I Come to the Garden...

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2014

    Amen

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited June 2014

    "All Things Are Possible"

    Almighty God my Redeemer, my hiding place, my safe refuge
    No other name like Jesus, no power can stand against you
    My feet are planted on this rock and I will not be shaken
    My hope it comes from you alone, my Lord and my Salvation
    Your praise is always on my lips, your Word is living in my heart
    And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

    You fill my life with greater joy, as I delight myself in you
    And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

    My feet are planted on this rock and I will not be shaken
    My hope it comes from you alone, my Lord and my Salvation
    Your praise is always on my lips, your Word is living in my heart
    And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will be bless you Lord

    You fill my life with greater joy, as I delight myself in you
    And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

    When I am weak you make me strong,
    When I'm poor, I know I'm rich for in the power of your name
    All things are possible, all things are possible

    Your praise is always on my lips, your Word is living in my heart
    And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will be bless you Lord

    You fill my life with greater joy, as I delight myself in you
    And I will praise you with a new song, my soul will bless you Lord

    When I am weak you make me strong,
    When I'm poor, I know I'm rich for in the power of your name
    All things are possible, all things are possible [...till fade]

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  • Hindsfeet
    Hindsfeet Member Posts: 2,456
    edited June 2014

    Checking in :)  Thanks for your prayers as I walk the steep path before me. I am blessed with a strong Christian supportive friends. The last few years all my scans have been b-9 or negative. I' pretty much thought since I was last dx as stage 1a, and I had a mastectomy that I would never have to face bc again. My oncologist had me do a PET scan and learned the cancer seeded elsewhere and pretty much exploded. The news is still pretty raw. I have been all over the board with what to do or my next move. I need prayers for wisdom.

    I begin Herceptin infusions Monday. My oncologist is sending me to a major breast cancer hospital elsewhere. I was going to a FDA approved clinic in California. Not sure now.

    Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil.  In the storm, I'm keeping my eyes on Jesus, and for that reason, I know I walk on water. Praising God because He is sooo Awesome!

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  • mema4
    mema4 Member Posts: 574
    edited June 2014

    Stopped in my tracks when I read this and offered up prayer to our Lord. Oh Hindsfeet, your faith is already strengthening you and what a testimony you are to others. Much love and prayers...Polly

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  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited June 2014

    Hindsfeet, you have prayers from me.  It's great you have strong Christian support systems, in real life, and on BCO.  Keeps us in the loop for what you need.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2014

    Well we are on the prayer circuit, I ask you, my sisters to add a prayer for me. I've been getting strange headaches lately and mentioned them to my onc at my appointment. She immediately ordered a CT of my brain for July 3rd, (can't get MRI due to pacemaker) and I have a wheeze/dry cough for the past 4 months so a chest CT is being done too.

    My eyesight has kind of deteriorated rather rapidly in the last month or so to the point that I stayed home from work today and walked into an eye doctor's office without an appointment. I was seen immediately (diabetes, high blood pressure and cancer moves you to the head of the line). He took and hour and a half with me. He said he knows what is wrong but not why. I have "something" pulling on the muscles on one of my eyes that is causing my double vision (ergo, headaches) but he can't tell what it is. He was glad I was getting a CT scan but he is also sending me to an ophthalmologist/neurologist as an URGENT case (his words). I was relieved he didn't see a tumour in my eye so it's a weird feeling I have right now of relief and fear. My God is a strong God, but He can always use reminders that I'm here and I need Him.

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  • Wilsie2
    Wilsie2 Member Posts: 441
    edited June 2014

    Oh, Barb!  I am sorry! I will be praying for you now and often. Those are scary symptoms, I had double vision for a long while and they never figured it out  I will remind God to hold your hand during that awful wait.  Please keep us updated. You are one if my favorites. Wilsie

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  • Wilsie2
    Wilsie2 Member Posts: 441
    edited June 2014

    Hindsfeet, I should have told you I am praying for you, too. I was surprised by Barbs news. Wilsie

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited June 2014

    barbe, thinking of and praying for you as well. 

    Please pray for Matt. Not a health issue. Will tell more as I can.

