Emotions

finallyoverit, that's a really good question. For me, it took about a year. I take buspar, which is antianxiety medicine. But, with such a dramatic event as being diagnosed with mbc, many/most of us begin to reassess where our life is at and make changes in different areas of our life. Somethng in our core being has been altered, and our life on the outside changes over time, too.

I stopped doing what I felt I was doing out of obligation. I stopped worrying if I didnt do this or that was it going to hurt someone's feelings, or was someone not gonna like me. I began allowing my own feelings to come out in front and guide me. I couldnt believe how much I had shoved my own wants and needs down to take care of everyone else.

I began adding more fun to my life. I planned a trip, I got concert tickets, I played a fun game on my ipad and tuned everything out. I tried something new at least once a month. It is about getting out of our comfort zone and pushing the boundaries, giving your mind a break from all things mbc and thinking about something else. It is about giving yourself current fun experiences to have something to think about rather than the trauma of that shitty thing that came into your life.

As time has gone on, I found ways to simplify lots of things and thats helped a lot. I decluttered the house over many months. This Christmas I did less decorating and still had a nice holiday, simplified gift buying and bought cookies instead of baking them. I only wish I'd been this smart a long time ago!

Keeping a journal really helps. Try to write three pages every day and dont censor yourself. Write whatever comes to mind. It can be on anything at all. It is very cathartic, and can help you sort out feelings and figure out troubles.

Ask yourself what is working and not working in your life. I learned to stay away from toxic people. It also makes me feel better to be with small groups of people, two or three, rather than constant, hectic big gatherings. I look for meaningful interactions and learned I like quality over quantity. I'm okay with spending more quiet time to myself or dh and yet I don't feel isolated.

I always was one to assess my life frm time to time, and now I notice whats not working for me a lot sooner and cut it from my life.

finally- I freaked out and anti-anxiety/anti-depressants didn't really do much more for me than masking the pain/problem, so eventually I dropped them. For me, what took all of that away was reading about the recent work in cancer therapies, and understanding how promising some of these new approaches are, and how much more is in the pipeline than even my doctors knew about, and especially that it was not a given that immunotherapy could not work, that it just needed to be presented in the right combination, there was no inherent reason that breast cancer should be able to resist to eradication by our immune system. That calmed me down to the extent that my life is as normal as it was before, and I haven't gone back (at least yet) since I reached a stable situation, and then for "maintenance" I just come on hear to find out what everyone is doing and thinking and process it all.

I would encourage you not to discuss your medical condition with anyone who does not have a need to know. Our daily life is so different from what most people imagine it would be, and our prospects are so much better as well. The medical community want us to treat MBC as a chronic condition, and while way too many women are dying and suffering at this time for that to be reality, it is the future of this disease, and so if you wouldn't rush over to tell a co-worker or your boss or your staff that you got a diagnosis of diabetes or Parkinson's, then don't both telling them about this either. And what difference would it make?- nobody knows your fate regardless, neither you nor your doctors- really, a "terminal diagnosis" should be something one gets only when their life expectancy is under a year.

I also get stressed out easily like bigbhome. That is why it helps me to keep things simple. And for over five years, only a few close family members knew of the stage iv dx. I was glad I kept that info close to the vest as I didnt want those pity looks either, and I didnt want the false acts of concern from those who merely wanted some latest gossip.

Like Lauriesh, After several years, I felt the need for antidepressant and went on Wellbutrin as well as the antianxiety medicineand it helped.

Soul searching is a good thing. It is a process. There is a quote out there about being patient with all that is unresolved in your heart and learning to be comfortable with the questions. I know some people hate calling this a journey, yet, in some respects, we do go thru different things now that we are in his new, unexplored territory. Best wishes to you, finallyoverit!

Finally, We all have to find our new normal. I too take an antidepressant medication and I have Ativan on hand for when life gets a little stressful. I try to be very careful not to start relying on it. I have been doing meditation, which I never did before. It really has helped. For me, it was a process. It took time to develop. But now, the deep breathing and meditation, make a lot of difference. You should be able to access a few of these services through your Mo. Ask about a social worker. They do more than financial help.

I have had 5 1/2years to learn all of these helpful techniques. I just found this group of wonderful people in April 2017, one of the best thing that had happened to me. I think if I had found them sooner, it would not have taken so long to get where I am today. This group will become like family and support you through the good, bad and ugly of this disease. You will find information on se's, that you won't get anywhere else.

Hugs and prayers,

Claudia

"sucks monkey balls"... not sure what they are but I'm sure they suck and I may steal that phrase.