please help

Elaine -  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks Barbe -  Blaire just e-mailed me a photo of her @ chemo,  she joined a foreign film web-site where she can watch movies while having treatment - she kinda got weirded out when they shut the big door in rads,  I did too the first time - so weird being in the cold room ,  strange how they are starting chemo and rads at the same time,  but each cancer has its own coarse of treatment I guess. No tatoos for the throat rads,  a mesh kind of cap she has to put on.  She just told me she has decided to cut her hair this Sunday ,  perhaps not completely,  but a shorter cut.  DAM CANCER  and the tears it causes.

Having thought I got away easy by not doing chemo, imagine my surprise today when my doc sent me to have a picc line placed so I can go every day for the next two weeks for an infusion! Well, I won't lose my hair or any of that kind of stuff, so guess it doesn't compare...I'm having surgery in two weeks for diverticulitis and after three antibiotics failed to completely clear up the current infection, I'm getting daily IV infusions of yet another. Scared shitless, I am. (That's a bit of gallows humor. Or is it irony? My brain is mush.) Nancy, I feel like I'm rushing headlong into the dominoes. I wish I could stop the train and get off.

I can't believe how many of us have undergone similar spousal "I love you but..." scenarios. What ever happened to committment? For better or worse? It makes me want to vomit. Three years for me and still some very tender rough edges, but most have smoothed over.

Cathi, Blaire is some kinda' woman! I'm really rooting for her.

My first hubby wanted to live a different lifestyle but still wanted to stay married because we had a small baby together. I said no way would I subject my child to that kind of lifestyle, I knew I could raise my son by myself and moved out. My parents opened their arms and home to me and I lived with them for 5 yrs while I saved up for a down payment on my current home. We haven't had any contact with him in over 20 yrs except for a brief encounter when my son was 17 and my ex wanted our son to decide if he wanted to start a relationship with him. Of course my son said no way I have a dad now.

Sheila

Elaine, I would suggest you see a lawyer to find out what he's potentially avoiding by not moving for a divorce. It's probably a lot more than not wanting to get married again. I have a strong suspicion that he's already done his legal research and having a wife who is Stage IV and cannot work would mean big bucks in alimony and splitting of a 401K, if he has one.

As I said, I wouldn't trust him. How tempting to overload a dose of your medication, if it came to that. Eh, call me a cynic.

Elaine, I will shadow the advice from Nancy and Karen, get to a good attorney and see what the legal implications are of remaining married. I didn't even think about that until they mentioned it.

Judie, My dad had to have a picc line after his hip replacement surgery 2 yrs ago due to a staph infection. He said it wasn't that bad and Mom was able to take care of it at home as well as hooking up the antibiotics every 36 hours.

Sheila

Judie  -  yuck a PICC Line BUT A NECESSARY EVIL I suppose -  SENDING MORE PIXIE DUST XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Elaine after reading Nancy's suggestion I TO AGREE, seeing an attorney can't hurt,  my thought on it was and I am SOOOOOOOOOO sorry for saying this -  Buttttttttttttttttt trying to think like a selfish uncaring bumb -  Being STAGE IV,  do you have a life insurance policy -  is he benificary -   should that not possibly be changed if it can to the CHILDREN ONLY,  I am really leaning to the side that there is some $$$$$$$$$ motavation in his thoughts. I am sending you hugs,  prayers and some PIXIE DUST TOO-  XOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

They may be stupid but getting the meds through the picc line will help. Dad's infection cleared up quicker than the doctor thought it would. Of course he also used some natural stuff along with the antibiotics he was getting.

Back from lunch W/Blaire this is the first time I have seen her sense  start of Chemo and rads this week -  oh my  sooooooooo emotional -  what a freakin trooper though.  But she looks so tired,  and Steve says in all his years with her he has NEVER seen her nap -  he is sad, but a MOST-MOST WONDERFUL MAN,  her speech is far worse in person then I thought and her poor eyes looks sooooooooo tired ,  she was able to eat a bit of baked potatoe,  she only stayed about 30 minutes her daughter drove her home (just around the corner)  I lost it then and had to go to the bathroom a have a good cry -  UGH -  She had brought my B'day present, a wonder basket of bath salts and stuff,  in the bottom is a wrapped box,  OH MY in it is a gold beautiful bracelet - the card reads that it is a bracelet she bought for her sister Kimberly 25yrs ago (she died of cancer almost 3  years ago) and she wanted me to have it in LOVE & MEMORY -  Needless to say I am still crying-  anyway heres a pic of us both today.  I LOVE HER SO MUCH  I HATE CANCER SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH MORE.

Ella's first beach swim -

Oh Cathi - so sorry about Blair, so hard to watch someone you love go a path that you know will be hard. Ella is beautiful!! what a beach babe

 Yeah, I don't trust him and often wonder what is going on in his head.... Have spoken to several lawyers but not too helpful all they do is talk about divorce, not getting answers to questions I have such as what you all have posed. Have two other recommendations, one has a good feeling just from the initial call to the office. I want to know options, what to watch for, what is HE being told etc. How to protect myself. The children now know, each working it out in their own way, a bit easier because they are older (22 and 19). and one is away for the summer, other is working and looking for job...lots on their plates. 

what a great looking family you have!

Cathi, those are such sweet photos. What a joyful, fascinated expression little Ella has on her face - so sweet! And Brandt is just so handsome and cool in his Sunday Best clothes! I'm glad your dear friend Blaire has you in her life. She sounds like such an kind and selfless person - just like you. She certainly has a battle ahead of her.

Have been away from the boards for a while - had a very busy and social weekend with friends and just very busy generally. I hope all here are having some moments of joy.

Love to everyone,

Jane oxooxxo

No worries 3 Jay - sorry no one has been on in a while sense the above post - busy summer season.  I had my first Colonscopy 2 years ago -  was scared at first -  but the procedure  truthfully a breeze ,  you go to sleep you wake up, no real side effects except for some gas, the prep was proably the worst part and that wasn't even all the bad - there are a few diffrent prep procedures  -  of all the stuff I have endured over the past 4 years colonscopy  - by far the easiest -  I had a lot of GI issues after treatment  it seemed all kinds of testing gallbladder  etc,  Have never really been given any DX, could be this - might be caused by that -  hope they can find some answers for you.

Feel better - LOVE TO ALL.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX