please help

Ok Barbe -  Ok Nettie, need you tuff back bone,  got some heart strings playing here.  DD & SIL picked children up Friday as they should, I had a 1/2 gallon of milk I sent along as by Monday Eve it would have been not so good, anyway Amanda made the statement "GOOD  - CAUSE WE ARE BROKE",  it bothered me then  thinking oh no are the kids going to eat this weekend.   Did my Sunday check and Amanda was going to prepare baked potatoes and the packages of the Lipton Noodle stuff for dinner  - and thats where I am sad, didn't say anything to her,  but being an old granny, thinking oh no thats not a well rounded meal for Landen and Ella,  my heart is saying I should send food over for them on the weekends - my brain says NO -

I also got a call this weeknd for them on my phone that they needed to call  RENT KING  ASAP, the guy didn't say why , but I guaranteee it's for the bedroom stuff they have new in Landens room. I told Amanda he called she just said  -  OK,  and then of coarse they have their stupid car payment they in no way needed. 

I just need one of you all to kick my #$#@,  I just worry that Landen and Ella won't be eating correctly, they also have to pack their lunches for Monday school, I know the school will tell me if something is up.  URGHHHHHHHH

      it sounds like they are sinking financially already, now is not the time to help them.  It will be hardbut that is what tough love is all about.  Report it to caseworker, the broke comment, what you saw served and phonecall and concern for lunch packed.  School will notice also and should tell case worker.  If you help them by providing food each weekend, they will expect it each weekend.  Tough love time, Cathi!  Karen

A Volvo!!! Well that explains it! Truly just image. What an idiot!!! Both of them.

Cathi you know you are strong enough. The kids won't starve in 3 days and you know it. DO report everything and stand tough. Shame on the two older kids in this situation. They both deserve a knock up the side of the head!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh POOOOOOH,  UGH so hard to hang tuff. Woke this AM to a message from Amanda on FB, asking if they could take $15 until Tuesday AM (Bill gets paid Monday at end of shift ) I did not reply,  then my office tele & cell kept ringing and ringing from her,  finally answered it,  played dumb,  she asked for the $15.00,  I said NO ladies,  but it was hard, then she pulled out WELL THEN I GUESS I'LL BE GOING TO JAIL by 2/2 - I said why, she said cause I am going to have to miss another drug class,  this will be #3,   I did not know she had missed any,  asked why she just said BECAUSE -   ugh i HUNG TUFF, BUT i FEEL BAD.

I don't know why I feel awful then Barbe,  this sucks.

Your all right- THANK YOU- THANK YOU- THANK YOU. A few minutes after my last post she shows up on my door step-  GREAT - face to face combat,  she had Landen & Ellas cloths, she normally returns them after class.  Sge says,  I'll be ok if I wrote a check today and BIll makes a night deposit after work????  I say I have no clue, checks process pretty fast these days, not like the old days when you had several days for a check to clear. But apparently she wrote a check to 711 for gas.  I do know though that Florida does NOT play arond with bad checks, this state is to transient,  they don't take that stuff lightly.

Just for a moment just for a few days I was feeling optimistic, they were gonna make it, change, do what was right - I mean we all struggle with $$$$$ at some point in life,  but between them they seriously make enough money to be OK, not live high on the hog but OK,  I can't imagine what this wekend pick-up will bring, Amanda doesn't get paid until next week (bi-weekly) so I know they will be broke again - wuith the amount of $$$$$$ they are wasting on crap.

I will let CW know espically if they don't keep this weekends visit,  I end the childrens's clothing over, but never any diapers or that stuff, I did send the milk but only because I saw no reason for it to go bad,  but thats the only reason. I didn't give in and I won't, it's just as hard on Ed too,  he's like, well it's only $15,  and he's right it is ONLY $15 , but we both know there is NO WAY they would return it, they never have in the past. WE CAN NOT ENABLE -  REPEATING 1,000,000,000 TIMES . LOL.

When I get to heaven the first thing I am going to do it tell my parents I AM SORRY for my poor choices in my younger years (not near like this) but for any and all worry, stress I caused them.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX Barbe-  Well at least this Saturday night I was naughty - NOT LIKE THAT- LOL. I drank 3 HUGE Bloddy Mary's,  let me tell you Ed made them strong and I slept like a rock - 

Cathi, I just now saw what you went through this weekend. When my son went for overnight visitations with his 'father' when he was about 12-18 months, I also worried about what he would be eating and drinking. I was totally outraged when he returned saying that he had fed my son a 'honey bun and chocolate soldier drink' for lunch. After that, I would make sure that he had a good meal before went with his dad and a nice bath and good food when he got home. I was fortunate that he didn't pick John up every weekend, only about once every 4 weeks. (the bath was to look for any signs of abuse and I know he didn't get a bath while he was gone.)

You can stay strong and don't give in. As it was pointed out, please record all incidents of request for aid from them and report it to the social worker. They will end up losing custody again if the incidents are all reported correctly.

Sheila 

Cathi, on her FB post, why don't you just post, "Yep, motherhood IS tough!" or something like that. It will have double meaning to her, but her friends will think you're just supporting her....

very interesting! and do you really think DCF thinks you're rude? wouldn't they think it's just mud flinging?

You are walking a tight rope there. I should have said that I would put my son in the bath to get rid of the tobacco smoke smell that was on his skin. I would also throw all clothes including the diaper bag into the washing machine when he came home.  I have one set of photos that were taken the evening he returned home, the look on his face was 'Mommy why did you make me leave?' He was always clingy after he returned for at least 24 hours.

Sheila 

Have been doing some on line reading since Ella & Landen went to bed about togh love, and boy am I an enabler -  BAD- BAD ME.  Found this little tid bit helpful,  printed it and have it on my desk.  I know I have "A" accomplised between my local friends and all of you-  XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

S.A.N.I.T.Y. Six Steps for Regaining a Healthy Relationship with Adult Children

S = STOP Enabling, STOP Blaming Yourself, and STOP the Flow of Money
A = Assemble a Support Group
N = Nip Excuses in the Bud
I = Implement Rules/Boundaries
T = Trust Your Instincts
Y = Yield Everything to the Higher Power of God (Surrender)

You are right Shelia, I am just a big wimp -  gotta get tuffer I guess, I suppose thats part of the reason I stayed in a horrible marriage for 20+ years, and I guess since Amanda saw me always trying to FIX  a man , she thinks she can to, but she knows I never could.  But time to break the cycle, or at least time for me to give it 100%. So glad I have you all  for support.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Found it Barbe- just haven't acheived it yet - LOL