STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

I am so, so sorry, Emily4me ! Lymphedema SUCKS. I knew I was going to get it (double mx plus all nodes removed plus mega rads in the armpit) and I just did last week....my fingers doubled in size, which is fascinating and also disgusting. I so hope for you that your case is mild. I can barely turn a doorknob or type. Hugs to you!

Not fun but so doable. Now the girls will match! I ran the sweeper and had a cookout a week after my BMX (shhhhhh) Not sure if you had it on both sides (I did not) then the odds drop to under 1% vs 20% odds of developing on non-cancer side anyhow. I said I'd take that cut in odds and run with it....

I'm in your boat Moreshoes. BMX, no reconstruction anytime soon. have to have my at different times though Too much surgery at once for me if I can work it out. Then rads. Then the wait and see what they didnt get, or if it's somewhere else. Always something to worry about. So I'm choosing not to worry. Planning a hawaii cruise in february.

Just want to complain about my weight. I had a gastric bypass 16 months ago. Lost 120 lbs. Got cancer diagnosis, gained 30. STILL trying to deal w/emotional eating! Geez, I need to get back on track but having a heck of a time doing it! GRRRRR

Thanks for this forum, I feel better now.

Vlastim, a cruise to Hawaii sounds perfect! I plan to go to Rome next week. The operation would be in May and then have to to do rads.

Kathinc, thanks for the tip. I'll check the thread.

Sensitive, in your mind and here, tell her to go to hell. Aloud thank her for saying she'll be here for you.

thanks so much sas-schatzi.

Yes Tosca, Bitch away! We all get it believe me....I too feel pretty abandoned by a LOT of people in my life including two sisters who haven't called me since my Dx. I have a SIL who texted me to say that when SHE had Stage 1 cancer with a lumpectomy, she went through hell and was not out skiing like me! I guess she is angry because I am Stage IV and so far have not had chemo like her, so thinks I am not suffering enough or WHAT?? Although I have never even talked to her about my illness, never complained or brought it up ever. Just an attack out of the blue. Yes, I went skiing with my family for what could have been the last time ever......so sue me. And, I HATE when people try and guess WHY I got cancer.

artistatheart, your sister in law is, plain and simple, just a complete shit bag. Why any woman going through this disease would be spiteful about what pain another person is or is not going through...I have no words.

We got this miserable disease because somewhere we got the short straw, pure and simple. I can't stand the blame game, what value is that? I exercise, eat organic, am slightly overweight, but my mom is 150 pounds overweight, eats complete crap, has never exercised a day in her life, shoots insulin so she can eat candy bars, and yep, you guessed it, no cancer for her! I have no genetic mutations, etc.

I had a woman who was my close friend for eight years disappear through all my surgery and treatment. Now that it is all done, she wants me to put her in front of the people who stood by me in this process. Yeah, that is so not happening

I walked into the ultrasound room before surgery and saw two roundish long wires and thought I pity the poor person that has to deal with those, but of course it was me. They made me lay down on my stomach and put my boob into a hole and I still thought it wasn't for me, still. I asked them what was going on and they said the wires were needed to mark the spot for the surgeon.They stuck the wires in, it hurt. I swear noone ever told me about that. I already had my iv and they could have given me something for the pain, but didn't. I rant because I was treated like a piece of meat.

Ladsgma.. I was treated like hamburger at my biopsy of alternate breast (turned out to be benign) but they drilled at least 3 - 4 inches through the wrong side of the breast to get to the questionable area. I screamed, there was blood everywhere and I let the hospital system have Holy hell for it. It was abominable and I say that having had two other core needle biopsies that went calm, smooth, professional with mild pain. You are right, we or our insurance companies are paying for a service and should demand it be done with dignity, respect, minimal pain and mental fear or anguish.

My neighbor suffered horribly on that table with the hole you describe. They told her they needed to do another biopsy like that and she was crying. Who ever that A-hole is that designed that should put in a stockade and pelleted by rubbish. I have turned into a super bitch. I think I made a big impression at UW hospital in Seattle my PS told me they have changed a few things since I was up there. He called me a strong willed woman. I was kind of shocked that this cancer has turned me into a patient to be heard.

mara, I can't imagine how you feel. Your siblings sound very self centered and uncaring. Try to surround yourself with your friends. Can always let off steam here.

Mara, I feel the same way, that no one has put themselves in my place to try as imagine how I feel. Which is lonely, scared, abandoned by many. Even my DH prefers to keep it upbeat. So on days or moments that I feel teary, upset, scared, worried, whatever I have to hide it and go cry alone. My ( X ) best friend has not called me for months. It's awful how most people do not understand or try to understand. They are just glad it is not them....

Maybe this is what I need....to come in here and just vent!!!!

I'm so tired of feeling upset about something. I realized yesterday that not a week goes by that I don't have at least one day that I'm coming un-done....this isn't normal right???

I think that cancer and the treatments I've received have totally screwed my head up and my emotions. I don't know which end is up sometimes, I'll feel depressed or anxious and I don't know why. I swear I used to have my shit together, but I just cannot seem to get it together and kept together for more than a few days at a time.

I have faith and I pray and talk to Jesus alot, but I wonder if maybe I'm just too messed up now to hear him or to feel him anymore. There are days that are dark....yes still. Shouldn't I be past this emotional turmoil??

There are good days and times, but I just think there should be more of them by now. I know that my family and what few "friends" I actually have don't understand me, hell I don't even really understand myself. I feel alone in my thoughts and feelings about what cancer has done to me. At times I don't even know how to come here and talk about it.

I even feel angry sometimes at the women that post about their worries about having BC. The ones that don't seem to really have anything to worry about. I want to tell them...Don't worry until you HAVE to worry!! Don't you realize what will happen if you do??

I know that sounds awful and likely bitchy, but it is something I have thought.

I'm still angry about losing my breasts too. Yep..I said it. I miss my breasts, I miss normal sex and having them be a part of sex. I loved my breasts and so did my husband. It sucks, more than sucks...it is heartbreaking.

I'm angry at my PCP right now too. He switched me to Effexor and it worked great for the first few weeks. Now I'm having problems and I'm gonna have to go back in AGAIN to have it adjusted I guess. Not until Monday, so I get to deal with these stupid brain zaps, shivers or whatever until then.

thanks for allowing me to post my drivel.

(((((Pam)))) ((((Tang)))) ((((Artist)))) It is all I can offer is hugs to all of you. I know these kind of bad days, months, years really well unfortunately. My BC diagnosis while mild in comparison to all three of you was just one more thing added to the bonfire that is my life since 2009. I get it for the most part. Vent, bitch and moan all you need to. We are here.