2 years

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kar123
kar123 Member Posts: 273
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Hi,

Exactly 2 years ago today, I was in a drugged out stupor after a double mastectomy topped off with expanders.  Neoadj. chemo had rendered me bald.  Stress had me down from 125lbs to 105.  I looked and felt like death.  On this anniversary of my cancer ridding surgery, I sit here with all the weight back, a nice pixie cut that I have chosen to keep and feeling much better.  Except for the fact that I thought I would be more excited and happy about passing another year.  Instead I feel a little depressed and wistful for my old breasts.  The ones I have now, look ok, but don't feel like me.  Still have residual pain and numbness.  Arimidex has turned me into an 85 year old instead of my normal 42 years.  I don't think I was ready for this part of the journey.  I focused so much on getting through chemo, surgery, radiation, and general survival, that I didn't think about the future effects of cancer treatment.  The aches, pains, scares etc.  are taking their toll.  Don't get me wrong...I am very happy and grateful to still be here.  I just had a fantasy in my head that once everything was done I would be a new woman with perky boobs that don't need a bra and medications would have no side effects.  Instead, it's hard to wear a bra because it's uncomfortable and the medication side effects, well they are a bitch not to mention the alcohol study came out while I was recovering so I feel guilty and scared to enjoy in a little bubbly to mark the occasion.  Hopefully, it will get better from here.  Cheers to all of you and here's to a long healthy life to all of us!

Kelli

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited November 2012

    Kelli, congrats on hitting the 2-year mark. Especially for ILC, that is significant. We have very similar DX and TX, except I had more nodes than you :/ and I did not have recon, probably never will.

    I am only at a year and a bit, but I hear you on all the after effects of treatment. It obviously beats being dead, so it does seem a bit hard to complain sometimes, but it does also suck. I was actually surprised that both my docs were very concerned about the femara SEs at my last appointment, in the sense that they both kept asking me if I was sure I could deal with the joint pain etc. Their concern tells me that they have some fairly serious compliance issues with this drug. I did research the advantage of femara, and from what I can see, in a case like mine (and yours) the advantage is major. I find that proper diet and lots of exercise are the best antidotes to the SEs.

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited November 2012

    Hi Kelli!



    Congrats on the two years! Hang in, you're doing great. I think it took me years to really feel better emotionally, I too thought it would all magically go away as soon as I finished treatment. I have come to realise that it is never going away, we just have to be happy, and find happiness, in our new reality. I just passed my 4 year mark and life is really good. I exercise every day which I have found makes a huge difference in the se's from Arimidex, and also helps emotionally.



    Actually, my main reason for posting was I wanted to share this new study I came across. Enjoy that bubbly!! (every day if you want!)



    http://cancerscientist.wordpress.com/2012/11/07/a-drink-a-day-may-help-breast-cancer-patients-live-longer/

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited November 2012

    Dear Kelli, 

    Congratulations on the two years.  We understand it has been a bumpier journey than you had anticipated, but we hope it does get better from here.  To a long healthy life!

    Best wishes, 

    (((The Mods)))

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  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited November 2012

    Congrats, Kelli!  Every year gets better, and everything you are feeling is so very normal.  Don't be hard on yourself and know it gets better.

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  • kar123
    kar123 Member Posts: 273
    edited November 2012

    Thanks Ladies!  Have a great Thanksgiving!  I've decided to save my glass of wine/champagne for Thursday Smile

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  • CherylinOhio
    CherylinOhio Member Posts: 623
    edited November 2012

    KerriMac, thanks for the link. So much conflicting data!!  One study says drink wine another source says alcohol will increase a reoccurence. sheesh...what to do what to do....

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