2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

debbie444

Thank goodness its not just me feeling down ! I had my 3rd FEC last thursday - this one seemd to hit me more. I felt so depressed it was untrue - felt such a bad mum just wanting to lie down in a corner by myself! To cap it all, my son is off school sick with asthma, it was my sisters birthday and i couldnt go over as she was made up with the cold and the paramedics took dad into hospital again. I just sat and sobbed as i wasnt able to go! Luckily they decided it was his emphysema and a chest infection and not his heart this time so let him out the next day ( this is the 72 yr old who had a heart attack halfway up sugarloaf mountain and refused to let the QE11 paramedics bring him down until hed seen the top " I dont know if i'll come again at my age so i'm not coming down yet!" - he missed Argentina as he was in the sick bay but recovered enough to visit the Falklands! I must have some good genes somewhere!
I think it must be a mix of the weather - my head is frozen and a general accumulation of symptoms.
I do feel better than yesterday - perhaps its the tablets getting me down?
On a lighter note - being off sick has meant i have never been so in front with my christmas shopping!!!

Take care
Debbie x

sherryhaire

So true about being depressed, Another cruel joke, the hair on my legs is growing back but I am losing my eyelashes!!! Cracked a tooth last night as well, some days it just doesnt pay to crawl out of bed. No taste bud, food just tastes awful. There is bound to be a shining liner somewhere!!!!!!

Anonymous

Ravdeb,
I too recently found out I have cysts on my right Ovary! I am worried and hope they're really only cysts. One is the size of a walnut and the Gyn. says if "it" grows, "it" and the ovary will have to be yanked! I have a follow-up ultrasound next month. The mere thought of another surgery absolutely depresses me. I also recently had an ultrasound of the "remaining" breast (right one) and it showed a cyst there too! I'm worried about this also, because b/4 the b/c in the left breast, I had always had cysts there too! Have you seen your Gyn. yet to discuss your cysts? If so, what did he/she say? As always, we must hang in there.
Laura (GTO)

maryannecb

Third FAC yesterday, port-a-cath did not work, had to have clot-busting drug twice. Meanwhile staff attempted to use my arm again which has been swollen for two weeks. Despite asking for benadryl for premed, they went ahead and injected adriamycin without( reacted both times with this drug during last two rounds),of course I had a reaction, then they gave me Benadryl, site didn't settle down so had two more unsuccessful pokes. This was 5 hours after arriving for my 2 hour chemo. Then they tied the p-o-c again and got it working! Thank good cause like you I can't stand the thoughts of another procedure.
7 hours at the hosp got me down and I have no energy today so think I'll chill by Tv sipping water.
Hey just one more round of this stuff, can't wait. Course taxotere is next...Fists up.

Graycie

Amy,
Did you start Taxol yet? I just finished my last AC and will be starting Taxol in a couple weeks. I am really nervous too so you will have to let me know how it goes....When I saw the Nurse practitioner yesterday she said that I won't have to take the Emend or anti-nausea meds with Taxol because it is easier on the stomach.....I wonder?? Also she told me I didn't need to get a refill for the decadron which I find hard to believe because I read you have to pre-med with that before your treatment. Did they tell you to take anything before starting Taxol? I go for my neulasta shot tomorrow so I will ask again.
Graycie

Graycie

Mary-anne, Sorry you are having so much trouble with your treatments. What a bummer, maybe when you finish the AC things will go better for you.......
Laura, Sorry to hear about your cysts, hopefully they will turn out to be nothing.....Maybe they will shrink by your next sonogram. I wish you both Luck....Graycie

ake

I completely agree...I'm totally depressed this week. Got my first mouth sore from my last AC...go figure. I tried on my wig yesterday (I hate it, so I never wear it...just scarves). I was just curious to see if I liked it again, but instead, I burst into tears. I so miss my hair and that person who used to have hair. I can't stand being bald anymore, being strong and chipper for friends and family, being seen as tough. I'm just sad all the time this week and my birthday is Monday and I'm still depressed about it. Can't stop crying.

I think it's hard for me to truly believe and think that one day, I will just put this behind me. That my husband and I will be thinking 10 years from now, remember when Amy had breast cancer? How do we put this in the past once it's all over? It's like I can't imagine not having a recurrence because I truly can't imagine not having to worry about cancer.

And I don't know if anyone feels like this...I despise chemo like the rest of us, but I'm scared for when it's over. It's so strong and it's so aggressive...it's like my protective armor. I'll have 6 weeks of radiation and Tamoxifen afterwards, but I'm scared my body will be so vulnerable without chemo and the cancer will immediately come back.

