STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Shetland, that's it, exactly! My DH has walked a fine line when I get angry if he doesn't help me and angry when he does. Why can't he read my mind?? (Ha) guess it's time for another Cancer Chat to clear this up. Good for you setting your family member straight. Thanks ✌️❤️Linda.

ORKnitter, I know how you feel. I kept all my troubles to myself, worked through everything, exercised, kept grandkids, etc. Now what I hear all the time is how strong I was, and how easy I breezed through everything. It was chemo, folks, there was no EASY! And I have no way of knowing what long term side effects I may experience. Let me give you just one day of how messed up my guts were, the days I was so swollen no shoes would fit on my feet. Or how it felt to lose my hair, washing and combing it and having a chunk come out on top of my head resulting in a huge bald spot in one second, and then spending five months looking like a bald old man. And now the wait for it to grow bCk to a decent length. Or how bad my feet and hands burned. And how I felt when my eyebrows and eyelashes fell out. An almost instant 20 pound weight gain. And how everything tasted like burnt cardboard. And how panicked I felt getting stung by a bee and having to take antibiotics just in case my body couldn't fight it off. Or dealing with sores on my head from hair loss. And panicking every time they did my bloodwork. And the allergic reaction at my first chemo treatment where they had to stop it and give me Benadryl and hope they could continue. Or the day I laid in bed with my guts burning in agony while my family, grandkids, brother, etc. went and had a nice day at the beach. Or the terror of waiting on bone scan and pet scan results, waiting to see if I was really a stage 4. I'd like the people who said chemo was easy to just go through one day of what happens during chemo, then see how easy they say it is.

Yeah, I guess it was easy...not!

Ouch blondedoris, must have been tough not to haul off and punch him in the groin when he did that. There are a lot of ignorant people when it comes to stage IV cancer in any area of the body I suspect. My MIL was Stage IV colon cancer before she passed and some of her friends remarked how good she looked and why was she still having her hair done and a mani/pedi if she was so sick. WTF? I guess they got their answer when the obituary came out for her. I was incensed when she told me but she just laughed it off cause that was her nature. Hugs and glad you could spout off about it in a safe place like BCO and this little rant room!

Dear dumbass;

You say, "I feel like I traded my life to be alive, and I have no one to blame but myself. " nu -uh! You can not blame yourself. You follow the treatment plan and the SEs follow that. We all want to be alive, and hope that things will subside and get better. Some of us do and some don't. Me? Well, onc says I'm depressed so offered me some anti-depressants. Sometimes I take it, but mostly I don't. I prefer Ativan and a nap. Yup, all the pain you are describing, I hear ya. I has double mast with tissue expanders and ended up losing one implant due to an infection. Now I have one implant and a scarred up side. So I use an adhesive prosthesis. I'm used to it now. Sometimes I don't wear it and wear a lovely long scarf or a chunky sweater. Does the trick.

Did you have lymph nodes removed? If so, ask to see a lymphedema specialist. My lymphedema developed after my implant removal.

I hope you continue to share your feelings. We all understand. Sending you love. Letranger

I'm with you Meow

A very good friend of mine was just diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and his prognosis is horrible. I am gutted. He does not deserve this horrific disease that will kill him over the next year or two. No one deserves any of these f-ing diseases. Why is it we can fly to the moon but we still have diseases that are so awful killing our friends and loved ones? Why? Thanks for listening.

Seriously, thank you all. I know you have stood in my shoes. I know I should be so grateful for this especially hearing about April 46 friend. We can do amazing things, man on the moon, our cars almost drive themselves but we can't figure out how to make us better. I am still angry. Pissed.. whatever. Thank you all. I hope you all find peace. Or get a peice.

Sas, Thanks! I haven't heard that for a while.

You've all seen this I hope....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDQ0FjP7J-c

yes, thank you for the link. I shared it with everyone, whether I thought they wanted to see it, or not. I guess that was getting my rant on. Lind

I was pissed off that family members didn't help when asked during treatment but got over it and built my friend network and soldiered on. But just got a video from one of them crying during thanksgiving that she was grateful I made it through the difficult year.

She has no right to feel all sad about my year if she doesn't know anything about it and wasn't there. I feel objectified. If she was truely caring or personally traumatized by my cancer treatment maybe she could have sent a card...or taken care of kids...or cooked a meal... Or hey show up for one %^%# chemo treatment! It was humbling to ask for a chemo helper but then when she ignored me and never came for chem or Herceptin ( come in can't find time for a whole year?) it hurt. But don't go crying about it because you don't know-I want to tell her.

Those tears are mine to cry. Don't use me as your "cancer family member" story. It can't effect you if you aren't involved.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

I'm terrified that I'll leave this planet before my kids are raised. I tried hard to maintain connections with family during my hell year. But no more. I will build relationships with family or family like friends so my kids are left with good people surrounding them and not family members who have no true love in actions for their me.

I have no support system. I think that upsets me more than anything. It makes me wonder why I'm going through chemo. It makes me sad.

My son and his family live with me. They live here for free and yet they are the biggest slobs in the world. After a family dinner, I'm left with the cleaning, like I was after Thanksgiving.

My daughter lives 30 minutes away. I don't see her or my grandson very often. Once in a while , she'll text to ask for a recipe or something.

My husband was abusive, everyone thought he was so sweet. He lied about me and I don't have any friends left. I'm also from another state another reason .

My brother is the only one who calls me almost every other day. He cares, he gets it but he's out of state.

I drive myself to chemo and sit there by myself each time. I have two more treatments for a total of six. I drive myself to all my appointments, do my own grocery shopping, etc. it just would be nice if I got some support from my kids, some understanding. I'm tired and exhausted. I'm weak I feel like crap. They are clueless.

I decided I didn't want a funeral because no one would come.

Thanks for listening