around by neighbors, the cops wake us up in the front banging on our windows looking for the guys who are fighting in the back.... Still up now after being scared awake, insomnia.....

oldladyblue

re: hair, I understand about being unhappy with your hair. Perhaps you can find someone to cut your hair outside. I have a friend who cuts hair in the backyard, got a good business going through covid cutting hair outside. Mostly word of mouth referrals. I have only had one haircut total since last June though....

For me, weirdly enough, my previously almost straight brown hair grew back in super curly and partially grey and actually looks great short. Best hairstyle I've had in decades, compliments of chemo. Everyone who sees me now without a hat tells me how great I look. More compliments on my hair than I had in my whole previous life when I spend hundreds of dollars to get the perfect hairstyle over and over....

bcincolorado

oldladyblue that is hard to deal with and hope you can get some rest. Some people are so rude and have no sense. Makes you wonder if they were not raised with any manners at all if you ask me. We always taught ours growing up to be quiet and not disturb anyone else. If you are making enough noise to bother someone else you are too loud.

hapa

ctmbsikia: I know I'm late to the game but I just read your post about having 65% risk of bc. Is that risk of recurrence? Mine is also sky high if I look out at 10-15 years from now according to Predict! I agree that it is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it. Well not nothing, I did chemo and surgery and rads and herceptin and perjeta and neratib and now zoladex and anastrozole. But I guess all that only gets me a 50/50 shot of living to a ripe old age.

jo6359

hapa dropping in after a couple years absence. Your name is familiar. There were a group of us all diagnosed at the same time. I remember the different journeys we all took in our treatment process.. I remember all the wonderful support from fellow sufferers. This site was a welcome relief for ranting. It was so important having a forum to express anger and fear without repercussions and judgment. Sometimes it feels good just to get pissed off. So many of us women spend an inordinate amount of time trying to help others come to peace with our diagnosis. I already have plenty of past data on survival statistics but I have avoided reading new research on survival statistics for her2 positive. My head's in a good place and what will be will be. I feel I've done everything I can and now it's time to live my life with my fingers crossed. I am feeling great. Hope you are too

nopink2019

I've been yelling expletives at the clouds, so I thought I would let off some steam and tears here. My plans this weekend were to drive with friend to the city where my sister lives. The friend has health problems and doesn't need to make a long journey alone. Then I would get to visit relatives a few days. Now the curse of covid is rising fast in that area. Being stage 4 and on active chemo (erubulin) I wear a mask in stores and don't go into crowds. My relatives really don't want to see me, except maybe Outdoors for a short period of time as they couldn't stand it if they were responsible for giving me covid or worse. I don't know what to do, fulfill my commitment to my friend, stay in a hotel, change return flight home. I haven't had long-term success on any treatment so feel lucky to have made it 3 years . But I feel I'm running out of options &time. Cancer is bad enough without having to throw in covid, that most people are just ignoring because it isn't a major health risk for them. I really miss the person I used to be-- hiker, skier, volunteer, camper, gardner. And I miss seeing my family. Ahhh, I guess I need to respect my relatives's concerns for me. Took meds, , hope I can get some sleep . Will have to make decision tomorrow.2

AliceBastable

nopink2019, virtual hugs for you. ((( )))

jo6359

Tough decision. There aren't any easy answers. Good luck to you regardless of which decision you make.

nopink2019

Problems solved to everyone's comfort level. I go, my sister moves to her daughter's house nearby to limit our indoor exposure. Changed return flight to shorten trip & avoid more chaotic airports. Stressful, but ok now. Whew!

hapa

Hi jo6359, I've been absent lately as well. I hate wandering off but I needed to do it for a while at least. I'm not that great with moderation, especially on the internet. Anyway good to hear you are doing well. I'm doing my best to get on with life and not think too much about cancer. It gets better every day. I had a "medical episode" recently (still ongoing, I had some vaginal bleeding, ultrasound clear, but my estrogen levels are rising but not pre-menopausal yet) and I think I've been handling pretty well. By that I mean I'm doing what I can and what I should and trying not to worry about things that haven't happened yet!

bcincolorado

nopink glad you are able to get this figured out to spend time with her in a safter setting. COVID is the pits. Even if you are vac and boosted you can get break through stuff happening and even in "healthy" people they feel bad enough. For anyone who any health issues it is even worse. Hope you have a safe and healthy trip.

M0mmyof3

This is going to be along coming rant, so bear with me gals!

What is it with people who think it is ok to constantly ask for monetary help when someone else is trying to pay bills and just live? Whose needs are more important? The one doing it right or the one constantly begging? I have run into this at least once a year in the last few years with my eldest niece. She is nearly constantly hitting me and my hubby up for “help”. I helped her once when she was having weight loss surgery and never got a "thank you" for my efforts. She got a dog she could neither needed or could afford and expected me to help pay for it. This past Spring she got another dog she could not afford and expected me to help again which I did not do.

Her latest “cry” for help is because her latest ex-boyfriend was abusive to her and she left him. She expects me to help her with stuff she needs to move into an apartment just because her friends and other family members cannot afford to help her, so she turned to me. She is able-bodied enough to get a job and work but claims she is “disabled” by “mental conditions”. I call bs on it because all her life while growing up, she was spoiled rotten and lazy as could be. Because I told her that since her uncle has retired and we are in the process of selling our home and we are planning on moving across country once we have found a house to buy, we cannot help her as we will have our own moving expenses, she got mad at me and decided to cut me off like she does with others when she doesn’t get what she wants! I have never even helped her brothers for anything, as they never asked for it. Am I wrong for drawing the line as far as she’s concerned?

mistyeyes

m0mmyof3 - Sometimes not helping is helping. It puts the person in the position to help theirself.

