INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

TMI on what I wrote before. Mags I understand completely about the relief of leaving toxic people behind. I love solitude too. We can have a bonfire burn the old memories.

Interesting  read

Hugs all around

My family is not especially close, excepty I am with my younger sister's family. We don't live near. However, a great disappointment to me is the behavior of my exDIL. She left my son for someone else, which in itself was sad but that's life. She tried to take kids away from him in a state that has 50-50 custody. It was such a surprise to me that she could be somean and petty. Not the girl I was so close to. I don't need to go into details. I know you get it.

I agree with toxic family, I have 2 brother here in Washington

that I never see unless they need money or steal from my shed.

don't know how I missed this thread for so long! I've gotten off schedule since the dh and kids are on winter break. Awake all night, sleep all day. Bad, I know.

I have been so fortunate in my life. Really a perfect childhood for which I am forever indebted to my mother. Growing up, I could feel the tension between my parents, but thought that was normal fighting. They were both extremely loving and kind and supportive of both my brother and myself. It wasn't until I was 21 that my mother pulled the car over to tell me about what my father had done to her. He had several affairs early in their marriage. I was angry with him for a while and then I decided that he has been the beat father to me and that was an issue for the two of them to figure out. Dad still doesn't know that I know. It would break his heart. Mom has opened up to me and told me lots of things about dad, but I finally had to tell her to stop because he is my dad. I am not her therapist. Of course she would never go and let someone else know "the secret." They are still married. 46 years I think. They are best friends. Even if mom can never forgive him, she would be lost without him. We live in such a different time. My grandmother was miserable in her marriage, but would never have divorced him. Mom didn't divorce dad. I divorced my first husband not soon enough. I just thank God for my son from him. I am forever grateful for my mom's sacrifice because my life now would be so different. She suffered through it to give us the best possible life. Mom didn't have a college education. She's not dumb by any means, just lacks self-confidence. Dad got his phd and had a really good job. My ex has a high iq and a college degree, but chooses to clean grocery shelves for a living. I love my ex in-laws! That's one of the things that made me realize that marriage was not going to work...I loved them more than him! Why is divorce more acceptable now? I was so immature and had no business getting married. I am the only one out of our entire extend family that has gotten divorced...that used to upset me, but God taught me a lot during those years. I would never take my son away from any of his family, unless they were bad people. When I die, I really want my ex mil to have joint custody. Sounds weird, huh? He works out of town 4 days a week. His wife (stepmom whom I like) works 10 hour days. Ex mil lives across the street from her son. I feel like she is going to be the only around for my son. My parents are around too to help...I'm just unsure of how that is going to work. And then my husband now, we have a 3 yr old daughter...what happens with him? I know he will re-marry. What if she has kids or they have kids together? Will he still see my son? Will my daughter get to see her brother? It all just makes me sick. And no one will talk to me about it! Leaving my kids and not providing them with the perfect childhood like I had, breaks my heart. I'm taking their innocence away, well, I already did that to my son. My eyes are blurry now...but those are the thoughts that keep me up at night--and how will anyone love my children more than me?

Morning Kjones! Okay, so what else can we call you? If that's your name, well then okay.... Ha!

I think we were raised in the same house! I mean our Dad's girlfriends... but with mine, those kept on even after they filed for divorce, called it off, Dad moved back to California, only Mom found out SHE moved back with him. So "she" came back, then Mom picked up and moved back there WITH him.... "to start a new life." So they said.

Dad's roaming eye never slowed down.... But they stayed together all those 62 years... She said she would rather have him part of the time than none at all.

And yes, they would have been LOST without each other.... well Mom would have anyway. But after she died, Dad WAS lost... And that is when I really got to know my Dad.... His heart broke after Mom passed away... He just always had her, and he knew she would be with him forever... So Dad didn't last very long after losing Mom.

I just hope you outlive them all, kiddo! You have made a beautiful life for you and your kids... I think they are too afraid to talk about what would happen if they DID lose you... Maybe just write it all down... what you would like... Because if they won't listen, then they would maybe READ what your wishes are.

Did you talk to your X-MIL? Does she know how you feel? I'm SURE she would want your Son with her too! So your X can help that along!

