Rosevalley - this is for you!

Good morning, dear Rosevalley!

It's a new day and I'm wishing you renewed strength and balance.

After jotting off yesterday's note, my friend came and took me for a shower (Yum!).

Just before falling asleep I said a little prayer for your well being and there in the smooth blue sky and against the rough green firs, a large white heron glided toward the pond.

The heavens heard my prayer and reminded me we are all always okay at some level, no matter what the pain and upset of our lives.

May you experience equanimity, joy, compassion and loving kindness even in challenging times like these, dear Rosevalley.

Holding the possibility for you, Stephanie

P.S. Still too dark to go out for photos. Here are the low life chickens at Moonlight Farm. I call the white one speckle neck and we're friends, she always comes to visit when I'm sitting outside. We see life eye-to-eye. ;-)

Thank you for your kindness and encouragement. I had a little cry over my disappointment at faslodex fizzling out and decided I have xeloda and Ibrance yet to try. My oncologist wants me to start Ibrance Wednesday to line up with my next appointment and labs. So down the hatch on Wednesday. Pray it gets me through the summer. The thought of leaving my 15 year old alone in an empty house while DH is at work just upsets me. I feel like I failed everyone. I know in my heart this is not my choice or fault, but when you are a Mom you agree to be there for the long haul...18+ years. The unspoken Mom pledge- I will watch your back, feed you, take you to appointments, support and love you.... every day until you fly off on your own. Unless cancer mucks up the works.

I am sad about Nancy dying. Glad she is free from cancerland and suffering, and sorry to see a wonderful soul leave. I know we all die and I accept that, but she was young and loved. It's hard. Some how when you are in your 80s it seems ok to die and natural, but before that it seems sad. Realistically I have packed a lot of life, learning, love and experiences in my 57 years and feel my life was/is really sweet and fulfilling. I didn't miss anything. Not that I wouldn't love to see marriages of my daughters, graduation from college/ highschool and Grandkids someday and to grow old with my DH, but I feel I packed quite a bit into my 57 years. It's been a good life. No regrets when I die. Life is good.

I am grateful. Thankful for everybody and everything. Lovingkindess to all.

Speckle neckle the chicken is very pretty! I like to watch chickens they have a lot of personality. My oldest DD loves to feed the chickens at a nearby community. They eat right out of her hand and she just laughs and squeals with delight. They are also beautiful.. blacks, speckled, brown and white chickens. Some are quite big.

Kandy I thought of you tonight when they showed 2 young 18 year old kids on the news. Both had Downs Syndrome and were fully involved with life and going to the prom together. It was a wonderful story. We both have loved special needs kids and it fills my heart to see them enjoying life and fully participating in everything everyone else does. I remember when my DD1 was little just fighting for a place at the table of life... a place in dance and art lessons etc. My daughter got all those things and now reads and writes at a 3rd grade level, has a job and lovely place in a wonderful family group home. She goes to ARC dances and has friends and activities she loves. Life is good. She makes me happy.

Thanks for understanding my guilt and trying to stick around to raise my last one in the nest. No one loves you like your Mom. It's true. Hopefully Ibrance and fasodex will buy me some time. I surely hope so.

my dear Rosie, I pray the next few drugs give you much needed time. At this time, I should be done with treatment and waiting for the end...but instead of 4 months then they stop and we change, this last chemo has lasted me 15 months. Out of the box and very unexpected, and docs have no readon why. So instead at the end, I still have 3 more on the table . I so wish this happens to you too. I know I have this summer, and hopefully more. We take it as it comes, with tears and with joy. Prayers and love and hugs to you. You are a beautiful lady who has touched so many people with your kindness.

Susan3- Thank you so much for your encouragement. I hope Ibrance works. The only concern I have is that you can get low blood counts and I have an indwelling Pleurx catheter to drain ascites. This puts me at risk for peritonitis. But the 2 things left on the table are xeloda and Ibrance. They should each work on 100% ER+ cancer. I hope so. I will pop Ibrance at dinner time. I am grateful that I have an option at all. Not everyone does. Thank you for stories like yours. Ebru shared that her tumor markers were 3000 and went to NED on one of her treatments. This is amazing. Hopefully there will be more life ahead for me. My DD3 is home for 7 weeks July-August and I want to be there for her. Thank you for your prayers and well wishes.

Feelinfeline-what beautiful photos! Did you take those yourself? I know you take lots of pictures of Arthur the cat. He's beautiful.

I thank you all for your support and kindness. It helps me so much. Cancer is lonely.

Rosevalley, wish you continuing going strong! Remember the Hellebore in my garden got snowed in very early April? It is vitalized by the warmth of spring and is still blooming. It's you! It's us! 

  Now.

 4/3/2016

Amen to that Loveroflife.

Rose glad you like the water drops - yes those are mine.

Here is a drop in a tiny feather

and here is a bubble :-)

Dear Rosevalley,

Here's a rose by another name, potentilla. It is for strength (potency) and a different species is used to treat abdominal distress. May you be strengthened and relieved of all distress - abdominal, worry and cat troubles.

Much healing light your way, Stephanie

Rose that reminded me of a this - just perfect for your new career

It's cloudy and cool here too....good napping weather. Cats are not as forgiving as dogs, are they? I love Feline's macro photos also. She inspires me to continue taking pictures. Here is one I took this morning:

Rose, my oncologist took care of my jury summons. They wrote a letter and I was taken off the list to ever be called again. Might want to ask your oncologist about it. Not sure if rules are different depending on what stare you live in either.