2012 sisters
Comments
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Welcome Tracyc, You came to the right place. There are so many loving people here to lean on who will share their experiences and advice. When you are first diagnosed you are thrown into a personal chaos like you have never experienced. Try to take deep breaths, stay positive and get the emotional help you need. This forum has been a life saver for so many of us.
Once you have your treatment plan you will be in control and feel much better. My best to you as you learn, cry, cuss and make your decisions. It's all part of the journey, and you can make it through!
Hugs
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Lostinmo, Websister, Bev, Tina, Chrissera, and anyone else I may have missed,
I'm so sorry you are not seeing the results you were hoping for. I'm praying that you find strength as you take the next leg of your journey. Dang cancer!
Chrissera, your mom is a wise woman. I always feel better after a shower and makeup no matter how punky I'm feeling. Some other things that make me feel good and somewhat attractive during this challenging time are....wearing a pretty piece of jewelry, buying a new pair of shoes, painting my nails a radical color and listening to Motown music while dancing away.. Whatever your muse, just find some time for you to feel happy.
Love and hugs to all.
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I don't wear makeup, but getting up, cleaning up, and putting on fresh clothing are my remidies too. I've replace a large portion of my wardrobe, in part because lots of things no longer fit (between 20 lbs lost a swollen trunk and arms) but also because a new outfit is a real mood brightener for me.
Then, as long as I'm up and dressed, I might as well head out and do something. Doesn't matter if it's just walking the dog or running to the grocery store, I feel better once I've been out and about. And, well, as long as I'm up and dressed, I might as well run by work...
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Once you heal from the port you can swim and sweat away. It is subcutaneous.
As to mastectomy versus lumpectomy with positive nodes? Tough decision. I decided lumpectomy and they recommended neo adjuvant chemo. When you are getting chemo and radiation( which you will if your nodes are positive) the stats say that there is no difference between mastectomy and lumpectomy for survivor rates. As long as the cancer is in just one area that is. If they suspect multiple masses or if there is lobular carcinoma or other more aggressive types or if you are BRCA positive, mastectomy will be recommended. Lumpectomy is a much smaller surgery with shorter recovery time. Your sensation will not be affected as much. You will still have your own nipples. But a lot of people opt for the mastectomy for personal reasons, some people just want it all gone so you don't have to worry about it. It's a highly personal decision and when your docs give you that option it can be hard to decide. -
Welcome, Tracy - this thread in particular has a wonderful group of ladies supporting each other
Chrissera, Cindyl and DigitalCowgirl - thanks for the tips
jpmomof3 - I had the CT scan preop, I was told it was negative but then when I met with the MO she told me that radiologist had reviewed and there was a small spot on the spleen the wanted to check out. The ultrasound would show whether it was a cyst or mass or whatever? It's not a cyst. When I asked the MO what they would do if it was a mets she said 'that would make you a stage 4, we would continue with the treatment plan and possibly a splenectomy.
I asked the GP about this yesterday and her answer was that they don't biopsy spleens. They would use the information they had from CT and ultrasound and use it as a baseline, proceed with chemo and test again in 3 mos. to see if improvement. If no improvement or larger at three months and they felt it really was mets they would eventually schedule a splenectomy as there would be a risk of the spleen rupturing otherwise and, I'm assuming, because the spleen is so vascular there is much increased risk of mets to other areas. When I researched mets of bc to spleen it looks like it would be very rare to have an isolated mets to the spleen only so hoping it might be scarring or something else. I won't borrow trouble for now but, as others have said, it sure can be a rocky ride, can't it? -
websister-Sorry to hear about your spleen, this might not be anything and this cancer is REALLY a roller coaster ride! I have a friend who had Triple negative stage 2 breast cancer 4 years ago, she's in remission ( going on her 5 year mark) and she was experiencing pain when she breathes fro a while, she was so afraid it was mets and they finally did a lung biopsy which showed no sign of cancer but maybe some kinda fungal infection that sh'e seeing a lung doc for now. So not all things are cancer and I know it is hard but hang in there! Hoping that you will still enjoy your vacation!
