Aging Parents Anonymous

I am utterly exhausted...both mentally and physically....can't remember the last time I have felt like this.  I've been home since Monday night and I'm getting back on a plane again on Wednesday!!!!

Mom has been diagnosed with normal pressure hyprocephaly (NPH).  She has a brain cysternogran on Monday and we see the neurologist again on the 8th.  The treatment is putting a shunt in her brain if the test comes back that the  NPH is due to poor absorption of the cerebral spinal fluid.  You can google NPH for more info.

I just want to cry when I think about the whole situation.

My goal at this point is after this trip next week, going back down on April 10th to help them move and bring them back here on April 14th.  We have to start paying rent on the apt on the 18th of this month.  I am meeting with someone on Thursday with Mom to talk about how o down size, what to take, do we leave furnitue to stage the condo till sold etc....It should be really helpful.  Then we need to figure out when to put the condo on the market...probably right after they move.

Keep Mom in your prayers..Dad too....and hope that I don't totally exhaust myself with all this.....

I'm off to my parents again tomorrow after work till early Monday morning....will have to miss 1/2 day of work....hope my bosses don't get too ticked off...but family comes first!!!

Mom had the brain cysternogran yesterday...went for xrays today and goes again tomorrow....we see the neurologist on Friday...Mom is soooo scared....I told her that what ever is going on is going on and the doctor is just going to give answers......hoping that the answers lead to a good Tx and prognosis.....

I have a tentative move date for my parents....after this trip, I won't be going down till the move....planning on going on April 10th and flying them back here on the 14th.....only a month after I get back from this trip....

Thanks for all your support.  I'll keep you posted....Karen

Been at my parents since late Wednesday night....Dad hasn't been feeling good the past couple days, so we called 911 this afternoon....he was admitted to the hospital....his blood sugar was 30 when he got to the ER....and other Dx is congestive heart failure....I'm supposed to go home early Monday morning, but not sure if I should extend the trip....DH is supportive of whatever I do, but he is out of town all week....so that means finding someone for DD to stay with and someone to take care of the dogs....I know there isn't much I can do here, but its support for Mom and someone to ask the questions.....Mom does okay, but she is in denial that she has any memory problems, plus all this medical stuff is too overwhelming for her......

and the other news is...Mom saw the neurologist on Friday...the brain cysternogran came back normal....so now we are back to square one to finding out the reason for the gait and balance problems....there is brain atrophy so neurologist is recommending neuropsych testing which is in 2 weeks, then some sort of CT scan and then meet with him to get results on Arpil 8th

Not sure what to do with the move....when I came down here my goal was April 10th to come down, finalized everything and them fly back to Denver on April 12th....Have a company helping Mom sort through things and pack and they can be here with the movers....BUT dad being sick is going to make it harder....They have sooooo much stuff to downsize....we've been going through things, but mom is tired after a couple hours......I guess a good night sleep will help figure some of it out....but the first question is do I extend my trip......Please keep my parents in your prayers....me too!!!!

Das is being discharged from the rehab facility on April 2nd...10 days before the move date.....Don't know yet if he will be on O2 when he goes home...need to also find out if he needs to be on O2 to fly.....Mom is having some more tests tomorrow... A CT to look at blood flow in the brain...still no answers.....and she continues to have trouble with her balance and with falling.....she told me today that she is sore....she is sooooo worn out....follow up with the neurologist on the 8th to get test results, but thinking to have mom change the appt till I'm there....I arrive in the afternoon of the 10th (taking the day off work)....and then we fly back to Denver on the 12th....it can't come soon enough!!! 

I went today to buy them 2 recliners and a new bed.....I have a dresser they can use...and will need to bring over a couple end tables and table lamps till there stuff arrives....I have 2 new fry pans for my folks...will get them cleaners and toiletries...and will also brink over paper goods.....Right now we have a large window for their stuff to arrive....anywhere from April 16 to 24....so as little as 4 days to as much as 12 days....will also bring my sons TV over...or buy them one before they get here....My brother is buying the TV for the bedroom and a microwave, so need to get it by next Sunday, the 7th.   Time is going by quickly.....Next monday and tuesday are the last days of Passover so I'll be working Th and Friday instead, so no free time....so will either have to go to Costco in the evening or on Sunday.....