    Patch has come to California for a visit and a will take joy in his snuggles tonight.

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  • mema4
    mema4 Member Posts: 574
    edited June 2014

    Barbe, those are scary symptoms and I will pray for your relief and strength. What a long wait to get to July 3rd. Such a hard thing to do, waiting. My thoughts are with you...

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited June 2014

    I'm not sure how much I said about Matt's cancelling his wedding last year.  Well, he and his ex-fiance tried dating several times after the break up and in Late February or early March they got together again and began an exclusive relationship.  In April he asked me to get her rings back out of my safe, and in May they were engaged.  On Father's Day they came over and announced that they were expecting a baby and would get married ASAP.  

    It was on Tuesday, on my way home from work, that I wrote my earlier post asking for prayers for him.  About 30 minutes after getting home I got a call from him telling me that they were with their pastor who had been doing premarital counseling with them and he was ready to perform their marriage ceremony right then.  When I asked for prayer  I had no idea this would be what would be happening, but I knew Matt needed the prayers.

    That's the condensed story 

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  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited June 2014

    Meece...i was thinking about you and Matt since you posted

    sometimes things happen..I know you weren't expecting it this soon

    i wish you Peace of mind and happiness to your son

    everything happens for a reason...And a grand baby to love ♥

    I hope your relation is somehow normal with your DIL

    Big hugs to my friend ♥ ♥ 

    ♥

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2014

    Oh dear, I know this is not the woman that you had hoped for Matt. I wonder if she "allowed" herself to get pregnant to catch him. There. I said it. I pray that the joy of a new baby after the flurry of a quick wedding will calm the waters. She didn't get the big wedding she probably wanted, so I give her credit for that. But she still got her guy....

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  • Hindsfeet
    Hindsfeet Member Posts: 2,456
    edited June 2014


    Barb, I'm praying for you. I can't imagine what is going through your mind. (((hugs)))

    Meece, I don't know if to say congrat's or not. I do know God can use marriage and children to make children grow up. I hope in the end a blessings out of it all.

    I'm in Los Angeles. My son is with me to help me get settled, and to make sure I'm ok. It's been a sweet time with him. Since I did not stay in Portland, Oregon, rather came here, I am not getting Herceptin on Monday. My family insisted I come here. I was torn to staying with my oncologist, or coming where there is more aggressive and radical treatment. My life literally has been turned upside down. I was fearful of posting I'm stage IV here. I am still struggling with the reality of it all. The doctor yesterday said I'm sick. I said, no I'm feeling well (I don't do sick well). I keep thinking I am just early stage 1 a. Seems unreal :)

    I'm at Bicher Clinic where they do targeted heat & radiation treatment to the tumors. I have lots of tumors so I'm not sure how easy this is going to be. I'm also calling a UCLA oncologist this morning who is supposedly good. I'm at a place where I will get the best treatment. So...I will be seen and treated by more than one oncologist. I'm sure she will recommend Herceptin.

    The difficult part is California is very expensive. I'm renting a one room in a small apartment that cost $1,3700.00/month. I don't think I can afford more than two months so pray that I will get all that I need here in that time period. Pray for transportation...getting around is going to be a challenge.

    God has blessed me so many ways already. I can't begin to share the miracles that has come out of this storm. It has brought my family closer together. I can see already how it is changing lives. I had to make a air flight the last minute for me and my son, which is costly when you purchase flights the day before leaving. The afternoon before I left, I got a call from Angel Flight. I didn't think they accepted me cause I didn't get the papers or all the info they want to them. They said one of the pilots (small planes cancelled) so they gave my son and I free airline ticket with Alaska airlines! We left early Wednesday morning. This was the final confirmation that this is the will of God. I am a workaholic. God knows I'm worn ragged and is using this to get me away from work, and to spend quiet time with Him. There is this really nice gardens right out side the front door, just in the apartment area where you can sit and be quiet. I shall be in the garden, mediating and walking with our Savior. I am blessed.

