BC stole my friends

badmamajama ... just sending some (((hugs)))  The 'practical' advice has already been given.

We all get down and stressed once in awhile ... sometimes it helps to just vent and get a little support from others who have been there too.

You might want to check out the "I'm bitchy, I moan, I groan" thread.  Looks like a good place to get some acknowledgement of the 'suckiness' of it all, a hug or two, and some good humor in the process.  

Glad to hear you are feeling better! 

Badmamajama...i too feel so so so very sad some days. I know how you feel.

badmamajama, we ALL go through that once in a while...I am annoyingly Pollyanna-esque in general (don't mean to be, just natural LOL), and it happens to me too now and again.  It's normal, and natural to feel that way.  People are WEIRD about cancer because of the massive suckitude of it all, I guess.  

I know you're just looking for support right now but do know that your neighborhood friends are just typical idiots who don't know what to say - it's not you, it's your cancer.  

Another good thread is "Are BFFs or friends letting you down when you need them most?"  It happens to SO many of us, and is another good place just to vent.  

Big hugs,

Pam 

badmamajama,

you have every right to feel the way you do. what a roller coaster ride this is.

i unfortunately had a funeral last August and basically, (i felt as if) my entire high school was there. my hair was short and dark and i've gained a lot of weight. People ran from me. and i almost want to say that they litterally ran from me...or that's how i felt. they were clueless what to say so it made them feel better to not face me.  

bottom line, people/outsiders/insiders/strangers/loved ones DON'T know what to do with us. i believe it's on an individual level on how people respond to us.

i just told two of my friends last week that they basically left me sitting on my couch while i had the chemo weekends and one said she knew it but she just couldn't face it and the other was absolutely astonished i felt that way and said, "wow, i'm really sorry. i thought i was doing all that i could for you." and we moved on but two entirely different reactions. like i said, i believe it's on an individual basis as to what response we'll get----from everyone. 

have your pity party. you're entitled. i gave myself three days and then i had to move on from it.

and maybe they really thought you would reach out when you were ready. maybe they felt bad to push you so with that, tell them you're feeling strong enough to do this or that and see where it goes.

wishing you well.  

Letlet....................Like I said, I am no stranger to cancer...............Not sure how many people you have lost in your family to this dreaded disease, but I have lost way too many..........I watched the man I loved more then life itself go from 174lbs down to (hold on how did the funeral director who worked on him say it "he was lucky if he was 100 lbs.), so don't make it look like I have no pity for every cancer patient on this site.........................Oh yea, that's right........I have cancer too............We alo have our down times..........God knows I have had more then my share, but if you let it consume you, then cancer takes over..............There is nothing worse for cancer then stress, and allowing yourself to get too far down, will only make things worse......My husband on his worst days would say to me "Wow, I have to get out my big suspenders today"....So I have to put on my "big girl panties", to get through this friggin monster that came into my body "uninvited".............and will do its damndest to stay..........and if avoiding stress at any cost helps me get rid of it, then guess what  I'll put "suspenders on my big girl panties" if I have to............

I was fortunate, and still am that I have a loving family, who was there for me when I lost their father, and are there for me through this ordeal.............Even though sometimes we don't think it.........but there are many people worse off then we are............Shall we discuss Japan...........................hugs to all the ladies.

Badmamajama -  I know exactly how you feel. Boy, I'm sure glad I never posted about it! Life goes on and people just don't think. I was Stage IV at diagnosis and pretty sick for a while. Had to decline many invites, etc. Much to everyone's surprise, I'm still here and doing well. My "old gang" really doesn't know what to do with me. It's been a total surprise to me, because if I'd broken my leg they would have rallied around me. People are strange. When one of them sees me they say "How are you, really" and I say, "I'm fine" because that's what they want to hear. I don't tell them I'm still on chemo even if I have hair. Nor do I tell them I'll always be on chemo. I depend on them for nothing and when one includes me or shows some support, it's a nice surprise.

Like you, I have my big girl panties on and don't need any reminders to wear them. Hopefully the nice weather will give you an opportunity to get out and show the neighborhood that you're back in good form and ready to resume your life.

Warm hugs from me.

Letlet......................Yes I used the term "pity party", because badmamajama used it first, not a phrase I would use, but we all have our different way of saying things and that is ok........She said , if you go back and read it..................I have made efforts during and after treatment, and I am still at my "pity Party.......still sad, and still mad, at her friends, and at cancer.............The big word here is "still", ..............It is 2011, she used the word "still", so I can only assume she has been mad, and sad for 3 years, and having a Pity Party for that long too..............

