please help

lvtwoqlt

EWB, you said exactly what I wanted to but I was so flabergasted that I couldn't put my thoughts down in words and wanted to give you my love and prayers before I left for work this morning.

Everyone pray for me, I had a call back on my resume that I sent out last week. The contract group (head hunter) called me this morning to clarify some things on my resume and said that she will pass it to the company who is looking to hire. My boss said that he would work with me if they offered me this job. This job is about 34 miles from my house but not a bad drive at all. If I get this job I will need to get used to driving more than 1/2 mile to get to work .

Sheila

1Cathi

Thank you everyone and Elaine I am in no way offended,  you are absolutely right and I know that -  but I am still in shock,  I was at the apartment almost everyday - they only had the one vehicle which SIL took to work, so I would take Amanda shopping,  Dr's what ever,  or just drop in - some of the shock of the past hours is wearing off-  and the PISSED OFF side is showing it's ugly head. We thought they were spending money foolish and had lectured them on it just a few weeks ago - and it even crossed my mind not that I think - WO no money - but nothing really to show for it-  SIL has been making REAL GOOD CHECKS - LOTS OF THINGS ARE NOW MAKING SENSE.

We were in court early this AM for the temp/protective custody order - thatwas passed with no problem,  then had to go get finger printed,  the DCF & Sheriffs office is soooooo helpful,  I know yeah hear bad stories,  but so far they are wonderful,  we have been given a 2 month voucher to place Landen in Daycare a few hours eveyday to help out, after 2/mo we just have to reapply, I have been suggesting and suggesting to DD to get him in a daycare just for the socilazation (always no money) now I know why.  They say we will get state assistance for them  -  but I don't know if we should do that - somehow it almost sounded like we HAD to - so confused.

And here we sit with a decision Ed and I made this evening - both DD & SIL had the criminal appearance this afternoon (seperate charges from this AM) both of their bonds were reduced from $500 each to $1000 each ($100 with bondsman) we posted Amanda's bond she is now out and in her apartment-  we thought and agreeded that maybe she would DO THE RIGHT THINGS in the AM -  her sister has set up a meeting in the AM with a battered womans shelter and AA for drugs and some other stuff,  Jaclyn even picked her up and took her back to her apartment  (Amanda's) heres the kicker though  - more pissed, she actually asked us to post Bill's bond - WTF.  My exact words - NO-NO-NO!!!!!!  My priority is Ella and Landen - Amanda is now out and the choices she makes now are hers -  they are not allowed here without the case worker present and even then they have to come seperate - at our discretion.

Ladies I love my daughter and it does break my heart that she has done this - but I can't fix this one -  no more money,  no more anything except my LOVE .

THANK YOU ALL FOR LISTENING - WHAT WOULD I DO WITH OUT YOU.

THIS IS A B- MOVIE.  Any CYBER G'MA'S WANNA BABYSIT - LOL

lvtwoqlt

(((((Cathi)))) here is a cyber hug. If I lived closer I would come and help with the babies. Amanda is trying to get the life back that she has known even though it was not the greatest. She will need to see the problems for herself and decide that she needs the help, even though you and her sister are trying to help show her what needs to change, you can't force her to change.  It is great that the children have been around you enough that they are comfortable with you. All you can do with Amanda is continue to love her even though it will be a 'tough love'.

Sheila

BarbaraA

Cathi ((((((Hugs)))))))) I am just down the beach from you and would be happy to help out. Just PM me.

Barbara

barbe1958

I'm with you on this one Cathi. NO money for SIL!!! You've done enough! You set them up in the apartment and have helped out more than some people deserve. Sometimes when we make life too easy, it takes away the reality.

Much love sister...

