Fellow "deletees"

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  • annabanana28
    annabanana28 Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2011

    Thank you Anne.  I didn't know that I could mark favorites so I will be sure to do that.  I guess you are right, that anywhere with this many people on it is bound to have some negativity.  It is just too bad that it pops up continously at the top of active topics, for everyone to see as soon as they get on the site.

    Thank again for the good luck wishes.  I will keep everyone posted.

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  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 6,099
    edited March 2011

    Hi, Anna,

    I never even clicked on an "Active Topic" link until about a year ago (1-1/2 years after finishing chemo).  Maybe I'm just dense -- I saw that list, but some of the topics seemed so strange and irrelevant to what I was going through at the time.

    It's really easy to find yourself where you don't want to be, if you use the "Active Topics" list.  For one thing, you can't tell ahead of time which forum that topic is in.  So people end up posting irrelevant -- and irreverent -- things on the Stage IV forum, or the Palliative Care forum, etc.  Or, they read about all the complications that can occur with reconstructive surgery, or all the side effects of aromatase inhibitors, when they don't even have a diagnosis yet.

    Obviously, you can do whatever you want to do, and interact on the BCO boards however you wish.  But, having gone through that newbie phase myself, I think the best way to use the Boards is to go directly to those forums and/or topics that are relevant to you at the time.  Make friends there, and set up a support network of women going through the same thing.  I found that extremely valuable.  Some of those women are "real" (not just virtual) friends of mine now.

    OTOH, it is really difficult to resist clicking on a "hot" topic, like Blue's thread or this one.  Some people call it the "MTF" phenomenon, or moth-to-flame behavior.  It's like gawking at a wreck on the highway, or turning on the CB scanner when we hear sirens -- we just can't help it.

    There's no doubt Blue's thread, as well as others on the Boards, get a lot of action.  But, there are many thousands of other threads that wouldn't be so upsetting to a newcomer.  After all, Blue's thread ("I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange") is actually on the forum called, "Growing our Friendships After Treatment -- For those who have finished treatment, but want to continue growing your cybersister friendships."  Note in the title of the forum that it was meant as a place for interaction of people who had "finished treatment."

    The thread we're on right now is "Fellow deletees", which is a pretty odd title for a newbie to investigate.  It's in a forum called, "Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests -- Request new or improved features, report bugs, & view upcoming changes."  The forum was meant as a place where any of us (new or old) could make suggestions or lodge complaints about how the Boards functioned.  The "Deletees" thread was created because some of us wanted a solution to the recurring problem of posts being reported and deleted "by the Community" even though they didn't violate any rules.  Sometimes others (like me) drop in on the thread and talk about things that aren't relevant to the topic, but that's what happens on discussion boards.

    I'm sorry your experience on the "Active Topics" threads was upsetting.  Your warning about how newbies might react is reasonable; but there's a solution:  don't be attracted to the flame.  Don't follow behind the ambulance.  :)

    otter

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  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 6,099
    edited March 2011

    Hi, Anna -- it's otter again.  Sorry, but I forgot two things...

    First, note that there are more than 91,000 registered members at this site.  Any time you get that many people gathered together from so many different places and life experiences, there are bound to be disagreements and misunderstandings.  Also, there are more than 70,000 topics listed; so don't be tempted to go immediately to the 5 or 6 that appear in that "Active" list at the top of the page.  Some people like professional wrestling.  A LOT of people like NASCAR.  I happen to like neither, so I go past those listings when I'm looking at my TV programming guide.

    Second -- and I am sorry I left this out out:  I will be thinking of you on Friday.  It is terrifying, yes, but you can get an unbelievable amount of support here if you look in the right places.  Find yourself a "home" thread; in your case, it might be somewhere on the Surgery forum or "Help me get through treatment" (etc.).  Either start a thread of your own there, or join one already established for "Surgery in March" (if there is one).  Show your mom how to log in and find that thread, so she can post updates until you're feeling up to it.  I know it sounds trite and sometimes I don't like people to say this to me, but we are stronger than we realize.

    Hugs...

    otter

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited March 2011

    Anna .. just wanted to jump in and say I'll be thinking about you on Friday.  I know how scary this must be for you.  We're all pulling for you!  Don't let the oldtimers on the board worry you.  We're tough old gals that have been through the wringer you're going through now.

    Sending love and hugs,

    Bren

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  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited March 2011

    Hi Annabanana,

    Wishing you the best for your surgery on Friday.

