2012 sisters
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ramols, I understand completely, I was going crazy with the unknowns part of it. Luckily that phase is short and you will have a lot more information very soon. It takes time to process all this but those initial days of the tests and meeting with doctors and more doctors is more than insane. It is so normal to feel paralyzed with all this.
I am the main wage earner for my family and have my kids and my insurance through me. I was terrified that I was going to lose my job and income and house etc. I didnt have any leave time built up and because i had just started this particular job I didnt even qualify for FMLA protection at first. Plus having my mortality shoved in my face all the sudden. All those horrible thought of not seeing the kids grow up etc etc just bombard you at once. All I can say is it calms down. The information comes and the brain processes it and the fears do calm down with time.
Breast cancer is so very treatable now, even when it is in the nodes. You will no doubt need radiation and chemotherapy and as horrible as that sounds these things really really work. They are no fun and it is going to be a very long year but you will get through it. The chemo and rads KILL cancer.
Positive thinking is very important and get everyone you need to around you to help. Don't let negative thinkers stay around you for long. Who needs it. But it is very very normal to have negative thoughts and feelings and this is a great place to vent. We have all done it and will do it again. What we are going through sucks but we will do it because we have to and we are strong.
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allurbadday-I'm still waiting for my results for the hormone receptors, I live in an island in the Caribbean and they do not have private labs that does this test (Only through the gov't lab and I don't need to tell you how a gov't lab from a 3rd world conutry runs) so I opt to get mine tested in the UK arranged by my oncoplastic breast surgeon. I should get it by next week. I find going to chemoland base on statistics alone in my case very iffy. My app with the MO is tomorrow, so we will see.
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SoyaandPepper- I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. Hope your mo gives you the news you want to hear.
Lostimo-you're right I would need a back brace if I go Ostrich size so forget that! lol This last fill is killin me as it is.
Tazzy- perky tofurky since they are fake ! I still laugh when I look at that chart
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Thanks 2FriedEggs!
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I made it through my twelve hour shift but am exhausted. Time to pass put.
Good luck tomorrow soya! -
thanks jpmomof3
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Thanks to all of you for your responses and hugs - I can feel them!
jpmomof3 - Thanks so much for sharing your story. I hope your job and insurance issues have been working in your favor. I am very thankful that my employers are being very understanding - especially since I carry the insurance for our family. I'm doing my best to stay positive and your thoughts are going to help. The worst is when my kids go to sleep. Focusing on them and playing with them makes it very easy to temporarily forget about my diagnosis - but once they are in bed and it is just me and my husband, those nasty thoughts have a habit of creeping in. I'm glad I finally joined so I can air the nasty thoughts and get them out of my head!
tazzy - I love your quote at the bottom of your posts. My sister keeps saying she doesn't think she'd have the strength that I am showing if she were in my shoes and I keep telling her you don't know until you are put in the position.
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hiya ladies...before i say anything, i must say my story is RARE and is not meant to scare anyone. In case anyone thinks I disappeared, not the case, it was more of a nightmare. On 6/7, I had my mastectomy and all went perfectly well. Got out of hosp. on 6/9, got my final pathology which was as good as possible. The one sentinel node was clean, all cancer gone. But 6/15, all hell broke loose. I had throbbing in my chest. Within 20 minutes, it was purple, swollen up to my neck and I was in pain. My son rushed me to emergency where I met the surgeon. Was rushed into surgery where they removed 1,000 cc's of blood then 700 cc's more after surgery.... long story short... things getting better but 3 days later i started hemmoraging out of the drains and everyplace and had to have another emergency surgery.. blood pressure 81/54, think I was about to check out. Thanks to the best doctor in the world, Randall Feingold, I made it through. Got out of hospital Friday, feeling better though not great. He took the expander out and I can't even think about the possibility there for at least 6 months. RTemember, THIS IS SO RARE. i was taking blood thinner and aspirin. I stopped before surgery but aparently not soon enough. No one will have a time like I just did. I want to share without scaring anyone. I had a very tough time, may never have reconstruction, but I am on the mend. I pray for each of you girls...... Love, Bev
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Bev, how awful and scary for you. they have you on some strong antibiotics now? I am glad you are doing better. Much love.
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bevg49-Really sorry to hear about what happened to you! Thank god you're recovering now from that ordeal. Must have been really scary, and yes it is rare! Wishing you a speedy,non eventful recovery from now on!
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Hello everyone! Last day of work, and now preparing for surgery in the morning, been anxious and nervous all day. I have to calm down! I kept myself busy all day to keep my mind off of it but now trying to get myself to sleep as I head for surgery (MX and AND) in the morning.
My thoughts have been with all who have had surgeries this week, I hope they all went well. Best wishes to all for tomorrow as well and in the next few days.
Congrats jpmom as well and to all others I may have missed, sorry.
See you on the other side!
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jazlaumir-Good luck tomorrow, and will be thinking of you! See you on the other side! Keep us posted!
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Thanks soyaandpepper, I sure will!