Susan....my condolences on the loss of your father.  May your memories bring you peace. 

My brother isn't helping with the planning, just buying the microwave and a TV..but thats okay....Its been a long 6 or so months since everything has changed... I hope and pray that Denver will be good for them....it will be so much easier for me to have them around the corner....I can see their building from my back yard and 7 or 8 minute walk!!!

Hi

How do you cope with a mother who is 86, blind, has just had a hip replacement after a fall............but is also bad-mouthing everyone and is being a?................bitch

Dad was discharged from the rehab facility yesterday.  Mom said last night and again this evening that Dad complains that he does not feel good and to take him back to the hospital.  He was discharged without O2.  I need to find out from his pcp if he will need it to fly!!!  Mom had me talk to Dad and he sounded old....when I talked to him a week ago, he sounded better.  I told Dad that I would be there in a week and in a week and 2 days he was moving to Denver and he said he couldn't wait!!!  Mom is so overhwhelmed!!!  The realtor is coming Friday afternoon and Mom will sign the contract to put their condo on the market.  I love the community they live in, but the monthly association fee is too high to keep it and only use occasionally!!!  But we do meet the age requirement!!!!  Some of mom's friends are taking her to lunch tomorrow and others on Friday...she is feeling good about how nice her friends have been and how helpful!!!  But mom told me today that she is going to take a driving test in Denver that she thinks she can pass it ( she didn't in Floriday in February) but then she says she really doesnt want to drive!!  I don't say anything about the test, just that it will be easier in Denver, that I'm here to help and that the community they are moving to has transportation.  I'm so stressed with everything I need to get down to get the place here ready for them, rearranging my work schedule etc....But there's only 2 months left in the school year!!!!! and then its summer vacation!!!!

Sounds like you have made a lot of progress, Karen! Nice that you have it all set up for them. It will be so much easier for you to monitor them, with them living nearby, vs being across the country. Hope it is smooth sailing when you go there on Wed, and that everything will work out beautifully!

Mom and Dad arrived at their new apt on Friday in time for dinner...they decided to eat in the dining room (they had thought maybe they would have dinner brought to the apt) and I unpacked the 2 suitcases and carry on.  When I was done, I sat with them while they finished dinner.  I got home around 7, just in time to jump in the shower and candle lighting for Shabbat.  My DH and DD had dinner made....

Yesterday I went over to their apt (its less than a 10 min walk for me) twice.  It is an adjustment.  I think it is harder on Dad than Mom.  Dad is strugging with the walk to the elevator and then to the dining room.  He walks very, very slowly with his walker...he wants his electric scooter....I am trying to convince him that walking is better and we just need to get new things on the bottom of the walker for carpet....the scooter is on the moving van so he needs to use the walker till then.

  I went early this morning to bring a news paper as we haven't started delivery yet....Dad was tired and did no want to get up and eat breakfast so Mom was going to go alone.   I'm picking Mom up at 11 to take her to Costco to buy a microwave and a TV for their bedroom (my brother is giving it to them as a gift).  My husband will mount the TV on the wall and set up the comast cable when the comcast stuff comes.  Not sure if they will have TV before then, so it might be a couple more days.  The moving van is set to arrive between the 20th and 23rd.  I know it will feel so much better when they have all their belongings.  They didn't take much in the way of furniture, but tons of other "stuff"... I only hope it all fits or the place will be too crowded and more sorting for mom.  Mom just had a hard time parting with things...mostly the junk type stuff!!!!

