please help

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited February 2011

    Nancy, I'm SO excited for you!!! Now you can tell your brothers to get f#*^$*^d!!! Idiots won't know what they've lost until you're gone..I still remember the story of you falling trying to change the porch light, and needing stitches in your face

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  • cloudhowe
    cloudhowe Member Posts: 236
    edited February 2011

    Yay, lots of good news.

    Bestest, bestest of luck in your new home namcy, like I said, "Hope the roof over your head never falls down, and the folk beneath never fall out" I have had friends, and family, who house hop. And sometimes buy their old houses back! Ditto, Barbe's commnts - you are rid of  family baggage.

    just got to mention the "Jesus, Mary and Joseph" comment I heard that all of my young life. It was folllowed by, not shouted but whispered .. 'receive me at my dying hour'. So it was a prayer and a swear all at the same time. Multi tasking?

    Nets x

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited February 2011

     Jane- XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

    Nancy congrats- YIPPIE-SKIPPY.

    I am feeling a bit better this Saturday, still lots of chest congestion but the head is improved.  Slept like a rock last night, of coarse with the help of some much needed medication - but heck thats what it's there for right??? LOL

    Thanks for all the kind words everyone, I wish I could believe what little we have done for Landen 7 Ella  will be lasting in their future development, but it seems to me like they are just so small for any positive to last.  I sit here today thinking WOW only 5 more days, 4 nights of putting them to rest, ironing their school cloths pacj=king their lunches , all stuff I HATE SOMEDAYS- LOL, because I am exhausted, but I think I am going to miss it for a time.  Barbe here I am being wishy-washy again, 

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited February 2011
    That's my wishy-washy girl! But you do it SO well!!! Laughing
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  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited February 2011

    Cathi, just remember that they will be nearby, and your influence will not end with their return to their parents. I never lived with my grandparents, but they definitely had a profound impact on my life through their example.  I had great parents, but my grands were always special.

    My maternal grands used to take us one at a time for weekends which meant lots of attention (poached eggs and toast for breakfast...something my mother never had time to make for the seven of us kids) and if the weather was good, a trip to the Bronx Zoo or the Botanical Gardens. Or just reading the Sunday funnies or playing a board game.

    Just thinking of how they loved us brings tears to my eyes now. I still hear my grandmother's words admonishing me to be good...and my grandfather's loving reproach that I should always do the right thing, even if it's the hard thing. It's been over 40 years since their death, but I can conjure thme up in my mind like it was yesterday.

    So NEVER under-estimate the power of a grandparent.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited February 2011

    SO well said Nancy!!!

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited February 2011

    Oh THank you Nancy I NEED THAT,  I don't really have Grandparent memories to relate to.  Both Granddads died long before I was born,  I think I mentioned before that my maternal G'ma had leukemia I have but a few memories of her being sick and my paternal G'ma, I have memories of as we would alwasy go for a visit on Sundday but she spoke little to NO english (Polish) she always gave a big hug from her chair (she was diabetic and lost both legs) my Uncle who never married lived wit her ,   but I do always remember her sending him off to her purse for a dollar bill,  and I can't recall how she said it now in Polish but we all knew what GO GET A COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR  meant back then.  My girls have good memories of my mom & dad,  they always say how they rememmber grandma giving them a bath and she would pat them on their butts with the powder puff,  And just other wonderful memories.

    I am really feeling sad,  we had company this evening for dinner and everyone started talking about the kids going home and I had to excuse myself to NOT CRY.  I know I should be HAPPY, children belong with their parents, I do believe that I REALLY do.  I am really nervous about speaking to the judge next Monday, case worker says she will require our imput,  she always has made us speak.  I think I will have to leave it in Ed's capable hands this time, don't think I can do it.

    When they were getting ready to leave Friday night,  Landen says BYE-BYE ME-MA, I'll SEE YOU WHEN I COME BACK -  It was so cute and he said it from his little wonderful heart with the biggest smile.

    Ed keeps saying 3 miles honey - they will only be  three miles away. But I feel like I am sending them to the end of the earth back into satans arms -  UGH

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  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited February 2011

    Cathi, you have made a difference in your grandkids lives. Like Nancy said, I have very fond memories of my grandparents. I was fortunate to have known both sets of grandparents and 3 great-grandparents. 

    I have been fighting a sinus infection all last week. I went to the dr on Wed and he gave me the usual round of 5 pills Z-pack to take care of the infection. I have one more pill to take today and I am still coughing up green phlym. last night I was feeling flushed and took my temp and it was just over 100. I guess I will be calling him tomorrow to get another round of z-pack.  

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited February 2011

    Yikes Sheila!! Let us know how that goes....!!

    Cathi, you have created the masterpieces, now you have to let people look at them!! Cut those apron strings, sister, but feel free to cry in court. It validates your love and the court would feel wonderful knowing they had the kids in the right place for the past months....

