2 years

kar123

Hi,

Exactly 2 years ago today, I was in a drugged out stupor after a double mastectomy topped off with expanders.  Neoadj. chemo had rendered me bald.  Stress had me down from 125lbs to 105.  I looked and felt like death.  On this anniversary of my cancer ridding surgery, I sit here with all the weight back, a nice pixie cut that I have chosen to keep and feeling much better.  Except for the fact that I thought I would be more excited and happy about passing another year.  Instead I feel a little depressed and wistful for my old breasts.  The ones I have now, look ok, but don't feel like me.  Still have residual pain and numbness.  Arimidex has turned me into an 85 year old instead of my normal 42 years.  I don't think I was ready for this part of the journey.  I focused so much on getting through chemo, surgery, radiation, and general survival, that I didn't think about the future effects of cancer treatment.  The aches, pains, scares etc.  are taking their toll.  Don't get me wrong...I am very happy and grateful to still be here.  I just had a fantasy in my head that once everything was done I would be a new woman with perky boobs that don't need a bra and medications would have no side effects.  Instead, it's hard to wear a bra because it's uncomfortable and the medication side effects, well they are a bitch not to mention the alcohol study came out while I was recovering so I feel guilty and scared to enjoy in a little bubbly to mark the occasion.  Hopefully, it will get better from here.  Cheers to all of you and here's to a long healthy life to all of us!

Kelli

Momine

Kelli, congrats on hitting the 2-year mark. Especially for ILC, that is significant. We have very similar DX and TX, except I had more nodes than you and I did not have recon, probably never will.

I am only at a year and a bit, but I hear you on all the after effects of treatment. It obviously beats being dead, so it does seem a bit hard to complain sometimes, but it does also suck. I was actually surprised that both my docs were very concerned about the femara SEs at my last appointment, in the sense that they both kept asking me if I was sure I could deal with the joint pain etc. Their concern tells me that they have some fairly serious compliance issues with this drug. I did research the advantage of femara, and from what I can see, in a case like mine (and yours) the advantage is major. I find that proper diet and lots of exercise are the best antidotes to the SEs.

KerryMac

Hi Kelli!



Congrats on the two years! Hang in, you're doing great. I think it took me years to really feel better emotionally, I too thought it would all magically go away as soon as I finished treatment. I have come to realise that it is never going away, we just have to be happy, and find happiness, in our new reality. I just passed my 4 year mark and life is really good. I exercise every day which I have found makes a huge difference in the se's from Arimidex, and also helps emotionally.



Actually, my main reason for posting was I wanted to share this new study I came across. Enjoy that bubbly!! (every day if you want!)



http://cancerscientist.wordpress.com/2012/11/07/a-drink-a-day-may-help-breast-cancer-patients-live-longer/

Moderators

Dear Kelli, 

Congratulations on the two years.  We understand it has been a bumpier journey than you had anticipated, but we hope it does get better from here.  To a long healthy life!

Best wishes, 

(((The Mods)))

Bugs

Congrats, Kelli!  Every year gets better, and everything you are feeling is so very normal.  Don't be hard on yourself and know it gets better.

kar123

Thanks Ladies!  Have a great Thanksgiving!  I've decided to save my glass of wine/champagne for Thursday

CherylinOhio

KerriMac, thanks for the link. So much conflicting data!!  One study says drink wine another source says alcohol will increase a reoccurence. sheesh...what to do what to do....