    There is a "March 2011 Mastectomy" thread on the "Help Me Get Through Treatment" forum, where you might find a lot of support and information:

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/91/topic/764341

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  • Kindergarten
    Kindergarten Member Posts: 4,869
    edited March 2011

    Yes, Annabanana, You will be in my prayers on Friday!!! Please know that sometimes older women can get snarky sometimes, definitely me lately, but truly we all care about newbies like yourself and wish only the best for you. I had a double mast and I am doing great and you will too. Sorry that you walked in on our bickering, think of us as sisters just having a squabble. We get over it and move on!!! I love your name and please know prayers are coming your way every day. God bless you ,sweet lady. Kathy

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  • annabanana28
    annabanana28 Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2011

    Thank you all SO much!  You are all very wonderful and caring ladies!  Now if you could only get along with each other!  Tongue out

    Just kidding...  Well, we are on our way out to dinner.  I will leave you all to your bickering-  have at it!  Laughing

    Thanks again,

    Anna

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  • Kindergarten
    Kindergarten Member Posts: 4,869
    edited March 2011

    Hey, Medigal, Goody two shoes, here!!!!! I don't want to destroy your thread, I just want to make it a little more upbeat and positive, where I and others can feel comfortable if we want to talk about our faith and beliefs, too. Is that O.K???? Really, I think you would like me if you met me in person. I am not tooting my horn, but some of you make  me out to be a monster and a selfish person. Would I be allowed to teach Kindergarten for over 10 years if I was a cruel and mean person plus i think even my own sons really like me, too. That  has got to count for something. God bless you, Kathy But one thing is for sure, I will stand up and talk back now.

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  • Kindergarten
    Kindergarten Member Posts: 4,869
    edited March 2011

    You said it just perfectly, Go Steelers. Oh, my gosh, since I was off today, I have posted so much, I have got to do something a little more productive. Good news, my friends house that had the fire, will be totally covered by insurance, with also the assurance that her house will look better than before. God is so Good!!!!! Good night dear ladies and God bless you all!!!! Kathy

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  • Claire82
    Claire82 Member Posts: 684
    edited March 2011

    I believe in God but don't believe in pushing my views on others. I find it annoying. I also don't believe God started the fire or provided the insurance.

    He also didn't give me breast cancer but I do believe he is here with me to fight it.

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  • marie5890
    marie5890 Member Posts: 3,594
    edited March 2011

    ANNA!!

    Good luck on Friday!

    (Can't believe Athena has been restricted. Truly, a poster should have to earn the right to report posts. This function is being SO very very abused by those who are either thin skinned or have an agenda Im guessing)

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  • althea
    althea Member Posts: 1,595
    edited March 2011

    Konakat, I think it is so abhorrent that you were placed in the timeout section!! 

    Melissa, it's March now.  How close are we to seeing the changes promised in January?  ...and you DO know that we'll never be satisfied, right?  Smile  That's because there's always room for improvement.

    I already have several new wish list items just in catching up on this thread today.  I love the idea of a reinstate button from a couple pages back.  ...or what about immunity for individual usernames?  Jeepers alive, anyone who's stage IV with hundreds, if not thousands, of posts shouldn't have to worry about being banished by a literal handful of 'reports' that may not even represent more than one person.  ...that may be problematic too, but this abuse of the report button needs the attention promised weeks ago.  

    Anna's comments gave me an idea for another wish list item in regard to the active topics list.  ...and I respectfully disagree that the active topics page fails to mention where the topic appears.  The page consists of five columns.  The first column is entitled FORUM.  

    I think it might be highly beneficial to many if we could select from a menu which areas we'd like to see in active topics.  It could perhaps piggyback onto the the gizmo from the index page that allows the list of areas to be shortened (and later lengthened) by clicking on the small maroon box with a white triangle arrow inside.  

    editing to repeat a request from january -- could the programmers please address the reindexing issues on long threads?  I love this board's feature which takes me to the most recent unread post -- on most threads.  On many long threads, it doesn't work quite right.  

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  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 6,099
    edited March 2011

    althea, you're right -- the "Active Topics" page is layed out the same as the main forum list, with all the columns.  I think what anna is talking about, and what I was referring to, is the "Active Topics" list that's at the top of the main Discussion Board pages.  This is what that list looked like on my screen just 2 minutes ago:

    Discussion Boards Active Topics
    * Herceptin Weekly?
    * Results help
    * Fellow "deletees"
    * I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange
    * Eribulin aka Halaven approved!
    * View all Active Topics»

    If someone clicks that last link, they'll see the page you're referring to. But if they just click one of the other 5 links, they'll be whisked directly to that thread and might not notice which forum it's in.  I know what you're saying; I've never had much sympathy for people who "accidentally" posted clumsy things on the wrong forum because they didn't know which forum the "hot" thread was in.

    Still, if somebody just looks at the short list and goes from there, they might be surprised at what they find at the end of the link.

    otter

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  • Kindergarten
    Kindergarten Member Posts: 4,869
    edited March 2011

    Dear Claire, Gosh, all I said was that I was glad for my friend, why did you make an issue of it.. I know that God did not start the fire. I am just glad He was there to provide safety for everyone.

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited March 2011

    Kathy:  Oh boy you must like walking into swamps!  Who said you were trying to destroy our thread?  And please don't ask me about how kind you must be because you teach kindergarden. Don't you remember I said I had the Kindergarden teacher from HELL?  She reminded me of the witch in the movies.  She had no compassion for kids and should have been a sargent in the army instead of handling little kids.  I am quite sure you are nothing like her because you seem so gungho on your Christianity so I am not comparing you to that creep. 