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited February 2011

    XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

    Shelia feel better,  I felt better Saturday than I do this AM, Think I have cold/allergy combo going on.  Out on the porch this AM with coffee & Sunday paper and I could just feel my throat closing up with what felt like dirt,  scratchy feeling.  I alwasy had issues up North when it was hay season,  down here I had been doing quite well, , we have a huge oak in our front lawn,  I think thats the allergy culpret.

    Cutting apron strins -  thats a MAJOR task for me Barbe,  I haven't even completely done that with DD's.

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited February 2011

    I don't think I can do this, tried to pack some cloths the weather is so warm, thought I could get the heavy winter stuff together - I CAN'T.  This is going to be a most awful week.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited February 2011

    Ah Cathi, keep coming here and pouring your heart out....you know we are with you! Maybe they could have sleepovers some weekends to give the older kids a break. Is that allowed?

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited February 2011

    Yes Barbe they can do sleep overs. I just don't understand why this is so F-In hard, I thought it would be better to do a little at a time, cause they sure have a lot of stuff here,  but it sucks. It would always be hard no matter what, but I guess the knowing / feeling this is not a good thing - UGH.  I have to do something that I know is completely wrong for babies- what the hell.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2011

    Cathi, you have cared for them through critical developmental stages and "firsts". Even if the parents had made amazing progress and were ready to take over, it would still hurt like crazy to let go. One suggestion FWIW: You can enhance the possibility of improved parenting by letting go of criticism and finding opportunities to reinforce what they do right. If you are an ally, you will have a stronger position in the little one's lives. I know...mission impossible...so hard. Mainly, take the opportunity to take better care of Cathi. She's very, very important and need to be in top form!

    Sheila, I hope more antibiotics will do the trick. Sinus infections are the pits.

    I'm in a full-blown pity party today, though getting better. Had sudden onset of sharp pain in my hip Saturday morning on arising. Treated it with ibuprofen with poor results...ended up taking a Vicodin, but hate the dizzy feeling. Went to doctor (partner in the practice...my doc had an overfilled schedule already). He sent me for an x-ray. Called this morning...negative result, so wants me to see and orthopedic surgeon. ??? Oh, well. Called for appointment. Can be seen by the PA in two weeks. Excuse me!!! I am responsible for a toddler and can't walk!!! Forget it. If it goes away I'm good. If it continues, I'll hit the ER. Crap! On top of that, Connor is sick. You know what that's like...and my friend in the building who trades lots of favors with me left for Mexico yesterday and I'm taking care of her plants and picking up mail. My poor dog isn't getting out to potty very often.

    There. That's the full monty...

    The doctor had prescribed Mobic for the pain. I can only take for 3 to 5 days because I am diabetic and it's hard on the kidneys. But it seems to be working this evening. I'm getting everything possible done in case it stops working. But I am nearly pain-free at the moment and savoring it. Hopefully, it's going to resolve on its own.

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited March 2011

    Crap Judie -  I am hoping this AM finds you both feeling much better,  nothing much harder than feeling poor;y yourself and having to take care of a child that isn't feeling well.  XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO  Yur advice about being an Ally is much appreciated and have actually been working VERY HARD at that,  in learning some lessons from a Grandparents support group here about enabling, that was a major suggestion.  Right now though no matter how JUICY SWEET I say anything to Amanda she takes it the wrong way -

    Our pollen counts are through the roof here, and boy both Ed & I are suffering with it, OH WELL ONE OF THE THINGS WE MUST ENDURE TO LIVE IN PARADISE. 

    HAPPY HUMP DAY ALL

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited March 2011

    Good advice Judi! And Cathi so great to hear you know about grandparent enabling.....geez!! The things we have to worry about today? What happened to a smack and a kiss?

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited March 2011

    Well Barbe if you smack them you go to jail,  and if you kiss them too much you go to jail - LOL

    The grandparent group actually helps to not enable the parents while still being able to do right by the grandbabies.  They suggest as I thought anyway,  if say Amanda called and said that she had no food to feed the kids, offer to take the kids and bring them here to eat,  DO NOT FEED THE PARENTS-  if power is off for non payment-  children are invited, parents stay home in the dark/cold/hot what ever.  And etc, etc.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2011

    What a challenge you have, Cathi! You are certainly doing all the right things. One of my daughters and I have a similar communication problem. Everything I say, no matter how innocent, is interpreted the wrong way. We are actually close and don't have major issues but I constantly have to explain what I meant. I accept responsibility for a good share of the problem since I have often been misunderstood when I post on the 'net. Because of it, I don't post much anymore.

    You will do your best and it will make a difference. Repeat several times a day.Hourly if necessary. Your grandchildren are blessed to have grandparents like you and Ed. I'll be counting down with you, having the same challenges as you but on a much smaller scale...what to send, what to keep, packing, feeling relief and a return to my own life coming, feeling deep sadness and loss approaching too fast. 

