STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

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  • MoreShoes
    MoreShoes Member Posts: 322
    edited May 2016

    I want to scream but it's late and the kids are sleeping. F*CK cancer! It took three years of my life, it took my carefree look on life, it took my breasts. I know people have bigger problems, but here and now I'm feeling sorry for myself. I've become a "cancer patient". I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And to be honest I'm ready for whatever light it ends up to be.

    Tomorrow I'm going for a BMX. I was proud of my decollete, how shallow is that?

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  • luckyladyinPA
    luckyladyinPA Member Posts: 8
    edited May 2016

    MoreShoes, not shallow at all. Sorry to see that you are joining the BMX club. I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow and in the weeks ahead. Best wishes for a speedy and uneventful recovery.

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  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 3,257
    edited May 2016

    ((((Moreshoes)))) May tomorrow go well for you in surgery. Hugs and know that we care.

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited May 2016

    Yes ((moreshoes)) thinking of you and its okay to feel that way!!


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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited May 2016

    Moreshoes sorry very sorry. it sucks. your normal to feel that way. Take your NSAIDS regularly after surgery. Important.

    Angela :0... :)

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited May 2016

    Earlier tonight I posted the below on my fb feed on the Holley Kitchen thread. Holley made the video feed in the link. Holley has passed. BUT BUT she started a great thing. MBC was never really in the public awareness.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDQ0FjP7J-c

    Holley was a big part of the breastcancer.org family. I have been there for 7 years. We know that some of us survive and some don't. We know that there isn't a rhyme or reason to any of the beginning or the ending. We know that the stupid "Healthy Lifestyles" promulgation is total bull shit. Holley brought to the world what MBC is. Thank you Holly. You created a voice for MBC. "


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  • leftduetostupidmods
    leftduetostupidmods Member Posts: 620
    edited May 2016

    I've shared this and have been bawling since.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2016


    seachain,

    I'm right there with you - on both the bawling and the sharing...

    Sas,

    Thanks for posting the link on this thread. I wish I could have known Holley in person, but her spirit is with all of us.

    Angela

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited May 2016

    Sorry, didn't want to make anyone cry. But Holly's message was more clear than most anything I've seen in my life. Her message will go one for decades. The stats may change, but her strength of message won't.

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  • 7of9
    7of9 Member Posts: 833
    edited May 2016

    Can't Believe I SURVIVED working through first three rounds of chemo taxtore (should have taken this week off, so stressful I was really playing with fire). Now driving on vacation...what the HELL was I thinking....didn't leave til after husband came home from work ( two hours later than he said he'd be of course AND my son's field day was today that I volunteered for). No one helped me pack....was trying to get 4 of the twelve hour drive out of the way tonight. Thought we'd be checked in and in the pool and hour ago. Wrong! On top of it I refused to bring a wig with to a warm , hot vacation by the beach. We are sharing a house with cousins and tho they are a lot of fun, will be kind....here come the looks and questions from the kids. This is not going how I'd planned at all. Time for attivan and ambient soon....maybe tomorrow we will unwind. Not successful at all so far. Hoping a few more hundred miles down the road and I can leave most of cancer behind for a week.

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited May 2016

    Seven...............have fun


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  • 7of9
    7of9 Member Posts: 833
    edited May 2016

    thanks sas....what a difference a good night sleep hundreds of miles away makes!

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited June 2016

    MoreShoes--Hi reposting this on some threads, may be old news to some, but to good of info not to pass this on,Sassy

    Cam00205Bluebird144…NJJoined: Apr 2013Posts: 393

    13 hours agoBluebird144 wrote:

    Knitted Knockers Charities is a non-profit that exists to provide free patterns for knitters and crocheters to be able to make knockers and help mastectomy patients get freeKnitted Knockers made by volunteers.

    I love my Knitted Knockers! They are light and soft and warm. Unlike my silicone prosthetic which is heavy and cold when first worn, then it later causes me to sweat.

    I wear my knitted knockers inside a regular bra or tucked in the pocket of a mastectomy bra. They are beautiful, and a godsend to those of us with an uneven mastectomy scar.

    image

    Knitted knockers website:

    http://www.knittedknockers.info/

    Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

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  • MoreShoes
    MoreShoes Member Posts: 322
    edited June 2016

    Thank you Sas!