1Cathi

Thanks everyone,  het and Barbra maybe I'll take you up on your offer one of these days, right now just trying to sort through all our legalaties,  who can be here to help who can't be, UGH -

Shelia you are absolutely right,  somehow Amanda managed to bail SIL out last night,  my guess is his Grandma in NY helped,  he was released at 12:37AM, we  are on some kind of alert phone message system  and got a call to that effect and aside from that Amanda sent Jaclyn a text about 9:30 asking her to take her to the bail place and then to the jail - Jaclyn gave a firm NO,  so don't know how or what they did but apparently he is out now too -  but for now it's looking like their first priority is not the kids,  last night was a ruff one for Landen,  kept waking up calling MOMMY- and this AM (up sense 5AM) he wants everyone in the same area,  starts crying if I go into another room or if PA-PA does or if Ella stays behind in her crib,  even Margo -  did just manage to get him down to sleep hoping he will take a long AM nap and feel happier when he wakes -  my heart breaks so hard for him.

Anonymous

Finally I am home. I couldn't post on this site with my iTouch and it's killed me to be muted! I'm so sorry Cathi. Not good news at all. You must be made of titanium to withstand so much. I'm adding everything I can to the strength you need. Bless you many times over.

That's all I can do right now. Know I love each of you and think of you every day. Nettie, I think the op with be worth it. Get yourself in shape asap and go for it. One week today and I'm home on my own and healing nicely.

1Cathi

Yeah Judie glad your home and recovering nicely. 

Well day 3 of my new life as a full time stay at home mom - LOL. While I am reach exhaustion,  each day seems to be a little easier -  RIGHT - LOL. I expect that I will have a days crash soon,  thank God for Ed, Jaclyn and a few close friends. We have a lot of busy work to do this weekend before I BIG home inspection next week with Children and Family Services,  have to get all those safety door locks,  and there is some sort of alarm we are supposed to buy for our back door that goes out to the pool and yard,  gotta make sure all chemicals and liquors are HIGH - etc,  etc,  I completely understand the reasoning behind it all - but kinda think how the heck were children safe years ago before all this stuff was invented -  OH I KNOW , parents actually watched their children and didn't let them run rampage over a home  - OOPS Guess I better get to bed - tired makes me snippy-  both children are fast asleep,  accomplised by 9:30 YEAH- YEAH YEAH

HAPPY 4TH TO ALL - XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

geebung

I only just logged in after a week or so.

Cathi - I'm sending you huge hugs and love and praying that this impossibly difficult situation will somehow be resoved. I'm lost for words. The hardest thing to bear is problems with our kids and you sure have a heavy load right now. oxoxxo

Judie - I'm so happy to hear that you are recovering well after your op. Hope you are back to full health and strength soon.

Sheila - praying for your success as you wait for the result of your job application. I so hope you get it!

Nettie - hope you have a wonderful time with your family.

EWB - you supportive advice to Cathi was pure gold. You always express things beautifully. I'm still thinking and praying for you and hope things will be better for you soon.

Life continues to be very busy. Making the most of the little time I have left with my youngest son who leaves in a few days to return to the US. I miss him already.

Love you those I've mentioned and those I haven't. 

Jane oxoxox

1Cathi

Aquick stop in to say hi - and send cyber hugs to all. A week ago today became a full time mom again,  oh my,  I can hardly believe I am still walking or talking,  have had some ruff days,  just when yeah think you have a good system or rythm going -  all hell breaks loose.  Won't bore you all with the details just asking for some prayers of strengh for me and my honey -  he never complains,  but I see the tired in his eyes.

LOVE YOU ALL.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

geebung

Cathi, I meant to say this before: I completely agree with EWB - this is NOT your fault. Of course none of us are perfect parents but you have given the greatest things to your children and grandchildren - love and time - huge amounts of both. I can see that everything you do is with their best interests at the core. I'm just so sad for you and Ed - that you have so much to deal with - on top of everything else. I'm praying you will both have the strength to carry on and that the children will be protected from most of the fallout from all of this. I also hope and pray that your DD and SIL will learn from this and somehow become wiser, better people.

