Starting chemo January 2009?

Happy Mother's Day all...

I had my first post-treatment MRI yesterday.  Surgeon had told me after surgery that it should be part of the follow up annually.  Onc was not convinced, but I made my case- I really wanted a baseline.  But, all of a sudden it was Saturday and I had to go to Dana Farber to do it..... a little anxiety.  I was completely fine then halfway through the nurse said " do we need to take your IV out when you are done?"  I had a contrast dye IV.  My first thought was "oh no, what did she see on the scan that made her ask THAT question?..... Then she told me that lots of patients are going elsewhere in the hospital and she tries to prevent too many iv pricks..... relief....

I of course don't have results-- my last MRI at dx showed the lump we were dealing with and nothing else in either breast.  hopefully this will be the same.

I am waiting before I schedule my first colonoscopy--- I got permission to go early because I was so anxious last year, but now I really want less testing all around......

But, I feel great- so I am going to go with that......

Jilly, I just had a cyst at my last gyn-- it was absolutely nothing-- but I totally understand about the anxiety--- I was anxious and they did not call me-I had to call them..... sigh.....

Hope you all had a great Mother's Day..... ours was lovely

all the best

Mom--hope you got the all clear on the MRI!

Jilly--I also have just 20 days left til summer break! Glad you'll be free to relax after your recon.

Yesterday was my one year anniversary of my last chemo. Then I did radiation all summer long. I went for a 6  mile steep steep hike up our Mt. Diablo to some waterfalls yesterday to celebrate that and finishing my credential program last Weds (what an ordeal) . I did it but felt pretty shaky. But...a long way from how I felt last year! Today I felt down--maybe because I'm tired from yesterday and the post-semester blues. 

I had hoped to file for my credential tomorrow, but our HR department said they can't verify that I'll be in my position. I have no idea what that means. No job?? Different job?? I'm sure it will work out.

Hope you are well!

Thanks for the good thoughts-- got the all clear on the MRI--both breasts look fine- no suspicious anything!!!! Had a bone density test this morning to see if there has been any loss in the year I have been on femara.... I have very dense bones- so I am hoping not--so I don't have to do zometa-but if there is loss, I will just do it....

Now I just have to decide if I want to do this colonoscopy early... it is always something.....

km47,

I have been told repeatedly that it is measured following treatments so after what ever is last chemo, rads. I do question this only because we are treating it every day with tamox or diet etc.. I do not think that it ever ends.

However when I asked my onc last month she said after rads for me so I am waiting til June

Jess, me too on the weight, but double it.  Ugghh. Hear you on the down moods lately.  I don't think the tamox helps.  In my case, I think what is getting to me is the realization of this is it.  I may get some improvement back, but this many months out this myopathy and neuropathy may be permanent.  The back pain is with me since the chemopause and tamox.  Its the myopathy and how much it hurts to just get up and put weight on my feet in the morning and how hard it is to dial a cell phone still that just eats at me all the time.  The thought of this being permanent residual from my treatment and I'll be living with it is really getting me down I think. I told my Onc that if I had been able to look into the future and see that this is what I would see in the mirror and this is how I would feel after treatment I don't think I could have gone through with it.  I want that life back, I want to feel how I used to feel (and I'm not just talking about the constant worry of recurrence) and I'll likely never feel that way again.  

I'm counting from time of diagnosis.  That's what our group uses, and adding in those few months and getting a higher number for how long I've been a survivor sounds better to me. 

Bladder infections are the worst, get in the way of going places, exercising, enjoying the day, and enjoying sex.  They are just the worst

At this point I am paying attention to all my anniversaries.  I concider myself canser free from the day of surgur in November,  but I acknowledged my diagnois call in October  by taking a day off from work and visiting the mikva (a Jewish Ritual bath traditionally used for conversions and for woman to purify themselves to return to their husband's after menstrating.)  This week, Thursday, I am doing the same thing to acknowledge that a am a full year out from chemo.  A year ago Thursday I DID NOT go in for 7th chemo treatment.  A year ago I just did not have the energy to care about celebrating.  This year I am taking the day off and again visiting the mikva. We were planning to go out as a family for a celebration dinner, but just realized there is an event at DS school that we really should attend, so I am not sure what we will do.  But mostly I want to step back and notice how close to normal I feel and to appreciate it.  I do get annoyed at the way my body is different.  That the bottoms of me feet always feel slightly numb, that my breast, while very nice for a PS job are not real and have no feeling.  That intercourse is so much harder then it used to be.  That my body gets stiff so quickly.  That I can't seem to lose these last 10 pound.  But.... for all that, so much is so very very good.  I am working full time.  I am doing reiki every day on the train to work, oblivious to what anyone might think.  I planted a garden and spend time every week weeding and planning things for the house.  I am playing with my son. I am enjoying my husband.  I am cooking meals.  I am not cleaning house (something don't change even if we want them too).  I also want to take time this week to thank so many people who helped me through the last 2 plus years.  I want to be happy with who I am today, because it is me. Yes cancer had changed my body and give my choice they are not changes I would have choosen.  I am heavier, I have fuller, unreal breasts and I have amazingly curly hair.  But this is not the first time my body has changed from what I knew to something else.  And it will not be the last time.  It is best to come to terms with who I am at this moment.  Accept her, love her, and help her grown in her life path.  I have my moment or days of feeling down and angry with what is, but I try to move through those feelings quickly and get on with life.  Now maybe I am just kidding myself and I will break down next month or next year, but for the moment I am pretty happy. I am grateful that there was an end to my treatment that lead into this rather normal life, and pray that it will be a long and worthy one.  