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  • Bounce
    Bounce Member Posts: 574
    edited June 2016

    FierceBluebird - passed away - 7/22/14

    I am always shocked by Kristine's experience and death.

    Her signature line read:

    When I feel fear, I go where the wood duck rests his beauty on the water and the heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not live with grief. Above me stars are waiting with their light. I rest in God's grace and am free.

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  • MsPharoah
    MsPharoah Member Posts: 1,034
    edited June 2016

    Bounce.....FierceBluebird was our Fall 2013 radiation sister. I remember her posting a picture of her tortured, radiated body; causing me to gasp, cry and wonder at her courage to get up on that radiation table. I felt so guilty for having an easy go at it and encouraging others to get up on that table and kill some cancer...still do! And since this is the steam room for anger, I have another chance to express how pi$$ed off I am that FierceBluebird and others have suffered and died.

    Yes, Bounce, I remember when Kristine showed us her "knockers"...
    Sigh, MsP
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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited June 2016

    This is the bird for Kristine in the topic box of Insomniacs. I thought it caught her spirit quite well :)


    image

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  • Bounce
    Bounce Member Posts: 574
    edited June 2016

    MsP - Thank you for remembering Kristine with me.

    You helped me so much during rads - I would have been a nervous wreck if not for you.

    You gave me the courage I needed to get through rads.

    Please don't feel bad about anything you said during that time - it was a huge help.

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  • MoreShoes
    MoreShoes Member Posts: 322
    edited June 2016

    Just feeling sorry for myself. It's absolutely lovely weather, everyone is wearing low cut T-hirts or dresses and I have a BMX. Not to mention the no hair part. And I have to be thankful that I'm still alive. And I have to be strong and face the world. Fuck it.

    (emotional rollercoaster the last days...thanks for listening)

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  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 3,257
    edited June 2016

    (((moreshoes)))) Just a hug for you.

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited June 2016

    MoreShoes ((((((((((hugs from me too!))))))))))))))))))))

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  • MoreShoes
    MoreShoes Member Posts: 322
    edited June 2016

    April and Sas, thank you very much. It's just that emotional up and down. Will it ever go away?

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited June 2016

    A newbie asked our group how we got through BC, this is my summary of 7 years.

    How do you get through this stuff.........put your head down, shoulder forward, and pussssssh

    And Pray......................................

    Pray not to survive, pray to be.......... day to day, that you deal with today, with hope that tomorrow is good to excellent. We change our old ideas about days. We change our ideas about minutes when the need is there. At first, numb. Then a fog. Then a flurry of activity. Then a slow down of activity. There's more, but I'll leave that out for now. Feel the wind, feel the warmth, and breathe........................

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited June 2016

    Great description Sas ((hugs))

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited June 2016

    Hugs back Tang .............. Muah!

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited June 2016

    I gotta vent...I'm not sure if I'm angry or just beaten down with things...it's a bit of both.

    I've been in a good place the last couple of months, I'd made a decision to stop the worry and fear that has plagued me since cancer came into my life. I realized that it was just a waste of emotion and energy, so I thought I'd gotten a better handle on it.

    Fast forward to this week and I'm finding myself in fear again. No coincidence, but I have my follow-up with MO monday and BS a couple weeks after that. Sure enough, I now feel a lump under my left arm and I'm worrying that BS left behind breast tissue from an extra nipple. I called both doctors yesterday leaving messages and it left me feeling out of control and irrational. I hung up and started crying, I don't even know why.

    It's like 2 steps forward and 3 back, I think I've got it together and the bam I'm back to square one. I hate this crap!!!!! I really wanted to walk into my doctor appointments and it be a normal visit and everything be okay. When will that happen???

    I don't like being a slave to this fear, to this worry....to this damn cancer.


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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited June 2016

    Tang, from the post above that I wrote to the newbie. The line " There's more, but I'll leave that out for now". This is where you are at. Nothing prepares you for it. Nothing. Doesn't matter what anyone else has gone through. You feel like your under a ton of bricks. Do the primal scream, but hold a pillow over your mouth. For some reason it will keep you from loosing your voice. This will exhaust you. Then sleep. It will help for awhile. Repeat as needed.

    Don't keep feeling the lump. That will just cause inflammation and soreness.