     

     

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  • mema4
    mema4 Member Posts: 574
    edited June 2014

    Hindsfeet, there are no words to ease your heart that could come from me. Only the words from our Lord will ease your mind at this point in your life. It sounds as if he has already put your life on a path of "stormy miracles" that cancer patients understand.  While you have jumped a few stages in this fight, you are still keeping your faith. How that faith must make our God smile. He looks for that in all of us. So, while your body betrays, your soul does not. There are many prayers here for you.

    Money has a way of coming and going. If it's not there when you need it then have a plan. Until then, take advantage of every minute of this fight. Have one of the medical staff put you in touch with a team member to help you find housing and transportation that can get through a longer time there. Just don't give up because you see no way to do this. God doesn't give up so neither can you.

    Much love and prayers

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited June 2014

    So, we have to go forward from here.  Matt and his wife are sorry for their actions, and Matt repeatedly said how sorry he was that he disappointed us.  But we have a baby on the way, and three innocent children (hers).  I told DH that perhaps God brought these little ones into our lives because they need a stable family for role models. (DIL's family did not attend the wedding even though she has parents and 7 siblings. 

    OOps I forgot to press submit this morning!  

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited June 2014

    Hindsfeet, who is the UCLA onc. you are seeing?  I love mine, so glad I found her. 

    Yes, Barbe, you said it, and it isn't anything that a number of people have asked.  I've even been asked if we're sure there IS a baby.  Matt has wanted to be a father for so long, but after his bout with cancer last year I think he thought it was impossible.  Both of them are to blame for taking things out of order, but I cannot wait to have another grand baby.  Do I look like the grandmother of 7 with one on the way?  Three girls, Four Boys, so I think we are due for another girl.

    Sheila, at this point DIL and I have an okay relationship but she is temperamental so I feel like we walk on egg shells.

    Patch came to CA with his uncle last Sunday and his mommy and sister arrive by plane tomorrow. He adores his 'unca Yak' and Zak has been doing great with him this week.  I took a day off work for some one on one time today.  He is supposed to be napping now, but even though his eyes are still open he is resting.  He can't wait for PawPaw to get home from work because we're going golping.  That's what one does on a miniature golp course.

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited June 2014

    Hindsfeet, dlb823 just shared that you might be seeing the same oncologist I do at UCLA.  I have nothing but respect for her and you should know that she is a truly compassionate woman.  It seems I have cried in her office more than once, and she understands.  She even laughs about having that affect on people.  With her you just seem to be able to let your guard down and relax, comforted that she is a knowledgeable, thorough and caring physician.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2014

    Hindsfeet, you DO know what is going through my head...the worst of course. I've stayed away from work since Monday and just done what I could at home. It won't make me any money, but I just can't think about that right now. Couldn't you stay with one of your family members for treatment? I'm surprised an apartment would let you rent month-to-month, they don't here. How about something like a Ronald McDonald House but for adults? We have some near our hospitals to help people in treatment. I love the sound of the different treatments on offer, surely one will stop it all. Prayers for you, sweetie.

    Meece, did you make the "wedding"? I think the pastor pushed them into it because she was pregnant. If she even is. I thought that too. And is it Matt's baby????

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  • Meece
    Meece Member Posts: 19,483
    edited June 2014

    I am 99.9% it is Matt's.  She clings to him day and night, don't know when she'd have a chance for someone else.  I think They pushed the pastor into it.  I think they would have him marry them or find someone who would.  Yes, DH, myself, my parents, Patch and my youngest all made the wedding. No fanfare whatsoever.  She didn't even go home to get her wedding gown.  Matt wore a t-shirt, jeans and work boots, she worn a skirt and top.

    When they first told us they said they wanted a wedding ASAP, a small one and they'd have something bigger later.  I said no you won't!  You gave up the big "white wedding" when you became parents to be.  You have to spend money on things for your family, not a big party!

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  • Eph3_12
    Eph3_12 Member Posts: 4,781
    edited June 2014

    Hindsfeet: Girl----------praying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Barbe: Girl-------------praying !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Meece: Girl-----------------Praying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Father God, rain down! www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRbA9iVKm3w

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2014

    Glad you made it to the church on time, Meece. Sheesh! To not even go home to get a wedding gown already paid for??? Did they expect the end of the world or something? And good for you for telling them they've passed the opportunity for a proper wedding. Still don't know why the rush. Even a day or two would have been better.