Aaagh, the life of a breast cancer survivor...it sucks sometimes!

-Amy

Anonymous

Mary-Anne,
I am Stage I and my tumor was .8 of a cm. Margins clear, but found another type of cancer: invasive ductal carcinoma. Did an SNB which showed no tumors.

I am ER negative, PR negative and Her2/Neu negative.

TracyNY

Thanks for the joke Mary Anne. I'm fighting my way out of this deep black hole. It seems like a never ending struggle and I feel the same Amy, will I ever look back on this and say remember when? I even think that if it came back I wouldn't do this again, just try to enjoy the life I have left because this is just too hard.

I have my last AC tomorrow. I hate it but can't wait for it to be over. I have a friend who is an oncology nurse who told me that T is much easier on the body so I'm looking forward to a smoother ride.

This depression is too much for me though and I don't want anymore pills. I have 4 T and I'm done. I want this to over soooo bad.

maryannecb

Go for the pills, life is too short to be miserable. Talk to your doctor, the new antidepressants are very tolerable and you would start to feel better within a few weeks. It would at the least stop your crying. Guys stage one cancer is highly treatable, most people survive, try to hang on to that thought. My prognosis sucks but I am fairly convinced I'll survive, don't know why but I am sure it is that I really can't imagine leaving yet.Fists up!

maryannecb

Adnerb,
sounds like your tumor is not terribly agressive,ie.small,no nodes, her2-. Hey kid you are probably cured, go with that thought. It can't hurt and you might be able to move beyond your black hole.I know it is hard to feel lucky when you have cancer, but it sounds like you have a favourable prognosis.You and your docs will be hypervigilant over the next few years, eventually it will stop consuming your every waking minute and you will relax.
In the mean time if your down feelings continue for longer than 2-3 weeks or you feel like life is not worth living seek med attention.
Most people going through a chronic illness develop a grief reaction and many go on to become depressed. If depression runs in your immediate family or there is substance abuse you are likely not be able to overcome this without meds for a long time.
Fists up!

ake

Mary-Anne,

Our prognosis doesn't suck....I'm stage IIIA too and my oncologist immediately told me that it's survivable and the odds are most definitely in my favor. We're going to do great. I have a quote on my fridge that I love...it says: "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end". That's what I hold onto...this whole crap isn't for nothing!

-Amy

maryannecb

Amy,
well it doesn't completely suck, but I'd much rather have a stage 1,her2- cancer. The prognosis is only a number, I know that is why I'm going to be one of the lucky long term survivors. Why not me? Why not you? Sorry Amy I didn't mean to say that this is not survivable.It is and we will.My oncologist also thinks "I am not a hopeless case". I hold onto that.
Any chance you can get a new wig? Mine is actually pretty nice and only cost $200 canadian(~240amer).

Anonymous

Graycie, Amy, Etc...
Congrats on the end of A/C! I'm cheering you all on. You survived this portion. Hang in there. I'm one week behind you...#4 A/C for me is next Wednesday. I cheated and went to the Sept. chemo forum to get a "heads up" on the Taxol portion, now I'm a little scared too! Maybe I shouldn't have gone there?.?. We must be strong. This monster is unbelievable. Is someone out there working on a cure or what? Or is it more profitable to create drugs to treat all the side effects of chemo? I'm mad. But, you better believe I am going to make the best of the holidays. I am going to surround myself with and spend quality time with my family and my friends. I am going to continue to be a role model to my 3 beautiful little nieces. I am going to continue to tell them that I am fighting hard and strong. And I am going to enjoy every "good" day, every "good" hour, every "good" minute. Feel free to join me!

marymelodi

Sorry everyone is feeling so sad. I have some quotes taped to my computer here at work. Maybe they will help someone.

"A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

"Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in high heels." Faith Whittesley

"Outside of a dog, a book is a person's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read." Grocho Marx

I say take whatever pill or life change or food or anything that makes you feel better. Personally, my friends and faith have helped me alot. I pray and read scripture.... Psalms are particluarly comforting. I know, not such a politically correct thing in today's world, but it works for me.