    I love you

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited June 2016

    Thank you Sas...your message brought tears to my eyes. I will do the primal scream, I've done it before for other crap.

    love you too

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2016

    Tang and Sas, how well you both put into words all the anger, fear, frustration.......the feeling of being buried under that ton of bricks and the unending anxiety attacks. So overwhelming at times and so hard to explain to those that haven't personally endured a never-ending "challenge" such as ours. Challenge - that word the healthy ones throw abut so cavalierly, like this is a contest we can win if if we just try hard enough........Ugh.

    So here I am to scream and punch walls...........and use unladylike words.

    My very dear friend is also my next door neighbor. She is giving, nurturing and kind. We have held each other up through many a difficult time. Her husband is my husbands BFF. Our kids have grown up together. Even our dogs are friends. Our families are so close, we are as one. All holidays and celebrations are shared together. We laugh, cry and confide in one another. But.......

    DF lost her older sister to cancer about a year before my dx. Unlike me, she has a very high incidence of cancer in her family. She is an intelligent, educated woman but has now become one of those whacked out holistic, anti-medicine, kale worshiping, live at the gym, creepy organic rabbit-foot rubbers. (close your eyes, eat the magic beans, stroke the lucky bunny foot and all the boogities stay away).

    When I couldn't walk 3 1/2 years ago she was super pissed at me because I would not concede to being wheeled around the "victory" circle for the Komen sponsored relay for life. This is the first year she hasn't attacked me for not wanting to "participate". Over the years she has sent me soooo many stupid, stupid articles on "this is the REAL reason you have cancer" and those lovely studies about how if you eat all organic, no sugar and stick a clump of kale up your ass you will be CURED! Yes, most cancer is not genetic. Environmental factors are the main culprit. DF sees this as a major conspiracy. She also blames "the victim" for not being more vigilant. Yup. DF is one of THEM.

    I have told her repeatedly my feelings on all her flaky bullshit. She is well aware how offensive I find it. I have told her I appreciate her concern but I am working with a top notch team of doctors and I am continually educating myself with for real facts and studies. SCIENCE for love of Dog!!!!

    So today she emails me this. WTF??????????????? All this "science" is from a charlatan who blames conventional medical treatments for killing cancer patients!!!!!!!!!! Science Based Medicine debunks him here.

    If DF keeps this up, cancer won't kill me. The lethal injection will!


    Forwarded From: The Truth About Cancer <info@thetruthaboutcancer.com>

    As I mentioned before, we're about to broadcast The Truth About Cancer: A Global Quest again, (for free of course)...

    We're calling it the Encore Presentation, and I know you'll love it. :-)

    Go here to watch the trailer video     for this powerful series.

    Also, here's the episode breakdown and times that they air so you can put them in your calendar. :-)

    So, your next step is to tune in and watch our brand new docu-series "The Truth About Cancer: A Global Quest" Encore presentation that starts on June 14th at 9:00pm Eastern US time.

    Here's the Broadcasting Schedule
    (Be sure to save this)

    Episode 1: The True History of Chemotherapy & The Pharmaceutical Monopoly
    (June 14th)

    Episode 2: Cancer Facts and Fictions, Breast Cancer, Hormones, Skin Cancer & Essential Oils
    (June 15th)

    Episode 3: Cancer-Killing Viruses, Cancer Stem Cells, GMOs, Juicing & Eating the Rainbow
    (June 16th)

    Episode 4: Excitotoxins that Fuel Cancer, Nature's Pharmacy and Healing Cancer with Sound & Light
    (June 17th)

    Episode 5: Cancer Causing Blindspots, Toxic Vaccines, Homeopathy & The Power of Emotions
    (June 18th)

    Episode 6: The NOCEBO Effect, Healing Vaccines, Advanced Detoxing & Going Inside A German Cancer Clinic
    (June 19th)

    Episode 7: Heal Cancer with Clean Electricity, Unique Water, Natural Sunlight & Combining Superfoods
    (June 20th)

    Episode 8: Cannabis, Nature's Epigenetic Switches, Peptides & Healing with Micronutrient Therapy
    (June 21st)

    Episode 9: Cancer Conquerors & Their Powerful Stories of Victory
    (June 22nd)

    We've gathered together and interviewed over 100 scientists, researchers, doctors, and survivors to pack this series so full of amazing new information that certainly saves lives and hopefully changes the world.

    To your health,

    Ty Bollinger

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited June 2016

    Oh Chit........................


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