Rosevalley - this is for you!

Jazzygirl

Rosevalley- sending you warm thoughts on this sunny Sunday afternoon.

Rosevalley

Jazzy- It might be sunny in New Mexico but we are having biblical down pours here! It was pounding the roof and sky lights and overwhelming the gutters into a roaring waterfall! No need for watering here. Wish it would warm up a little. The bird photo is adorable. Hugs!

Thank you Chevy for your garden photos, rhodies and well wishes. It helps so much. Kandy I will see what the juror coordinator sends back I sent the card in to tell them of the cancer. I asked for a deferment.

Just wish I could go out for a walk but it is too wet! I think of you all with fondness and love. I hope you are all well. love rosevalley

Longtermsurvivor

Warm love this morning, dear Rosevalley.

Please send some rain our way. Our recent "storms" produced only a few drops.

The plants are asking for more. Already the hills are going gold.

Here's a local songwriter on California's golden rolling hills –

We treasure Kate Wolf's music and our memories of her.

May we all continue to touch one another's hearts.

You're in my heart, dear Rosevalley,

warm loving kindness, Stephanie

Here's her most hummable tune –

Anonymous

Thinking of you, Rosevalley.

stagefree

my dearest Rose,

Right now I am resting by the sea, let the cool breeze kiss me, a bit shivery but ok.. Thinking of you.. Your sweet heart .. You've always been my side.. And you know it's the same.. Though I'm on the other side of the world. Hope you are taken good care of.. Hope you rest well without pain.. You do know we are not these bodies.. They are mere cages of our souls.. I strongly feel my soul nowadays.. That it soon will be free.. As a bird.. And weird thought.. Actually looking forward to it. I do cherish each moment here, still. But I am concident what is beyond is definitely more beautiful. And especially for us, the struggling souls .. The cancer can eat the body, oh that's all it can do. The love inside is timeless, the bond of our souls are beyond all words can define. You, I and each and every sister here already felt it.. This is the pic I took for you. Hope you too feel the salty chilly drops of water on your face and closing your eyes, think of the beauty that lies ahead.. Love my dear

Ebru

Jazzygirl

Ebru- that was beautiful.

feelingfeline

Loveroflife

Rosevalley

Ebru- your post made me cry it was so beautiful. To understand the pull of life, the love of our families and the release into the universal unknown.. the great beyond life. I too feel its beauty and promise of release, no fear just love and joining the universe. We will meet you and I - souls bridged together. We will know each other through our common suffering and love. May your holiday by the sea replenish your soul.

I am trying to let go of my need to wrap everything up into nice neat little packages. I want to fix things and leave things resolved and tidy for my kids and husband. Life isn't like that (neat and tidy) and while I know that; it is hard for me not to want to try. Letting go is so hard. Life is sweet and I want to stay. The Ibrance has not been bad; no more diarrhea and no reduction in the fluid I pull out of my belly. It reminds me of the cancer's presence as well as the aching in my bones. Otherwise I feel pretty good and try to carry on best I can. My counselor told me I look good today. I want to believe it and fool cancer. Leave me be to raise my children and live my life...cancer go away. Blessings to you all for your support. No one understands like you all do.

I walk in the light of your caring. Thank you for the fiddle head photos feelin feline. That is one of my very favorite colors that tender green ofthe new furled ferns. I painted the entire inside of our cabin a light green to match the color of fiddle heads in spring. The color made me happy. Reminded me of rebirth and renewal. When I was a kid my favorite bedroom had pale celery green walls and a flower colored comforter in pinks and greens... like crab apples in spring time. Wow. Now that I live in Oregon where the rhodies and azaleas thrive I have even more spring time beauty. Our world is beautiful. Love to all.

feelingfeline

Rose, what a beautiful meditation on green in your life. You will not believe that it is completely new to me that these ferns are called Fiddle Head in the US - here they are known as Shield Ferns, and the curled stage is called the Bishop's Crozier. In biology in school we studied them as Dryopteris Filix-Mas! So many names for such a wonderful plant. I was on an outing with my photography club on Tuesday night and although we were up in the Wicklow hills to photograph the sunset I spent most of the time on my hands and knees among the ferns and dandelions. Now I am so glad I did! Here's another one. So enticing..

susan3

when I first got dx 15 years ago, I got in the tub...that where I pour out my soul, and just balled. Claire was in 5 th grade. And as we all know to well here, the horrible feeling of leaving them.