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Tracy- I am sorry to hear about your recent dx but glad you found this site early. It took me 6 months to build up the courage to start posting but now that I have it has been such an encouragment as well as outlet for me. I wish you well as you have many decisions over the next few weeks and lots of life changes.
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Hello all thanks for the encouraging words.
jpmom-thank you for getting me back on track. I went to dark thoughts for a day or so but now I am back in full fight mode. I will not let this crap beat me or get me down.
websister-I'm believing that it is not mets to the spleen. Enjoy your vacation I love the Pacific Northwest and can't wait to get back out there.
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Websister, keeping my fingers crossed that is nothing. That makes sense that they wouldn't biopsy the spleen, can't stop the bleeding there. Those scans are so sensitive now, I had a spot on my lung seen on ct and a spot on my brain on MRI that no one seems concerned about. Those scans pick up things that just dont matter. I see that stuff all the time when I am working up patients and most of the time it is nothing. But in the context of breast cancer things change. It sounds like they have a good plan for you and are going to monitor that spot closely.
Tracy, sorry you have to be here but this is a gret group, welcome. I am hoping that this group will stick together through the years and down the road we will be talking about how long we have been cancer free and how much hair we have grown instead of this stuff. We will be there for you.
Do any of you look at photos of yourself from a year ago and more and wonder at the unbelievable change that has come. I see myself in a photo with all my hair and eyebrows and a big smile on my face and I know that I thought I was going to live to ninety and be healthy back then. I see that photo and realize that I had cancer growing already. Already my own body turned on me. Ahhh how I have fallen in a year. I used to be so strong. I used to be able to run, really fast. What the hell has happened and why? I know I am sounding morose. But sometimes I am just so damned angry about this whole thing. Why me?
Sorry to be a downer. I will get over it, but I have had a lot of bad news this week that I am still trying to process. I need to get this out of me and move on to the next fight. I have been fighting a lot this year and am tired but ready. Fuck you cancer. -
jpmom-I have been thinking of you lots. I just glanced at a picture of me and my family on facebook from just earlier this summer and thought wow....what changes. While I sit here and wait to see if I have to do chemo etc, I have not had the physical changes except for new surgery scars..but the mental ones are there. So strange that every morning when I wake up, the first thought upon conciousness is I have cancer. The same thought is the one before I fall asleep. Even when you try to keep the day as normal as possible, the mind is sucked like a vacuum to the very same topic. I have learned very quickly that while we all fight this fight, to be grateful for each other and that I, at least, have to embrace the now different me, for a part of me will always now be....different. Hugs to you! We are here for you!! ~Aruba
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Lostinmo - glad you're feeling back in full fight mode, I think we all need times to look at the dark place, not hide from it, but then to move on and let that reflection motivate us to move forward, take nothing for granted and continue the fight
jpmomof3 - thanks, you are right, the technology they have nowadays can be a blessing and a curse. I am glad they are being so careful but it can be nerve-wracking. You said you used to be so strong. You are even stronger now, just in a different way. You are still able to run, really fast, this time you are running for your life and in the process you are inspiring so many of us. I am learning that physical appearance is not the true measure of a person, I hope I can remember this and hold my head high as I begin chemo, radiation and hormone therapy and all the changes they will bring.
You have had a very rough week and you are entitled to be tired and down for a bit. I'm so glad we have this forum to express the fears and anger but also the good news, successes and accomplishments.
I smile when I think that when I first joined this thread I thought PFC meant post f****ing chemo, I sometimes think it is a more appropriate definition
Aruba - no matter what the future holds in regards to treatment, this experience will have changed you - you are right, you are different now, whether that difference is manifested in your appearance or not.
Take care everyone -
Jp- I have many of the same sentiments thinking I would live to 85 or 90- my parents and grandparents did and I ate well, exercised, rarely drank etc all normal mammos forever and yet here I am with extensive bilateral breast cancer- how did this happen? I do feel vulnerable, where are before I felt so physically capable. We went trekking in Nepal 2 years ago and to Kenya last year and I didn't wonder if I could do the trek, cut myself and get lymph edema, get into a hot tub and get lymph edema. Now I feel a bit delicate. I do walk daily and even on chemo I probably have better exercise tolerance than many of my friends.