    Also, did you not understand that our Moderator Melissa does not want us to discuss religion.  She feels it is too divisive.  If you had the time to go back some posts from yesterday you would see we were discussing Song of Songs and the Book of Solomom and I had the audacity to give the chapter and verse for 1John where Jesus speaks so much about Love!  Yep!  That kind of troublemaking stuff seems to be too divisive.  She wants happy talk and what can be more happy than talking about LOVE??  So if you decide to stick it out with us, you may have to channel your religious talk for another group.  This is not to my liking but Melissa (at this point) still has the authority to tell us what we can and cannot speak about.  Problem is, some of us are very hard-headed and we just keep forgetting what we can and cannot say and there we go again talking religion or politics.  Frankly, I think Melissa could not give a hoot but some troublemaker is whinning to her about what we are doing so she has to call us down at certain times.  

    BTW, I think our thread IS upbeat and possitive.   I "possitively" don't like others saying negative things about our posts.  If people don't like to read them, they can read the thousands of other posts in the forum.   Just how do you think you can make it more "upbeat" Kathy?  I am curious unless you are thinking of bringing your religious beliefs into it.  The way it works is, you post something and if people have an interest in your post, they reply.  So why don't you try posting one of your upbeat posts and see if it makes things better for the thread?   

    BTW, I am so happy your friend's house was totally covered by insurance.  God helps those who help themselves.  Without insurance, they would have been up a creek without a paddle.  We had all types of insurance on our home but we lost it in Katrina.  Had nothing to do with God.  Just crappy insurance companies who managed to fanagle out of paying us for the damage.  But that's a part of life.  Dealing with bad circumstances and not blaming God for our problems.  Have a good night.  I am closing up for the night.

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  • Kindergarten
    Kindergarten Member Posts: 4,869
    edited March 2011

    Dear Medigal, First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your house that you lost to Katrina, how horrible for you. You are one tough lady, nothing seems to get you down and I like your feistyness(is that a word?) thank you for always replying back to me. You are very thoughtful  and respectful in your responses to me and you don't tear me down. I so appreciate that. Have a good night,you have got to be tired, I know I am. Kathy 

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  • CherrylH
    CherrylH Member Posts: 1,077
    edited March 2011

    I've just been made a member of this group - Hi my name is Cherryl and I've been deleted!!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2011

    How do you start a new topic?

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  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 6,099
    edited March 2011

    SeaFoobs,

    To start a new topic, you'll need to go back to the main "Forum" page for whichever forum on which you want your topic will appear.  For example, from this page we're on right now, you can scroll up to the top and click on the link, "Forum: Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests."  You'll be taken to the main topic (thread) list for this particular forum.  At the top left side of that page is a red button labeled, "+Start a New Topic."  Click on that button, and a new compose window will open up.

    Remember as you write that opening post for your new topic, you can always go back and edit the post itself but you won't be able to edit the title you gave your topic/thread.  There's also a character limit for the length of the titlle, but I don't remember what it is.

    otter

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2011

    Thanks otter

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited March 2011

    Kathy, you said:

    'but some of you make  me out to be a monster and a selfish person.'

    All I can say is I read both this thread and the 'I say yes' one and nowhere did I see anyone even subtly infer that you were a monster and mean.

    River Rat and Linda, I am conservative and I have been deleted. (Well, fiscally conservative and socially liberal/moderate). So we get it also. Anyway, I will be very glad when the day comes that we know who does the deleting and I think the idea of adding a reason section (and requiring entry) is a GREAT idea!

    edited by request.

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  • River_Rat
    River_Rat Member Posts: 1,724
    edited March 2011

    Barbara, I think it was probably your socially liberal/moderate side that got you deleted before.  But I think last night there were conservatives deleted.  IMHO there is more there than meets the eye and I'm hoping that there is some evidence that can be pursued but I've lost hope that the moderators and administrators here will do that.  I also do think that requiring a person pressing on "Report this Post" to include a reason should be done, along with printing that member's ID and the reason right there in the thread.

    I also wanted to say that I hope your brother is doing well and that things are settling down for you.  Thank you for your comments the other day they were calming for me.  I found out that the man I was talking about Tuesday was taken in for a 72 hour observation/psychological evaluation on Monday night.  I'm hoping that was enough time for them to get him back on his meds. 

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited March 2011

    Thanks RR, my brother is slowly getting better.

    72 hours can usually be OK for getting them out of psychosis but getting the meds regulated takes longer. My brother was hospitalized for 10 days. They start with 72 hours then they revisit it and extend it (at least that is how it happens here in FL).

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  • ADK
    ADK Member Posts: 2,259
    edited March 2011

    Has anyone heard anything from Anna or her mum?  I hope all went well yesterday.

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