please help

Cathi...I agree with the others here. YOU are making the right decision for our Ella and more importantly for you.  You are dealing with your own problems (health) and like it was said before...we aren't spring chickens anymore. It will be good for Ella.

Judie..great news on the scans. I am due for my mammo...and apt with surgeon oncy...etc. I also wanted to say...what an emotional play you went too! Wow...very powerful I am sure.  What you and Nancy described was unbelieveble...and utter disgusting! They will pay their dues when they meet thier maker!

Nettie...sor sorry about your loss.  I hate BOOTFACE!!!! ((((((Nettie)))))), thinking of you sweetie.

Leesa...prayers to you too....what are these young mother's thinking?? It infuriates me when I hear they are having fun, lying by a pool etc?? Don't they realize what they are doing to their children?? I think our world...society is going to the "shitter"....I really do.

Back to work ladies...working from 12n till 11pm today....OVERTIME pay!!! Woohoo!!

xoxo

Lisa

Thanks guys.  Yes it is  hard and I get so angry but like Cathi said it's more for the children than for the parents.  Cathi just remember even though it is hard you are giving them stability, love, and you are showing them the importance of family.  I know you are tired and I think daycare will be great for them as well as you.  The first day will be hard and you will probably cry. LOL You know, hello mommy again. LOL.  I'm not making fun of you but I have to take off work every year on the first day of school because I cry all day.  My little ones are growing up so fast.  They do know where they are safe and will be cared for although yesterday was pretty bad.  I was working late and Donnie was on call and he forgot to call and tell me he wasn't going to get the kids.  I got a call at 6:20 p.m. and I cried and my daughter got mad.  I told her she could get them but instead my son did and they were in hog heaven.  When I got home, I was in total shock.  He had fixed them egg sandwiches, pizza roles, and these yeast rolls with sausage in them and they were in heaven and so proud of themselve.  I was met at the door with hugs and kisses and little faces with big smiles because they had fixed my plate for me and my bath water, and they had their bathes and fed the animals and put up their clothes and cleaned the dishes out of the dishwater.  My little 6 year old grandson said, ": We still ove you mamaw even though you forgot us and it's ok, Chase got us and took care of us."  I think that was his way of telling me he was ok and he understood I was working and it was ok to work late.

Leesa, What are you expecting the ps to tell you on Monday? I finished my recon 2 yrs ago. I had the nipples made and ps office did the tattoos but wasn't happy with the final results so I went to Earleen in Asheville to re-do the tattoos.

donald is home all week, he put in for this week as vacation in June when I thought yesterday was going to be my last day. I told him not to change it after they extended my job through August. I have plenty of 'honey-do' jobs for him to do at the house this week while I am at work.

Sheila

I had to wait 1 year before the PS would even consider the tattooing and the nipple reconstruction.  She just wants to see me first and see how things are then we will set up an appointment for the proccedures.  The left breast is still missed up in that it isn't smoothe and even.  I have some pain in the left breast area.  More uncomfortable than anything.  That's where they took two lymph nodes out also.  Did your implants ever bother you?

Dink, the only time my implants bother me is when I get a cold chill and my pec muscles contract and that really hurts.

This morning church was great, our choir sang 'Total Praise' which we have sung many times, today just touched me greatly. Have you ever tried singing with tears in your eyes and you don't want to wipe them out? It was like looking at my music through a glass of water. It is based on my 'life verse' Psalm 121:1-2. It was like I was being told, don't worry about what is going on, I wil take care of you. Here is a video from YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vv9-WlymKg0 

Sheila

Cathi, It sounds like a normal two year old acting like he doesn't know what is going on in addition to the cold. When my son went to visit his sperm donor, overnight visits as a one yr old (bad lawyer on my count for seperation papers) he would act up. He would cling to me and not want me to leave the room. I had to stay in the same room when he went to sleep or rock him to sleep and try to put him in the crib without waking him up.

Cathi, I have learned that the acting out is because he can't express what he wants to say.  Connor gets really bad if I tell him he has to go to his Dad's or his mom's.  He always asks, I don"t have to stay do I?  I am coming home right?  Then the fight is on.  He has to have Madison go with him to both places or he's not going.  He doesn't hear or see his dad or mom on a regular basis and he's ok as long as they come here and visit.  He will be 7 on the 7th and it gets worse as he gets older.  The other thing is it usually takes a week or so for him to get over his visits especially with his dad.  We don't push him seeing his parents but we don't keep him away either.

Nettie, You are so funny and I like your "arsehole" saying.  Sheila you are so right it is definitely hard to sing and cry at the same time.  When this happens you better listen because God is talking to you.  Open your heart and turn it all over to Him and he will take care of you.  Now I'm finished preaching.