Sometimes I then think of people that have something much worse or their children do etc and I put my situation in some better light. I do feel like a ticking time bomb and tend to seek out the survival stories and avoid tragic movies, books etc.
But, now I have thoughts like maybe I should start collecting my social security at age 62, whereas in the past I thought I would wait until 70. My DH said don't bet against yourself, it really isn't that, it is a new sense of my mortality-'probably not around the corner, but, also possibly no longer 85 or 90.
I do look at old pictures sometimes and the Christmas pictures with all the kids-I think getting rid of 10# of steroid weight and a little hair could really help the mood- I feel a bit like I have started to hobble to the taxol finish line and probably should pick up my step. -
Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. It really is a blessing to have this forum and you guys to talk to. I can't say these things to my family or non BC friends. They don't understand. I too have had that thought of why bother with taking more money out of my check for retirement. I have to stay positive about things like that and not let the dark side take over. I agree with the tragic movies too. Who needs more depressing drama? While we need to deal with the negative, We need to surround ourselves with positivity. I have never liked that type of movie anyway. While I will still have them take the money it for retirement in hope that I will need it I also am learning to live life even more fully now. Once I am done with these treatments and surgeries, it is time to live! I want to take as many vacations with my kids as I can afford to. I want buy a sports car and drive fast. I want to do as much with my kids as I can with all the other restrictions of life. I am also going to have a few drinks on the weekend and feel good.
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jpmomof3....when I started telling people about my dx I got multiple responses of "well at least you'll be thin with huge knockers when you are done". I'd rather be fat with saggy boobs than have cancer!!! You put it very eloquently...FUCK YOU CANCER!
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Tpolychron--I can't believe people would actually say something that stupid!!! I must say that in the past few weeks I stopped caring so much about cosmetics and I just care about getting out of this alive and cancer free.
Aruba--There will be one day when you actually wake up and cancer isn't the very first thing on your mind. I still think about it all the time but it doesn't consume my every waking thought like it did in the beginning days of my dx. I used to hate that it consumed so much of my thoughts. I know that friends and family have to get sick of hearing me talk about it so I'm glad I have you ladies to vent to.
Jpmom-I look at pictures all the time. I went on a trip to NYC in the fall and had a fabulous time. Then when my older sister was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in October I spent time in Philadelphia with her where she was getting treatments. I even was able to fly back to her home in VA with her because she had anxiety about flying alone after her dx. I look at those pictures and I look so vibrant and healthy and think "How could I have possibly had cancer when I look so healthy?" Last summer I was able to run/walk 3 5K's with my son. This summer because of my 2 surgeries I have not been able to do any. I get so angry about it, but am hoping that next year I will be back running those 5K's!!! And by the way, we are all entitled to have dark days as long as we don't stay in that mentality.
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Man we need a "LIKE" button!
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I agree
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Hi,
Glad to have found this forum. I too am newly diagnosed with IDC. Always had clear mammos done, Im 47, was a little late getting my last mammo by 6months, didnt think much at the time, but when was asked to come back for a follow-up mammo, spot compression, US and then Stereo Tactic Biopsy saw the delay as a bit of a blessing. If I would have done it 6 months earlier, they may not have seen it and it wouldnt have been seen for another 6 months! So a silver lining! My inital pathology report shows two samples, wasnt sure if it was two tumors or just two samples of the same tumor, but after MRI it is two. Both small, one .9cm and the other .6cm. Both in the Left Breast. Right breast is all clear. Was originally thinking of doing lumpectomy, but Dr recommended Mastectomy when we confirmed two sites. I saw the Plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction, was so thrilled he told me I dont have to make a decision right now, I can delay until Im ready. To be honest, I was feeling a little overwhelmed about all the decisions so I was happy to be able to put one off for a while! I have two boys 10 (birthday today) and 15 who are aware of all that is going on, my eldest is a little more aware and a little more scared, by 10 year old, bless him, all he could think about when my husband and I told him i would be having my breast removed, was "Will it hurt? are you awake when they do it and What am I going to eat?" Im grateful he isnt too concerned about it all. My husband on the other hand is a nervous wreck! He lost his sister to BC and is so scared, she passed many years ago, I know things have been so advanced since then. I am very grateful they have found it early, and am just anxious to start the treatment so I can get this journey going. I understand there may be some hurdles along the way, but with sites like this one and the wonderful women who are selfless in their wanting to help us newly diagnosed on that journey is so awe inspiring. I know we will beat this! Thanks for letting me put this down in written form, it is quite cathartic!
