Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Here it is 7 hrs. after my last post and all is quiet!  So I guess I'll talk to myself! 

My mother loves the new mini Keurig.  It's a pretty red color.  We made a couple of cups of coffee and I noticed that something was wrong.  When the coffee dripped into the cup, it splashed too much and made a mini mess.  A little piece is missing.  A small funnel that fits onto the bottom of the cup that holds the coffee pod.  I called Keurig and the customer service guy was very nice.  He put in an order for the part to be mailed to my mother.  In the meanwhile, I'll give her the same little funnel off my Keurig.  It's disappointing for something brand new not to work the way it should. 

I'll come back later and see if anyone has checked in. 

Hi Jo....Stop in more often!!!!

Carole, you can be glad that you weren't here golfing with me today. I started out doing so well and when we got to hole # 7 it started to mist. We played though 7 in the drizzle and by the time we got to 8 it was a heavier mist. By now our clubs are wet, as well as our golf gloves and it was getting hard to hold onto the club. Then the heavens opened up on hole 9. The wind whipped the rain around and we were a mess....along with our scores! We went into the locker room and took turns drying our clothes with the hair dryer. There was no help for my naturally curly hair at this point! :-) We waited out the rain and finally finished the back nine but my concentration was gone and what started out as good, ended in frustration!

YEAH Puffin! We LOVE that kind of news.

Well I am off for a Golf 4 the Cure Meeting tonight. Although our event isn't until August 1st, there is so much to do and we need to get started!

Talk to you later!

hi all,

I am not 60 yet, but can I join? Almost 59, and by the way, very much looking like 60!

I want to share feelings and experiences on how you prepare for letting your grown up children behind (mine are 28 & 29 but not yet settled).

Any responses welcome!

Marietje

Marietje, you are welcome here.  You don't have to be a certain age to participate in this forum, just in the "older" category.  I joined in 2009 when I was MUCH younger, in my 60's!  Now I'm 72 and can't believe I'm this old.  But I'm very grateful to be this old and able to enjoy life as lived by older folks.

My mother called a little while ago and couldn't figure out how to make her cup of coffee with new mini Keurig.  I talked her through the process, which is quite simple once you learn it.  My sister is taking her to her hair appointment at 10 am.  Afterwards they will come to my house to pick me up and we'll go out to lunch at Pontchartrain Poboy, which has good food and serves portions that are much too large.  We'll probably get one order and share it.  An order of fried shrimp covers a platter and the side of macaroni and cheese comes in a bowl you would put on the table for a family of 3 or 4. 

Rita, that golf outing sounds like a disaster.  I've had similar experiences.  It's probably better just to call it quits and not finish the round. 

Since my surgery, I've gotten lazy about getting up in the morning.  I sleep until 8 am.  I had just been up a few minutes this morning when dh got back home from exercise. 

Puffin, glad you got good medical news.  You'll be glad to get rid of the port?

Hi to Jackie and everybody else.  Hope your Thurs. goes well.

Good morning all,

Welcome Marietje- we don't have any hard and fast rules on this thread, and enjoy meeting new friends. I am not sure whether you were asking how we let go of our adult children and let them survive on their own in general, or how do we prepare them for when we are no longer here. Either way, I am not sure. I have 5 children, ranging in age from44 to 29, and while they are basically independent, I am very involved with all of them. I am a widow, and split my time between my oldest daughter, who lives in a house I own near Atlanta with her husband and 2 sons, and my long term home (bought in 1978), here in South Florida, where my middle daughter lives with her 12 year old son. When in Atlanta, I always spend a week or so at my oldest son's home in So Carolina, and when in Fl, my 2 youngest and their families are over all the time. So I am very involved with all their lives and issues. I don't know of any other way to be. And I wouldn't have it any other way to be.

When I had my double mastectomy in Atlanta, three of my kids were there with me. They were arguing about who would spend the night with me - not who had to, but who would get to. Finally my youngest son said " I came all the way from Florida to be here for Mom. If anyone else wants to stay, that's fine, but it am not leaving". My middle daughter had already planned to fly up the Sat after the surgery to be with me that next week when my oldest had to return to work.

