Fuzzy's Romp Room
Comments
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Ducky, You said it so well and I think speak for almost if not all of us. One year and almost 9 months ago when The Dr. called with my diagnosis I knew when he asked if it was I on the phone and he sounded a choked up but I still sat there in disbelief for minutes after I hung up. When I went out to the living room to tell DH I was still too stunned to say anything, I just sat and stared at the dog lying at his feet. After a couple of minutes he just said "Cancer?" All I could do was nod. (He had seen the caller ID and knew it was the Dr.'s office.) I still wake up hoping it was a dream.
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lauren, they're telling me it's ok to cry. i believe you've earned your tears, luv.
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lauren, they're telling me it's ok to cry. you've earned your tears, luv.
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Thank you Cecelia. I know my family hates to see me cry, but I don't think I need an explanation for it...
Chana and ducky - it hasn't been that long for me. It was only back in October that this whole dabocle started. I actually found out while I was at work. When the results of the lumpectomy path came back positive, my BS called me at home at 9 PM. My ringer was off so the kids could sleep. So I called back first thing the next morning. I can't even remember what happened next. At work, 8:30 am and the BS tells me I have cancer. Just about everything since then has been a blur!
I feel like I'm just going through the motions with this still not sinking in. -
I feel like crying too all the time and my doctor and my husband(who is doc too) want to give me xanax. No one understands.
Its devestating to hear the words you have cancer. I do want to scream and yell at people who are jerks. I will never forget.
My case I woke on saturday , found lump showed hubby ( who knew right away it was cancer) . went got ultrasound and mamo ( hubby wrote prescription , he didnt want to wait) I was so dumb i felt he was just being caustious.
tuesday hubby tells me hey bela its suspicious lets get lt out and biopsied. I still was not worried since he said mostly u will be ok
wedensday lumpectomy is schedule ( ya i know too quick) and in the morning surgeon says hey bela I just want to check lymphnode and I am going to do another test to see which lymphnode.well right when I am done with test he say bela its bad news you might have a cancer.
tell you the truth i wished I didnt wake from anesthesia that day.
Bela
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It amazes me how the reaction is the same, or nearly the same from all of us..............the only thing that kept me hopeful (slightly) was when my BS said "you will not die from this cancer".
I just got a text from one of my many grandaughters that said "Hey Nannie, xxxxoooo, love u".......that is the reason I fought and will continue to fight......it is not losing the "cancer battle"......it is losing time with the people I love so much".................. before my husband died (of cancer at 57) he said to me.........It isn't where I am going that matters........its what I'm leaving behind"................I could not have said it better.........
I can't stop thinking today, about this time last year...................I can live those moments over, and over.......years ago when I would go for a Mam, I never gave it a 2nd though as to whether it would be a "good reading".........then as I got a little older, I would think "of course its gonna be ok"......then 1 time I had a scare when they couldn't find my old Mams from the years before, and said "come back for a redo".........I was petrified, because at the time my husband had Pancreatic cancer, and was failing rapidly......there was "no time" for my problems.........they did an ultrasound at the time, and a "sub radiologist" who saw me crying in the waiting room said "I will have an answer for you before you reach home"............."go now, and if it takes all day, they will, and I mean will find your past Mams...............when I got home I called my GYN, like I was told to do for the result.....................his secretary said "hold on, he is in delivery, he wants to talk to you"................now, what Dr. steps away from a delivery to give you "good news", I was certain it was bad............................when he came to the phone he said "I want to be the one to tell you.........your Mam is fine, they found the old ones, and its nothing, as before it wasn't either"..........."now go and enjoy the rest of your day".............that was it, until last year when I thought.............hmmm, older, but come on, its gonna be fine.........then the phone call for the "redo".....I said "ok, I'll call for an appt.......the woman said "we have a 1:45 today......I thought.......that's not good, what is the rush"..................went, then they said "ultrasound", then they said "wait in the room, a nurse navigator will come in and talk to you........I thought.......ok either this is something new sicne last year, or I have cancer......................when she came in she said "do you have a breast surgeon"..............................I said (at that point very fed up with the bullshit, and the secretivenss of what was a problem with my body)........................I said.........................oh sure, I have one on "speed dial".................she did not think that was funny......................well she said "I would suggest you get one, and make an appt.".................I said to her................."ok, enough bullshit, and talking..................."do I have cancer"......................she said "well you have to see a BS...............I said "lady this is my body, my mammogram, my ultrasound, and you know exactly what the hell they saw........so for your own good, and my sanity..............."for christ sake tell me right now".............she did, and I saw a BS within 1/2 hour......................loved him, and the rest is history.........
