Starting Chemo April 2009

Geri..35 hours to go!!  Waiting to hear from you!

Lena...any story will do..just bring one on...I need a laugh..I'm swamped at work and grouchy about it..and I'm sorry about those shots...if they are anything like the nuelasta I'm so much with you...hated those damn things...I bet the shot is making your joints hurt...

Ok..I'm starting to wonder..if no one else worked during chemo and I did what does that mean?  Does it mean that I really didn't do any work at all?  I can't remember much about it actually.....! 

Super short hair is "in" I believe....so we are all "in style" and we didn't even know it!

Geri - we are rooting for you tomorrow. Good luck and it will be over before you know it (I hope). drop us a note to tell us you are on the other side of it!

Sending love and support across the miles to you!
Amy

Thank you all for your good wishes - I am now going to try very hard to go to sleep, so that tomorrow comes sooner - I hope to be home on Friday, and will get a note on here to let you know everything is over!

All prayers and good thoughts gratefully accepted

 Geri 

Hi all, how are you all doing today? Lena, thanks for the story. Keep them coming!

Geri - thinking of you alot today!!!

Hugs to all for a good day, Judy xxx

I have my last Herceptin treatment tomorrow!

What a year!

Lena...great story! I'm glad Pack Rat is back and hope your platelets respond soon.

Titan - I worked through chemo too. I made more mistakes and pretty much had to re-do all my work this fall...so in the long run it wasn't such a great idea. TG for my boss and assistant....they totally covered for me.  

Geri - I'm sending you good thoughts.

Alaina- Congrats!

I finally got a hair cut that I think is kinda cute. I've really struggled with curls and the ole lady... bad perm... mullet... grow out look. Truly, I handled bald better than the past few months of hair growth.

I'm happy to report on the flaming boob front I think I'm finally beginning to turn a corner. It's been almost a week since I stopped antibiotics and I haven't swelled much and haven't turned red and hot. I'm going in on Monday for my first PT appt. I can't believe it's almost been a year since I started chemo, it feels like yesterday. This weekend last year I was recovering from having my port put in...that's when I went online and found this forum.

Titan - good luck with your dd tomorrow.

Happy Easter everyone!

Alaina - Congrats! So pleased for you!

Titan - Enjoy having everyone home! Hope all is well with your daughter tomorrow!

Betsy - I am pleased that you are turning a corner, hope you feel much better!

Geri - I am thinking about you!

Dawn - Still missing you!!!

Hugs to all for a Happy Easter! Judy xxx

Hi everyone,

Just a short one to let you know I'm home...they kept me another noght due to a skin change they didn't like, but it hasn't gotten worse, so I'm home - sore, but home.

Will write more when I'm feeling better

Thanks for all you good wishes

Geri

Linda - good to hear from you and that things are going well for you!

Geri - thanks for letting us know that you are home. Rest up and hope you have a quick and easy recovery!

Titan - Good to hear that your daugher is ok and her issues are under control. Enjoy shopping for dresses. I say go out and buy yourself something outragous! You deserve it! I am sure your daughter will look wonderful and that you will find the true meaning of love and celebration at her wedding!!!

Hope everyone has a happy Easter!!

Hugs to all, Judy xxx

Thanks Titan - you are very kind. I really feel such a connection with everyone here, it is amazing as we have never actually met!

Hope you are enjoying the holiday weekend everyone!

Geri - hope you are feeling good today.

Hugs to all, Judy xxx

Hi All,

Geri...I'm glad you are home recuperating! Take is slow...I'm still on for that cyber martini night.

I just got back from my first PT appt. The dx is truncal lymphedema and RIF (radiation induced fibrosis). The therapy was great. She gave me a number of stretching exercises and said I was not to feel pain...if I did I was pushing too hard. I also have to start wearing a compression bra and some type of body armor (that's what I envision anyway) at night. I have to go twice a week until the swelling goes down for a massage of the tissue. My shoulder and thoracic spine is also involved so she plans to work on those areas also. I really like her approach and she was very reassuring. She said I do not have lymphedema of the arm...my response...about time I heard some GOOD News! It made my day.

