Starting Chemo March 2015

Good luck with counseling, Eileen. Don't be shy about finding the right person.

Good luck, Eileen.

I probably could use some counseling too but I have never found a counselor I felt helped me. The one I am taking my kids to seems really good, though. Too bad I can't see her.

Thanks Katy. And heading out for a bike ride in a minute. Nurse practitioner today asked me if I had a co-pay to see her because she checks me out before any infusion. I asked why and she said well if you do, I really don't need to see you before each visit, you never have any issues. I laughed and said out of pocket for the year has been satisfied, so I will still plan to meet with you before infusions. Guess that's a good thing.

On the counseling, I've been thinking about that and quite honestly, how lame a lot of counsellors are. I have a couple of breast cancer women I text with online, and we go back and forth about our fears, issues, etc. I think they honestly help me more than any counselor ever would. The reason I say that is a woman sitting next to me had all the complaints, nausea, constipation, you name it, and I so wanted to jump in and start helping her with suggestions because I realize the nurse practitioner was quoting the standard of care bs, nothing outside the box. It made me realize that if you haven't been through the process, you may know what to say in theory, but you will never get how it feels. I have one online buddy in particular in New York, and her perspective comes from a similar but different point of view, and I learn stuff from her all the time, not just about physical issues but also mental ones. And she can calm me down way more than any therapist because she gets it. We talk about kids, life experiences, pooping, exercise, coconut oil, supplements, everything. And our fears. It is like having an anonymous person to talk to so I can say whatever I need to with no judgment.

And I recently had a phone call with our wonderful Katy, and I loved it. We talked about a lot of our stuff, and that phone call was so beneficial I can't even explain it.

Love you my sister Katy!

Thanks T! Likewise.

I've got my hands in the metaphysical dishwater today.

Albondigas soup made with leftover bone broth and grass-fed, no hormone beef.

Fresh cilantro and mint from the garden.

Sharon! Freedom! I need to get you a comfy quilt for your bed in there. Have a great time!

Very nice!

Personally, I think the van is a boy, and you should name him Van Gogh (not original, I know)

If you really think it's a girl, then I suggest Vivian, which means "life".

Lynne

Linda, you crack me up! Sounds like something that'd keep me up at night too!

I think counseling is wise. If nothing else, they can give us practical ways to get through some of our worries and feelings.

I have an interview next week for contract work. It's unstable and scary, but my fear of recurrence and the unknown has finally been surpassed by my need for less stress and the hope that I can find meaning in my work again. Fingers crossed and say prayers.

Cancer is so weird. I feel even more driven to live the best life that I can now and to pursue happiness, but I so often feel paralyzed by the fear that it'll come back and that I won't have job security, etc. to fall back on. I'm tired of feeling like a hamster in a wheel - I've exhausted myself by running around, but I then realize I haven't gone anywhere. Again, it's the burden of survivorship.

Eileen, I made an appointment with a marriage counselor and the exact same thing happened. I was bummed because a good mc is hard to find but in retrospect my friend who recommended her is notorious for thinking everyone e is great. It is frustrating when you invest your time in someone to have that happen but I guess it is better it didn't happen 2 or 3 month in. I am sure it wasn't you.😀

Diane, whatever form works for you is a good form

or if you want to femininize van gogh you could do Vanna Go-Go.