Hugs,

Jane

NancyD

OMG, Cathi, I've been so busy with work and then family I only skimmed through FB and here. You have my prayers, girl. Tough, tough times are not what you need, right now. I think you definitely have your priorities right. Let Amanda and Bill swing for themselves and just concentrate on the little ones.

For what it's worth, my large family is not without it's peccadillos, either. Some of the things my brothers have gotten involved in were stupid, youthful situations that could have ruined their lives. Thankfully, the law saw them as such and granted mercy. More recent ones have impacted on the whole family (jerk-brother's DWI two years ago).

Sheila, fingers crossed that you get the new job. 34 miles isn't such a long way to go. I travel a bit more than that into NYC for work. If you don't have traffic, it's a quick trip.

We've been having a mini-family reunion this past weekend (two sisters and their families couldn't make it). I'm off to say good-bye to my brother from KY and his family as they hit the road. Then I have to drive my son home. I'm on vacation until the 19th.

lvtwoqlt

Quick update on job search. Got a call today during lunch from the contract agency, the client contacted them and wanted to set up a phone interview with them this afternoon at 3:00 pm eastern. Please pray for me to say the right things during this interview process.

1Cathi

Good luck Shelia.  Nancy I haven't mentioned a thing on FB, not something I want the entire cyber world to know, but I know I can come here and vent and what ever.  I have always believe in God,  haven't been to church as much as I am sure I should.  But more than ever now I have put my faith and trust in his decisions and directions,  my biggest biggest fear right now is what if God forbid Ed and I could not do this - where would Ella and Landen go - Jaclyn can't do it.  Bill has divorced parents in NY  - mom is a druggie dad an alcholic- 

Ed says I worry to much ahead -  I guess he is right. But thats what I do best. Back to babies.  LOVE YOU ALL

lvtwoqlt

Another update, the interviewer wants to see me tomorrow afternoon for an in-person interview. The bad thing is, yesterday I had an unusual looking mole removed from my cheekbone (just under my eye) and I have a row of 7 or 8 stitches running about where my eye glasses frame sits. And no make-up until it heals (although I normally don't wear any). The stitches won't come out until next week. Really chic for an interview.  One good thing though, the nurse said that I would end up with a black eye swelled shut, I got up this morning with some slight swelling and no black eye (yet). I called my beautician earlier today (before lunch) to see if she could get me in for a haircut. She is doing my hair as soon as I can get there after work.

Sheila

barbe1958

How exciting Sheila! Keep us posted, I'll try to check through the afternoon tomorrow....

Cathi, keep on hangin'.

1Cathi

Barbe they just may find me HANGING - LOL

barbe1958

As long a you're hanging someone ELSE, that's okay...

lvtwoqlt

Cathi, you and Ed are terrific grandparents and you won't hang anyone.

I went through my check list this morning, clothes well pressed, shoes shined, hair looking good, makeup - nope, fresh breath, gas tank filled, nerves - yup. I am just trying to remember to breath deeply to stay relaxed, I will definately need yoga to unwind after this interview. The agency will call this morning with directions to the client's location, I know it is about 30 miles away and I told my boss I needed to leave at 1:00 just to make sure that I can find the place without being late.

Sheila

barbe1958

Sheila, my best advice is to have fun! If you enjoy yourself, so will the interviewer and they'll remember the "nice lady". If you're scared a bit, tell them! It's no shame to have been gainfully employed and not had an interview in such a long time. I will be sending powerful purple light your way!!!!

NancyD

Fingers and toes crossed for you, Sheila. You're probably on the road now...almost there.

lvtwoqlt

I hate map quest. It told me to turn right on the road and I should have turned left. By looking at the satellite view there was nothing at the star but there was a large complex (former mall) turning left. But I followed the directions until I hit hwy 268 & I knew I had bad directions. I turned around and found the place. got there just before 2:00 pm. I think I did well. They had 6 people they were interviewing, they will contact the agency next week with their decision. I just need to relax some.