Trying to think happy thoughts today...........just can't stop thinking of 1 year ago..............but I have come far....................cancer, will not predict my life, I still am the person in charge of my destiny, and will continue to be.........God willing...........
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It sounds like we all have great docs that are taking care of us the best they can. I have to say that I somewhat got off on the wrong foot with mine...
I was bleeding from my nipple so I went right to the GYN. He told me he thought it was pappilomas and that I had to see a BS. BS said the same thing but sent me for ultrasound and mammo. All came back ok except for pappilomas. Had a lumpectomy and when the BS came out to tell my parents the surgery was over, he told them it was probably benign. I figured that was the end of my problems.
Well, he was wrong and I'm still angry for him telling us that without getting path results back.
Long story short... With much poking, prodding, biopsing and waiting... BMX on jan 23rd and still laying in bed in lots of pain and lots of crying. I have to keep telling myself it will get better and hopefully I'll look back in a year from now with my new boobs and think of this as a distant memory. -
It's important to be able to feel your emotions and cry. Everyone has their own timetable for getting through this. If you seem to feel stuck after a while, talking to someone can really be helpful. Also antidepressant medication can give you a boost out of the hole.
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Lauren, suprising even though my tumor was only 1.1cm you could see on the ultrasound what my BS referred to as a "starburst" coming out from the small mass...........he said that was a sure sign of cancer..........He was so absolutely sure, and I could see the "starburst" too.......the only difference was......he thought it was about 2.5cm, and it was only 1.1 which he was thrilled with, and said "I'm happy to be wrong when its smaller"................
I hope all gets better for you.........it will even though right now you can't see past the pain, and the chaos of it all...............
I had a lumpectomy............wanted a mastectomy, but he assured me that would be unnecessary, but said it was my choice..........I am shocked I changed my mind, but after our 2 hour talk, I was convinced I was in good hands, and was getting expert advice, so that is what I di.....after finding the tumor was smaller, with good margins, and no node involvement, I was glad I went the route I did, but I said "take them both".................
Prayers, and hugs to you.........come back ehre often, these are a great bunch of ladies.......you will feel at home.....................
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Celebrating for you Ducky!!! As usually, you have a wonderful way of sharing with us.
Cecelia, ((((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry that you lost your sister.
Lauren......CRY!!! Vent to us!!! Whatever makes you feel bettter. I found that it made me feel better to MAKE MYSELF get up and do something. I didn't want to do it, but once I got going, I felt better. I hope you do too.
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Echoing what everyone has said already so well. Each of us has had and will continue to have our ups and downs. Certain days or even foods will trigger a host of emotions. Let them come . They are our body and soul's way of coping.
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Congrats Ducky.you have a wonderful way with words.
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Thank you all. You are all beautiful people with a way of making me feel better just by reading your posts. This forum is truly amazing and I feel like I can let my real feelings out here.
Lots of love and hugs to each and every one of you!!!
💗💗💗
🌹🌹🌹 -
Thanks Lauren.
We could also be neighbors
Fuuuuuuuuuuuzy...........................
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Well, folks, after whining a half-dozen pages back about not finding us a dog to adopt yet, we finally found our dog and Smokey is ours! We had both liked him first time we went looking last week, but he was a little too large and a little older. But after spending a week miserable without a dog, we decided since we agreed on him, what the heck, if there wasn't anything else, by golly we were gonna bring us home SOME kinda dog, so it was him after all! He fits in our household just right and we're in heaven. Except I'm so excited I woke up WAAAY too early, and instead of feeding the dog and letting him out first thing, I have to wait another hour to do all that. So, we're off on our new adventure!
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Congrats to you and Smokey!!
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Are you angry?
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Hey i look like that when im angry....ARE YOU ANGRY????
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Howdy! So sorry I've been away for a few days....thought I'd sneak into the Romp Room and ... get some therapy!
Clean mamo....funny though...I'm like "You only scan the real one?" I was begging there for a while...she finally said..."Honey, there isn't any breast tissue for the other one." I gave up. But, the real one is A-OK.
MUGA today - ticker is doing just fine, blood work is good, BP is good ... no lumps or bumps anywhere....
Ooops....head's still F'd up ... still workin' on that one! DH is getting a little worried.
YEAH FOR GG AND SMOKIE!
YEAH that everyone knows they can come here and do what you need to do!!
This cancer thing is shit. There's shit around you, under you, above you, in you, looking at you, whispering in your ear, in your food/makeup/soap/air/car/house/everywhere!! ... shit shit shit ...
I need taller boots ... LOL
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Go buy some taller boots! Glad you had a good scan!
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Ooooh I love boots! hee hee ... I'm going to have to look into the waterproof/pooproof kind...maybe I'll check the Farmers Market!
Do you think they come in a variety of colors? Like Brown, light borwn, dark brown, black, blackish brown, black with corn, blackish brown with corn, brown with straw, light brown with straw and corn .... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
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I prefer black, blacker, blackity black, blackest, midnight black, dark black ...you get the picture!
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Oh those will do the trick!!
Pretty sure they'd go up around my neck though! -
fuzzy.....glad for your good scan ♥
I'm loosing my brain.......Need a room........
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Yes, fuzzy. There is a lot of crap out here...I don't need tall boots...what I need is a Life Raft to handle the nonsense around me lately! I need to rant tonight! My so called friends assumed I was leaving them everything in my will...when I was out of town they must have been snooping in my papers and found my will.....they have been hateful and insulting and finally had the NERVE to call me and ask about my will!!! On Sunday morning!!! At 8 am !!! On the phone!! I am laying in this damned hospital bed for over a month all alone day and night......they have never brought me food or comfort....I had a car wreck and can no longer drive a car...they know this and feel they need to be first in line....disgusting human beings...............I was calm when they called then about 8 hours later when I had enough pain and nerve meds in me I had the inner strength to call them back...got their voicemail and left a message stating they had a lot of nerve preying on a dying woman alone and that they were greedy...plus a few other comments that make me ashamed of myself.....I feel better letting this out to the forum.................after I left the message on their voicemail they have been calling nonstop with horrid insults about me and enlisted their adult children to phone and text harrass me! My real friends are so upset and protective that they contacted my lawyer who will take care of the situation........the world gets pretty ugly and greedy when innocent women are dying....thank God he sent me real friends that love me and expect nothing in return.........on top of all of this nonsense Sunday I found out Wednesday the cancer is in my brain......how is that for a rotten week!!! Could someone please make me feel better tonight by topping my rant!!!
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Oh, MAGGIE, and FUZZY too, you two are standing up to TOO much BS !!! Whatssup with that ??? I am ready to go find these awful terribles and push THEM around a little bit, toss OUT the crap and bring on... bring on the good food, the shopping spree, the sitting with one who cares in a park at twilight, and a trip to hear the sound of the ocean smoothing out the sands of time. There is too little time to fool with sheeeit. I say if thouest findest dung-a-tudeness around thyself, be RID of it. Throw off the shackles and BE FREE.
Oh, cancer, it's like a blue toenail that rips off as you walk across the stage in tall black boots, but that's all it is, a busted-up toe. IGNORE IT. Let the docs and drugs have at it. But we, we sisters, we are calm, PISSED OFF, and happy. And I do dare and declare any king or queen or pope to tell me I CAN'T, or to break down my door and take my stuff for the army, or haul me to the gallows! EFFFF-O-RAMA to that!
Missy FUZZY, you know me like myself, we are blood sisters and chemo sisters too, and if something is driving you mad, THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW. I'll be right there with you to give it the old heave-ho! Get some tranqs, some pain killers with SOMEthing in them besides Tylenol, and throw away everything else, and if anything is making you feel JUST A TAD STRANGE, be gone with it! Jump up and down on it, crush it, bag it, and proceed along the lovely rose petal-strewn path ahead of you. And if, MAGGIE, someone hurts your feelings and makes you cry, you have my permission to say, "Silly earthlings, what makes you think I care one wit about what you have to say today? Can't you find something ELSE to do with your time? I CAN." Then slap their face, or crash down the phone, and scratch them off your quick dial.
You two, and everyone else who has been raided by cancer, not to mention pretty much everything else that can go wrong in a person's life whilst TRYING to live with this big C, this insanity, YOU DO NOT have to be nice about anything, cut it off at the pass, lasso the cows and bring them down, kick a little dirt and stomp off in full-on DUDE style. My pulse just went up over 100, so I give it to you guys, to use it for whatever you gots to do, to make all this crazy stuff stop! I am WITH YOU, I stand with you, I trip up the enemy before they can say, "Uh-oh." Let me dry your tears, let me help you with that stair, let me show you the promised land yawning out in front of us, to rest and be US. I am the we in US, for I follow the Good Shepherd, and He lights our way, He protects our kind, until every one of us makes it home to the Kingdom of Heaven, where no riff-raff is allowed. We goodies have a hall pass for eternity, but the baddies do not, and you can take that to the bank. HUGS AND HEARTS AND DOGGIE KISSES ALWAYS, your cancer sister forever, GG
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Beautiful GG and soo well put..CAN ANYONE TOP THAT?
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Wouldn't even try. Way to go.
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