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Bev, what a nightmare! So glad you are here to tell us about it. I was so afraid of something like that since I have a bleeding disorder. I stopped my supplements three weeks out, and started taking Vitamin K which is supposed to help clotting. Surgeon said my bleeding wasn't bad so I guess it worked.
Seems like they would try to help us figure things like this out before we have major surgery, doesn't it?
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Bev- So glad your ok, can't even imagine how scary that was. Will keep you in my thoughts for a fast healing.
jazlaumir-I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Hope everything goes smoothly for you and that you have quick healing!
ramols- nighttime is the hardest for me too. I try not to think about it but when everyone else is asleep that is hard to do. It's also when I get most of my writing done though. As I type this at 12:30pm. How old are your boys?
SoyaandPepper- good luck tomorrow. Jealous of you living in the Caribbean, I picture blue sparkly water and palm trees, with a nice breeze.
jpmomof3-rest, you deserve it. I can't imagine working 12 hr on any day.
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Bevg49: Thank goodness you're on the mend. What a terrifying experience, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that!
Jazlaumir: You'll be in my thoughts!
Soyaandpepper: How did the appt go?
Ramols: I can totally relate about the boys. Mine are 6 and 4 and when I look at them, I always wonder if I'll be around to watch them grow up or when I discipline them, will they only remember the Mommy who put them in the corner or the Mommy who was fun. That's definitely the hardest part about breast cancer for me. I'll do whatever treatment I have to so I'm around for them, but that nagging thought is always there of whether the treatment is the right one that will keep the cancer away.
So tomorrow I head over to the hospital to have a biopsy of my thyroid. During my ultrasound last week they found 2 cysts in there, and although I hear "don't worry about it" my head is spinning as to what else is going to be thrown my way this year. If there's nothing to worry about, why are they doing a biopsy? Makes me wonder.
To everyone who is working: You are all amazing! I haven't started chemo (starts 7/11) but you all inspire me.
Take care everyone!!!
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Oh my gosh, Bev, I'm glad you are on the mend! It all sounds terrifying, and you sound very brave!
Helleaux to all. . .looking forward to being able to catch up to current day posts soon; my doc goofed and sliced into an artery, so I had to hang about being transfused. Path report comes today . . .
Welcome new friends. -
Bev, I didn't have reconstruction but I had a VERY large hematoma. I was purple all the way down to by belly button and over to my side. Not as bad as your situation but I hate these bumps! As a result my lumpectomy incision came all the way opened two weeks after surgery. So, over a month after surgery I am connected to a wound vac and still healing. My advice to anyone is that if you have swelling you are uncomfortable with (like being engorged after having a baby) demand an appt to see surgeon. The nurse on the phone thought my swelling was normal and didn't take my brusing seriously. They could not drain mine once found because the blood had thickened up. Now, treatment is on hold until this is healed. This is not a usual occurence. Just wanted to give advice for anyone facing surgery.
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Good morning to all
Juneaubug - hoping to hear from you soon, hope all is going well post surgery
Jazlaumir - my thoughts and prayers are with you today, my surgery is on Friday, same type of surgery. I had my bone scan last Friday, CT scan yesterday, preop appointment today then one day break to get ready for surgery.
jpmomof3 - you are amazing, hope you are able to get some rest
lostinmo- forever grateful to you for referring me here to the 2012 ladies, glad you seem to be doing better. I also checked out your website and was inspired. I think there will be some lifestyle changes ahead for me.
Bev - scary, thanks for the warning and glad you are OK
Ramols - welcome, nice to see another newbie to all of this but sorry also that you have to join us
Firestorm - love your sense of humor, hope all is well, haven't heard from you in a few days
Tazzy - I can tell already that you are very special, love the egg illustration
Sorry to any I have missed
Wishing all a good day. Now to 'get on with it' -
Good morning all, I am taking a breather at work again, wanted to see how every one is doing. I am 2 days post last taxol and feel ok. Didnt sleep great but I expected that. My right great toe is feeling sore and I am worried it is going to fall off like my left one did. Got all the way through and just lost one toenail, was hoping that I was done but I will see. Still have to deal with the effects of chemo but it will be soooo much better soon enough.
Teeball, good luck witht the thyroid bx, i know it sucks having to wait for the results, hoping for benign!
Wow Bev and Belinda, you guys really had a rough time with the surgeries. Thanks for the advice on when to get help/demand help on that. Best wishes for a speedy recover from here out!
Jaz, thinking of you on surgery day. Looking forward to hearing from you!
Soya, hope your MO appt went well.
MaddyMac, cut an artery and transfusion, tikes another nightmare surgery. Hope you are feeling better. good luck on the path report.
You guys are all in my thoughts, hugs and good vibes coming your way.
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jpmomof3 - was really alarmed when you said your left toe fell of. Somewhat relieved to learn it was the nail you were speaking of.
