Aging Parents Anonymous

So sorry, Karen.  (((((HUGS))))

Oh Karen, I just read this, I had been in Vegas for over a week. Also, just wrote a long post, and lost it. But I want you to know your family is in my prayers, and I also hope your dad is resting and that any pain is being managed so he is comfortable. I worry about your mother too, hope she is doing okay. This is a very sad time, it is good you moved them closer to you, I know you are getting him the best possible care. You are a good daughter to both of your parents, and have given them a lot of love and care. I have a hug for you (((((Karen))))) and also a gentle one for your father {{{Karen's Father}}}, and for your entire family (((Karen's family))). You are right, only God knows how much time he has left, and I am praying for you to feel comforted at this difficult time. So very sorry.

Peace and Love, Kathy

so sorry karen, prayers for you and your family

Oh Karen, I am so sorry.....I just now read that your father passed away, as I am out of town again. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Your dad knew how much you loved him, and I hope soon your good memories of him will bring you comfort. Prayers for you, your mom, and entire family.

Love, Kathy

Mom has been having sweeling in her legs and feet...been to the pcp twice in the past month...he started her on diuretics and compression stockings..she wears them but not as much as she should and she doesn't elevate her legs as much as she should but I guess anything is better than nothing....swelling is a little better, but her left leg is weeping water.....took mom to the PCP today again today...he is increasing the lasix...he drew more labs, think just the potassium....but I think she's had more labs done recently....just get over view of results....when they call with these results tomorrow I will ask....they have my phone number, so they call me (thankfully as then I know what is going on).....Mom told pcp that she has fallen a couple times...he asked if it was new since moving here and she said yes....I go NO ITS NOT!!!!  YOU FELL IN FL!!!  (yes, I yelled it)!!!  Mom said she didn't remember!!!!  UHGH!!!  Its a good thing I go to all the appointments....then after I asked her and she said she remembered falling when I was with her, but not any other times....she was black and blue in Florida!!!!!  She asked the pcp for sleeping pills...but then tells him she feels great and isn't tired and doesn't nap even though she gets up at 2 or 3 am.....she asked at teh last appt......this is odd from mom as she says she doesn't like taking pills!!! but she wants to sleep!!! when she wakes up at 2 or 3, instead of reading or watchng TV, she gets up and pays bills, tydies up the apt or whatever....certainly nothing to go back to sleep....with her balance issues, I really worry about her taking sleeping pills....pcp wrote it for 5mg ambian, but I worry if it doesn't do the job, she will take more than 1!!!!  I tried to get her to take melatonin, but she took it once and said it didn't work, so I told her to try it again and she took 2 (2- 3mg) and slept to 3 this morning.....Its very scarey!!!!   We are going to visit my DD and SIL in Toronto later this week then to Montreal to see my uncle (Mom's brother) in Montreal...in all we'll be gone 9 days.....it certainly won't be a vacation for me....will be work, but I couldn't go see my DD without taking her, plus we need to take care of some business in Montreal regarding Dad and his benefits....Karen

Oh Althea, my heart goes out to you and your mom. Congrats on your 9 year anniversary of bc, however! That is quite a milestone. We have serious health issues here too, my DD has tongue cancer, and it is very aggressive...had it cut out at the end of May when it was discovered, then had all lymph nodes taken out from her neck this summer, then the tongue cancer returned and had to be cut out again the beginning of this month. Now she is going to have to have aggressive rads (both sides of mouth, and neck)  and chemo, which is a hard area to have that in. My heart has been very heavy with this, plus my parents returned (97 and 93) from a long trip to HI, on the 16th, and we have been doing a lot for them too. They are relatively healthy, although my mom's memory is not good, and she zapped their microwave last week and it had to be replaced (she may have put something metal in it). And my dad goes to the skin dr very often, and has another cancer which will be cut out this week. Of course, we drive them to ALL their appts, and with helping my DD and g'kids, my med appts seem to get forgotten. Sorry....sure didn't mean to write all this, I was just going to address your moms issues and wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Guess my  mind is heavy with all this, so it just came out.

But really, all you gals taking care of your parents, I do hope things are manageable, and you can have as good a Christmas as is possible, in spite of all the worries you may have. Please give yourselves a big hug from me.

