INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

M0mmy2 - Happy Belated Birthday!

Well 5 weeks now of this blasted phlebitis. Leg is still red, hot and painful. I've had 2 ultrasounds and zero blood-clots. Yay! on that at least. I've had enough though. I am calling some vascular surgeons tomorrow to see if there is anything that can be done to get me some relief.

Also, it seems that my 17 year old left hip reconstruction may be failing. I have pain with every step, right in the socket. Unfortunately the surgeon who did they original reconstruction is in Phoenix at the Mayo Clinic. So if it is failing, I'll have to travel there to see him. Thankfully he hasn't retired yet. My Ortho. Onc. in Portland is not at all thrilled with the idea of doing anything with my left hip because the procedure was so complex. When I live in Las Vegas it was no big deal to travel 350 miles to the Ortho. Onc., but from where I am now it's 1,400 miles. Yikes, quite the commute.

Junie, Thanks for sharing. I'll stick with my cheap kibble. My cat, Squeakers, doesn't like the wet stuff. He eats a little bit because foster cat does and he doesn't want foster to get anything he doesn't have too. Without foster cat, he won't touch the stuff.

Sas - you're right, no treats, no quarrels. Danny Boy is doing better. Have him on PhytoMax for joints and pain and inflammation. He is doing some bounces now when he wants in the house. Long time since he did those. When it snows he has always run and played and it is what he eats for his fluid, ceases to drink water in the winter. Though I strongly discourage that and the subsequent puking due to frozen liquid.

Been sleeping the night. But going to bed closer to 2 or 4 or even 5 in morning. Too much cancer crap in my thoughts and just want to watch Gilmore Girls marathon of 153 episodes I recorded and chill, No thinking.

Sending love and hugs you way MammaRay

hi I'm new to this thread but I have nobody to talk to that can understand what I am going through right now. I'm shy but so desperate for basic validation that I will fight through my insecurity to gain perspective from people suffering the same nature of insanity I am with my diagnosis and the current situation I must survive as I am mercilessly preyed upon for my weakness during chemotherapy treatments!

My own husband and children that begged me to get proper mental health treatment for my ptsd during my diagnosis of braca 2 breast cancer claim I abandoned them for having to leave the state I live in for the duration of my treatment because the appropriate care and medication vital to save my life is legal and unattainable in a timeframe to prevent my death!

Welcome to the reality of Chris Christies Fallout after he stripped the entire state funding for EVERY service possible to his failed political bid to become Vice President, THEN claims to be the champion of mental health and addiction treatment services by leaving gutted programs that serve nobody except those that took the money and never provided the services they were given to fund!!

The new addiction program he launched is only domestic jail with full Medicaid funding to overcharge each victim under chemical restraint for 30 day minimum and zero follow up care that leaves patients the option to relapse or overdose as they are shamed and blamed for their moral failings for daring to admit they need professional help to survive!

That is what Chris Christie SHOULD be famous for, metoo movement needs an abuse of elected officials caught so blatantly violating the law with impunity believing he is above the laws he swore to honor to GET elected!!!

If anyone deserves to be locked away in his new Stanford prison experiment style of mental health treatment it's HIM!!!

Mental health system is SUCH a joke and so understaffed and overbooked that initial appointments can take over 6 months for the few that bother to take insurance at ALL, and longer for anyone qualified to prescribe medical cards or ability to fill prescriptions for medical marijuana with confirmation of qualified diagnosis verified, and charging outrageous prices for office visits while preventing qualified insured patients from ANY access at fair price over blatant extortion of state law and every federal law that protects patients rights from such indisputable industry condoned abuse of the system designed to SAVE LIVES for financial profit with undeniable lack of a single conviction for these crimes!

I finally got a Marinol prescription to stop wasting away but I am more terrified to travel with that than my morphine prescription for fear of being incarcerated as a criminal for my legal medication critical to my survival crossing any imaginary line I must to be with my family that transforms me from cancer patient to junkie criminal in the eyes of the federal government because I lack the financial ability to bribe the criminals actively extorting the entire system they implemented!

I just want to do something about this insane set of circumstances I am forced to face on chemo brain! I don't know how else to get a reality check when these things I mentioned have been so well documented and easy to research YET continues to this Day without any acknowledgement or conviction on state or federal levels!

So I guess this was a good first crack at it and I hope someone qualified will read this and finally shed light on it for the sake of all those forced to suffer because of their FALSE belief that they are untouchable once elected.

Strangest fact is, a convicted felon cannot vote but you CAN vote a convicted felon to public office!?

So who convicts the federal government for failing to uphold its OWN laws that protect those it was created to serve?