Titan - I'm glad they were able to diagnose your dd's problem so quickly. Hopefully they found it early and she can get a handle on it soon. I'm with Judy...don't settle for a frumpy dress. Go for it girl...get something that makes you feel beautiful.

GO LENA! GO LENA! GO LENA!!! You can do it. And no one will bat an eye. Really.

Let us know howeverything went. We are cheering you on!

OK, I'm back...I had my injection, ate lunch/finished watching that episode of Babylon 5 and started the laundry. Time to end the suspense...

Yes, I did it. I went out topless.  :::::BLUSH:::::

Amy -- you were PARTLY right: nobody batted an eye -- EXCEPT the people who KNEW me!! :-O And those who did, um...well...it could almost have been a chorus of all YOUR voices in here when you were all telling me to go topless months ago because you were all convinced I must look totally gorgeous. I mean ALL the chemo nurses actually came out from behind the big desk to gawk at me, affectionately squeeze my arm and tell me how wonderful I looked (including "ten years younger!") and what beautiful hair I have and how I should keep it this way but maybe get it a little styled if I want!  :-O  :::faint:::  Then when I got home I ran into my next door neighbor's niece who gasps and says, "Oh wow, you cut your hair!" -- to which I replied "Well, everybody makes mistakes!" and she said "It looks cute!"

OMG where in the hell is this disparity coming from where what *I* think is ugly (me, the way I look presently) is what EVERYBODY ELSE thinks is beautiful?! I mean every time I look in the mirror and see myself in this horrible short hair I see nothing but ugliness, which, ironically, was what finally kicked me over to the "OK go topless" decision -- 

Yesterday when I got home from the oncologist, I went for a walk to the pharmacy to drop off my prescriptions for the Femara and Coumadin. So I'm walking, and I happened to catch a glimpse of my reflection in one of the store windows. Yes, I had my wig on, but what did I see? An old ugly fat lady! I saw that and realized (once I got the emotions under control -- I wanted to burst into tears and came damn close) -- I'm an ugly old lady anyway, who in the hell do I think I'm fooling thinking the pretty long haired wig is making ME look young and pretty when it ain't? So I tell myself, well, I'm still a fat ugly old lady whether I wear the wig or not, and since the weather is getting too warm to wear a wig anyway, I may as well simply accept the fact that I'm an ugly fat old lady and at least be physically more comfortable.

So I MOSTLY decided it yesterday evening, but was chickening out for a bit this morning and wasn't 100% sure I'd go out topless as of today, like right up till practically the last minute (seeing the cancer center's van out the window, which was about 5 minutes after my last post).

OK...one more story -- well how about the one I told my Pack Rat while he was here over the weekend?  (Yes, us rats were in plenty of heat and had daily doses of healthy, blisteringly hot SEX!)...oh wait, Geri requested my "Dr. Demento" story (which, by the way, I told my Pack Rat's family at his aunt's Thanksgiving dinner table)....so I'll tell that one. Well then...um, one more thing before I start -- don't say I didn't warn you about language when you see the F-word...

This incident happened during my junior year of high school, in June, soon after my 17th birthday, the last week of classes before final exams and then summer vacation -- every course now was in "review for final exam" mode instead of lectures of new material. It was after lunch, time for psychology class. Yes, I said psychology class..heh heh heh, which is why Dr. Demento was the first thing that came to my twisted young mind...

...Important: The desks in this classroom were laid out in a U-shape, not rows...let's see...

---------------Front of room/blackboard------------

--teacher's desk--                                                 

                                                                                       -door between classroom and hallway

s                                                                                    s *(my desk was here in front)

t                                                                                     t

u                                                                                    u

d                                                                                    d

e                                                                                    e

n                                                                                    n

t                                                                                     t

d                                                                                    d

e                                                                                    e

s                                                                                    s

k                                                                                    k

s                                                                                    s

-----------------more student desks back here ----------------------

OK, hope I was able to describe that OK, it's important... SO...