I hope they settle in nicely and the move isn't too hard.  Mom is having trouble walking but is using the walker.  We saw the neurologist on Thursday and he basically told us nothing from all the tests!!!  When I said I was frustrated, he commented what you want you mom to be sick!!!! (or something like that).   I said NO, I wanted answers on why she has so much trouble walking some days!!!  They have an appt with a new pcp later this month.   Their health insurance (medicaire) is changing the end of this month....no one told MOm this when she gave the change of addy, but she got a letter yesterday saying their insurance was stopping the end of the month....nothing about what the new insurance would be.....so she called medicaire and they said she would be getting a letter saying what the insurance would be effective May 1st.  

Will keep everyone posted.  Thank for all your support....

chrisct....mom doesn't have sinus problems...but she did see an ENT a while back...forgot what he said...but its just not balance as she is not dizzy...its trouble walking....and very unsteady and unsure of herself....we walked yesterday and it was too far...won't do it again!!!

All their docs will be new here.....glad to be done with the docs in Florida.  We have a new pcp that they are seeing on the 25th that a very good friend recommended...and he took my parents even though he is not taking patients with medicare.....this friend is also a pcp but is slowing down his practice and would only refer us to someone who is good.....

Dad is very unhappy....he keeps saying "why am I here"...he wants to go back to Florida....I told him he was here cuz I'm here and where else could he live and see his daughter almost every day!!! and he said true but it will take time to adjust.  Dad keeps asking when their stuff will arrive (in a week to 10 days).  Mom is doing better....she has the attitude that its what needed to be done (but of course she wishes she could have been able to stay in FL).....hopefully she will continue to feel good about the move.  Dad isn't eating much and wants to get into bed early!!!  He told mom he doesn't want to go to dinner.  He's eaten 1/2 piece of toast today and some juice.  I"ll talk to mom again later.

Took mom to pick out a microwave and TV (my brother is buying it for them...I paid and he will pay me back).  Mom picked the brand TV she had in FL as it was familiar and found a small microwave that she liked at TArget.....I like one and she liked a different one, so I'm so glad that she got to pick it out.  My DH mounted the TV on the wall in their bedroom and found an atenna box to use till the Comcast gets installed later this week.  They will also have a TV in the living room when their stuff arrives.  I know MOm was thrilled to have the TV...she loves to get in bed at night and watch it. 

Thats the latest from Denver....

Oh Susan, my heart goes out to all of you. Even though it may have been expected, its still sad. I also hope she was not in any pain. ((((Susan)))))

Karen, Glad you got them moved by you! YAY! Even though there is still a lot to do, you did the hardest part already. I hope the new drs will be great for them, and that eventually they will be so happy to be there. How lucky they are to have someone (you) taking such good care of them!!!

Big Hugs to All,

Kathy

Its Tuesday and a new day for Dad....after being so miserable yesterday and refusing to go downstairs for dinner and saying how miserable he was....TODAY he is HAPPY!!!  he told mom and then mom had him tell me how much he likes the new apt, the new community, the people and all the activities and that I picked a great place!!!  I went over after dinner and Dad was still up and talked to me and mom....I"m sooooo happy to see the change in Dad....Life is good!!!!

Oh what a difference a day makes.....not a good day for Dad today!!!! he went to bed at 5:30.....at breakfast and no lunch or dinner...I did get him to have a little OJ before he went to bed....he wouidn't change his Depends and his pants were wet and he wouldn't let mom check is blood sugar....Sure hope tomorrow is better....They see the new pcp in a week...wonder if I should have made it for tomorrow, but oh well...need to keep track of how he is feeling and behavior....

Welcome Eric! It is so scary as our parents age. We are lucky to still have them with us, but then we have a lot of worries and concerns. I hope your mom will continue to do better since she is back on taking her meds correctly again. My mom is 92 and it is so hard for her to remember to take her meds. My dad is 96 (and a half) and last night we had quite a scare, I thought he wouldn't make it through the night....very unlike him ,as a few days ago he was pressure washing his entire driveway! But today he seemed back to normal. Good luck with your mom, and post here whenever you have questions, or just want to vent. Hope your wife is doing well and kicking the bc to the curb!!!

((((((Karen))))))