I hope you will soon feel better. I think it is better to be bald and moderately "sick" than the alternative. I am grateful I discovered the lump when I did and that treatment is so good at this time in our lives. Most women survive, live long, and prosper (to quote a certain Vulcan). We are all valuable, wonderful women and we will bring happiness and love into the world for years to come. Hang in there and have hope. There will be an end to your discomfort and it will one day be a memory of how you were strong and survived! Your sons and daughters will tell the tale and it will inspire them. I have people in my life now who are the children of bc survivors and they are in awe of their moms. You gals will get through this and be all the better for it.

You have inspired and comforted me on more than one occasion. I am grateful for all of you. Good luck and sleep well.
marymelodi (3rd A/C tomorrow)

Paula15089

Aaah, ladies, why has the depression hit so many of us at the same time?? the moon maybe?
Had A/C #2 today, so far so good, getting a bit tired, and have a funny feeling of fullness in my stomach. Hoping the pills will do the job like they did last time. Half way there, yehaa!
Losing my stubble fast, have finally decided on a wig, but it will take a couple of weeks to order the colour that i want. So have to stick with scarves and hats for now.

You girls in US are so lucky will all that online shopping available, i actually have ordered heaps of headwear from US and getting it shipped to Australia, which can get costly. But we just dont get the same choice here.
Take care everyone,
Paula

maryannecb

Paula,
good luck with second round.
Go for a nice walk today. Put some good tunes on your stereo.
Do your favourite thing.
Chemo is fast at work knocking out any lurking cancer cells.
Have a nice day.
Fists up!

debbie444

Well -today is better - must be the tablets!
I too am sticking to the fact that this time next year it will be a memory and not constantly in my face all of the time.
I have done most of my shopping, have booked next years holiday and sorted out my rota of where the kids have to be for christmas things and when.
My mantra is " I am cancer free - the same as the people i walk past in the street , all of this is to stop the B**** coming back". If it does come back i will hit it head on again. My life is too full to be a BC sufferer - i am a BC warrior and no other option is viable! At 33 I have longer to go than i have already had and nothing is going to change that!
Take care
Debbie
P.S ( havent been on the christmas sherry i promise - just high on life!)

Graycie

Laura,
Go to the main forum Index and click on "Worried about Taxol" ...A little scary but it seems like the majority think Taxol is easier than AC....I guess we will have to wait and see....Graycie

Graycie

Laura, I forgot to mention you have to click on "Get me through this treatment first" when you are at the Main Forum Index and then "worried about Taxol" will come up. Graycie

maryannecb

wow every one ie ready to tackle, great.

Anonymous

Graycie,
Thanks for suggesting that forum. It was somewhat more positive than the Sept. Chemo one. I'm thinking it's probably 50/50 with the side effects. Each of us will respond different and none of us will really know until we're there. Best wishes to you as you approach your first one. I'm hoping it will easier/better/more tolerable for you and all of us!

Anonymous

Had my weekly blood work done today. The Neulasta is working at keeping the WBC's up, but the Hemoglobin/RBC's (anemia)- not so good. I was wondering why I was so darned exhausted after climbing just one flight of stairs! I had to get an inj. of Aranesp - ouchy wow wow! And they said I will have to continue to get it every two weeks for the duration of chemo. It's nice to know though, that there's something that works for this prob.

So, if any of you are feeling exhausted/etc. you may want to call the Onc. and ask about it.
Laura (GTO)

Anonymous

One more thing...This is awesome! I had an appt. today with my Gyn. She asked me why I haven't lost my hair yet! I had my wig on! I asked her if she was joking or just being nice and she swore she thought it was my real hair! I love it! What I really think might be helping it look natural is that I spray it with shine spray so it doesn't look dry.

maryannecb

That must have Made you feel great about your wig. I like mine too. Went with usual color with red highlights, looks consistently better than my own hair as I don't have much talent with hair.
Fists up!

ake

has anyone had lower back spasms 7 days or so after chemo? its driving me crazy...happens every time i stand up and sit down. grrrr. when will a body ache just be a body ache?

-amy

TracySeattle

I have pain in my lower back about day 7. I have been thinking that it is the Neulasta shot causing it. It goes away around day 10....

Anonymous

Oh my! I too have the aching lower back thing (no spasms) going on about week after chemo. I haven't attributed it to the chemo, just thought it was from being horizontal so much. I'm going to call the Onc nurses today and ask. I'll let you know what they say.
Laura (GTO)

Anonymous

Has anyone heard from mjsukie? She was here with us from her d/x back in Aug. until early November. Just wondering, and somewhat concerned.
Laura (GTO)

sherryhaire

Have not heard from Serendipity either, Hope she is well