I walk into the classroom, it's early. Even though it's review for final exams week, I carried no such items as textbooks, a notebook, pad, paper, or even a pencil or pen. Further, it's a beautiful SUMMER day, and I'm wearing a halter top, shorts (hey! at 5'6 115-120 pounds, I was almost a real live hottie back then AND I had long hair halfway down my back!) and I'm barefoot. Feet are filthy too, since I didn't have any shoes WITH me even. I'm early, though -- Mr. Beron is sitting at his desk, and maybe two students in the back -- no one else was there. At first, I sit down quietly at my desk like an otherwise normal person, but then I get the Dr. Demento idea. I stand up and begin to softly sing...

"They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!

They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!"

The two kids in back are actually apparently studying, though they look up at me for a moment, then back at to their books. However, the teacher, Mr. Beron looks up. Our eyes meet. Emboldened, I grin at him and get up so I'm standing ON my desk, and once again I sing, loud enough for all to hear,

"They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!

They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!"

 And I begin walking/skipping on top of the desks heading to the back row making up the "U," still singing...

"...They're coming to take me away ha-ha, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-ha

To the Funny Farm, where life is beautiful all the time,

and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats,

and they're coming to TAKE ME AWAY! ha-ha!"

Until I get to the last desk in the top row, then continue back down the "U" all the way to Mr. Beron's desk (whose eyes are wide, jaw lowered), and I'm still singing...

"They're coming to take me away, ha-ha, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-ha!

They're coming to take me away,ha-ha, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-ha, to the Happy Home,

with trees and flowers and chirping brids and basket weaver who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and They're Coming To Take Me Away ha-ha!" 

I am now standing ON Mr. Beron's desk. He says, "Get down from there. NOW." I immediately reply, "Make me." Without a word, he stands up, grabs me by my lower arms and pulls me down off the desk. I fall to the floor in a heap -- and burst out laughing like a maniac. I get up, and then I see all the rest of my classmates crowded at the doorway as if they're scared to come in. I went into immediate "straight-face" mode, picked myself up and brushed myself off as though nothing happened, looked at THEM and said, "What the fuck are YOU all staring at?" -- and took my seat like an otherwise normal person. The other students came in, sat down and opened their books/notebooks.

I waited for everyone to settle in, and for Mr. Beron to start class. I even let him teach for maybe ten minutes, too. Then -- I REPEATED the ENTIRE performance I already described, except THIS time, as I sang and walked/skipped dirty-barefooted over the desks, I kicked all the notebooks and papers off to the floor, and, when once again standing on Mr. Beron's desk, having made my way around the "U" and I told him, "Make me," when he said to get down, he actually pulled me over his shoulders and carried me out of the classroom as if I was a sack of potatoes -- and I began to scream at the top of my lungs,

 "RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!" 

See how much FUN I used to be when I was young, and why I say I'm so boring NOW?

Well, have fun and feel good, everyone. Don't do anything I wouldn't.... 

~Lena. 

Lena - I am honored to have you share the Dr. Dimento story!  Only you could have pulled that off not once, but TWICE!  Now, when is the book coming out?  Will the jacket photo be the "real Lena", or who you imagine her to be (rewind to walking down the street looking in the window....)  I guess we all "see you" as this irreverent, hard headed, soft hearted Lena - certainly not whom you describe.

As for me, I went to the p/s today - he redressed the chest after he removed the drains, and although I still have pain when I move in certain ways, it is much better without the drains.  I still can't shower, because he wants the compression continuous, so the implant on the the "leaky" side doesn't get a chance to ride up.  Sometimes these visions of what we worry about now are funny - boobs taking off and having to bind them into place, leaks, sizes (he proudly tells me he made me a c cup - I really don't care, I just wanted clothes hangers, but he thinks I should be thrilled with a c - typical male, always wanting bigger...for them or us? haha) 

Betsy - your PT sounds very knowlegable - I had trunkal edema also with no arm involvement, and after a few sessions of PT it felt much better, and then she taught me to do massage myself, which also helped.

Helen, Titan, Judy - thanks for all the support, and Lena - thanks for telling me Dr. Dimento story and I hope you are feeling freedom from going topless - when you read everyones posts you can see how happy we all are for you.

Geri