So far NOBODY because WHAT YOU gonna DO BOUT IT? The president made his fortune extorting the same state for the same reason

So who will protect people like me from DOCUMENTED CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR like that?

Don't bother calling the state police because even THEY are too afraid to go in the pine barrens with guns, so they cower in their cars and call the brave and infininatly more well trained dnr department that respects the environment and people who inhabit it because they don't go missing in the forest like the wicked do all too often!

The jersey devil will because even his legend has more honor in its motives than our president or the elected officials that continue to profit from this

MammaRay, wish I have the magic wand to smack those buggers away from you and my other love ones. I still haven't gotten a chance to get groceries yet. Oh talk about food....I went to the casino the other day. Oh JunieB, don't worry. I didn't sin by gambling, but I did indulge in 3 whole lobsters and 2 heads! The best part is the head not the tail, by the way. All you can eat lobsters at the buffet and the max my stomach could handle was what I mentioned umm plus several king crab legs. Had a small bowl of clam chowder also. And that was my only meal for the day. Did the American Heart Society recommend that your biggest meal should be at lunch? I am sure it was them.

Welcome Faithonfire! Should I send firemen your way?

I agree with you about our mental health system. Very sad. I have seen many in and out of jail or because these folks fall through the cracks.

Ms Sas, why were you in the rabbit holes?

I'm sorry if I upset anyone with venting my anger but I'm not used to doing that and my therapist encouraged me to try and he was wrong, it only made me embarrassed that I am so good at pushing people away.

I'm just trying to keep my head up until I am done with chemo and I was promised it will FINALLY feel better and I won't be stuck on pills forever.

I don't drink anymore again but this time I'm not counting months, I had 10 sober before my diagnosis and I'm still mad at myself that I couldn't make a year, A

loverly-what casino has an all you can eat lobster buffet? I’m hopping in the car and heading there ASAP!

Faithonfire- so very sorry you’re dealing with everything you are. No wonder you’re so angry! But as I read through your posts, it does seem that expressing that anger through your posts is helping as the anger is less in each subsequent post. MTWoman May be able to help too. Any clue why your kids think you’re lying about your diagnosis? That’s crazy. And I can’t say I understand your DH either. But I will say that everyone deals with this journey in different ways. I hope it gets better for you. On your meds and keeping them safe, may I suggest a nightstand gun safe? They are available with a key, a combination or a fingerprint lock. If you have a Costco membership they often have them for a good deal at the holidays. Here’s the link to the one on Costco.com and you don’t have to even be a member to order it online! We have the one made by gunvault but we bought this one for my dad.

https://m.costco.com/Sports-Afield-SA-RV3-Lightning-Handgun-Vault.product.100377124.html

Poor Kirby! Cooking is BAD! Oh the trauma......... I think I have mentioned before that I hail from a long line of undomesticated women. My mother though was a bit of a rebel and did actually cook. Sometimes she would use all 4 burners AND the hot thing underneath. She did remain faithful to family custom - not once did she ever clean the oven. As the years went by meals became more and more exciting. My younger cousin would absolutely beg to come over for dinner. "Please Mommy, please can we eat at Auntie's house? I want to see the firemen and the trucks!", True story, honest! The firemen visited a few times to put out the clothes dryer too......

When the FF and I were in our courting days , he mortified me by cleaning my oven. It was awful! I had to hurry and get the childrens and kitties outside. Ooooh the stench! And the shame of a spotless oven.

Miss Pris is adjusting to DS being here. Her opinion of him was greatly improved once he started feeding her fave canned food. She is even chasing DS around the house so she can bite him

Junie, I do so hope you can get in to see the specialist right away. Maybe the anti-b's need a little more time? You cannot be sick or hurting - we have an adventure to have!

I am finally off decadron - doc agreed it was doing more harm than good. BestBird has very encouraging info in her Mets Gude. She had listed Boswellia as very effective and safe way to treat brain edema - plus it kills cancer cells! So far it's working great. It is supposed to be very effective to ease fibromyalgia and joint pain.

Want to "visit" more but I keep dozing off!

Faithonfire ` Sas has advised you well as to seeking other threads. You are still adjusting to your DX and are still processing it all. You are scared and angry. Please check out share.org. They have live people -all have BC ` available to answer your questions, The American Cancer Society also has counselors.

I am here, and am glad that sas made the list of questions above as they will be helpful in prioritizing help and support. I am typically not on the forum very much over the weekend, but will make sure to check in over the next few days to see what I can do.

Faith, if you can give us more info (per above) I am happy to do what I can to help. It does seem like an overwhelming situation, and we would all like to be able to do something that would be helpful to you. Please keep talking to us. We get it.