I Come to the Garden...

barbe1958

Hindsfeet, I get it. I don't know what I would do if I was in your place. I hope prayer and faith can bring you to an answer. You are in my prayers now, just above 3jays for now. Please keep us posted. With love, Barbara

mema4

Hindsfeet, I don't know you but I read this thread and pray over many of the requests. Your story really touched me and know my prayer went up for you right then. In His Glory, Polly

Meece

Oh, HIndsfeet.  I know what you mean about wanting to ignore it. May God give you the wisdom to discern what He wants in your life.

In December our friend was diagnosed with DCIS.  She had a lumpectomy and completed radiation in April.  Just yesterday her husband Will was diagnosed with Prostate cancer.  He is dealing with the VA so he must go out of town for any treatment.  Please keep them and their only daughter in your prayers. They are all believers and know God is with them.

As a side note, DH and I were planning a day trip for tomorrow and on Wednesday DH said he'd been thinking about Will and wanted to know if I would mind having him go with us.  When we called to invite him, he accepted and was thrilled to do something to get his mind off of the possibility of cancer.  I find it interesting how God put him on DH's heart before we even knew that he was going through something. 

QCA

Hindsfeet, I too know what you mean about wanting to just ignore it.  You're definitely in my prayers and I hope you'll find the strength to do what you must or do what you're able to do.  With God's help you'll know.

Doug's surgery is June 5.

Meece, I can't help but think that your story about Will helps us all to know how much our everyday life is known to God.  It's so amazing that He keeps surprising us!

Prayers for all you dear sisters, and love to you all.

Kathy

mema4

I come to this place seeking my prayer today. My nephew died last Friday of seizure complications in a situation too long to explain.. He is my sister's son. He lived a sad life by choice and marked by illness the last several years. The fighting that took place during this "grieving" was unbelievable. My sister and the stepmother that raised him got into a screaming fight that almost ended in a brawl. Neighbors were taking pictures and my niece was stuck in the middle. I chose to take care of her as all of her life she has been in the middle. She is successful and blamed for not rescuing him. Yet, she paid for his services, his casket, his plot, hotels for the family, meals. She had to call security at the hotel and warn the funeral home.

She and I locked ourselves up in our hotel rooms and still had to go break up another fight at the hotel. What happened to the grief and respect? I was there to help my sister. I wanted to be there. Then, I witnessed all of this fighting that I thought might be grief.  My niece couldn't grieve. She was busy intervening. Had to arrange a schedule, had to arrange who could do what and so on. I knew it was coming from day one. As close as I am to my sister, she had always blamed her ex for raising their children instead of her. I supported that decision even though she had legal custody - lots of reasons. He and his wife raised them in church, gave them security, did the best the could and made mistakes like all parents. My sister offers a different story, always has and always will but especially now. But, I've loved her dearly through it all.  Something happened to my heart as I watched all this unfold. I saw all the sneakiness, the lies, the disrespectfulness, so many things that kids should never see and I saw it from both sides. It was not grief. All the things I had heard I finally saw and my sister was right there in the middle of it.  I had known over the last several years she needed more help mentally. She was getting more extreme, more paranoid like our late mother, but she was so active in church that it made us all look silly for worrying.  But, I saw the darkness that day. The darkness that I lived with when I was growing up. I lived in poverty, I was abused, I hid in the closet with my little brother while fights went on and on, I've went hungry and on and on. I've been on depression meds most of my adult life. I felt the same fear and horror that day as I did as a kid. And there stood my niece looking like the 11 yr old child she had been when she was growing up. She is the one I chose to take care of that day. I wish now I had not taken her so many years ago. Just as I had hoped someone would have taken me. I have normalcy in my life now. I have a beautiful family and home. My faith came later in life but along the way I made terrible decisions. God brought me out on the other side of those decisions. I am blessed.

I did not stay for the graveside service. My left arm throbbed, that feeling of a baseball in my arm pit was back. I laid in bed for almost 18 hours. I only allowed my niece in and I kept check on her by text. The "fighters" kept banging on our doors till we called security again. She had to change rooms. I didn't take pain pills because I was afraid something would happen. I couldn't eat anyway. My niece's husband is a doctor, his late wife died of breast cancer. Once he got there and saw me, he said for me to go home. I drove from Port Lavaca, Tx, (the coast) to north Dallas. Took a shower, a muscle relaxer and slept all night. Prayed a lot on the way home. I was raised that what I do wrong will happen to me. I abandoned my sister. I chose myself. First time I've ever chosen myself over her. She's 66 and I'm 61. She's always been my boss and I've always protected her. I know she loves the Lord and she is happiest when she is in church. But, when we disagree, about anything, even church,  she hates. She can hate hard. Yet, she loves the Lord.

I am rambling, my heart is heavy for her pain. When I made the decision to leave, I made sure she was safe. I am sad for her and her loss. I am so afraid God may punish me with my child or one of my grandchildren or my husband. I pray that God will forgive me and not punish me. And as I pray for my dear sister I know he is with her. I don't have peace with this situation yet. I can never return to that darkness. I can never allow myself to be close to that way of life again. She does not live that way at home. You only see her negativity, her hard heartedness of anyone different, and the scariness of what she might do. At one time, she knew the world would end on that day someone predicted, so she put a gallon of water and food out for dog so he could survive awhile since she would be gone. It is worrisome.

