Starting Chemo July 2012

I find myself quite depressed after the second round of AC also.  Third round is on thursday.  Is that common?

Hang in there, ladies. Depression can make things seem bigger than they really are. But you WILL get through this.

Hey Girls...

I had AC #4 last Wednesday, and I have this awfuk YUCK taste in my mouth.  It's the metal/nausea thing..that makes you hate to swallow.  I chewed gum after last treatment but this round the gum is just not cutting it.  Anybody else getting this too?

I loved reading about all the smell sensitivities.  You guys help me realize I'm not alone in this!  I think I have the nose of a bomb sniffing dog right now!   

Keep smiling ladies...we will get through this!

xoxox 

Mamabr-I'm so sorry you are going through it too!!That was a great way to put it --everything is amplified.  I hope relief is right around the corner.  I'm supposed to go to onc for regular blood work tomorrow--- I think I will ask for a 2hr hydration IV--if I can make the appointment!

Hi All, heading into TAC # 3 this Thursday.A little concerned because the side effects hit me a little harder and with different timing during # 2. Seemed like it took longer for me to 'straighten my brain out'. I am out of work 7 days and then at work 7 days each cycle, so I was a bit worried that I'd not be ready. My smell is more heightened now, too...nurse used a little alcohol pad to clean my port area and I felt like I had some weird magnified 'Spidey Sense'.

 Ann and Susan, much encouragment to you both, and to everyone here. Some days are definitely worse than others. As I like to say (and which seems to be the case for me), each day I have a choice which way to reset the clock-positive or negative direction. Mental strength and positivity has definitely helped me with those bad days and stay positive on the good ones. Good luck ladies-may the side effects for your next treatment not be be stronger than your heart and will to move past this 'Roswell style invasion' (that one was for you, Susan). By the way, have always wanted to visit Roswell....crazy how my body, like many has now become a metaphor...

 (Trying to maintain my sense of humor, STILL).

Try it out, mamabr.  Maybe it's reviving.  I'm still believing in the magic power of Gatorade since it helped me so much at one point.  Tonight I got a big mood boost from a long slow walk around the neighborhood.  

Fluids are a life-saver. I get IV fluids the day after chemo and my SE's have been very manageable. My onc schedules it as part of the treatment, explaining that it helps control SE's. And they give me additional anti-nausea meds as well. Highly recommend it.

I put the foob in my sports bra - the only bra I can stand to wear over my pacemaker on the left side and my chemo port on the right side. I put on my wig, and makeup my face with a little extra blush on my cheeks. And people say "Oh, you're looking so good, it must be going well."

And I either smile and say "Thank you", or I get really honest and say, "This is my good week; I'll get hit with the chemo again next week."

 You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time.

But you can't fool yourself.  Thanks to you all for being here where I can be honest! (And whiny, and wimpy if I want to.)

Knitted Knockers! Brought first smile today. Thank you Ann. 

Those who have not had hydration after--ask. Can really help.

I had my 3rd AC Thursday--and today has been a $*%&%. I did fluids over the w/end. Trying to drink now--but everything makes me gag. Took a Reglan an hour or so ago in hopes I can get something down. Have labs in the morning. Might need a bit more fluids then.

Going to cuddle with my dogs. No matter what--they love me.

Homemade spaghetti sauce? Wow! The Bald Mom Lecture is the best. 

Susan, LOL-that's exactly what I've seen in regards to the Roswell situation, your post made me laugh, haha! With the depression, try to do any small amount of the things you love to do, whatever those things may be. Studying Psych and going this situation, abandoning hobbies and or anything you love to do is a surefire way to spiral down. Easier said than done, especially when your hobbies may be physical, and you can't do it the week after Chemo treatment, but whatever you can do to stay phsically and mentally engaged with your friends, family and your own brain is helpful.

 I can't speak for anyone else, in terms of what actually works, but I do as much housework as I can on my 'good' weeks, make plans with friends, and talk on the phone, play 'Words with Friends' with friends further away, stay in touch on Facebook and post little updates (mostly humorous, so my best friends can laugh,too), and follow one of the best pieces of advice I've read in all of this. Which is....try to keep the life you had before as much as you can-besides this, you are still you. Some days I feel sooooooo far away from myself, it's scary. Then I go to the mirror and say "You won't get ME", and work hard to get in touch with me-my favorite music, singing (which I love to do), nature programs, nature walks, and other things I enjoy.  So, as a movie nut, I see movies when I can (I also have a HUGE personal collection), and my wife and I are still making plans to attend any festivals we usually see. I won't put myself in physical danger by scheduling exhausting things 2 days after treatment, as I know I won't feel well. But, in a great and very funny book I read called 'How to Thrive on Chemo' or something like that, there were many, many funny anecdotes that now ring true, about living your life, despite of this, and not letting yourself be pyschologically debilitated, because it impedes healing. The Author talks about everything from all of our collective side effects, and that you have to choose to not just 'survive' the side effects but 'thrive' during this tough time period. I laughed through most of it (the random bodily functions cracked me up, but now that I am in the middle of it, are so true). I found it to be an uplifting read.

