2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

I will turn 50 in March. I was not happy about turning 50 before I was dx'd, but now it seems even sadder. Kinda like I am for sure old (and sick). If this is 49--50 has to be better, right????

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I have a question...I've been struggling with this for a couple of weeks, trying to understand why I'm feeling like this, so I thought I would ask you all...

My birthday is Dec. 5th and I'll be 29. For some reason, I'm so sad about it. I don't know why. I usually love my birthdays and get so excited no matter what we do. This year, it's almost like I view my birthday as something sad. Kinda like...oh, she's 29, I hope she makes it to 30. Does anyone feel like that with their own birthdays or even the holidays? There's something just sad about my birthday this year. My husband is making a big deal about it and throwing me a party to cheer me up, but inside, it's just sad.

Here's my amateur psychologist opinion (NYU Class of 94). 29 was the blow out year before you have to check that 30-40 year old box on the surveys. Instead of revelling in frivolity you've been hit with this. I don't think its about your uncertainty about how long you have left, you present as being far stronger than that.

Let that strong supportive man you have do his thing. Get fabulous, and if you have to pretend you're having a good time, do it. Its only for a few hours.

I ride the train thinking everyone is staring at me because I wear a wig and think they are pitying me. I keep forgetting that my wig is so fabulous that I had to name her and my make up is soooo fierce they can't help but stare!! Don't let this disease eat at the self esteem. It ate my breasts, I'll be damned if its going to get anything else!!

I had number 3 of 8 yesterday too. I managed to negotiate my way out of having to take Ativan. I take Emend for 3 days and 2 dexamethosone twice a day for 4 days. I was taking Ativan twice a day for 4 days but it made me too woozy to function but aside from feeling high at the moment, I can't complain. Going to do the work from home thing today, its getting cold out and there has to be some plus to being under medical supervision!! Work from the bed!!

have done 2 FAC, stll have eyebrows, shaved rapidly falling headhair ,short and curlies almost gone!

Hi Everyone, did you miss me? My computer has been down for the past few days....what a bummer....Today is one of my down days, I always seem to crash on day 5 and 6 after chemo......The indigestion, acid reflex, etc is terrible besides I can't seem to drink anything, water is disgusting..I am really trying but it is hard. Constipation once again is also a factor. Thanks Laura for the tip on the pitted prunes. I am willing to try anything. I will definitely give them a try. I don't want to be a complainer but depression isn't helping me either today. Do you girls ever get a day that all you do is cry? For me it seems to be right after I go off of the decadron and anti-nausea drugs. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Hi Graycie! I was just wondering about you! Although, I wish you were feeling better. Just before chemo, my Dr. prescribed Wellbutrin, an anti-depressant to take through the duration of treatment. I feel it has helped me alot. Also, I happen to have a Hiatal Hernia (unrelated to bc), so I take Protonix daily. I think this has helped to prevent any acid reflux probs. from chemo. Maybe you should ask your Dr. about both.?. I hope you feel better soon, and hope you cheer up soon! Hang in there.

Thanks Tracy, that makes sense....I do get the symptom's after I get off the decadron. You seem to be on them longer than me. I take 2x daily on day 2,3 and 4 after chemo and that's it. Do you also get the flushed face and chest when on them? Graycie