Sheila

NancyD

I'm a stickler. If I have no clue where I'm going and it's important I be on time (and it isn't too far away), I always do a dry run drive a few days before. I'm glad you left the extra time for the trip.

MapQuest isn't my fav direction provider. My brothers have all got GPS units in their cars, and I've grown to like them. I may have to break down and buy one this year.

lvtwoqlt

I try to figure out where it is before hand also, but since I was told the day before that they wanted to see me yesterday and it is a 30 mile drive, I didn't get the address until 10:00 am yesterday so I didn't have a chance to find it other than mapquest or google maps and both took me to the same spot. I figured if they both sent me the same place it must be right. I have issues with GPS units giving wrong directions. When the company outlet was 5 miles south from the office, people would call the main number trying to find the outlet saying they were lost/or they would pull in the office parking lot asking about the outlet. The GPS units would send them North on 321-A instead of South for 1/4 mile.

NancyD

Funny, it's something about commercial property that sends those things into a tizzy. It must be that new businesses pop up on the grid whenever a new strip mall is constructed and then they have to figure out the numbering. They're pretty good, though, at finding homes unless the property's been subdivided.

portiasproudmom

Hellloooooooo everybody!  I haven't been here in ages (with the move, there's barely time for FB).  I just wanted to wish Sheila good luck with the job!  I just know they loved you!

And CATHI!!  OMG...I'm so sorry for what's going on in your life.  I'm sure you feel broadsided by all this.  You are in no way responsible for what Amanda and the SIL have done.  Don't you dare blame yourself anymore.  I'm in shock.  Didn't see this one coming.  At least those precious babies are in good hands.  God Bless you, hon!

Off to the new house to check out the progress on the landscaping.  If you're on FB, check out the new pics.  It's really pretty, if I do say so myself.

Love to you all.

Karen

1Cathi

Well week 1 is about to close,  the case worker was here again today to check the house - make sure we are baby proofed,  did fine. Landen started daycare Thursday,  cries when I leave but calms after a bit - only leaving him for about 4 hours to start.  The case work said min time the children will be removed will be 9/mo  and thats only if Amanda & SIL complete all their requirements as directed with out a slip up on any.  We will be kept informed of everything. They have a case planning meeting next Wednesday,,  Thus far Amanda has to do a 12  domestic /battered womans class,  SIL 12WKS anger management,  when thats completed 12  week parenting class together,  and also NA (AA) besides, random drug testing. I find myself in such a hard place  - the tuff love with Amanda,  yet that motherly side feels a bit sad inside. I pray they do what they need to -  but my gut does not hold much hope for SIL, which will pull Amanda down if she stays with him.

HAPPY WEEKEND ALL - XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

barbe1958

See, you said it Cathi...it's SIL that will pull Amanda down, which is what happened in the first place.

So sad with children involved, but thy are so lucky that they have you for the kids or they'd be farmed out to foster homes!

Do they get to visit the kids? Have you talked to Amanda?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugz }}}}}}}}}}}}

Anonymous

Sheila, been thinking of you and sending lots of light your way. Can't wait to hear.

Cathi, there is no job anywhere close to that of parenting. And nothing has greater effect on the future. You rock, girl!!! Let's hope Amanda wakes up like you did, dumps the abuse, and steps up to the plate. She is your daughter, after all. There is hope.

Nancy! Love the new avatar!!!

Quick peek and a potential new roommate. We are having a trial. Jasper is with my daughter since my doc said no Jasper for at least another week (jumps on my belly where there's a big incision). He is having such a great time there, they may keep him. This guy is a little more my speed. He's six months old and I named him Guinness.

barbe1958

Nancy, LOVE your new pic! I simply CANNOT believe how fast your hair has grown!!! Remember when you asked us if you looked better with a hairband or with bangs? Wasn't that just yesterday?