    The sun is peeking out through the heavy clouds often enough to boost spirits in my home. Connor's fever is down (was over 102 during the night) and he seems much better. A short illness is deeply appreciated. Hopefully back to school tomorrow. My hip is nearly all better...I can walk!!! All is well and I'm ashamed to have dumped on everyone over things that turned out to be no big deal...sigh

    Nancy, I'm counting down with you, too! There's not much harder work that moving and creating your own space, but it is very satisfying work. It can be addicting! My mother loved decorating and creating her unique space so much that she had to have a new home every couple of years. Fun for her, but kind of hard on the family!!! I wish she had become an interior designer and done other people's homes:)

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited March 2011

    Thanks Judie- I know your on the same page right now as me. Just to ad,  the grandparents group did ad if the parents are struggling but have done everythiing right - not waste money on "I WANT THINGS" then it's ok to send groceries, perhaps even assist with a small bill.  But we MUST NOT  if/when we know they are being wasteful and assuming oh mom & dad will bail us out.  Not looking forward to court at all Monday.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited March 2011

    testing...1...2.....3

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2011

    Board is acting weird. When I log in to this thread it takes me to page 516 of 513! Have to click on 513 to get here.

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  • mcbird
    mcbird Member Posts: 381
    edited March 2011

    When I clicked on just now, it gave me rows of page numbers and had to click on last one to get here.

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited March 2011

    Same here!  Sorry girls, I'm a lurker here but I so admire you Cathi.  Hoping you don't suffer with separation anxiety for too long.

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited March 2011

    I thought it was just me or my computer but same thing is happening when I log on - 

    Chrissy - THANK YOU,  I am hoping the same.  Just hoping DD & SIL will allow us to see them,  hoping maybe we can restart our weekend barbacues again. 

    Well off to Idol time - 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2011

    I hereby reinstate my whine. Connor's temp spiked to 104. His eyes are watering and itchy. Fever still over 103 now. We've been cooped up for two days in a 550 sq. ft. apartment. Looks like a long seige. I had to call Amazon Fresh to have groceries delivered tomorrow. You will now be able to hear my scream wherever you are.

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited March 2011

    I heard that scream Judie-  wish I was closer to help out.  Feel better Connor- XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited March 2011

    Oh Judi!!! I hate when kids are sick, you never know at what point it becomes and emergency! Is he well hydrated? That is the most important at this point, especially if he vomits. I remember taking my son in finally when he was so sick. At the ER in the cubible next to ours was a women who's child was comatose because it was so dehydrated. It had to be admitted....so sad!

    Cathi, have a wonderful last weekend with the kidlets. Don't ruin it by worry or stress, just let things roll, they don't know what's about to happen.

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited March 2011

    Thanks Barbe,  they actually will go Friday evening as usual,  and I guess not be back - but then again who knows.  I had a frantic call from Amanda this AM, and then a call and a visit from the case worker is scheduled for Friday AM.

    Amanda said her counselor at drug classes for the criminal part says hse has a MAJOR ANGER ISSUE  -  And she is not confident at this point if she writes up dischaarge from the program that under  major stress Amanda would not revert back to drug use-  Amanda says the counselor is a $#$%^&^%$# and doesn't know her job - DENIEL - I don't know?????????????

    Anyway,  criminal court has to report to DCF, so caseworker is aware that Amanda and Bill to I guess may need to continue with treatments of some sort.  However Amanda says she is not ogonna do it- she would rather go to jail,  I am sure it is a bunch of anger talking.  Case worker still is requesting that reunification take place on Monday,  she has explained it as at some pint it has to happen,  to acheive some kind of final outcome,  her words DD & SIL will always be faced with challenges in life with children,  thus we need to see if they can & will handel LIFE-

    But no matter what if criminal court orders anything more they MUST DO IT-  or they will go to jail.  So of coarse now she wants to talk about Landens 7 Ella and LONG TERM placement -  if something happens.  Our age, my health (she does not know everything  - like mets) is a  needed discussion -  So stress/anxiety  are on the agenda yet again or should I say still.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited March 2011

    Cathi, Amanda has a sister in town. That would be an obvious choice, even though she has her own kids. It can't all lay on you and Ed!! Keep it coming sweetie, dump the crap!!!

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited March 2011

    I know Barbe,  Jaclyn has always helped us a GREAT GREAT deal,  more than I have even expressed to everyone, from cooking, to babysitting, to shopping, school pick-ups, drop off's etc. She will always help,  and she has even said well I guess "I'LL BE RAISING LANDEN & ELLA"  but I don't know if ever their parental rights were abolished if even Jaclyn could deal with 4 kids full time and I don't know if DCF would be ok with time here time there.  I just don't know. I guess at this point it really has to be 1 day at a time,  except now DCF sounds like they want a PLAN in PLACE  - Just in case.  If DD & SIL didn't go to something a bench warrent would be issued for their arrest.  I am definetly going to ask her about that,  if she would know it's going to happen before it did, I would hate for Landen or Ella to be home.  UGH -  I am hoping Amanda was just foaming at the mouth,   but seems like maybe counselor is right apparently in NY they were using cmae down here had stopped at least while she was pregnant for Ella and started up again.  Wish I was bald again - then I wouldn't have to pull my hair out -

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