please help

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Nettie }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Nettie the babies are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Beautiful.  So sorry about your friends dad - I HATE BOOTFACE TOO.

Shelia - waiting stinks but sending xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Judie do I dare send GOOD PIXIE DUST again - LOL.  Please I do not put you to shame at all,  I have Ed and without him there is absolutely no way I could do this  -  and that is the very honest truth even with Jaclyns help and daycare for Landen I coulld not do it alone.

Lisa the FOOD has stopped at least for now,  I will be DARNED if we feed them while they are here too  for fun time. Landen is doing much better,  he is adjusting well,  doing great in daycare, I have been able to remove the bottle, and he now has a great bedtime routine ,  most nights asleep by 8:15,  I can't really fault Amanda for those things,  SIL was of NO HELP in the evening  - HE WORKED ALL DAY- SHE WAS AT HOME ALL DAY HAVING FUN,   I almost spit nails though  today when I read a post from Amanda on FB how she spent 3 hours relaxing at the pool -  OMG if I didn't have to be careful with what I say,  and surley not put anything in writing-  you might imagine what I COULD HAVE SAID, in almost 4 weeks,  I have not had a moment of time to myself pretty much except sleeping and even thta is minimal,  the kids sleep great through the night,  but my mind does not stop thinking about what I have to do TOMORROW -  I so want Amanda to wake up -  I am so praying the start of this Domestic couseling will help her -  I had started to believe that if God was near getting ready for me to come visit him all would be ok,  the DD's were grown and I thought they had their lifes in order as much as one could - well not so,  and now I worry soo about two little ones, there is NO WHERE ELSE for them to go, no other family except Jaclyn and she has her own. SUCH WORRY

She starts a job today Barbe, nothing to clean anymore,  I have the daily mess -  Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Judi, this also happens in other Third World countries where females are sold/married off too young. Their "husbands" don't care if they're only nine or ten years old and have sex with them immediately. Some never have their first period as they become pregnant on their first ovulation. Their little bodies are not really ready to bear a child and the process of giving birth rips the vaginal wall through causing fistulas. The poor little child is discarded by their husband and then goes through life "ruined".

I'm glad to hear of at least one organization that is doing something about the horrendous condition...as it's so treatable. 

CALLING ALL HONEST OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS.  I am considering placing Ella in daycare a few days a week,  but my heart is kinda mixed up over this, she will be 8/mo on 8/11 and part of me says thats to young, Jaclyn helps all that she can and of coarse I have Ed but he is gone weekdays of coarse and Jaclyn has 2 of her own to love and care for I can't ask for more of her time. I am feeling more and more exhausted ,  major fatique and we all know our Miss Ella is our BUDDAH BABY, causing some majpr hip and back pain from lifting daily.  I LOVE THESE KIDS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH, but I am thinking that if I get to a certian point I will be of NO GOOD to them for the mnths to come. Social Services will give me an immediate referal for daycare where Landen is they offered when this all began 4 weeks ago but I said no -  just seems like she is so small.  and other than daycare there really is no other assistance I can think of,  there are no other family/friends,  and the kids can't go anywhere to be cared for (other than daycare) without a background check, we could hire a nanny in,  but I don't see that as much help - I WOULD BE LURKING- LOL and that would completely be at our expense -  HONEST OPINIONS, even if you think daycare is not good at such a young age - xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Cathi, I put my son in daycare (family friend) when he was 2 months old 5 days a week and 9 hours a day and after the friend moved away, I put him in several small home daycare centers until he started school.  Sometimes you have to do that to get some me time, even though I did it because I was working full time. I did miss some of the milestones of his growing up but he became a well adjusted young man. This morning, he actually got up and walked a mile with me before I had to go to work. The social services wouldn't recommend the center if it wasn't a quality center. My sister (certified in child care) works at a center here in town now with 2-3 yr olds and they do lots of activites with all the children. Sometime we are more affected by the separation than they are.

Sheila

Ditto all the above. Cathi, you must take care of yourself. Sparing some lifting and carrying for a few hours a day means you are more likely to be able to hang in there long term.

See, others see that you are struggling with the 24-7 upkeep of an infant and want to give you some respite help. It is hard to let go and allow others to help, please accept the help and don't see it as letting little Ella down, she will grow so much with the interaction with the other children her age. When my son was 3 months old I moved back into my parent's house and my brother (who lived there as well) didn't do alot with John until he was up and walking and then it was as john put it later, he had 2 dads, grandpa and Uncle E. Maybe when Ella gets bigger and able to interact better with others around her Amanda will bond with her better.

Sheila

Dear Cathi, I have read this site since the first post, but did not feel like I needed to offer advice since you had a great cadre of friends advising you.  You have been doing superwoman duty for so long and with such a powerful love for the children.  Time for you to take a rest.  In my previous life I was a day care teacher, and the program offered many caring activities done by dedicated staff.  I can honestly say that my team and I offered an outpouring of love for our children.  Just consider them as an extended family helping with Ella.  The socialization, art activities, guided play, gross motor opportunities can only benefit her and by extension you.  You are one amazing lady.  Karen

Shelia you sorta hit the nail on the head,  feels like I am letting Ella down,  gosh woman used to stay at home and take care of any # of children all day everyday,  and cook and clean & sew besides,  here I am unable to care for an 8/mo old with out complaining.  Karen333,  I do thank you for your opinion and exp.  I KNOW that I MUST do this, just didn't think it would be so hard,  I also know that I will get some grief from Amanda,  she was not at all happy about Landen going.  But if she had done what she should have  - then we would not be facing these decisions.