My husband had passed 13 months before my diagnosis, so everyone was still dealing with that. While he had been sick for a long time, diabetes, heart problems, etc, and we had even been told there was nothing more they could do, so just take him home, none of us expected his death when it happened. He was not a man that was easy to get close to, and 4 of the kids felt they had "unfinished business" with him. So, although I have always been close to all 5 of them, I have learned not to just show my love, but to verbally say it a lot more often. I am in constant contact with the 3 oldest, either by phone or email daily, and when in Fl, I see the youngest girl at least twice a week. My youngest son just moved out in Jan, to live with his fiancée, so I don't see him quite as often.

I also have 6 grandchildren, whom I adore. I cannot even begin to think about not being here for all of them. I can talk about finances after I'm gone with no problem, but actually trying to picture me not being here is just not possible. Each "child" is dealing with their own issues- some have drinking issues, some have relationship issues, some financial, etc. most are dealing ( or not dealing) with more than one issue. They use me as a sounding board where they can safely vent, and get encouragement and, as much as possible, support that doesn't throw their spouses under the bus.

Re independence now, I will tell you that both of my boys were in their late 20's before they got their lives on track. Until then, they were happy living at home, working at jobs with no futures, but that provided them the money they needed. One is now a high school special Ed teacher who graduated college with three majors and a straight A grade point average, and the other is a tech in one of the largest ERs in the area and plans to become an RN. The girls seemed to have an easier time settling down, although they have made several career changes along the way.

Hope that helps some- at least to narrow down your question a little better. What I can tell you for sure, is that whatever is on your mind, someone on this thread can relate. We come from varied backgrounds. Starting with nothing except breast cancer in common, we have become a close knit group of friends who look forward to being part of each other's lives. We support and encourage each other, but we also have lots of fun talking about anything and everything going on in our lives, from traveling to cooking, to old memories, to gardening and golf. We welcome newcomers and look forward to getting to know you better.

Anne

Anne, what a great post!  I thoroughly enjoyed it even though I am already somewhat familiar with your family structure.  I think I have already said that I admire you for being such a strong maternal person. 

I know we're all missing Jackie.  She's normally a daily presence on this forum.

Lunch with my mother, sister, and dh today was a lot of fun and very filling.  We went to a local casual place that cooks fried seafood perfectly.  We three women shared a fried shrimp platter with a huge side of macaroni and cheese made with real cheddar cheese.  DH had an order of onion rings with his poboy and my sister and mother helped him eat them.  I'm a non-onion-eater so I passed. 

hi Chevyboy! Wow, that is a whole new perspective! Your stories really gave me a pinch in the face, I hope underetand me well, as English is not my native language.... What I mean: my kids are living happily on their own since they are 18 years old, working & having fun, they just did not find their true love yet! That is what I mean by not settled... And as they were heartbroken when I told them my cancer came back - or to put it right, had been hiding for 8 years.. I thought: my goodness they cannot miss me, what am I to do?
Now I can understand how it must hurt when you (grand)children are having issues and telling you about it! I just realised you could be my mother )
Thanks very much for your light & ernest reply!
Marie

Carole, Rita, Anne,thnx for the welcome. My greatest pain in the thought I will possibly die before my kids are married with children is that I cannot be there for them to support and care for the rest of their lives and perhaps be a grandma.
And though they are grown ups, they both can still be my cry babies oow maybe this is my big chance to let it go a bit!

Marie

Okay Marie.... where are you from? What is your main language? You seem to be able to communicate very well! Your kids do not have to find their true-love to be happy! Or they might find someone who they think is all that that want, and get married and find out that it was the worst decision of their life! It's okay.... Like my one Grandson.... He and his girl-friend bought a house, moved in together.... then broke up, she went her way, and bought her own place.... He had to buy her out.... What a Pain in the butt!

But you can't ell them anything.... then my other Daughter, WAS married for 4 years, and thankfully they parted ways....! But the best part was we are STILL the best of friends with his MOTHER! She is great.... HE moved back in with his folks, due to a lot of bad choices, and now his FOLKS help take care of this brat! He is 56! So see? Don't be in a hurry to see those kids get married.... It doesn't make them happy.... or happier.

You could write down all of your wishes for after you kick the bucket..... Do it without even thinking about it.... Make sure they know where all of your important stuff is.... If their names aren't on your bank accounts, or your home, you can do that....

We have all of our arrangements made.... Of course we are older than almost all of you gals put together.... they should be made POA or DPOA.... talk to someone who can help you..... but just tell your kids you have plans for when you will not be here.... We ALL won't be here someday.... But we have to think of them, and make arrangements, even if we are in the BEST of health.