During my crying bout, I was not really praying to God, wY more like yelling, but a confused yelling. You see Dan and I couldn't conceive, so we went through a doner program. My doner was a doc, first generation spainard. And Claire knows. So when this happened, the cancer, I couldn't wrap my mind around allowing a baby, than taking the mom away.

During my crying I suddenly got very calm, and realized, I have control over my heart and soul....that is really it. No more no less. And my soul and heart belongs to God and Jesus, I know people find peace in different beliefs, all good, but that sense of peace has held me up through all of this.

I hope everyone can find their peace. I know Rosie has, not to say there aren't very difficult days, there will always be those on this side of heaven. But I have found so much beauty in the fire too. Those days I cherish so close to my heart..

Love you my friends

feelingfeline

Susan - that sentence you wrote, it is just beautiful

not to say there aren't very difficult days, there will always be those on this side of heaven....

Jazzygirl

Some beautiful things being shared here.

Sending Rosevalley and her family lots of love and wishing good times for the holiday weekend. Wishing the same to all the other lovely women here.

stagefree

dearest Rose,

Just was driving from my house to mom's and .. ))

Huge hugs & love

Ebru

Kandy

Rose, I hope you are doing well today. Summer is arriving here and I love the heat. All of my roses are in bloom and they make me think of you. Best wishes to you.

Rosevalley

We are expecting (after today...62 degrees and cloudy ) a warming trend! Maybe temps in the 70s and 80s!! Whoo Hoo.. I love it. Sun and warmth. I get cold easily. Kandy I hear you- what is good for flowers and the plants is good for us too!!

Susan I totally get how you feel. I felt the same when I got breast cancer at 48 and my kids were 6, 10 and 12. It just killed me. My Grandmother died of IBC in 3 years and it was traumatic. I was a teenager and remembered everything. The sadness and terror of leaving my kids and dying the painful death she did, just wiped me out. It's been nearly 9 1/2 years though and I have made my peace. I don't feel picked on since my Grandma died of cancer, my Grandfather, Greatgrand father too.. Great Aunt. I know cancer is how some people die. I just wish my last kid was out of high school and more independent. I can't help the way things are but it makes me feel badly. Unfinished business is hard to walk away from. But as a friend put it - "give it up to God and trust it will be taken care of." I feel the inner strength of the kids will see them through. They are stronger then they think and more capable then they imagine. Plus we have sown tremendous amounts of love and those seeds will grow and nourish them in the future. Our legacy will thrive. Our kids know they are loved. Two of mine are adopted and I am a heart Mother. Regardless of how they got born they are loved.

Have a wonderful weekend. Blessings to you all.

Longtermsurvivor

Rosevalley, one of my favorite terms of endearment is sweetpea. Here's one for you this morning:

Here's a poem that just floated into my awareness. May you too smile and feel your Yes Yes Yes!

more loving kindness, Stephanie

God Says Yes To Me

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic

and she said yes

I asked her if it was okay to be short

and she said it sure is

I asked her if I could wear nail polish

or not wear nail polish

and she said honey

she calls me that sometimes

she said you can do just exactly

what you want to

Thanks God I said

And is it even okay if I don't paragraph

my letters

Sweetcakes God said

who knows where she picked that up

what I'm telling you is

Yes Yes Yes

—Kaylin Haught

Jazzygirl

Rosevalley- I am up in northern NM for a few days in a community called Las Vegas. It has all the essence of the wild west of the 1800s.

On the way up yesterday, I stopped at this national park called Pecos National Monument, my first visit since I moved here 20 years ago. It was a perfect day and the clouds were just amazing.

Loveroflife

Thinking of you Rose and praying for comfort for you and family.

feelingfeline

this boat is on a river near my home. Sycamore trees are bursting with leaves overhead.

Rosevalley

Hi Friends! Sisters. That's kind of fun since I only had brothers growing up. No sisters. Brothers are different animals and I would have enjoyed a sister. It was a wonderful holiday weekend. The weather warmed up and the sun came out! Sun is magic to everything warm, light and life giving. All my girls are good. The darkness lifted and my youngest is smiling again. Yay. Now if my DH's tooth would stop hurting and his cap come in, we would be in good shape. We had a BBQ and some nice good walks.