Quietgirl

m0mmyof3

Whatever her reasons/excuse (learned helplessness or mental health issues or poor executive functioning or just spoiled) in the big picture she is not your responsibility. All of us use the methods that work for us in the past (or rather that we think will work for us) until they don’t. That’s on her. You absolutely need to set your own healthy boundaries and take care of your needs and sometimes that means people are going to be upset (because they aren’t getting what they want). Doesn’t mean you care for her any less, saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care about her, just that you aren’t her personal atm.

M0mmyof3

Thanks gals for listening to my rant.

ctmbsikia

This place is quiet anymore. I've been dropping by less and less. In case I don't come back it was so nice getting to know some of you and I thank you for letting me use this place to cope with my life changing events of the past few years.

We are still working on the bay cottage. It will get done some day.

I still get mad at the plants at home, and I have found a new dread of cleaning floors. I finally broke down yesterday and got it done. It may be 2 weeks or a month until I get that sweeper out again. I should buy a new one and perhaps then I would have more incentive.

Have labs and MO appt. in a couple weeks, so yeah, have to think about cancer again. Feeling good, should just be routine stuff and a Prolia shot.

Take care, hope you all are have a wonderful summer.

bcincolorado

ctmbiska you are entitled to try to enjoy some time to not think about things for a bit since you have been through so much.

Get a break from medical drama for a couple of weeks here before it starts up again and scans coming next month and more cancer screening to be done as well. Seems like every little thing they freak out about now and more scans and more worry again. I was sure I did not have it when I got diagnosed even since had not family history. Little did I know about it back then. Learned all about it after it after that.

We are adjusting to a house without our doggies since we lost them both in a few months this year. It has been a hard year so far.

KIDI919

mommyof three. sounds like you have done enough for this person.

Ctmbsiiia, I feel like you do...it's just not user friendly.

Everyone, try to stay well and best wishes. There has a been alot of changes in my life in the past 3 years and pretty much none of them good. I don't like being a downer but I'm tired and maybe it's best just to stay away.

bcincolorado

As someone who is not a techie person any changes to anything is hard on me to deal with. I have a landline still at home. Can't figure out the cell phone our sone gave us at all. DH who is engineer figured it out and can use it but I am lost. I use old school email and snail mail still. It is nice to see some people still there though I have come to know and that they are ok at least and alive still from their cancer when it kills so many.

trippositive

I’m f’n p@#$ed off. I was diagnosed in June of 2020. I found it in January, went to numerous tests, ultrasounds, mammograms, MRI’s and was told by the doctor, “I promise you this is nothing”. I felt it in my core that this was something. After 4 months of going back and forth between a breast clinic and my gynecologist, she finally said to me, “go someplace else, get a second opinion, I have felt this growing and I am not convinced”. If she wouldn’t have encouraged me to advocate for myself, I would probably not be here at the rate it was growing. I had a year of chemo, radiation and surgery. It’s been a little over a year since I finished my treatments. In the last year I’ve had 5 more lumps, I am constantly CONSTANTLY, either waiting for the lump, anticipating the tests, anticipating the biopsies, or anticipating the results… then it starts over again. I feel like sh@t because of Letrozole, yes, I have tried all 3 AI’s. I only take it 3 times a week or I wouldn’t be able to walk at all because of the joint pain. I live with headaches, anxiety, and depression. I tried to kill myself a couple of weeks ago. This is no life. Yes, I see a psychiatrist who has me on Cymbalta and a psychologist that is new to me. My oncologist psychologist had the best insight to a happier life, “Everyone dies”…. Screw her. My breasts look like they were in a knife fight, my hair is horrid, chemo frizz when it used to be long and pretty. I HATE THIS LIFE. I was so happy before cancer, successful business owner, worked out 5-6 days a week, now it takes a miracle for me to feel up to getting out of bed and the house.

Because I was diagnosed at the start of covid, I called all my girlfriends and told them to not put off their mammograms. 2 of my friends went and got their’s and were diagnosed with cancer. One of them passed a month later because it had metastasized, I’m so mad that she wasn’t given enough time to FIGHT!! The other one did and she’s doing well, so I am grateful for that.

I am over all of this. PTSD, trauma, whatever you want to title it. If one more person tells me to practice gratitude, or meditate, I think I will scream

bcincolorado

trippostive you have every right to vent. Cancer is hard to deal with. I am glad you have been able to stick up for yourself with your docs at least. You need to have a medial team you feel comfortbale with and trust i your care. Have you tried changing when you take your AI? i know there are lot out there and some can can cause bone loss as well. When I was on letrozole I was on Prolia as well because I had bone loss form it since I am small boned already. Every shot had to be pre-authorized though and my MO took care of getting that done first.

Sorry you lost your friend too. It amazes me I still have relatives who have not had a mamo because they are afraid it "hurts". No, cancer hurts!!

Best wishes to you in your treatment!!!!

KIDI919

trippositive, thats some crazy shit there. I hope you don't kill yourself because I think there are people who would miss you. I have often had to just grasp one positive in my life to hang onto. I think the trauma of dx then tx then the crap drugs all combine to do our heads in.

trippositive

Thank you bcincolorado! I have tried taking it at different times. Looks like you have been on quite a few hormonal therapies, my heart goes out to you. I hope you don’t have any side effects.

Kidi919, thank you for your comments. I’m going to be ok someday, I really just needed to vent. I have to get used to what I look like and feel like now and get lots and lots of therapy with someone I feel comfortable with