(Seriously. Sorry about the nails) -
OH whoops! chemo brain, TOENAIL fell off! no other bodyparts are falling off. LOL
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Oh my - thank you for that clarification. I have been sitting here at my desk mulling over that bit of information - thinking that no one warned me I might lose body parts through all of this (aside from the obvious loss of my boobs and hair)... Phew! I mean - I am very sorry to hear about the nail and the discomfort - that of course stinks, but much better than losing body parts. Ok - I feel better now... And I'll send your other toenail postive thoughts!
Thanks all for your welcomes. My boys are 4 and almost 2. In a way - I guess it is good that they are so young, as I imagine this will wind up being a minor blip in their radar screen and we don't have to explain the gravity of the situation. They might just remember the summer mommy's head was bald like daddy's. We'll see.
And to those of you who have had scary surgery and recovery stories - I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope you are up and at 'em soon. Fingers crossed that my surgeon is on her A game when my turn comes...
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Perky tofurky... laughed out loud and still laughing.
Ramols... sorry you have to go through this crap. We are here for you. Laughing, crying, yelling... whatever emotion you are going through, we will go through it with you. The waiting is definitely without a doubt the worse through all this. Even if we get news we don't want, we can have a plan and move forward.
Ellendou - I have always said that our age defines how many years we have been on this earth, not how old we are.
Lostinmo... you did a lot yesterday - please feel free to drop by my house if you are passing
Jpmom... couldn't agree more - get the negative ninnies out of your life. We all need positivity around us at this time. A 12 hour shift...exhausted thinking about it.
Soyaand - how'd it go at the MO appt?
Bev - thank goodness you are on the mend now. Cannot begin to imagine how scary that must've been jazlaumir - thinking of you and all the best.
Teeballmom. Good luck with the biopsy. Its so darn terrifying when we are there for a ‘routine' test/procedure they find something that needs further investigation. Before I started the clinical trial I amd on, I needed a digital mammogram on the left boob - this was 2 months after my first chemo tx. Instead of the tech saying to me.. thank you, you can go she said can you please hang around we would like to do a u/s?? WTF ?? So they did the u/s and seems that I have a number of cysts and doc said nothing to worry about - really ? When I next saw my MO she said that they were b9 cysts, nothing to worry about. But in that short time of mammo to u/s a million and 1000 negative thoughts run through your mind.
I agree... all those working - you are amazing.
Maddymac... your doc sliced into an artery? OMG! goodl uck with the path results. Let us know.
Juneau... hope you are healing and doing well and surgery went to plan.
I know I have missed some of you....the chemo brain fog is really heavy at the moment. I am thinking of you all. If you are having any kind of appt/surgery/tx today - good luck and let us know how it is going.
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Kida are amazing. Mine are 3,6,9. the younger ones dont understand much about all this. the oldest had some questions. They adjust to changes very easily and their energy is great, it keeps me going because there is no choice and they always lift my mood. They didnt like to touch my bald head much but they really didnt blink an eye when I shaved my head. I warned them ahead of time and showed them photos of Sinead Oconner and Sigourney Weaver from one of the Aliens movies. They are beautiful women with no hair by choice and I told I would like like them soon. They helped me pick out pretty scarves to wear. My 3 year old son keeps telling me to put on the "new hair" (wig) but I never liked using it. We have tried to keep things as normal as possible and have even made it more fun. My mother has been able to stay with us and takes them out on lots more adventures than I could even when not dealing with BC.
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I am in awe of you ladies with children! how do you do it? I am struggling to get some energy back. I am doing my chemo rehab, but they said they can't work me hard til my hemoglobin goes up, its only 8.9 right now. I guess that is why I am so weak. I feel for you all with the sugery mishaps and toenail (thank god it wasn't toes) falling off! I worry about you guys going for mammos and ultrasounds, biopsies and other procedures. May you all have good results. Much love.
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Man - I don't know how any of you made it through this pre-stuff period. Sometimes I find it literally suffocating - like i'm having trouble breathing... Not that I am so excited about surgery and chemo - but I'd like to just get this show on the road already. All this waiting for test results and scheduling more and more appointments is such a drain. But seeing you all in the thick of the real stuff and knowing you got through this is helping me power on. Not to mention helping me see that I will be able to go on with work and mommyhood while I journey down this path. My goal is to stash all the fears away in the back of my mind and run around with my kids outside as much as I can before July 10th (surgery day) gets here. Fingers crossed that I can pop back up after 2-3 weeks so I have a bit more time with my boys before I start chemo... Sending you all positive energy!
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A question for all of you.
Since my diagnosis I have people coming out of the woodwork to tell me what may have caused the cancer and offering all sorts of weird and wacky advice on how to get rid of it, often trying to sway me from the surgery/chemo/radiation route I am on.
Has this happened for you and if so, how have you dealt with it?
Thanks
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I say "yeah. I know someone who tried _________. She's dead."
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Good answer!
I know so many BC survivors, if we HAD to get Cancer, this is the one to get. Sometimes I feel like a little robot going to my appts. But, look around, I think they have this part down pat.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Off to my radiation appt.
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