    When is she due? Did they want to get married so quick for the baby's sake? Shame?

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  • mema4
    mema4 Member Posts: 574
    edited June 2014

    I have a piece of good news. My DH made it home today from Nigeria unscathed!  I am so relieved. He teaches program management certification, etc. for a company in NYC and they often send him international. This one was a test for me. The security was very tight  and he was in a special compound that housed families that are on temporary assignment for this oil company. Anyway, when he got home this morning he said there was only one incident, he kidnapping of a Nigerian. He had been moved to an interior room, then his students were moved, all to avoid any gunfire. Their training was being held outside of the compound. When he was moved to and from the airport, he was in one car with a chase car behind them, both with weapons. So sad to live that way. He met wonderful people, people with families and stories to share. He says they are beautiful. We so often overlook the good when all we see are the bad.

    My other news isn't so great. I have shingles. My MO put me on a very strong med to treat it quickly and without steroids. I stayed up until 6:00 a.m. this morning, skin is all crawly and tingly. My rash is limited to the back of one leg but of course it is on my BC side. Kind of explains a few things though.

    (((Hugs)))

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2014

    Oh Mema!!! Hugs to you, sweetie!! Was the shingles brought on by nerves?? So very, very glad your DH is home for you, but what a greeting he got!

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  • QCA
    QCA Member Posts: 1,539
    edited June 2014

    Oh my goodness, Hindsfeet and Barbe.  This news was definitely not what I wanted to hear the first time I logged in on our vacation week!  Lifting up both of you in prayer now and will continue.  Our God is listening to us all and we beg for help for you.  Please keep us posted.

    Mema, I'm so sorry for your shingles, too.  My dear aunt had a very bad case and I so hope yours will be one of the milder ones!  Thank the Lord your DH made it home safely and is with you now.

    And Meece!  I know this was not what you wished for Matt, but  a baby makes such a difference in the way we look at things, doesn't it?  I hope they will continue with the counseling too.  I remember how 4 years ago my son and DIL were desperately unhappy, but there was their then one year old baby.  I told my son if it were just the two of them, so be it, but they were responsible for their baby son and he changed everything.  They stayed in counseling over a year and we did the child care, and fortunately, it was the right course for them.  Still together, a second little boy, and very much in love. 

    Kathy

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  • mema4
    mema4 Member Posts: 574
    edited June 2014

    Veronica Barrera
    Housing Assistance ProgramEmail: tiverton@mednet.ucla.edu
    Phone: (310) 825-9226
    Fax: (310) 794-8134
    900 Tiverton Ave.
    Los Angeles, CA 90095-3013

    Hindsfeet, this is for the Tiverton House at the UCLA medical center that provides cheap housing for patients and they have financial assistance. Maybe this will help you. I'm not familiar with where you are but I'm glad to research any area that you would like for me to help.

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  • Hindsfeet
    Hindsfeet Member Posts: 2,456
    edited June 2014

    mema...good to hear. I will check into it. Sunday I am moving into the apartment close to Bicher. I will be connecting hopefully with UCLA oncologist. It all feels big right now. I am really having to trust God will take my hand and lead me because I feel lost here in Los Angeles.


     

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  • Wilsie2
    Wilsie2 Member Posts: 441
    edited June 2014

    Hindsfeet, keep your chin up and lean on us when you need support. Everyone is praying for you. Wilsie

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  • QCA
    QCA Member Posts: 1,539
    edited June 2014

    Still praying, Hindsfeet and Barbe.  

    For those who're following our friend Doug, the oncologist's report was dismal.  We didn't go to church yesterday, having just returned from vacation, but I heard he was there and told another friend that there was a 20% chance of him living through this, and he's going to go through with all treatment offered.  Not much more to say, other than please keep praying.

    Kathy

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2014

    Oh dear, Kathy, so very sad to hear. Prayers still being sent for Doug.

    As for my eye it's getting worse and weeping all the time. I'm nauseous and can't do much on the computer, TV or reading. The other night I had a blinding pain in it and when I looked in the mirror later I was shocked to see angry red veins shooting across the white part. Getting nervous here...... 

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