Please pray for us all. And thank you for listening. I so needed to have a place to write. It helps...I'm sorry ahead of time for misspellings!

pupmom

Mema7, I'm so sorry for the loss of your nephew and the horror you have endured.  Please remember God loves you with all his heart. You are his Beloved, with whom he is well pleased. (((hugs)))

Eph3_12

Our God is the God of Love.  Your decisions in this mess won't be punished unless you do the punishing.  There is nothing to punish & that's not what God does.  So raise your head Mema7; you have done what can be done.  Although sad, I liked how you worded your nephew's situation, "He lived a sad life by choice"...so many do that when they don't know the Lord and lots of times even when they do!  Blessings on you today and as you continue to process everything.

QCA

Oh Mema4, my heart just breaks for you, having to endure all you spoke of.  God knows and He's right there with you now, holding you up.  I fear that you saw a side of your sister that she's tried to hide from you, and I can only imagine your pain, both at this discovery (which I think you may have expected) and the death of your nephew.  We're here for you, praying for you, and most importantly God is with you.  Please come back and let us know how you are.  My grandchildren (well, the one who can talk) call me Mema too.

Kathy

barbe1958

Mema, God does not do the punishing - we do it to ourselves. You have endured enough in your life to this point and He directed you to stay safe with your niece. That is not punishable. He gets it. So do we. It would have been a foolish choice to put yourself into the fray when those two angry women had to rant and rave with the pain of a son`s death. Guilt is not something any of us need to take upon our shoulders and you have chosen to remove yourself, so there is no burden for you to take up. Please know that this is a safe place to spill your soul and you are now in many prayers. May God help you and heal you and smile down upon you. With love, Barbara

Meece

Mema, as the others have said, our God is not one of punishment.  Sometimes you need to protect yourself by removing yourself from a situation.  If we don't move when God lets us know that we should then we aren't doing His will.  Don't feel bad.

DH's ex wife has behaved horribly through the loss of "our" son in March.  She has made it all about her and everyone forgets that my DH lost his son as well.  Grief is not easy for any of us, but for some, they deal with it by making it more difficult for others.  Just be there for your niece as she will need you to lean on. God will give you the strength.

Meece

oh, and don't be afraid to let it out here.  We all have good listening ears.

I attended a get together with ladies from BCO for the first time today.  It was fun and inspiring.  Well worth the 2 1/2 hour (one way) drive.  It meant so much to me to be included in the group, it was like we were all from the same neighborhood!

Eph3_12

Meece, that's awesome.  Who did you get to meet?

Meece

Patoo, Coraleliz, SweetandSpecial, RuthBru, Badger, and HBCheryl.

Still waiting for a chance to meet you when you are down in Sacramento some time.  I think we could have a great time.

barbe1958

We have another Ontario (Canada) get together this Saturday with Alyson from New Zealand.  A lot of us are driving up to 3 hours one way, but as Meece said, it is SO worth it!! Alyson came up to my place last summer (from her DD about 2.5 hours away) and I felt so blessed.Was able to get `real`with her in my own space and it was just special.

Meece

IF any of you are coming to California, I would love to meet up.

Eph3_12

You got to meet Patoo????????????  How cool.  I recognize the name HBCheryl also but not the others.  I might possibly be in Sac area the 16th & 17th of this month but don't know for sure yet.

QCA

The news about Doug could not be much worse.  It is advanced pancreatic cancer, stage 4+.  They removed 2/3 of his pancreas and all the spleen, but couldn't get to all the tumor  because of the way it's entwined with a major artery.  Surgery took much longer than anticipated and the last we heard he was still in recovery and hasn't yet been told.

Kathy

barbe1958

Oh dear God, my heart goes out to Doug and his family...

Eph3_12

Oh Kathy, I am so sorry to hear this.  Will be praying, still.

QCA

Barbe and Joni, thank you both.  I cannot get him off my mind tonight.

Kathy

Meece

Kathy, I am so sorry to hear about Doug!

Eph, I know Ruthbru and Badger (Formerly Groundhog) from some word game threads.  Patoo was the one who invited me to meet up with them.  Ruthbru, SweetandSpecial, Badger, and HBCheryl have gone traveling together for several years.

Anonymous

Eph, I remember you from a thread years back, though not sure which, probably one of the Christian threads? So good to 'run' into you again.

Meece, it was absolutely wonderful to have you drive to meet with us! We had a wonderful time. It is a treat to get to actually touch our cyber-friends.  

Blessings, Phyllis

barbe1958

Patoo!!!!!!!!!! I haven`t seen you in years, sweetie!!!! Hello!

Meece

It was a treat.  I wish I had been able to join you on your S.F. portion of the trip.  Our time together was so short and with seven of us there it was difficult to spend much time on any one subject!

Eph3_12

Patoo it was the abbreviation thread you had.  we used to tuck each other in across the time zones.

Anonymous

Yes, that's right. You, me, Meece and Ainm primarily - across the miles.

Wonderful to catch up with everybody - Hi Barbe?

barbe1958

Been thinking where I used to see you patto....was it the Mojo thread??? 

Hindsfeet

Well news not good on biopsy or PET scan. Pray God will enable me to keep my eyes on Jesus and the right treatment.

 

mema4

Hindsfeet, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I will pray for your strength and well being.

All of you prayed for me during my last emotional crisis and I could feel it as the guilt began to subside. I thank you all.

Meece

Dear Heavenly Father,  You know exactly what Hindsfeet is facing.  You know that she is upset, frightened, angry, or whatever emotions she is experiencing right now.  But you also know that she is faithful to you and that she trusts in you.  Please send her support from her friends and family and use all of the ladies here in the Garden to encourage her.  May the physicians whom you have given her seek your guidance.  Give here strength as she walks on water. May Your will be done.  Amen