Hugs,

Kathy

Thanks for the nice words, Althea! Yeah, its not a "popular" cancer, and my DD has never smoked, does not drink, or do any of the things they think when its tongue cancer. I love it that you are wearing a t-shirt from a tongue cancer survivor! Thats awesome. OH yeah, I should know that airplane instruction....we were in Iceland early this month when she had her cancer surgery, and were in Paris and Prague when she first got her cancer dx and had the first tongue surgery. Now our travels will be curtailed.....too many need us here at home right now. My DD2 also had surgery on her neck last month....disc replacement at top of spine....so now both my girls have scars across their neck...weird. DD2 and family left to drive back to TX today....they came up early so we could celebrate Christmas with the family.  I will TRY to take care of myself, can't promise, but I will do my best. Thanks for the hugs!

Oh dear, Althea, I am sorry to hear that. Very thankful though that you can be with her, and get her safely set up in a good home or with home health care. ((((Althea))))). My parents were in HI for 7 wks, getting back the middle of Dec. But now they are leaving in a few days to spend 5 more wks there, as my dad is being honored for the statehood anniversary (he was in the legislature then). But he is 97 and my mom is 93 and although my mom is declining the most, I see my dad declining a lot lately. Glad they can still make that long trip though, by themselves. I get wheelchairs for them, which guarantees they get to the right gates!  But I am facing a horrible few weeks/months as my DD1 goes thru treatments for her recurring tongue cancer. Will get the port tomorrow for chemo, then a feeding tube before rads starts. IT will be a rough road ahead. So  I am glad my parents will be away for awhile, as it is hard juggling all their appts that we take them to, plus helping my DD with her appts, and watching the g'kids. I feel like a sandwich, for sure. Good luck with your home health care decisions!

Althea, good luck with your mom--she's lucky to have you.  

I'm glad to see this thread b/c even though my mom has been gone for 2 years now, I well remember the stress we went thru with her--she was going down with what we thought was alzheimer's and it was so fast. She was hallucinating, which we found out later is an indication of other health problems and is called delirium.  I had to drive down to pick her up and force her to move to her other house where we could all keep a better eye on her and that was heart-wrenching--she kept trying to jump out of the car on the way.  Then we had to get her evaluated and start looking for a nursing home b/c she was going down so fast that we knew we couldn't care for her and then she started to throw up and we got her to the doc and found out she had terminal cancer--was all eaten up inside so bad you couldn't tell where it started.  2 weeks later she was gone and never had pain.  It was a miracle and we were grateful for the speediness of it and the lack of pain.  Oh and then the auction. . . Mom was a hoarder.  I've been tracing my own cancer back to that time and all the stress we went through.  

Mom had an appointment with the movement disorder specialist today....a specialist neurologist...the news is NOT good...The appt was about 3 hours with the nurse practitioner and the neurologist...He gave 2 working diagnoses but want further testing to help with a definitive diagnosis and help with Tx plan....PSP (or Progessive Supranuclear Palsy) or Lewy Body Dementia ( a form of Parkinsons).  He is suspecting the PSP which does not have a good prognosis.  There is so much more to tell about the visit but I just can't write all the details from the visit.  It just breaks my heart.  The doctor said that by the end of the year he does not see my Mother as being able to walk safely (even with the walker) at all.  He told us that he is really worried about her and worried that by the end of the year she will have a bad enough fall to break a hip.  So now we are awaiting scheduling a neuropsych appt and urology appt (due to incontinence) and need to have some labs drawn.  We see her PCP tomorrow for her monthly appointment.

I just need to cry but can't....I'm so tired of being strong!!!  but how do I let go!!!  Please keep my mother in your prayers.....Karen

Hugs,Althea.

What a beautiful eulogy to your mother. It is so hard to lose the most important person in one's life.

Keep hold of the precious memories.

 Sam x

Althea:  I am so sorry for your loss. The gift of giving that you got from her will be with you forever.

Althea, I just now saw your post. My heart really goes out to you. It sounds like your mom was soooo amazing even in her last few hours. How wonderful to feel all that love. I know you miss her terribly. But you wrote such an endearing, eloquent, touching post. She was a wonderful woman who raised a wonderful daughter, that's for sure. May God comfort you all. Hugs, Kathy