I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange

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  • CLC
    CLC Member Posts: 1,531
    edited August 2012

    Chickadee and Kam...it is exactly what you guys are talking about that makes me so annoyed with the alternative treatment gurus.  There is this insinuation that all that we have done, from life before bc right through to treatments has created our situation and we have only ourselves to blame.  It is like blaming the victim.  Heck...it is like saying a woman wearing a short skirt that says no isn't legitimately raped.  Sorry...I know you were trying to lighten up...but between the altie threads and the right wing anti-abortion idiots, I am having trouble being light...aghghghghg! 

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  • Chickadee
    Chickadee Member Posts: 4,467
    edited August 2012

    To change the subject, I am feeling so much hope for my son now. He flew to Flagstaff, Az this weekend(an accomplishment in itself) to spend the weekend with some friends he met several years ago when we were traveling in our RV. They are First Nations and their friendship with him evolved out of recognizing his Native American features. There was an event this weekend that was very private and by invitation only and he was accepted and invited.



    Anyway he increased his circle of friends and even caught the eye of a few young ladies. Something he's been depressed about where we live. They have welcomed him as a member of the family and he called to let me know he sees himself living there someday.



    I've been so stressed thinking about how difficult life would be for him when we are both gone but now I have hope that he will be surrounded by love and friendship going forward.

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  • YramAL
    YramAL Member Posts: 1,651
    edited August 2012

    I honestly don't know how anyone could rally around this guy and excuse what he said. I don't know if anyone is, but someone probably will. This is waay beyond politics. It's outright stupidity. 

    Mary

    PS I wonder if we'll get our usual visitors since this topic has been brought up. I would love to see how they explain this one away. 

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  • QuinnCat
    QuinnCat Member Posts: 3,456
    edited August 2012

    Then I should have been aborted, since I have the brca2 gene.  Reminds me when our organization's Safety Officer sent out an email about cancer prevention - keeping a normal weight and good diet.  I wanted to yell and scream at him, as if I could have prevented this darn BC. 

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited August 2012

    Wow, Mary, I'm sorry that your SIL refuses to consider smoking cessation after a second bout of cancer. The incredible, awful power of addiction - and I know whereof I speak because I used to smoke. Hope she doesn't get mets. I am concerned to read about her apparent inability to consider that route. Rads have a very small chance of damaging both heart and lungs, which smoking already damages. I fear that she could reach the point of no return. There are so many causes for BC that are not known, or not preventable or foreseeable, but smoking ain't on that list, hard as it is to stop.

    Here is a smoking information and resources thread I started on BCO - maybe you can share it with her. I include loads of links to quitting resources and support groups and information about the relationship between BC and smoking. I mean, really, who cares about treatment (rads) when you are pumping dozens of carcinogens a day into your body:

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/6/topic/786615?page=2#idx_48

    (Standing up on hind legs and shaking head - then getting off soap box, hoping she is coping despite the unexpected bad news about recurrence).

    New topic:

    ....oh, that half wit candidate? There you see the drawbacks of our system. Almost miss being a colony when I read that crap. There's something wrong with a nation that produces such a live fetus as that.  

    As Churchill said, "democracy is the worst form of government - except for every other form of government."Tongue out

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  • YramAL
    YramAL Member Posts: 1,651
    edited August 2012

    Chickadee-I think we were posting at the same time. I didn't see your post about your son. That is wonderful, just wonderful. I am so glad he feels welcomed there, and you feel good about him being there. I hope it only continues to get better and better.

    Mary 

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  • alexandria58
    alexandria58 Member Posts: 1,588
    edited August 2012

    Chickadee,  So glad that things are looking good for your son.

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  • YramAL
    YramAL Member Posts: 1,651
    edited August 2012

    Thanks, Athena. Everyone has urged her to quit smoking, to no avail. I am a lifelong nail biter, and have never been able to quit, so I certainly understand the addiction part. She knows it's not good for her, not to mention, wow, what an expensive habit! They are always scrambling for money and I think a pack a day must be really expensive. We all worry that she will get lung cancer. 

    Mary 

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited August 2012

    Chickadee - that is wonderful news about your son. I hope it all continues to prosper.

    Rape/abortion:

    I mean, honestly, if America can't self govern and allows genetic mutations with no brains on TV, we deserve to go back to England..... :-)

    The word "back" comes to my mind often this election season. Not just as in "backwards" or "backwardness" but also as in "walk-back." You know, when you have to retreat from previous untenable positions because you believe the politics of the day demand even more untenable positions;;;. The Romney-Ryan crabwalk ("it's Obama who's cutting Medicare" - why do they lie like that?).

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  • Chickadee
    Chickadee Member Posts: 4,467
    edited August 2012

    "was that if it IS a LEGITIMATE rape and somehow her defensive mechanism doesn't kick out the rapist sperm and she gets pregnant, well the guy deserves SOME punishment, but don't punish the child. "



    There is a sometimes visitor to this thread who believes the last part of this. She took me to task in a PM with just that thought.

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited August 2012

    Mary - we crossposted.

    Quitting smoking is very hard - although for some it isn't that hard, and apparently the difficulty does not seem related to how much one actually smokes.

    Biting nails is the most benign addiction one can have, I think. It's not cancer-causing.

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  • Chickadee
    Chickadee Member Posts: 4,467
    edited August 2012

    Post was not productive. I'm staying on my positive vibe. Son is at the airport ready to head home. Will be tired as his flight doesn't get in until 11pm and there's a 45 minute drive home.

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  • YramAL
    YramAL Member Posts: 1,651
    edited August 2012

    I will definitely direct her to that, Athena, though as the saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". I don't really know if she WANTS to quit. But who am I to say?

