Starting chemo September 2014
Comments
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Badhairday, I'm glad things went well for you. Yep, that Decadron makes us busy. I think it's like the nesting right before giving birth. On chemo, all I can taste is sweet (as is cookies) and salty (as is chips).
Nomatterwhat, Congratulations! You look beautiful and so happy! Rads should be easy after chemo. I understand the fatigue can be more of an issue though.
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Poppy, all I can taste is sweet or spicy. Then 10 minutes later, I am back to tasting metal again. I am living on chocolate and Mexican food and cookies. Somehow, despite eating all this crap, I keep losing weight. I am down to 102 now, which I think might have been my weight in about 6th grade! My MO told me to eat everything I want just to gain back some weight. I usually eat very healthy, you would think all the junk I am scarfing down would have me gaining weight likr crazy!
Nomatter, you will do great with the rads- you are what my grandma would call sassy! LOL! You are tough! I know what you mean though, rads has me more freaked than chemo did. Fear of the unknown I guess.
Toby, one of the nurses recommended Gold Bond Ultimate foot cream for diabetics. I picked some up today, and am using it on feet and hands. It is very rich, and I can feel a big difference already after just 2 applications. My hands were cracking badly around my nsils, especially.
Anybody heatd from LARock? I am a bit worried about her. Hope she is just resting.
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Badhairday, You are so right!!! I am fat, sassy and some people would say mouthy!!!!! But I grew up in the 60's and 70's with three older brothers, so I had to learn to handle myself and them (and I still do). LOL!!!!
Radiation -- somebody is going to have to convince me that radiation is necessary. Since there is nothing left, what are they going to radiate? I guess I should go over to the rads board and read experiences from others. Maybe tomorrow night.
Reconstruction, Hell NO!!!!! They tried to kill me once, they aren't getting a second chance. LOL!!!!
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Nomatter, I think we may be related! My nickname as a kid was "Mouth", although I prefer the term outspoken.
I am confused about rads too. Both breasts are gone. The 3 lymph nodes, plus 3 more are gone. What is left for them to radiate? I'm also concerned with how it will affect my reconstruction. I haven't put up with these TEs for nothing.
Two days post AC and doing much better this time around. Saving all my energy for trick or tteating tonight. 49 degrees and rain. Ugh! The things we do for our kids!
Pretty quiet around here. Hope everyone is feeling well.
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I had a lumpectomy and will have radiation following chemo. However, I have a friend that had bc 2 years ago and had a BMX without radiation. She just found a lump on her chest wall, kind of where your underwire would lay. You have radiation even with BMX because as my surgeon pointed out, they cannot take every bit of breast tissue. Thus you still run a risk of reoccurrence. I'm not a doctor nor am I in your position, but take it for what's it's worth.
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You are correct, Daniella, thank you. My radiation doctor, not his nurse, called me at work this morning to explain why the radiation is necessary and he doesn't want to wait very long to start. They cannot take every piece of breast tissue and to lower the chances of a reoccurrence in us high-risk women, they use radiation. So.....radiation it is. He told me that they would only do the right breast since it had the big tumor in it and the left breast only had the DCIS. Now I get to spend my lunch hour at the doctor's office, instead of here with you ladies. LOL!!!!! Have a happy and safe Halloween. My grandpuppy is coming over for the weekend, I can hardly wait!!!!
Ladies, you are tremendous!!!! I don't know what I would have done without you!!!!!
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Daniella, that makes sense, especially since one of my tumors was right against the chest wall. I haven't met with the RO yet, just trying to get through chemo firsr!
Had to wave the white flag over trick or treating. It is cold and windy and raining. I just can't do it. My father in law took me to the parade at school and party, then said he would take him out with his cousins, and drop him off afterwards. I really hate this, but I can't imagine how I will handle it if I get sick. My father in law is the best guy I have ever met, but I am so sad to miss out.
Stupid cancer sucks!
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Yes, cancer stinks! It's my youngest son's last Halloween party at school (since he's in 6th grade), and for the first time, I can't be there. I don't want to get sick and am exhausted (saving my energy for tonight's activities)! I really hate what cancer has prevented me from doing. I know I'll come out the other side, but it's a year where I'm limited on what I can do with my kids...
