So much has happened so quickly...

Aleeza, hugs for you sweetie, it's a lot to absorb and deal with. I was stage IIb at 42 17 years ago!



First, try to get your Mom to come here. There is a wealth of information and help and tips for pretty much everything anyone in treatment experiences. Trust me, we ALL hate chemo. But most just hunker down, do it and get it over with. It isn't fun but for many it is a finite period of time, then we're done and free to find our new normal and continue on with life. Her hair will grow back. The side effects are temporary. Keep telling her how much you love her and that she can do this. Because she can. I'm not going to tell you it's a cake walk because it isn't. But she can still get through.



It's hard not to be depressed with so much going on. Acknowledging it is a big step. Taking action is next. You shouldn't have to carry the burden alone, and getting organized and giving others some things to do to help, helps your mom, and you and your family. Feeling helpless is upsetting. Your Dad is probably feeling that way now and it is most likely contributing to his behaviour. Men generally like to "fix" things and this is something he can't fix.



Go to the chemotherapy tab and look for the threads with tips. Ignore the scary stuff, we are all different and it is entirely possible your Mom will breeze through, I know many women who have tolerated it well and we don't know how it will be for us individually until we start because we are all different.



You can get your younger siblings busy helping too. Then they will feel better because they're doing something. They can take over whatever their ages will allow, around the house they can clean, do laundry, and some cooking. The really young ones can make pictures and cards to cheer her. Keeping them busy is the key.



Do you have any Aunties or a Grandma who can take over while you are at school? Does your Mom have a best friend who can help too? Family and friends really do want to help, so let them. Mostly they don't know what to say or do so they just need someone to tell them. You can get someone organizing meals and getting people to drop prepared meals off on a schedule. Same for doctors appointments and chemo treatments. What is a daunting task for one person becomes so much easier when you can delegate activities. That will let you focus on school and have quality time with your Mom and family.



Make sure someone goes to the doctor with Mom. It's hard for us to remember everything to ask, and then it's easy to get confused with the answers. We all have our own way of dealing with this and crying is one way. Did you know there was a scientific experiment with tears? Tears of Joy have a different chemical makeup than tears of fear or sadness! Her tears now are actually helping to clear some toxins from her system. Too many tears can be a sign of depression though, so it would be good if she can talk to her doctor about it. Sometimes we need a little help to get past this emotionally and there is no shame in asking for some antidepressant medication on a temporary basis.



You can send me a PM any time. We are all here for each other.



Love & Hugs,

She

I am sorry your mom has to go through this....and your family too.  Cancer is the pits for sure.   I want to tell you than not everyone has a horrible chemo experience.  I had some side effects but I was able to exercise 5 days a week through chemo and never had any nausea at all.  I used Pengiun Cold Caps to keep my hair and it worked for me.  No one even knew I was going through chemo unless I chose to tell them.   I was more scared of chemo than the bilateral mastectomy!  I was having a hard time allowing the doctors to infuse "poison" into my body with the chemo but then again I realized that the cancer was worse than the poison and I started to realize this was what I needed to do to be here to raise my four year old son.  I did the chemo and got through it OK and kept my hair.  Please tell your mom she will get through her treatment......sending hugs!