Renrel, like a breath of fresh air and very inspiring to read your posts.  I'm always interested in your insights into your religion and envy you the spiritual nourishment it gives you. A mikva sounds so very appropriate.

Have to say on a short vacation right now.  Rested.  Because I've been off my feet for a few days they hurt less.  The rest of the aches and pains and the frustration of dealing with the hand neuropathy and balance etc all seem so much easier when I'm rested and the pain is less and I'm not under pressure to be doing so much. Amazing what not having shooting neuropathy pains every time you move and stand on your feet, and you move and stand on your feet for 12-14 hrs at a stretch, can do for your outlook on life. 

Hi Jewels!  I have a question for you: what supplements, if any, do you take?  I don't take anything but I am thinking that I should really start.  I don't have the best diet so I am thinking just a mulitvitamin might be good.  I'd like to hear about anything you are taking that would be safe for an ER+ person on Tamoxifen.  Thanks ladies!  I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

Hugs Renrel

Jilly G, the number of pills I'm taking is ridiculous.  VitD and Calcium for bone strength because of the Tamox.  Then they have me taking Co-enzyme Q10, Vit E, Vit B complex, Vit C and  L-carnitine, to try and help with the myopathy and neuropathy from the chemo (some theory about mitochondrial damage).  Then theanine and melatonin at night to help sleep.  Then fish oil (somtimes) and drink green tea everyday because they're supposed to be good for cancer patients.  I'm a walking pharmacy. If you punched a hole in me pills would come tumbling out. 

Well I think this rollercoaster ride for me is about to start up that long bumpy hill again at my last MD appointment a lump was found.  Was rushed over to have a ultrasound and mammo.  Found a soild mass, set up a biopsy for Monday 6/14 @ 0730.

It is in the same breast, the other was about at 4 o'clock this one is about 1 o'clock close to the armpit and lymph nodes.  Biopsy is on 1 year anniversary from finishing chemo (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME).  I have a US to check my ovaries on Thursday.  I could have let them biopsy it earlier but my son graduates this week and I want to feel ok for that.  HUGS to you on Wednesday...

Jilly--Hope all was well yesterday. I'm thinking only good thoughts.

Rsben -- sending you hugs and good wishes. Enough is enough. Congrats to your son (and you of course for seeing him through!)

Had my 3 month check up. No tumor markers taken this time but blood work, which looked ok. I'll have a new onc next time since mine is retiring, but my breast surgeon (who I saw this week) said she's good. We talked a bit about recon. I'm still on the fence. I'm getting used to my heavy old fake one, and probably will stick with it as I just don't want to go through surgery again. Sigh.

So I take pills, pills, pills too. 3,000 mg of Vit D3, which finally got me up to 35 from 21. I also take green tea extract since I can't seem to drink enough (love my coffee still) and I also take some tumeric, aspirin, calcium, melatonin (really helps me sleep) and calcium with magnesium, in addition to the prescription arimidex and ibandronate.

June 17--last day of students! Can't believe I made it.

Hugs all around.

kt, love the new profile picture, good luck and good for you, and thank you for doing this and for rewriting the names of the jewels.  Felt like a hug this morning just reading through all of the names again

rsben70 - Hugs!  I will send you some Reiki energy during my daily Reiki meditation.  Can't hurt and might help.  Unless you don't want me to.  Let me know. 

kt57 - Thanks for walking for us all.  I am honored to have been carried in your heart around that circle of life.  

Berkleylkim - Glad your check up went well.  Is the Green Tea Extract supposed to work as well as green tea?  Have you tried using green tea as a liquid for cooking grains like rice?  

JilliG - Good luck on Wednsday. 

A week from Wednsday I should be having the final step in my reconstruction and hopefully my last surgury until my implants need replaceing, since I intend to live long enough to need to have the replaced.  The doc will be creating some little nipples and tattooing on an areola.  Let that heal for a week or two and I will be a done as I am likely to get.