Enough grouching.... on with Halloween.... which my kids love!
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I missed my baby's first trick or treat, too. I'm happy that she got to go with her cousins - they only went to other family members homes anyway. Still it stinks that I am too tired and achy to take her myself. They sent me pictures which made me feel sort of worse - like the worst mom ever. She's only 17 months so I guess next year will be more memorable for her anyway. She's my heart.
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Daniella, Sorry you have to miss out on anything! Next year she will remember much more than she will this year. Please don't feel like the worst Mom ever... you are doing everything you can! I'm right there with you!
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Poppy and Daniella, I feel your pain. As my FIL pointed out to me, it's just one night, and it's not worth a week in the hospital. I hate every moment that this disease takes away from me, but I am fighting to be mom for the long haul. Just hard to remember that when you feel like you are missing out on something special today! Hugs to both of you!
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PoppyK,
It is hard to miss things that you want to be at with your kids. Last Thanksgiving/Christmas season was very hard on me with that. However, I told the kids (they are a little older than yours), that I was sacrificing one Thanksgiving and Christmas so I could get at least 19 more with them. It brought things into perspective a little for all of us.
Good to stay away from the germs. Hang in there!! It gets better!!
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Thanks Kathryn! I will keep that in mind as we head into the holidays!
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I'm sorry, ladies, but I need to vent. I am trying so hard in real life to be upbeat and positive and strong, and I just need to piss and moan about it all, and get it out of my system.
I feel like crap! I have never felt so awful in my life! Despite several different drugs, I have spent the last 2 days so nauseous, and heaving in the sink. Everything tastes like crap and gives me heartburn. I feel like my esophagus is on fire. I am now less than 100 pounds, with bones jutting out, and what's left of my hair is shedding everywhere. My stupid period came and I am constipated. I am covered in bruises and broken blood vessels. My skin is flaking off and itchy. I have tingling in my face, hands and feet. My toenails hurt. I can't stop burping. My tissue expanders hurt Iike hell. I look like a plucked chicken. I feel ugly and so sick, and like I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until it ends. I am doing this all on my own, and I don't know how I am going to do this two more cycles. I'm lonely and scared and overwhelmed. I want my life back. And I can't tell anybody this, because they tell me how strong I am, and it makes me want to punch them in the face. I am not strong, I am falling apart, and I am so sick of people who don't get it serving up a bunch of platitudes to me. Unless they have a magic wand to wave that will cure cancer, I want them to shut up and go away.
I don't know what to do to get my mojo back. Obviously, I need to figure it out, for my son, but tonight it's badhairday, pity party of one!
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BREATHE, WOMAN, BREATHE!!! We are here for you. One thing at a time -- if your drugs are making you sick, call your doctor and get different ones. Get some Pepcid, Zantac, Tums or something that will help with heartburn. I am concerned about the bruises and broken blood vessels, again tell your doctor. Keep using your moisturizer for the flaking and itching. It truly does help. While you are talking to your doctor, get something for the neuropathy. Are you breathing yet??? We are going to get you through this, and FYI, you are going to look like a bald chicken before you are done. LOL!!! (laugh, you need it). I understand the lonely, scared and overwhelmed and believe me, you will find strength you never knew you had. As much as we have helped each other, I won't let you curl up in a ball now!!!! So....you have your pity party tonight and you are done. I had someone tell me that I had 15 minutes to cry, holler, scream, feel sorry for myself and then I was done. I felt better after my 15 minutes and never looked back at that person!!!!! Hugs to you, mouth --- oh sorry, outspoken!!!!!!
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Badhairday, Some days I feel like screaming if one more person tells me I'm strong! Or asks if I'm losing my hair.... or comments that I'm puffy instead of skinny. One of my best friends won't see or call me because it upsets her. I'm exhausted and many days I go back to bed as soon as the kids are off to school..... I'm glad you came here to share your thoughts. Even though we aren't facing the same challenges you are, we care about you and at least understand this cancer crap!