I have been drinking 3 parts Gatorade and 1 parts water since Monday in my BPA free Nalgene bottle, and the Gatorade has given me an extra boost. I HATE drinking now, as it just feels so forced. But since dehydration can land you in the hospital and I already did that once (digestive issues), I am trying to avoid that. The Gatorade helps replenish other minerals and salts, so it makes sense why it's helping. I personally stick with the 'Fruit Punch'. As an added 'incentive' I've been picturing myself health, in High School (years ago, but a time when I was at my peak level of fitness, I'd say), doing a two handed backhand, or overhead smash. I used to drink Gatorade then, too. On tough days when I don't want to drink, I do heavy duty visualization. Last night I did my best sports caster voice. My wife was starting dinner and she had some much needed laughs (we're both exhaused from all of this, of course). We lift each other up when the other is down. This week, my VP is visiting because I'll be involved in an acquisition. First time with hat with hair in front of upper management. Will be a bit weird. But the good thing is, she is amazing and I have great respect for her. I am hoping there are no awkward moments, and my boss (she is his boss), has been very supportive. But still, you try to be strong and some moments, you just want to rip the wig and hat off and say 'For heaven's sakes, lets stop the niceties and cherades', LOL.

'Knitted Knockers', you're too funny. Animals definitely help with the healing. My cats have no idea, and when they come by me and purr, I smile, no matter what...

 Mamabr-my heart goes out to you. The moments where I have to get into it with my wife for whatever reason (it doesn't happen often), I feel volnurable especially when being topless at home. I am so emotional, and I can be fine one minute and  not so fine later. Yesterday I came home, smiling from work. I thought I was fine, then I saw my wife who looked utterly exhausted. My worry for her own wellbeing effervessed to the surface in 1 second flat, and suddenly all I had wanted to say all week, while she herself prepares to go back to work after a very short break (she works a summer program,and is a pre-school teacher). And BAM, mini breakdown. 10 minutes then I was ok again-I just needed to get it out, as did she. I ran through the spectrum of emotions so quickly, I hyperventilated. We both ended up laughing, but it was good for us to get some release. At 19 or so, I saw my mom battle a tough disease (smoking related COPD and other things). It was very tough for me as she had always been strong as a horse, and now I was the care giver. For the next 12-15 years or so I watched her get worse, and took care of her,  and it was heartbreaking. I just wanted 'my mom back'.  Her emotions were heightened of course, and our relationship deteriorated. You are entitled to your fits. There will be some scars (physical, emotional),  no matter what you do, because how everyone processes things are different. She's afraid for you, and she also is trying to live her life, including her darn car. I am sure she misses her Mom (pre-chemo). I hope you guys can work things out, you sound like you are trying incredibly hard to protect her-I hope as a family you can stay strong together, and emerge even stronger after this is done. Take care of yourself & hugs to you-sauce sounds good, good for you for continuing routine things like cooking, when you can!

Nat-"This is my good week" should be a bumper sticker. I use this all of the time-especially when I have to explain again and again, how I am 'Roidzilla' the previous week (steroids make me ridiculously hungry), and then the week before the next lovely infusion, is my good week. Today (my last day  before my next chair stint), I am at work taking a break to pop in, and like someone mentioned I am experiencing some 'anticipatory anxiety' as well.  I know exactly why it's happening and mentally negotiating with my rational self, to keep it at bay. But I'd rather be in Bora Bora than be in that chair, just because I know that I will be emotionally and physically spent days after. I wish they could fit this whole awful experience in one injection right into the damn tumor and be done. But alas, it needs to run through systemically, happy joy joy!

March on soldiers, round through round, hang on to your sanity, and kick @ss. After the dust settles after our periodic craziness(sometimes a few times per day), we march on through another round of filling pill boxes, refilling prescriptions, doctor's visits, stress, worry and...standing back up again, after unbuckling the seatbelts of the roller coaster.

Good luck everyone-try to keep 'you' on the radar and in your brain, even if a little 'foggy' at times!

Congrats Life & good luck with the book-are you an Illustrator by trade or is this your first one? Just curious:)

Ann - I found the link to "knitted knocker" a while back and made myself one.  I'd already read how hard it is for small busted gals to get a prosthesis that fits. Sure enough, the instructions for size A made one that was bigger than my remaining boob.  So I decreased the next one I made  by two rows and it works just fine. Easy to tuck into my sports bra.

Positive note for today...I used to regret that I was SO small on top.  Now it's an advantage, I go without the foob at home and the gym, and with a baggy t-shirt I don't think anyone notices the lack. I've read about more well-endowed ladies feeling quite lopsided and out-of-balance when they don't wear their prothesis. No problem for me.

Hugs to all.  Nat

Hey boobzilla, thanks for the great pep talk, you hit lots of great points for all of us.