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Ditto for Tina and ck. Need a like button.British lass, so sorry you have to be here but welcome. You seem to be on the right track, do what you can, take your time to make the decisions that are right for you. Watching soccer, keeping fingers crossed, GRB leading.
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Hi Everyone. Went back to work last week after a week off for AND surgery and recovery. I am happy to report the additional 7 nodes they took were cancer free!!! I am however, dreading going back to work tomorrow because I do not want to have to endure my co-workers talking about their summer vacation plans. I am happy for them...deep down, but I am pissy because I am not in a position to take a vacation with my family (LOL, not that I could afford to with the med bills that seem to arrive each day).
I have my first radiation appt/consult on Tuesday. I am most aprehensive about the fatigue SE which I am told sets in around week 4 or 5 of treatment and can continue for a month or 2 afterwards. Reason is, I also have Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and have MS related fatigue. Thankfully outside of the fatigue, my other MS systems have been at bay for the last couple of years. My BS advised me because of MS related fatigue, the radiation fatigue may hit me a little harder, so I am not sure what to expect. I hope to learn more on Tuesday.
I want you all to know that I am always thinking of you and how grateful I am that we have this forum. It's a blessing to be able to talk to others fighting the same battle and who know what you are going through. I have wonderful support from my DH, family and friends, but there are some things they just don't get! :-)
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jpmomof3, your posts were the reason I decided to join this group. Thank you for your candidness and sharing your emotional roller coaster as we know we are not alone in our emotional ups and downs! And we DEFINATELY need a 'like" button!
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As usual - so much going on here...
websister - sending you positive vibes. I was told by my BS nurse that scans show stuff all the time and it turns out to be nothing. It's just part of life for us now moving forward.
jpmom - sending you giant hugs. I try to push away the dark thoughts as much as I can, and use my grandma as inspiration. She had a single mastectomy in her late forties I think and then five years later had to do the same for her remaining breast. She lived a long and vibrant life until her mid-80s, including skydiving, parasailing, tattooing, traveling the country in a motorhome with my grandfather. There is plenty of fun life left out there for all of us - we just have to be able to see it out there and reach for it. But unlike others - we have to actively reach for it every day and tell cancer to fuck off. We can do this!
As for me - I'm still feeling pretty good and like my recovery is coming along. But I'm very mad at cancer and how it is making it hard to do my mommy job. My little guy (who just turned 2 on Friday) had 103.5 fever today along with lots of vomit. I couldn't pick him up to calm him down, and when I tried to snuggle on the couch with him, every which way he wound up leaning on me and my tissue expanders and achey ribs was too much for me to handle for more than 5 minutes at a stretch. And when he woke up from a nap crying for me, I couldn't even go pick him up out of his crib. Argh! It is so damn frustrating. I know I'll get my strength back and I need to cut myself some slack, as I'm not even 3 weeks out of surgery - but argh! Anyway... back to work tomorrow for me, but at least I have the freedom to do it from home and don't have to protect me and my tender TEs on the NYC subways...
Wishing you all a restful evening. Tomorrow is a new day where we get to wake up and tell cancer to fuck off...
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Jpmom, I've had a lot of anger this week... Internally feels more like rage.... Where did MY LIFE go?! This is someone elses life, I never for a moment saw myself here. But I am grateful that I found you here.
Aimz, I had a rant at everyone on my Facebook telling them i was done signing in for there summer because I am so sick of seeing their well deserved summer fun... And hating them for it. :.........i apologized a few hours later by telling them to resume their fun. my emotions are so scattered these days.