I went to the PS today.  Not really happy with what she had to say.  I'll have to think about it for a while.  According to her I can start my nipple reconstruction on September 14 then wait two full months and have the tattooing done.  If I want to she will take me back to surgery and straighten the left breast and make it larger to match the other.  There's not that much difference in the sizes and where the scar is, the breast tissue is not smoothe and looks a little deformed but that's due to "scar tissue" from surgeries, infection and radiation.  She couldn't guarantee that she could really fix it but she was willing to try.  I don't know about all of this and I'm so self conscious that all I want to do is cry because I wonder what my husband is thinking and I wonder if that's why we aren't very close - or at least plays a part in it.  Oh, I just want to cry.

I hope you all have a good evening and thinking about you all.

Dink 

(((Dink))) I didn't have problems with rads complicating my recon but did have to wait 2 months after nipples to get tatts, that allows the tissue to heal before putting the color on. What type of surgery to create the nipples does your ps do? Mine does the C-V flap method.

I did hear yesterday from the agency and she said that the client finished the interviews and I didn't make the cut. She did say that they frequently contact the agency for other positions and if something comes up that she feels I am suited for she will contact me to see if I am interested. (sigh) Oh well, I need to listen to Total Praise again.

Sheila

Oh Shiela

What a bummer, bit it's their loss and something will turn up.

Don't take it to heart, and keep positive.

Nx

Sheila, I"m sorry to hear about the job.  Look at it this way, there is a better position out there or there is someone else who needs your special friendship.  God has big plans for you.

The PS didn't say whaat the procedure was called, She said she would make it our of my own skin just below the scar.  I will have to wait two months before I can have the tattoing due to the pigmentation uptake of the dye.

The left breast just looks bad but she said it was due to the rads.  She thought everything looked great.  A friend of mine who has worked with a plastic surgeon for years asked if she could see what was bothering me so and I hesitated for a while but after crying and worrying I let her look and she was amazed at how things looked and said I should be very happy.  She thought it was great.  I told her that they were going to put steroid shots in the areas that had the tubes coming out and she said that was good.  She also said that while I had the local the PS could either make a small cut so the scar tissue would loosen up or I could even have a steroid shot in that area and it would cause it to loosen up and smoothe out.  So I guess things are better than I thought.  I'm trying to loose weight and I took my shirt off and looked in the mirror and thought, "Why am I loosing weight, it won't change how horrible I llok." (The scars.  The scars are really bad, my c=section scar from 1986, 1987, and 1989 looks worse than my breast and in my opinion it's pretty darn good. lol.  Sorry to bend your ear.

Leeze - I crya almost everyday now seems like right around the time ED gets home from work I start,  do by best not around the kids usually go to the bedroom and they hang with PA-PA, I think my tears come from exhaustion though at 6PM or so have been going for about 12-15 hours straight. 

Shelia sorry about the job - a etter one will come along -  XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

So Amanda went to her second DV session and Jaclyn actually went with her,  Amanda callde her on Sunday and said she knew she had to leave Bill  if she ever has any hope of getting and keeping the children. She opened up at the session,  she got some awesome support,  suggestions, etc,  she has a master plan of packing up her things and the remainder of the things at the apartment for the kids and moving them out while he is at work Saturday,  she has to do it like that for fear of a violent scene. She will go to Jaclyns for a bit and the support group has a safe house for her if she wishes to go - so I am yet again an emotional ship wreck,  hoping and praying she goes through with all this,  and worrying about what he might do -  UGH-UGH-UFH

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Cathi, glad to hear about the plan Amanda has made. It shows that she sees what is going on and she wants to spend time with her children. I did the same thing when I left my X (packed up when he was at work), although he knew I left the night before and stayed at my parent's house and he put everything he wanted me to have on the porch. I still had the key to the house and went in and got other things that I wanted to take.

Leesa, the C-V flap uses the skin on the breast and not a 'tissue transfer' from the groin area. I really like not having another place to heal and he also said that the wait for the tattooing is to allow the tissue to heal so the tattoo will look better.

I will be praying all day for her. Is there a 'safe house' she can go to if he goes maniac?

Glad to hear the plans are in place. Our church supports the local 'shelter home' with yard sales and gifts of needed supplies.

Sheila

I know Barbe - I don't pray for anything but good for him -  he has 2 Beautiful children that deserve a mature,  responsible,  loving,  happy & healthy dad. So I too pray that God will intervene and help him to become that man -  on the other side of that  - Not gonna take any $$#T from him either.

THANKS ALL