I feel very sorry for her.  My heart goes out to her, but she has to help herself to get out of this state of mind she is in, and if she truely feels that bad...........nothing I can say is going to change her anger............  Also she didn't make it sound like it was up and down days.....It appeared from what she said that they were all down.......................Maybe you didn't read closely enough when I told her.......bad days are ok, just so long as she has more good ones then bad.............I understand clearly how she is feeling, I just don't want her to get so far down, she don't come back...............and sometimes the sympathy can work against what your trying to do..............and you just make it worse.......I meant no harm, that is not my style.........God knows we all need love and understanding, and from here on in I will give none of my feelings to anyone...................

badmamajama......... I am happy you are in a better place..........I am sorry if I minimized your situation, but i did not mean to........I was just trying to say "we all have bad days, but I guess the "still" word, and a 2009 dignosis had me concerned..........

I have had many bad days............I still cry for my husband when things overwhelm me, and he will be dead 20 years........................The "big girl panties" line came from my mother, who died of colon cancer.  I was 49, and had a terrible time handling her diagnosis, as I was very new to cancer at the time. (I was an only child) and she raised me alone, so we were close.  It was very new to cancer then, so it hit me like a ton of bricks, so trying to play "good soldier" in front of her was hard........but when she would see me in the morning (she moved in with me), she would say " everyday "Good morning sunshine, well do you have your "big girl panties" on today.......meaning smile, this to will pass.

I'm an old lady who will be 76 on Easter sunday........I have lived my life, but I'm sure you are much younger then that ......I just get the feeling I have daughters your age, and I thank God everyday that it is me with the cancer and not them.

I did understand where you were coming from, how could I not, I'm in the boat with you.  I meant no harm, and please consider me "a friend", we all need each other, and I'm glad you got back to me and let me know your "ok".............Have a wonderful Easter, and have many more good days then bad.................Prayers and hugs to you........

Thanks PaminWV, I just hope badmamajamma is ok, and you have a wonderful Easter too...

I learned along this highway that interpersonal stuff can be pretty primitive.  A lot of folks don't want to be held back, or reminded that life does indeed get tough.  They know their time will come, and they really don't want to deal with it now.  I found that even "good friends" had this attitude.  And I think it extends in a lot of directions--having people move "past" us is part of it.

I hear you.  I feel like my part time job, in addition to my extremely demanding full time one is managing my health.  Participating in normal activities sometimes feels Herculean.

I'm a tough lady (I think all of us hear that crud way too much: "oh, you are so strong", but in my case, I am the "get the leg caught in the bear trap, chew leg off and keep going" type).  But small things will sometimes push me over.  I cried at The Office the other day!  And I ain't crying for the show, I was crying about the fact they were being nice to each other.  A lot of my high-powered friends called a couple of times, then...poof.

I honestly don't know what to do about it, other than to suggest trying as hard as we can, and not letting people make us so sad and angry we make ourselves sick.  The hot flashes and chronic Tamoxifen back pain are enough, thank you very much.

Badmamajamma- ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) You are Intitled to have a pity party, we all do and thats whats great about this forum, not just for advice but for support to help us get through those bad days.

One of my bf's didnt call or check up on me during my chemo tx's she later told me she couldnt handle it, I was hurt and still am but realize It wasnt because she didnt care, Im sure the reason why you havnt been invited for events is maybe because they think you aren't ready yet, some people think we are fragile. Maybe you should contact them and let them know you are feeling good and wold like to get back in the swing of things! Glad you are feeling better!

AnnNYC........The reference said "today", and later on when she answered she said "still"........Maybe you don't realize I was concerned about her welfare, and her down state of mind which seemed from what I read that she was "still" down, and was expressing it as being more "today".............

I said I was sorry if I hurt her feelings.......anyone with cancer would know that another cancer patient certainly would not try to make "small" what they have, or are going through........The big girl panties thing is a very old experssion..........Read further back, I'm not a stranger to cancer....not just me, but people I love, 3 to be exact all with 7 years. and 1 was my husband who was 57..........I know about cancer 1st hand, and now its me, so don't dare tell me I would ever not have sympathy for another cancer patient.......................Obviously you need to read further also to see that I did explain, and apologize to her............Her and I have let it go, so many you should too.........................