I would just put it all down what your wishes are.... then after all those people are gone, you can tear the letter up. I know you are worried about what could happen, but maybe talk to someone that knows more than I do.... which is almost ANYbody, and see if they have any other suggestions, to help you not worry about this stuff. Honestly, I would be worried too, but you have a LOT of time to try and get these ducks all in a row......

Does your Husband listen to you when you talk quietly about these things? Tell him what your biggest worries are... About him and your Son, not only your Daughter. And no-one WILL love your children more than you.... but sometimes it is "enough!"

Some of us never "felt" loved... we didn't know what it was, until we grew up, and then found it on our own... and then we could GIVE love...

But I would talk to my X-MIL.... tell HER how you feel... and try and find a way to get your Husband to understand, that these are your biggest worries.... None of us know when our time is up.... and you might out-live ALL of them, and your kids will wind-up taking care of YOU! So just figure out, this New Year, and see if you can take some of these worries off of your heart.... Take care of yourself.... okay?

Oh GOOD MORNING little Princess! So where have YOU been? Yes! There ARE a few newer ones, and it is proper to welcome them, and maybe even TALK to them... so where WERE you?

Yes, I sleep all night, like normal people, but I'm up raising havoc all day long...Ha! It is very cold here... like 4 degrees! It is all WHITE out! So much snow, and cold, and it will NEVER leave until maybe June.

Okay, I forget who our new one is... Kjones? See, don't pay any attention to Cammi and me.... We just go off on our own thing, not paying any attention to the normal gals on this thread.... but we have fun....that is when we can FIND her....

Feeling decent? Since when is that in our vocabulary? That's from when we were in High School..... right?

ILY guys more than some of the people I know IRL. ♥

WOW, those bikes are really something. I like the first one! Are they for sale?

Enerva, how are the new girls doing? Mine are a month old now and seem to be settlelying in ok. Still a little achy sometimes. Do they ever feel like part of you?

Hope everyone has a nice Sunday. Sewing with the grandkid today. Need to get his done soon

Spookie, when I saw that mug on W&F, I thought about sharing it here but you beat me to it. It really does say it all, doesn't it?

Thing is, not only are we better off without them, they are also better off without us. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Welcome, K!

I will take that fourth one Enerva! I used to love the motorcycle shows. It comes around to the convention center in Baltimore, always in the winter. So I rarely rode there. Now I'm afraid to go into the city. I might just have to buck up and go. I think it comes in February.

I'm being lazy, just laying here listening to my birds. My cocktail usually talks human talk or squeaks. Today he is mimicking my parakeet. He is amazing.

Just finished watching 60 minutes about the musical Alive and Kickin! They auditioned untrained over 55 folks from all walks of life and told their stories complete with such sorrow, joy and redemption and amazing voices. Wow! You folks in and around NY city need to get to Harlem to hear it. I was wiping away tears through most of the show. Here they are just shower singers or car singers. You know the ones belting it out rolling down the highway, and to hear them sing. I loved it. Let life roll right out in song! You just don't hear voices like that anymore.

It saddens me to read of others herstories (histories). I know how hard it is to write some things. I remember my friends telling me unspeakable things that left me speechless. A friend who admitted taking the stand at age 14 to put her step father away for molesting her and her sisters. Another childhood friend admitting her brothers best friend had bedded both she and her sister and molestations started during piano lessons at the age of 13! He always gave me the creeps. Then another friend who knew all about her fathers other lovers visited on business trips; she got into her Dad's letters. We had long discussions over that in highschool. These were all NICE families, educated and lovely homes; looks are deceiving! Many times things are not as they seem.

Welcome Kjones. Night time brings out dark memories and fears. When you have kids at home it's so hard not to worry about them. If you love them it's just unthinkable to imagine not being able to protect them. We love them and hope that others will love them too.

Kjones, I need structure too. I keep wasting time instead of creating that structure. I'm going on a trip for 3 days. Leaving tomorrow. I'm going to a spa in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia to be pampered. The trip is really for my mother. She turns 80 on the 6th. Neither of us have ever done anything like this before. I have had some massages though. Certainly no facials, manicures, pedicures, or eucalyptus steam room. I suspect she wants me to experience this, but I want to make sure I keep the focus on her and her birthday celebration. Tomorrow night I will be sleeping in a B&B. I never did that either. I hope they have wifi so I can check in here at bedtime. It is my ritual, and it does work.