2012 sisters

Scorchy....you're pretty damned awesome yourself❤❤❤

Well said, Scorchy.  I too am so thankful I found my way here.  I don't have a whole lot to say but I'm reading, and drawing strength and support from every one of you.  It is a HUGE comfort to know that you can whine, cry, vent, and even cuss (lol) and you will not be criticized, you will be supported and comforted and get virtual hugs from so many who completely understand.  And then you feel better and you can in turn be the encourager and supporter.  I practically start tearing up when I think about this group.

Scorchy- could agree more because I believe if I wouldn't have found all of you they might have put me in the crazy house because one day I am ready to take on the world by the balls! then the very next ready to crawl in a hole and hide. I know I can come here and you all can understand the roller coaster of emotions. Some days It just helps me to type here exactly how I am feeling at that moment and you all do the same so it helps me to not feel completely alone and it got me through my next treatment or day when I wanted to just say screw it.



One thing I have learned is not to judge anyone because you can only control your reactions. I have continued to be a person of compassion and love for all. I get this trait from my father because he is the most giving person I know. He has always helped his friends in need even when he was struggling himself. He can walk into any public place and run into someone he knows or they know someone he knows even when we traveled for vacations in my younger years. He was the first person who drove here late in the night when I called him and told him I could not do this when first dia.



I hate to hear of anyone being called out for showing emotions. This is not a place to judge others but to come here amongst friends to scream, vent, cry and laugh:)

Just popped my 1st anti depression pill hope it doesn't take months to kick in since I am losing my freaking mind.  Have a meeting with the head shrink end of december, hopefully that will help.  I just can't make that corner from negative to positive yet and it's really starting to piss me off.  I keep saying that once i go back to work (working from home) in January the social interactions (although virtual) will help me with not having so much time during the day to think about cancer but I think about it just as much when I am with my kids at night and during the weekend.   I am scared out of my mind.  I understood my plan and had accepted it but when they changed to me to TN I really sunk into a deep hole.  I feel like I have not strength or courage.  Totally deflated and feeling I will get through this but battle this ongoing forever.  I am scared shitless. 

Chemo class on Monday, Chemo on Tuesday.  Sorry to be so down.

Jen, Karen is right, you will turn the corner. Right now is the very hardest time, when it feels like sirens are going off in your ears. It may feel unbearably hard, but I know you can handle it, I know it. It will get easier, it's a process. There are tough times ahead, but good ones too. Take a deep breath in, let it out slowly as often as you can to calm yourself-breathe from the abdomen, not your chest, and when you let the breath out say something like"I will find peace", or "I am alive,". Or anything that reassures you. Big hugs to you.

Susannah

Jenjen, I am sorry you are down, but you certainly don't have to be- sorry, that is. We react to all this crap the way we react, and there is no morally or medically superior way to do so. That said, I hope you feel better asap, because being depressed sucks. I know it seems like things keep going wrong at this stage, and that the rules of the game keep changing on you, but starting chemo may actually bring you relief. You will have started on an active part of your journey, and though there may be bumps in the road, you at least will be traveling on it. The treatment journey is not endless, as I would have sworn a few months ago. You are right. You are strong, and you will get there. In the meantime, hugs, antidepressants, and chocolate all help!

For days I have been popping Ibuprofin or tylenol and I just took some not 15 minutes ago. I've been trying to be a bit productive this morning. I just noticed that my achy all over seemed a bit over the top so took my temp out of curiosity .... 100.4 and now will be disguised by the Ibuprofin! Oops! Thoughts ladies?

Lisa, I've told this story a few times but I want to tell it again to give you some reassurance. I've been on Letrozole for 8 months now. Last summer was the summer

from hell for me, vomiting, diarrhea, nausea, no appetite, lost a lot of weight. I believe

it was a combination of fear and anxiety and perhaps my L, but not sure about that one.

My GP finally put me on an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety and I have never looked back. Eat well, gaining some weight finally and no nausea or diarrhea, although my stools are loose, probably all the fibre I ingest. Hang in there, if the AD doesn't work, try an anti-anxiety.

halfcan, once it has worn off keep taking your temp just to make sure and if still over 100 we all know the drill! Thank goodness for our helplines!

Jenjenl, stay strong. It won't be long for another test and then you'll know. Let it all out. Advice I got was vent, if you wanna cry, cry, you wanna get mad, get mad, you will feel so much better once you have a plan in place. Try to think positive thoughts!





Hug your babies. Hug them tight. It makes me feel so much better .

Try to enjoy the holidays.

Oh dear! Perhaps you picked up the flu? Sending you cozy, home soon thoughts!!!

Oh halfcan! We can do the buddy system! I'm still in the hospital can't break the fevers and can't figure out why. Yea!



Are you getting neupogen shots to boost your counts? Taxotere is what did me in. Made me crave sweet all the time so I thought I was doing good by making berrie smoothies but instead made myself neutropenic!



I hope by the time you read this you are resting happily at home. Keep us posted!

Positive thoughts going to Halfcan and Karen for a speedy recovery.  Rest up and take care you two!

Karen...Just a question.  How did the berry smoothies make you neutropenic?

ODS - Because my WBC were low after my last taxol. The dr said when you are neutropenic you should avoid fruit unless you can peel it because even if you was them it may not kill all the bacteria. You should also avoid fresh flowers and Mylar balloons. The things you learn! So I guess I wasn't washing them enough and I was just doing the fruit with water and ice and that did me in.



I also have a diagnosis finally! I have a pectoral seroma which probably has some bacteria in it that is not responding to the antibiotics so we are going to drain it. Then I should start responding to the antibiotics, the fevers will stop and I can get the heck out of here!