Hi Cathi.

I am getting angrier and angrier with Amanda. Her actions and 'decisions' have been calamitous for you andt her babies. Her views, until she regains her senses, are nul and void. I take it you havent told her about your bones? OF COURSE you have to accept ALL THE HELP AND SUPPORT ON OFFER!!!! You are not abandoning Ella, you are offering her a chance to socilaise, be educated and have fun in a different environment. A challenging one which will aid her development. And after a few hours rest (REST!  YOU ARE STILL WORKING WOMAN!) you will have the energy to devote yourself to the kids. I think I know what you mean about the possibility of her losing a connection to her parents, but that is out with your control at the moment at any rate while they are immersed in a sea of selfishness!!! You can't change their behavior, they have no right to comment on your decisions. I think you are superwoman too, incidentally. Go see the infant unit, take Ella with you, let her adjust to it and try to get some Cathi time. Maybe Cathi and Ed time??? Just know we are all with you pet.

Great news Judie! Life's all good now eh? The play sounds awesome.Women in the Third World are treated worse than shamefully. Female circumcision is still common in some parts of Africa and rape is a common weapon, and the resultant AIDS/HIV is a constant plague. The sad thing is that "we",the First World know about this but only act when "our" (material) interest are at stake. I will look out to see if "Ruined" comes to Scotalnd and will certainly catch it then.

The funeral is on Saturday, in Douglas in the Scottish Borders. It has scuppered pur plans for going down south at the weekend. My brother anad his fiancee are coming up on Friday and staying with me, my cousin too. I think everyone else will be staying in Douglas (which is about 100 miles from where I live) So sad. We saw Dave's dad at the christening on 4th July and he looked ok, ill but not too bad.

With love to you all.

Nettie xx

Cathi, here comes the tough love:

You aren't doing Ella any favours being an older lady in pain. You probably are boring to her at times as she needs stimulus to develop. She needs social interaction and Landon isn't there anymore. She needs a schedule and a regimen. She isn't getting mommay and daddy time now, so how is putting her in daycare going to make that worse? Now, having said all that, if you were talking about putting her in an orphanage I'm sure I wouldn't be the first one down your throat!

Maybe doing this will show Amanada the seriousness of her ways. You are prepared to go on a guilt trip if you do this (I know you by now!) and that is wrong. The BEST thing you can give Ella at this time is a routine. She deserves it and so do you. How about 5 mornings a week and then you and her nap together in the afternoon? Maybe a full day is to long for you both at this time....

Amanda can go suck eggs. As was already said, her opinion means absolutely nothing in all this! We already know the way she thinks, and that hasn't worked out so good so far now, has it? You don't want to become a martyr....be very, very careful.

I read my last post and what a mess.  My spelling was off and everything. LOL  Cathi, you are doing a great job and you are truly a wonderful woman, mom, grandma and friend.  The other ladies are correct that you need the "me time" as well as tthe itme with the kids.  Yes you will feel guilty about sending the kids to daycare but in the long run this will be best for the little ones.  I know this for a fact.  We have had Connor since he was born August 2, 2003.  My daughter has four other children and yes we still have custody of them all at this time.  She wouldn't visit "Because when they cry, I cry and I don't like people telling me what I can and can't do with my own children." (that's what she says.  I really am angry with CPS because we have only seen the case worker on April 23, 2010 and that is all.  We aren't to let KaLee spend the night, they can only see the kids when her S.O. isn't around and they can't come around when Madison is here.  I get angry with KaLee because it's been like a vacation to her without the children and she doesn't seem interested in their well being.  She has chosen her S.O. over the children as they are together but CPS doesn't know.  I recent her for her actions, I'm saddened by the questions the kids ask such as, "why can't I see my mommy?" or "Why don't mommy want us any more.  The least she could do is spend more time with them, help get them ready for bed and help with other things but she doesn't.  Connor, the one we have had since he was born and is soon to be 7 y/o is so funny when he tries to comfort them and he takes the little ones by the hand and sits them down and starts this "grown up" conversation with them.  Now remeber these are his brothers and sisters and he has never lived with them on a normal basis.  He's always been ours.  I feel like I'm too old for this and tired but then I look at those little faces and I know what I have to do.  One thing I have realized is that Connor as well as the others, all started to the same daycare when they were a few months old and needless to say, their friends have helped them to understand and have given them somewhat of a normalcy with all that has gone on with them.  They talk with their friends and socialize with their friends and they don't feel unloved by their parents because they have the support of their daycare friends and teachers.  We have had no one come in and inspect out home, they have not attended any counseling because the CPS worker has never set up the classes. When we call him, he just says there are worse cases than ours and he knows the children are safe and he doesn't feel the need to worry or rush throught things.  The alone time is wonderful but lonely at times.  Sorry I was rambling

Glad everyone's visits have gone well.  Sheila good luck to you and your job.  Lisa glad you and Tom are doing well.  Hello to all

Leesa

Dear Leesa our lifes sound so similar at this time - I feel the same way about DD & SIL, while they say they miss the children,  I still get the feeling they are rather enjoying the VACATION,  and it so erks me when I hear HOW TIRED THEY ARE-  SIL never makes a weeknight attempt to visit when h r very well could. So far  the case work,  the court appointed guardian have been VERY REGULAR visitors, perrhaps that will change,  but for now they have been good. Like you I have thought "at this age and point in my life I should not be raising children" but then you see those trusying eyes and looks and know that you must and more so want too.  Today will be a BRIGHT DAY.

HAPPY HUMP DAY ALL - XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO