Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

carolehalston

I haven't mentioned my niece and her three children lately.  During the past year, her problems with alcohol and drugs and the accompanying mental issues got so bad that the two older children went to MS to live with their dad.  My sister took in the youngest child (different father who is presently in jail) for several months.  I won't go into the whole story, but about two months ago, Rebecca and her male friend moved four hours away to a town in TX where the guy's father lives.  She took the youngest child with her. 

This weekend she was back here for a couple of days.  The older children's father brought them from MS so that they can go back to TX with their mother and spend some summer vacation time with her and their half sister.  I went to my mother's house today to see my niece and the children.  Everyone looked great.  My niece has been off the alcohol and her male friend has a job in TX.  I don't think he has ever been employed before.  She seems happy with her life there.  I gave her $300 to buy the children some summer clothes.  I know that isn't a lot of money but she was very grateful to get it and she will enjoy shopping for them. 

The three children together are a handful.  I hope Rebecca can cope.  She wants so much for them to enjoy their  time with her that it's difficult for her to discipline them.  For all her flaws, she's a good person.  I know she wishes she were capable of rearing the children but it's more than she can handle.  The father is no prize but he does love his kids. 

AussieSheila

Chevyboy, I would like to tell you about our day yesterday when we visited our daughter. One of the other residents there is a young woman who, during the birth of her second child, suffered some kind of massive stroke which left her totally incapacitated - unable to even speak. The baby boy she had then is now 7 but my memory fails me about whether she was 35 at the time or she is 35 now. We have met her loving children, husband and mother who came home from the US to take care of her grands. She spends her days in her bed in front of the T.V. almost curled into a fetal position with her hands stuck in a claw-like way and making sounds at full voice which scared the hell out of me the first time I heard her. She seems to change the tone depending on whether she is pleased or not. I have never been sure if she can understand what is being said to her but I try to talk to her about whatever is going on at the moment, the TV show she is watching, and always with a 'hello' and 'goodbye' at the end of each visit.

Anyway, when we got there yesterday the power was out, so the staff couldn't do their usual chores like washing and cooking etc., so they were playing 'I spy' with Holly and our Kellie. We took lunch to Kellie there because it was too cold and windy to go to the beach which we usually do. Afterwards, I intended to try to teach Kellie about her iPad but, with out power, we couldn't connect to the 'net. We sat there talking while I fiddled with the ipad and my new Android tablet, when some photo's of our Manx cat came up on the iPad. So the conversation turned to our (staff and the two residents) fur babies past and present. Most of the tales were funny, sad or curious as is the way with animals. I was amazed when, after a particularly funny story, I heard Holly laughing along with us with utter glee even though she was in her bed and had her back to us on the other side of the room. The senior staff member on duty, Vicky, realised that Holly was enjoying our favourite pet stories so she went over and wheeled her into our circle so that she could feel included even though she couldn't tell any tales of her own . To hear her chortle at our stories brought joy to my heart because, while she was laughing with us, she wasn't making the terrible noise which makes me think that she is in awful pain and also made me certain that she understood all that went on around her. A couple of the staff can manage her into stopping the sounds for a while but others don't seem to be able to 'jolly' her out of them and sometimes put her in her room when it goes on for too long.

I have been wondering since if anyone has ever tried the one blink for 'yes,' or two for 'no' method of communicating with her. Not being any sort of expert in these matters myself, I think there must be some sort of system whereby she could make her self understood to enable the staff to fix whatever it is that sets off the screeching sessions.

The power hadn't come on by the time we left but we all agreed that it was the best day we had had when we all talked to each other without the TV distracting every ones attention from chatting to each other....and Holly got to enjoy a laugh fest. I think it might happen a little more often from now on....at least I hope so. I am going there armed with some good belly laughing jokes just for Holly every week from now on and also want to show Kellie how to access some funny 'youtube' animal videos so that she can show them to Holly and maybe develop a friendship of sorts with Holly as she will be a member of her new 'family' when Ron and I have passed our 'use by' dates. When your friend Carol has had time to accept her new 'normal' she will find ways to get more enjoyment out of her life with all of its limitations with the support of her son and fiancee...we can only hope at this stage can't we?

I hope this gives you some comfort in some small way Chevy until they find some way to restore our loved ones to their original lives.

Sheila.

Chevyboy

Thank you sweet Aussie.... I got tears in my eyes, reading your story.... Your Daughter Kellie is there with Holly.... ? I'm so sorry for the tragic things that happened with Holly.... But it sounds like she has something going on in her mind, and you guys, by talking just normally have enabled her to "see" by hearing things that make her happy... That little bit of realization by her, could open up new windows... for her to connect to!

I'm kind of accepting the idea that Carol might not get much better than she is right now.... BUT she doesn't seem to have ANY problem understanding what we are talking about to her... She gets happy, and smiles and laughs when we tell her something funny.... She can say Yes, and No, and maybe a couple other words... in sequence... She tries SO hard to finish a sentence.... but can't yet... In other words, she understands, and can respond, with a few words.

Mike has seen her looking at a newspaper, but she won't read books.... She watches TV... I'm just happy to make her laugh... I take her some of my "trail-mix" and she munches on that... Her Son says they are working on getting her to use a walker... and not just the wheel chair.

Last time we were there, she was just in the chair... scooting around with her left foot...

They are keeping her there, until this Friday... at least that's the latest.... We'll go see her again today or tomorrow... GOD I hope she is a little better! You know, her Son and her fiance' always say she is improving...... with their un-dying love for her... maybe that will help more than anything... maybe just TIME will help....

I remember visiting my Mom, after she had a stroke, after her quad-ruple by-pass... She was making those sounds... I thought it was pain also...! I ran down the hall in the hospital, and begged those nurses to HELP her, to give her more Morphine! They finally increased her drip, and she settled down... but she didn't know anything....

Except when we all started singing to her, and talking about her in our memories, she kind of laughed, like she KNEW we were there, and we sang "You are my Sunshine".... and it was just a hard night.... She passed away right after we left.... but it was okay.... It was the easiest way for her to find peace.....

Thank you Aussie..... your post touched my heart.... xoxo

carolehalston

Thanks for sharing the heart-warming story, AussieSheila.  That sounds like a good nursing home with caring staff. 

Chevy, I have hopes that Carol will regain more of her lost abilities.  The brain can gradually heal.  I wonder if there has been talk of therapy for her.

Ok.  Time for weather talk!  LOL.  We had some thunder and rain last night.  This morning it's not full sunshine.  As long as the weather isn't violent and destructive, it doesn't affect my day, which will be indoors.  I plan to test out my foot with a little more use of it today.  I'll do some laundry.  Get out the wash tub, etc!  What would REALLY affect me would be the a/c not working. 

Hope everyone has a good Memorial Day holiday.

Chevyboy

Yes Carole, she has been in a rehab center for about a month now.... Mike just emailed that she is trying to use the walker, but tires easily, and can't turn around yet... but THAT is an improvement...

He found her laying in the bushes in her front yard, and when he found her, there was "no recognition" on her face.... but compared to THAT, she is really doing well now! It's been almost 2 months that this happened... so a little improvement is great! I think her brain IS healing.... I mean compared to when he found her!

IllinoisLady

IllinoisLady

Each day is a lifetime in miniature.  To awaken each morning is to be born again,
 to fall asleep at night is to die to the day.  In between waking and sleeping are
 the golden hours of the day.  What we cannot do for a lifetime
 we can do for a daytime.
 "Anyone," wrote Robert Louis Stevenson, "can live sweetly, patiently,
 lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down."  Anyone can hold their temper
 for a day and guard the words they speak.  Anyone can carry
 their burden heroically for one day.  Anyone can strive
 to be happy for a day and to spread happiness around.
 Anyone can radiate love for a day.  Anyone can rise
 above fear for a day and meet each new situation with courage.
 Anyone can be kind and thoughtful and considerate for a day.
 Anyone can endeavor to learn something new each day
 and mark some growth. . . .
 The supreme art of living is to strive to live each day well. . . .
 Live a day at a time and remember that tomorrow is another today.

 Wilferd A. Peterson

termite

Carole, glad to hear your foot is healing and you are getting around a little more

Mommarch, hope you are doing better and your drs. find away to make this less painful for you. Thoughts and prayers are with you Enjoy the time with your grandchildren.

Sandra, glad to hear Mike is more agreeable. Please take care of yourself also.Thoughts and prayers for you and Mike,

Welcome to the newcomers, This is a great group of ladies.

Ritajean, How are you? My first project was to crochet a skinny scarf.. Not really wide and very long. Now I am woriking on a beanie cap. I use to crochet a long time ago but taught myself the stitches I needed. Now I want to learn some of the more difficult stitches especially the round ring. Never could figure that one by myself.

Puffin, Hope your son is doing okay and you get to go to lunch with him

Hi to all the ladies and hope everyone had a great 3 day weekend.

Weather here.....it will be sunny for a while then pouring down rain, then sunshine and then rain again. What a crazy day.

Emmy

Chevyboy

BAD COMBINATIONS

Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 60, WAY over 60, or hovering near 60)

are quite confused about how we should present ourselves.

We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting

and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions.

Despite what you may have seen on the streets,

the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker

And last, but not least . . my personal favorite:

13. Thongs and Depends.

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.

MinusTwo

Chevy - good laugh for the holiday. Thanks for posting.

Puffin2014

Lew and I just got back from a week's cruise to the inside passage of Alaska, our first cruise. Who'd have thought we'd be going to Alaska for the warm weather. While it rained and snowed in Fargo the whole time we were gone, we had sunny skies and temps that reached 68 on the trip. Mornings would start out cooler, but dressed in layers and by 10 am the layers were coming off. We took Princess and were totally pleased with the cabin, the friendly crew, the FOOD, scenery was breathtaking. Even added 2 new birds to my list.

I had my baseline 3D mammogram last week after we got back, waiting for the results. Will see oncologist next month.

bonnets

Love it Chevy!

ritajean

Love the bad combinations, Chevy...still chuckling!

Puffin....hope the baseline mammo comes back O.K.

Hi termite...so glad to see your post! We will need to see pictures of your crochet projects when they are finished!

Hope everyone had a good Memorial Day. Ours was very quiet.

Teka

Puffin, waiting for excellent mammo results!

Wren44

Puffin, hope mammo results are excellent. We took an Alaska cruise and the scenery really is beautiful. Our first day out from port, a bunch of dolphins were playing in the ship's wake.

mostlymom

Sheila - I had a friend years ago who had a stroke. She could understand what we were saying and she could laugh but all she could say was "no" and "damn". She looked at magazines but we couldn't tell if she could read. She lived many years and we visited her often and, unfortunately, she didn't seem to progress.

I had my 4-yr 3-d mammo and it came up clear. Cheered up my day plus the family's day.

Chevyboy

MostlyMom.... That's like with my friend Carol... She CAN understand, and reacts when we talk about fun stuff, but all she can say is NO, and yes, and then she TRIES to form words, but just can't get them out... Her Son doesn't think she can "read" but will look at pictures... We are going today to visit her again... they say maybe this Friday she will go home... but man, I don't know how that will work.

She will have nursing care, and rehab at home, but was your friend able to care for herself at all? He said she will take a few steps with her walker, but can't turn around yet, and gets tired fast....

AussieSheila

I thank the powers-that-be that my daughters brain was not affected by the stroke, at least not in diminished mental faculties Puffin, she just lost out physically.

Chevy, Kellie is in a 'group home' that cares for only four people at a time. It is a Catholic run house with 24 hr staff on duty who do everything for or with the residents. There is an older woman of about 55 yrs, who has Motor Neurone Disease and is still capable of doing most things for herself in her wheelchair and is even doing a law degree as a correspondence type of course. She only has one daughter who has to work to raise her own son so Kathy stays in this house for the time being. She says once she gets her degree she will get out into her own home although by that time (jmo) she may well be beyond doing the simplest things.

Until a couple of weeks ago, there was a young man in a coma (tried to commit suicide years ago) who died one night and we are waiting to see who is the next guest in the house. I hope it is a youngish female whom Kellie can make friends with.

Kellie gets a bit cranky at times when Holly's noise goes on too long so we arranged to have a tv installed in her room to enable her to retreat from it all and she watches her old DVD's, Michael Jackson, Dirty dancing etc,. I think she has landed on her feet so to speak and I remind her of her long 8 months in the hospital which seems to bring her back to her normal mood.

The staff love her like their own family and always volunteer to be the one to take her out to her regular activities, the movies or shopping. We have to attend a wedding in July, too far away to do in one day so we are arranging for one of the staff to come with her, probably drive her in the 'house' car, share a room and attend the wedding with her as I will be three weeks post hip replacement and banned from any sort of heavy lifting. This event will have its problems but at least we will know what to watch out for in case of future overnighters.

Sheila.

Teacher64

Getting through BC surgeries made me think the hernia repair would be easy. NOT. I think I need to buy stock in a company that makes anti-nausea medication. Even with a binder, coughing and sneezing from allergies is awful. Thankfully, it is in the past and its recovery time so I can go to my grandgirls'kindergarten graduation Thursday.

duckyb1

Teacher......I had 6 children......all 6 had hernia's.............some had 3, and they were all repaired.....now of course they were young..........but I remember a couple of them I thought would never walk upright again..............they walked bent over from the waist, cause it hurt....these were the boys.................now my girls were out riding bikes the next day.

Maybe it was a guy thing.......if I can find the picture from the newspaper that it was in because it was so rare in a family I will post it...........

Teka

Mostlymom, no better feeling than a clear mammo!

ritajean

YEA Mostlymom....That's what we like to hear!

carolehalston

Good news, MostlyMom!

IllinoisLady

Whatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, it's important
to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level.
We need to literally "count our blessings," give thanks for them, allow
ourselves to enjoy them, and relish the experience of prosperity we already have.
 
Shakti Gawain

IllinoisLady

mostly mom -- yay for you and Puffin -- hoping the very same for you.  We are waiting for rain.  Last storm we had a huge dead limb down.  Caved in a spot on the garage roof.  Dh said he could punch it back out, he thought.  We had some serious winds obviously for a bit.  I was in the shower at the time and knew nothing.  Probably a good thing.....I do tend to get very jittery when we have very much for wind with our storms -- 70 or 80 trees around us or directly on our property ---- so, I am always glad when the wind subsides. 

Big reminder here --- I will be gone starting tomorrow --- so won't be checking in ( I don't think ) until my four days work are done.  Lots to do today to get ready and some cooking ahead for a few things for Dh.  He will come over to the house where I am and get most of his meals, but needs a bit here too as well.  It is all good for the most part.  Dh will have to do double duty here caring for our animals --- but hey -- I did it while he was gone to S. Dakota so it can work out all right.  I may go out and do the feral cats myself as my lady takes a lot of time in the bath and I could get out and get the feedings over and done and back before she was even aware.  We shall see.

Teacher -- glad you are on the mend from the hernia.  I'd be like you and see it as a piece of cake after some of the things I've gone through, but I think we never really know and doing this during allergy season --- I'd not even think of that part of the issue --- unfortunately until it came up after the fact. 

Aussie Sheila -- I'm also glad that your daughter did not have to suffer the loss of mentality though I'm sure it is frustrating for what she can no longer physically do.  We ( most of the time ) don't know ( even with fairly vivid imaginations ) what it is like to lose large parts of ourselves that were always available before.  So many challenges and it takes a lot of strength to keep pushing through.  So many new advances in things -- you never know that there may not be a break-through almost right around the corner if we can just hold out in patience.

Blessings

Jackie

carolehalston

Jackie, we will miss you during those days you can't check in!  Hope everything goes very pleasantly for you.

Chevyboy

Yes Jackie..... I'll really miss reading you also! But staying in that huge house, has to feel like staying in a nice hotel.... Ha!

Thanks Aussie.... I've visited someone in a group home like that.... And it was really nice.... the gal really DID treat them like part of her family.... I think she had the day shift, and someone else took nights.... Can't remember....

Carol will be in her own home.... with 24 hour care.... She CAN move her right arm more.... but honestly I can't see any difference in her speech or thinking.... Still just one or two words.... and then tossing her head around when she can't say what she WANTS to say.... I can't see them sending her home Friday, until she can use her walker more... She was sitting in her wheel-chair, watching TV.... and she turns the channels, but doesn't inter-act, while we were watching Price Is Right with her.....

Then her fiance" came, and that was nice.... more people to talk to..... That man is a SAINT! So caring, and protective of her! He could tell me everything I was wondering, but we included her in our conversations..... She just can't respond....

So glad your Daughter is doing alright! I know those group homes DO bring their folks to the shopping centers, to just walk around, and eat lunch there.! It is important that they show them more than just the 4 walls.... Glad you have someone to help you with Kellie! I can see how much understanding and love you have for her.... AND others.... Thanks!

Puffin2014

My mammogram results were waiting for me on the internet this morning, first one since treatment - all clean, YEAH!

Teka

carolehalston

Yay, Puffin!  Great news.  DH and I will have to come to Fargo this summer and have lunch with you and your dh.  We drove there (about an hour and 20 min.) two summers ago  and had lunch at a restaurant in Moorehead.  It was located in a nice old brick building on the Red River, just across the bridge, and was quite good. 

I had trouble going to sleep last night.  Medical news about my mother was weighing on my mind.  She had an appointment with a cardiologist yesterday to discuss a recent Echo test.  The valve of the main artery in her heart is not working well and the only remedy is surgery.  At age 92 she rules out surgery which could destroy her current quality of life and even bring death instead of improvement.  Our nurse in the family, a sister-in-law who has a lot of experience with post-surgery cardiac patients, completely agrees. 

I just ordered my mother a mini Keurig and it is ready to be picked up.  It's a bright red and she will be pleased to have a new gadget.  It will be perfect for her since she drinks one cup of coffee in the morning.  Sam's Club has the big boxes of coffee pods in her brand, Community dark roast, so I'll bring her a big supply of coffee, too. 

I have a hair appointment this afternoon.

Hope Jackie is comfortable and happy.  And everyone else, too.