My (perhaps controversial) thoughts as a "newbie" to CA.

Molly, I'm blushing at your compliment..I will turn to your nice wordsl the day--soon to come--when I've been digging stuff out of my closet to pitch--in shorts with a big tear, socks also with holes, hair not combed all day, grim expression that makes me look mean....yesterday I took two old pc computers and broke them apart--pulled off cover, took out batteries, dug out hard drives--everything. Then I put them in a bunch of trash bags and sent them down the trash chute. Nobody will mess with them now!

I'm so glad you are coming along--and that's good you'll be back to work soon and having that sense of accomplishment and just that good feeling when you get home and can flop and think "Ah, the day is done and I've done my job!" My mom used to call it a "good tired." The rest from that is always a good one. (What is your job?)

Lori, do get your rest--you've had a lot to deal with. Just know that if you are too pooped to write, that I'm thinking of you every day. . . . . and your critters are sooooooo happy to have you there!

As am I.

love to both of you! t

DisneyGirl, good to see you here!

I stay young by staying crazy. I keep the nuttiness alive....in creativity, in just plain how one thinks....my favorite year was when I fourteen and it remains so...after that I got stuck in boxes--or let myself be--until one day I just broke free...it's a process and an attitude I think...lots of wabi sabi!

Molly, I hope you're proceeding well with healing...how is it being back at work?

Spring is upon us finally and firmly....yay!!!

Pantaloon loves seeing your critters, Lori! Send us more pictures!

Eric Garland‏Verified account @ericgarland Follow More

Eric Garland Retweeted Maxine Waters

Humble and subtle note FROM MAXINE TO THE WORLD PLEASE LISTEN UP FOCUS PEOPLE.

Eric Garland added,

Susan Rice didn't ask the FBI for immunity from prosecution. Mike Flynn did. Obama's campaign was not under FBI investigation. Trump's is.

_{Lori, love this exotic-looking bird. Whatever it is. We have the Oriole as our state bird but I didn't know there were other types...sorry for my slow-wittiness...}

_{I see that I posted that political thingy above on this site by mistake...it was meant for the left-leaning site....I WONDERED where it went when I didn't see it there! Thought I was losing my marbles...tee hee....}

Hi JBeans! So good to hear from you.....how are the bEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS?

Yes, spring is here!!!

What are you and fam up to?

Hi NCBeachGirl--and welcome!

I'm so glad that you found BCO.org! This is a great, great place. . . There is literally EVERYTHING here! It's a whole world unto itself...

Yes, I'm alive and well and feeling great. I had to write that letter--to put into words all of my concerns. I was so very opposed to any and all treatments I'd heard about--just scared to death!

I've become very close friends with my therapist, a wonderful psychotherapist who helped me deal with the grief I felt when in 2011 I lost after 20 years my dear kitty Tibbie. She and I were set on my having a lumpectomy (her 82-year-old mother developed cancer at 79 and elected to have that one breast removed but nothing else and is doing fine.) Karen influenced me greatly during this period, wanting me (at 72) to do less rather than more as her work with seniors has put her in a position to see up close various cancer treatments, how they worked out, side effects, etc. We said let's do a lumpectomy and then wait and see....

Then I learned that I am a triple negative cell-type-wise. ER negative, PR negative, and Her2 negative. This is an aggressive cell type and that freaked me out even more. It was at this point that I decided to go with a double mastectomy. At first I wanted to just have the left breast removed, then changed my mind and decided that I didn't want that lopsidedness and went with a double. (I was always flat-chested but as I've gotten older (I'm now 73) the breasts became fuller and I hated them! They just felt like a burden. I don't like wearing bras unless I go out, and those things "hanging" were a pain. I'm an artist and am pretty active as I work and don't like bracelets and necklaces dangling and getting in the way. So I was glad to have them gone.

I decided at that point that all would pretty much depend on that sentinel lymph node biopsy, which would be done at the time of surgery. I had the initial biopsy on November 1st, then saw a wonderful breast surgeon at Johns Hopkins and had surgery on December 14.

The surgery went well. I started in the Outpatient department, then went to a private room and spent the night, leaving the next day. I had two drains and these were something of a pain for several weeks, bathing and so forth. And I couldn't drive with drains in. But I learned much--all the way from Pink Pockets to how to strip the drains twice a day to how to take a shower with them. After awhile it became second nature almost. Sleeping was difficult but anything is possible if you just plan for it and get those pain pills if you need them!

The good news out of all of this was that the node was negative. Plus there was no vascular invasion and the margins were clear. Hopkins has this thing online--you may also have it at your hospital or doctor's office--called My Chart, where all of your info is kept--appointments and such. It also includes test results and I got like five pages of them! I read them word for word to be sure I got all the data. That was nerve-wracking but I got through it...

I was delighted at all the good news. When I saw my breast surgeon and had the drains removed (at last! You have to wait until the drainage is down to like 2 cc's or something before they will take them out) I asked her:

"What are the chances I still have cancer cells floating around in my system somewhere?"

She answered, "It's highly unlikely."

A few weeks later I finally got to see an oncologist. After we talked and she told me what she would recommend chemo-wise, she turned on the computer and put in all my information--cell type, size, my age--etc, along with the ACT chemo regimen she would offer me. This is a combination of three chemo drugs. She put in all that and the program she was using told us how many months that that chemo regimen (4 months of it) would likely extend my life.

It would be four months of chemo (I think something like a treatment followed by three weeks off, then another treatment and three off--or something like that, covering four months total ) and would net me six months and ten days of added life expectancy.

No deal.

That was too little to gain for too much chemo--that I didn't want and had never wanted anyway.

So that was it. That was January 30th--three months since the start.

During the healing time right after surgery I gradually did some exercises to help with scar tissue and flexibility. I went to a physical therapist at Johns Hopkins here in Baltimore. Think I went half a dozen times. I was lucky that I didn't develop lymphadema--swelling due to the accumulation of lymph fluid after surgery. The only side effects if you can call them that are just that there is numbness along the scar line and under the sentinel node biopsy arm (the left). At first this kind of freaked me out and I wondered will I ever get feeling back? But then I stopped noticing it and only really do when I'm in the shower. So no problem there. I got an expensive set of boob things to go in a bra, but last week threw them out. I just get a bra that opens in the front and into which you can stick a little pad thingy, and it works fine for me. My therapist is so great and has such a wonderful outlook, telling me you don't notice my missing boobs. It took a while for me to get over complete flat-chest-ted-ness and I still have to have SOMETHING there when I go out but just around my apartment I have nothing there.

So, yes, that was a good decision for me. A friend I met through another friend had BC back a few years ago and has the exact same triple negative cell type as I. She was 56 at the time and elected to have a lumpectomy. She had one dose of the ACT chemo cocktail and was made too ill to go for more. Triple negatives if they reoccur do so quickly, like within 3-4 years I think--and Addie reached 3 years last year being cancer free. I don't know what your complete cell type is but it does influence your thinking. The A stands for adriamycin--which is a pretty powerful thing and I felt that at 72 it was too much.

Well, I've been rambling I see--again! I do hope you let me know how you are doing and how next week goes for you. This is a great place and it's meant the world to me. You can literally come here with anything on your mind. Feel free to write me at any time--and I'm going to check out Reluctant Newbie also.

I wish you a great weekend and hope the upcoming days are as stress free as you can make them. It's a tense time--no doubt about it. But we live in an exciting time medicine-wise and much wonderful progress is being made.

Do take care and know you've reached a great resource here and many folks who will listen, answer, soothe, help, and support.

The best,

Trill