My friend, who is my same age, had a stroke! Now her life has completely changed!!! She can't even speak more than 2 words... So see? We just never know.... Life goes on, and thankfully we are blessed with this day, and maybe tomorrow!

Got a Facebook message tonight from a friend. She had her mammogram/ultrasound a couple weeks ago and was diagnosed with breast cancer. Got her PET scan results today: mets to ribs, spine, pelvic bones, proximal femoral bones, sternum and proximal humeral bones. I really don't know much about stage 4 and don't know what to tell her.

Wren, no, she hadn't had BC before, just newly diagnosed. I sent her info on breastcancer.org and suggested she check out the Forums.

Oh Puffin....so sorry to hear about your friend. Wow! That would be a real shock to everyone!

Wren...I, too, liked the green banana reference! You are so right, though. We need to get things in order but live each day to the fullest! I have a hard time to talking about these things with my son because he doesn't want to hear it and changes the topic.

Rain here today but it looks like it will clear. I am going to stay home and work around here. Heavens knows I have enough I can do around this place!

Thinking of you mommarch and hoping it going OK for you! Missing you, cammi!

Welcome Marie. I've spent time in your lovely country and wish I could go back someday. Some people who fear they won't be around to see all the milestones in their children's lives write letters to be opened at future dates. That seems to give them peace of mind that they have figured a way to "be there" in more than spirit. As so many of our group have said, in spite of the best of plans, you never can tell what life will bring. My husband's family all live into their 90's, healthy as horses in spite of plenty of country cooking and bad habits. We always expected that I would be the first one to go since my family tends to die young (my father was only 45) and I had a stroke, then breast cancer diagnosed at 64. Now everything is flipped and he has been diagnosed at only 67 with a rare terminal illness for which there is no treatment or hope of survival unless he has a dangerous bone marrow transplant with only a 50-50 chance of making it through that process. Never in a million years did we expect this. You simply can't count yourself out - or in, for that matter. Each day has to stand on its own. Ha - I'll never buy another green banana again!

Anne, excellent post. Carole, my mother also had valve problems for which surgery was the only option. She was only 75 at diagnosis and very active in spite of the slowly progressing congestive heart failure. She was fearful of surgery and sure she wouldn't survive it. (Her best friend had recently died during a routine surgery.) She felt that somehow a treatment would be found so she chose to say no to surgery. She died at 78. By the time she realized there would be no new treatment, she was too sick to survive surgery. These days surgery is performed on older seniors more and more. What does her doctor say?

Yeah Puffin.... I just did that with my friends fiance'.... Carol is going home today.... I just can't imagine her being "home".... I never would have imagined her in the shape she is in now...... If only I could just TALK to her... like someway she would "wake-up" from this awful stroke~! If her Son would just TALK to me, but we don't know each other that well.....

I don't think she will ever "walk" again, much less drive her car, or even play on her computer, or be able to take those trips with her friend.... Not to mention all the volunteer work she did.... or work in her gardens.... or go to lunch together..... just ..... "If"

Sandra, same with my Mom! She had CHF.....Like for over a year....... but drove to the Doc's herself for an appointment.... HE sent her to Emvergency.... THEY drove her to San Francisco! And they decided this women at 80 needed a quadruple by-pass and a valve job.... She had a stroke right after the surgery.... She could "talk" to me right after, but then the stroke..... and pacemaker..... Didn't come out of it.....

If I would have BEEN there, to talk this over with Dad and her and her Doctor's, things might have been different.... but I didn't even KNOW until after the surgery.... I was in Denver, and they were in Richmond, and they didn't "want to worry me."

Thinking of you Sandra..... xoxoxo

Puffin, what awful news for your friend.  It's bad enough to be dx'ed with BC and worry about mets in the future.  But many times worse to be dx'ed stage 4 from the outset. 

Mariejke, I had a Dutch friend with your same name but it was her first name, maybe spelled a little differently, Marejke.  She was lovely and a very good tennis player until she developed scleroderma, a terrible immune disease similar to lupis.  Life can seem so unfair to nice people.  I know Jackie thinks everything in the universe works out for the best, but I don't exactly see it that way.

I went grocery shopping today and rode one of those motorized scooters around the grocery store.  It worked out well.  We were out of some basics.  This was my first supermarket outing since the foot surgery on May 13th.

Hope everyone is doing well on this Friday.