You are having so many SEs... call your MO. Your chemo drugs have changed and so have your SEs. You shouldn't be losing weight. For nausea, they load me up with drugs through the iv prior to infusion. Afterwards, I have a patch (Scopolamine), Zofran and Compazine. There are many other options, too. The docs work for you! I also have a prescription for Prilosec (so my insurance will cover it). Let them know about the tingling, bruises, skin issues; they are all on the list (taped to my fridge) of SE to immediately call the MO about.
I go from constipation to diarrhea in under 20 minutes.... doesn't seem fair. Sorry about your period coming on.... it's one of the things I dread happening as my ovaries fight back. I'm still shedding.... but I like not shaving my legs!
I hope tomorrow you get some help and that it is a better day! The ladies here will be here for us.... good days or rough days!
Hugs my friend!
Poppy
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It's a new day, and the pity party is over. Time to get back on the horse. The alarm goes off and life goes on, whether I want to deal with it or not.
I had such high hopes for this go 'round, because I knew what to expect, and my oncologist spent a lot of time talking to me about how to deal with it all. I did everything she said, and I felt even worse! Going to make a (less whiny) list of issues to discuss for next time.
I know a huge part of my issue is an emotional one. I hate weakness and vulnerability, and here I am, in tears, feeling all alone, and missing the person who I thought would be here holding me up through it all. I have to find a way to let that go-he isn't here for me and he isn't going to be. That's a hard pill to swallow.
Thanks for listening. If I tell anybody, I get lectured about strength and fighting and they are here for me, and he doesn't deserve me, and blah, blah, blah. I do love my friends, but they are clueless sometimes, and I am on the verge of telling them to shut up, which would just be mean.
I'm going to get through it, but some days I need to get honest about how hard it is and how much it sucks and how scared I am if it. Thank you all for being here and offering the understanding and patience I can't get at home.
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badhairday, I've been lurking on this board as well as others as my chemo changes all the time due to Stage IV status. However, dropping in to offer support as I truly understand how difficult the road is going alone. I've been dealing with Stage IV since 2010 (from get go), alone. Although no one is at my residence to help me, what I try to remain focused on is the friends who do step up to help. I have 1 friend who has been there since day 1 of diagnosis - that's a long time! Yes, there are others who have fallen away & those "friends" I don't need & no longer focus on. I've had people who I truly didn't expect anything from come out of the woodwork & offer to help; so in this regard I'm very fortunate. I recently experience the worse side effects I've ever had, from doxil & it's been scary, but am slowly but surely getting through each day. I also encourage you to let your onc know all the side effects you are having & what is worse, etc. They need to know this; sometimes the dose is adjusted, other times different meds are prescribed & in my case it was so severe, they stopped the chemo, temporarily.
I'd encourage you to ask if there's a support group you could attend as well - I've found this to be very helpful in the past.
Take care ...
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Is it possible for your hair to start growing back before treatments are finished? The hair on my legs has even started growing back. I have three TC's and one more to go. I'd love to know I'm getting a jumpstart in the hair growth.
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Hi Ladies.... It's been a while. Hope everyone is doing well. My 4th and the last chemo is scheduled for this Wednesday. I am very excited, but at the same time, I'm not looking forward to all the SEs. Every time I get new and worse SEs so I wonder what will hit me this time...
Up to this point, I mostly kept my positive attitude, except for occasional crying and whining.... but something finally hit me hard last night. It's open enrollment time for my company and I was reviewing with my husband. I didn't sign up for short/long term disability this year, so I'm using my PTO and trying to work through all the treatments. I tried to sign up for STD/LTD for next year, but it was immediately denied due to 'Cancer' I understand from business perspective, they don't want anyone with pre-existing condition. But this denial made me sad and triggered all the emotions hiding inside me. I feel like I'm a failure, and will be labeled as 'cancer patient' forever. I couldn't stop crying.... My poor husband didn't know what to do, tried to cheer me up with our cat or cupcakes. Lol. I'm still feeling down and sad, but it's Monday, I need to drop off my cold caps at the infusion center, then go to work. Try to get through one day at a time.
Sorry to post depressing thought on Monday morning...
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HockeyCat- Just a reminder that as much as we want to "go back to normal" things will never truly be the way they were. Your insurance story illustrates that. Just when you start to move a tiny bit forward something reminds you...you are never going to be the same.