OK so I promised an update the other night... I'm tired so you'll get a synopsis. Went to an Internist/Homeopathic MD. he has asked me to push my chemo back a week or two and has put me on nasty tasting supplements from hell get my Crohns Disease in check (for those who don't know its nasty and leaves me in the bathroom a lot on bad/ stressful days), or I'll never get through my A/C treatment.
he also spoke to me and talked about my mind and spirit which is just so sad, angry, and list. I told him my goal is balance. I like him. Stop tomorrows first treatment will be moved a week back and I will be taking tumeric capsules and drinking aleoveria juice and be getting a new diet plan and what ever else hell says to get Mr healthy.
This summer is lost. The fall will start out slow. I spoke to a woman who reached out to to share her experience and 4 months post surgery/ chemo shed still very close to it and far from feeling its behind her. I don't know why I keep thinking "when will this just end", because it never "just ends" I have to stay to realize I will just be further from 8:45 am May 18, 2012.... The moment I will never forget. For others it may still be 9/11/01 (bring I live right next to NYC), but for me.... Its 5/18/12...... *sigh*
Jp........(((BIG HUGE HUGS)))
Tazzy, Soya... where you been?
Britishlass, what part of the UK are you from? I grew up in Surrey and then did my least college term at Kingston University. My parents have a flat in London (which the are no where near right now).
Anyway..... Welcome to all who are new..... I realized this week when I feel to my knees crying and asked my Higher Power to help me make yet ANOTHER decision.... That what I thought was going to be a sprint... Stay focused, keep moving quickly..... Has turned into a marathon.... So I better spare my energy and get some sleep.
Hope someone can relate to something I spewed tonight.
Try to sleep well ladies..... -
Ramols- I desperately miss holding my friends children..... I can only imagine your pain and sense of uselessness...... BIG HUGS to you........
Are you not doing any chemo too? Did your BS get you an Oncotype?
OH.... I, TOTALLY FORGOT I went wig and buff shopping yesterday.... With my Jewish mother! ugh..... I'll tell you all THAT story tomorrow..... -
Big Hugs to everyone, reading these boards really has opened my eyes to the journey ahead. Im so glad there is a place we can go and give and receive support and to just scream if we need to! and laugh when we need to!
Juneaubugg, I was born in Edinburgh, but my mum and dad moved to just outside Swindon when I was about 18 months old, now Im living in Vegas for about 10 years now. Mum and Dad are comng at the end of August, we are supposed to be looking for houses then, so got to be doing ok after MX. Not sure about Chemo yet, I see you start tomorrow? - all the best!
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Aims, just wanted to wish you luck as I too have MS. Hope you do okay with rads and work. I did not have rads but originally was going to and my doctor was going to keep me off work due to the MS and expected increase with fatigue. Do you take Provigil? If not, ask your neuro about it as it will help with fatigue. Good luck to you.
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Good morning Ladies,
I'm heading off for work....not looking forward to it today, just seem to be dragging. But I am the bread winner, so I need to get my butt in gear. Before I go, I want to welcome all of our new ladies and give you a huge virtual hug. You are in the right place. You will learn so much and receive great support here.
Juneaubugg, your posts touch me to the core because I have felt exactly the same way thru all of this. I have just not expressed it in words as well.
Ramois, JPmomof3, and Nkb, it sucks to be sick, but to be sick and have to care for little kids is really the $hits! I am sorry you are having to deal with stupid cancer!
Websister, I am praying that spot they see on your spleen is nothing but a shadow on the film.
Sorry I can't say hello to everyone....need to scoot.
Best wishes to all. Let's have a really happy Monday, OK?
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Digital cowgirl~
Very nice of u to think Of everyone else, and to take the time to say it. Good luck at work. I am sure u know ur limits. Take care of u.
😃😃😄 -
Ramols~
Hope ur little guy is feeling better. Soon u will be picking him up and snuggling. My little Mannys great for that. Hang in there. 😊😊😊 -
Web sister ~
I am a little behind. Just read ur post u are very inspirational and compassionate to others. I wish u the same in all course of ur treatments. Have faith !!
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