I try to focus on the good and the positive, but the Faslodex is wearing off and the Ibrance has not fully kicked in. I get another faslodex shot on Wednesday and I can't wait. The belly fluid has increased and discomfort, queasy feelings and fullness are back and the beginning of the month the faslodex really works at getting rid of the symptoms. I wish I could get faslodex twice a month.. boy my butt would be sore though.

I love the New Mexico clouds,; your skies are so blue! That boat in the river looks so peaceful. Thank you for your encouragement and support! I am trying to live and be happy. Hugs to all.

feelingfeline

here is the pier near my home, Wicklow is on the coast.

That was at the weekend, but in Feb it looked like this

feelingfeline

here is the pier and harbour near my home, Wicklow is on the coast. Unfortunately no sandy beach, only stones.

That photo above was at the weekend, but in January it looked like this

not really a day for swimming.

feelingfeline

My cat Arthur.

feelingfeline

XXX

Loveroflife

Feline, I love that picture of Arthur. You are a good paparazzi!!! He didn't know, did he?

Rose, way too many things for you to worry. Fighting cancer seems like finding the right chess move to defeat a shrewd and powerful enemy. Was hoping that the Faslodex was a move that would knock down the enemy for awhile. May tomorrow's dose help control your n/v and fluid output.

So glad to hear your weather is pleasant. It is hot here in the valley. High in the 100 today. It will reach 106 both Friday and Saturday. Feel bad for those who have to make a living outdoors in this inferno.

Would love to be at Green Lake (Austria), especially this week with the heat wave we are having here.

Longtermsurvivor

Oh my dear Rosevalley, what a wild roller coaster you are riding now. I'm so sad that Ibrance hasn't kicked in yet and that you're at the point in your Faslodex cycle that you're suffering the ill effects of ascites.

I'm up early with ascites and nausea, but with Zofran and a simple meal climbed on top of it again. The vomiting thing is something I'd be so happy to miss.

And unhappy that you're suffering it.

Yesterday, this beautiful Mariposa lily threw herself at my feet and I wanted to throw myself down in the crisp rattlesnake grass to drink from her yellow cup. Nature offers us such generous gifts to appreciate. Or not. I often think humans are necessary to nature for the joy and enthusiasm we bring. Surely this flower's sunny yellow smile evokes our smiles.

Sending a tender hug and smile your way this morning, dear Rosevalley, Stephanie

Kandy

Rosevalley,

Hope all goes well today. I am sure you would be mighty sore if you doubled up on Faslodex. After my pelvis surgery, they were unable to give my shot on that side. So the oncologist wanted to skip a month. I was like H... No. So then they decided to just give the one dose on opposite side. I was like hmmm, not liking this. So when I got there I ended up talking them into both shots on the same side. I am not very big and they weren't too keen on the idea but I finally won my case, lol. But boy, one side post surgery and the other side with 2 shots, wow. I must have been crazy or high on narcotics, lol. Love and prayers for you.

Rosevalley

Kandy... wow you are brave!!! Two shots on one side. That's an 18 gauge needle and long! Owiee... I can't imagine having a hip replacement on one side and faslodex shots on the opposite side. You are a strong woman. Wow. My nurse today is one of my favorites and she is gentle and so sweet. The shots didn't even hurt. The Xgeva shot stings.. oh well that can't be helped. I just wish the faslodex wouldn't wear off so fast.

The Ibrance doesn't seem to be working. My gut has stopped. Food is backing up again. I was nauseated and puking Saturday, yesterday and this morning. I hate puking. I have taken zofran twice today. I just feel lousy. My poor husband is all sad. I am sad too we need this to work for the summer so I can be here for my daughter age 15. It just seems things are worse. I am pulling a lot more fluid off my belly, peeing less and the N/V. The labs I had drawn were perfect and better then they have been. Tumor markers that were drawn today won't be back until Friday or Monday. Still all indicators are the cancer is more active, N/V more ascites fluid and bloating. The Ibrance appears to effect my neuropathy in my feet and I forgot to tell the Oncologist about that. The puking and nausea scares me and I don't want to get back to the state I was in Dec-Feb. Ugh that would be awful. Now that I got more faslodex may it work fast.

Thank you for your prayers and support it helps me cope and i am so grateful to you all. (((Hugs))) Love to all rosevalley

Kandy

So sad that things aren't improving. I hope the Faslodex shots today at least slows things down for you. I am praying that you will be there for your daughter all summer long and more. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.