I just finished my 4th, and last round of T/C. It was the hardest, I thought it would the happiest, it wasn't. The moment I got into the chair I broke down, so much so I refused to ice my fingers and toes. I was done, done being strong. The nurse said that my reaction is quite common, often women find the last one harder and all the "stuff" we've been holding onto comes out.
I wish you the best on your last treatment and minimal SE:)
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melannmor44- Absolutley! hair growth can been seen before treatment ends. I'm experiencing lots of baby hairs especially near my forehead. I take a few pics and when I'm feeling down I can look back and see the progress! I just finished my 4th and final T/C. I'm also taking biosil and biotin to promote hair regrowth.
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Barremom64,
We started the same time and finished around the same time. I too was a nervous wreck in the chair my last day. I couldn't stop shaking and feeling down. My husband and the nurses wanted more joy from me and I tried. The next two days were sad too. Kept feeling a twing in my hip looked it up for possible cause and got scared to death. We will always have these thoughts, I guess our job is to learn to live with them and get through the rest of lives with a better strategy for surviving. Yesterday DH took my to Monterey and the ride down I was scared but on the water my feeling started to dissipate and I was feeling happy to be there just at that time and with him. Hope your recovery from Chemo goes well and the hair grows back quickly.
Hugs,
SueBe -
Round three tomorrow. My exhausted, puffy, bald, teary-eyed, hot flashing self is not ready to for another ride on the chemo coaster. Dang!
Hope I don't need the Neulasta this round! Haven't had it yet, but I've always felt better before the next infusion rolled around.
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In the chemo chair. Done with Taxol with no reaction. Finishing to herceptin then on to perjeta. Should be done in about an hour. Love, Jean
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Jean, Glad it's going smoothly!
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Jean- glad to hear no reaction to the taxol, hope all goes well with the herceptin and perjeta!
I went for my echo today, hoping for good results, I've been having shortness of breath after only one flight of stairs, heart is pounding like a drum also. Hoping it's the change in hemoglobin and not cardiac damage from the Adriamycin.
Supposed to start taxotere, herceptin and perjeta next Tuesday, not looking forward to discovering new side effects. I keep telling myself if I want to live, it has to be this way!
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wow, busy today!!! Heart goes out to ALL of you
Rose, keep us posted on your echo.
. Praying for a high number. mine is 20. But I manage it wellHockey, congrats!!!!!!! That sucks about STD/LTD. I tried to sign up stupidly for AFLAC cancer policy. I wa three days too late
Barremom. ring that bell!!!!!
Syr, wow. I can't imagine. Sounds like you have learned much though about friends, and reliance in this journey
bad hair, Poppy, we've all had the pity party. Poppy like you I feel completely fat, bloated. I know I am not urinating like I used to, and I am on lasix. I refuse to go up in size.....I lost 63 lbs three years ago and am determined to keep it off.
Bad hair, did you get a hold of the doc? Poppy I am really glad you can rest after kids go to school. Last week at work twice I acted like I was reading a spreadsheet with my back to door when actually I had eyes closed
My number 3 is Friday. I don't know what will happen after my reaction. This past time. I can't do adriamyacin due to heart
How is everyone with eyebrows and lashes?
Hugs
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eyebrows and eyelashes are just starting to go after a few days PFC. They were thinning but fine up until a week ago. I just started Latisse - hoping that will help a a lot. From what I've read on the board, it's common to lose all right after last chemo but they come right back in within weeks.
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Badhairday -- I am glad you are feeling better. You can do this, I know you can. When I got tired of listening to my "cheerleading" friends, I changed the subject or started talking to someone else. You may not have "he who doesn't deserve you", but you do have Little E and I can tell he is your pride and joy. He is relying on you, so stay strong for him, my friend.
Poppy -- You can do it!!!! You are almost done. I can't believe people are so insensitive. At least you are getting fixed, but you can't fix their stupidity!!!!
Barremom and SueBe - CONGRATS!!!! Ring that bell, loud and proud!!!!
Melanmor - I never did lose all my hair. I looked more like Linus all throughout my chemo. It is now starting to grow back and it feels like baby chicken fuzz.
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