    Mary

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  • pupmom
    pupmom Member Posts: 5,068
    edited August 2012

    Totally agree, Momine! 

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  • CLC
    CLC Member Posts: 1,531
    edited August 2012

    Chickadee...that is wonderful news about your son.  It is hard to want so much for our children...and so wonderful when they find it...:)

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  • pupmom
    pupmom Member Posts: 5,068
    edited August 2012

    So happy your so is finding a niche in life, Chickadee.!

    Momine, not sure what I posted, but I think we're on the same page, whatever it is! Laughing 

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited August 2012

    I didn't want to either, Mary. It took me a while to understand that the sheer lack of desire to stop is addiction talking. I mean, one prefers to continue doing something harmful, and the addiction overcomes one's value system. They say that stopping smoking can be as hard as quitting heroin. I suppose that is how illegal drug users with no criminal intent find themselves committing robberies. The substance overtakes your priority system.

    I just thought of quitting as part of cancer treatment. We know current cancer treatment is awful, so I shrugged my shoulders and rather stoically accepted my "treatment" fate that way. Had I though of quitting as anything BUT treatment, I wouldn't have persevered - I am certain of that. It's not the lifestyle, the money, the inconvenience. It has to be one's will to fight a disease head on in the way one feels is best. I told myself that if I didn't stop smoking I couldn't really take seriously any protestation that I wanted to send my bc packing.

    It was a very hard look in the mirror. How much did I REALLY want to HELP prevent a death from cancer? How much was I really willing to give? Not an iota if I didn't have faith in the treatment, but smoking is one of those scientific near irrefutables. It's a killer, in the nastiest, slowest way. If you don't die of some complications, it's only because every rule has some exceptions. Undecided

    Maybe your SIL doesn't know how to go about it....she may have tried before, or she may not know how to begin to go about it. There are ways, and loads of resources.

    Anyway, off soap box again.

    Athena, A Fellow Nail Biter

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  • YramAL
    YramAL Member Posts: 1,651
    edited August 2012

    So you were able to quit smoking but not nail biting, Athena? Tongue out

    It's so embarrassing when I get a pedicure, and they ask me if I want a manicure as well. I always tuck my nails into my palms and say, "I bite my nails. I don't have any nails......"

    Mary 

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited August 2012

    There you go!

    I've never had a manicure. My story is the following: "I do my own hand curating." Innocent

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  • CLC
    CLC Member Posts: 1,531
    edited August 2012

    Yram...just think of all of the keratin, a protein, you are getting!!

    If you are going to have an addiction, that's the one to go with!

    I had a heck of a time quitting smoking.  For me, it was pregnancy.  My husband still hasn't quit (he does not smoke in the house or in a car or near any of us...pretty cold in the winter).  Both of my  parents died of lung cancer and my grandmother had wicked emphysema at the end.  But I smoked through all three of their deaths. 

    I agree with you Athena...the secret is all in the motivation...and not talking yourself out of the motivation.

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited August 2012

    CLC: I think it also helps if you are not around smokers, otherwise it's even harder. Anyone wanting to read my sob story go to that link I gave Mary.

    Even today, when I walk on the streets if I go by a smoker and smell the tobacco I become concerned that I could get back to doing it. Even having had cancer.... If I see anyone with a cigarette on the streets I cross to the other side.

    The good news is that I don't miss it. I love my cigarette-free life.

    Speaking of fellow former smokers, I really miss Barbara, and hope she is coping ok.

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  • ananda8
    ananda8 Member Posts: 2,755
    edited August 2012

    This is how my DH quit smoking after 30 years.  He got a couple of small glass jars, about the size of baby food jars.  He put 1/4- 1/2 inch of water in each one.  He smoked cigarettes like he normally did and put one butt in each jar with the lid on.  One jar was on his desk, one at work, one in the car and one in his briefcase.

    Whenever he needed a cigarette, he just removed the lid and inhaled the odor of the damp cigarette.  It was almost pure nicotine and smelled just like a cigarette. The nicotine smell was absorbed through his sinuses and had the same affect on his brain as smoking.  He was able to slowly wean himself completely of cigarettes over a period of 4 weeks.  It's been almost 15 years since he smoked.  

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited August 2012

    I gave up biting my nails but not the other :)

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  • rosemary-b
    rosemary-b Member Posts: 2,006
    edited August 2012

    Chickadee, what good news about your son.

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  • kad2kar
    kad2kar Member Posts: 336
    edited August 2012

    Hi!!---Just a weird question, if you have cancer in your fingernails, can that turn into cancer in the rest of your body? Or dont fingernails get cancer? 

    About 15 years ago I saw what I thought was a really disgusting for young women (and I had 2 boys so I know digusting), "in case of rape, this side up". Would that be a legitimate rape? 

    I quit smoking cold turkey once, didnt start again for almost a year.  Someday I will quit again. I am a nail biter up to my elbows,so I wear fake nails. 

    Everyone have a good evening and super tomorrow.------------------kad2kar

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited August 2012

    I've been a nail biter since I was 3. I've stopped many times but always seem to go back to it. This time I'm not even tempted - pity I can't do that for smoking.

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited August 2012

    Kam, only if it is a legitimate cancer. See?

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited August 2012

    Just did the longer ride again. I was worried I wouldn't get home before dark, but I made it. I didn't stop at all on the way except for the traffic lights on the main road and then when I got to my turning around point. I'm pooped.

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited August 2012

    Alexandria, brilliant! That must be it. Imagine legitimate rape as cancer prevention. Talk aout alternative treatment ;P

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited August 2012

    Steve's comment was that the baby didn't do anything wrong.

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