I need help, mental breakdown, emotional mess

Im sorry about everything you are going through....I went through something similar before my dignosis.

What did I do? I left. I walked in on a Tuesday, and told my boss that Friday was my last day. He then said to me, " its a little short notice dont you think?"

My response, " well....I was being nice, I can leave right now if it helps." Best thing I did.

All the stress that your work/job/co workers is causing you is soooooo not worth it.

I found another job right away! But that all this was 3 yrs prior to me diagnosed. I stopped working in Sep 2005 to go on matternity leave. I was diagnosed Sep 2007, no job, stay at home mom.

Im in Canada, so I'm sure you are aware, our system is different. Ive never seen the costs for any of my treatment.

((((( Hugs)))))  I wish I had the right words to encourage you but I really don't know what to say.

I quit my job when I found out I had cancer.  Now I can't get a job due to the economy and I know that employers don't want to hire someone that has cancer - you can't prove it when you have 400 plus people respond to one single ad.  Of course there will be someone more qualified than you are even though you might be a perfect fit for the job.

It seems to me that they are setting you up.  They want you to quit but they can't fire you so they are doing everything possible to make you miserable.

What you can do......act like nothing bothers you.  Continue to do all of the grunt work they ask with a huge smile on your face and of course deep down inside you would like to stab them in the back but take the high road.

I get really stubborn when I feel like I am purposely being set up to push away, quit, or whatever.  I refuse to allow anyone to control me like that.

Right now I would be happy with a grunt work type job.  I have terrible short term memory loss, can hardly communicate effectively most of the time because the words just escape me.  Thankfully my friends and family know that I am struggling with this and they are very patient with me.  Damm chemo brain!

Dear Jean,

I am so very sorry about this.  The first question I would ask is if you are physically and emotionally ready to do the job as you remember it being prior to your absence?  If not, then my take would be that you need to move on or ask to be taken out of the position of lead. 

However, I would suggest that you stick this out, and request a meeting with your boss and develop a "re-entry plan".  This is called "onboarding" and is used most often for work and extended family leave.  You need to meet this one head on, and I think you can do this.  Tears won't help, and will just convince them that you can't do the job.  (Sorry, but I have managed people, and I have to be frank with you here.)  What will help is developing a sensible plan for you to assume full responsibility as a lead.  You need to do this on Monday.

I would script the conversation something like this.

1 - That you understand the need to divide up responsibilities in your absence, but that you are ready to move forward and assume your duties.  (I would express surprise at being the one to take the initiative here.)  I would also mention that I expect that some things have changed (safe to assume in 9 months) and would ask to be updated.

2 - Then I would ask how best to transition responsibilities back.  The outcome should be a plan with timeline.  Perhaps it means some people back, or duties without people immediately.  But the whole idea is for everyone to know what to expect and by when.  This also puts you in a leadership position and shows that last week was an anomaly, not what they can expect in the future.

3 - If your boss isn't receptive to this, then I would go to HR and explain that you came back and expected to have your old duties back, that you have asked to meet with your boss to develop a plan for doing this, but that this has not happened.  I would assume that it is a violation of policy for your boss not to honor this request.  This is not any different than returning from any other disability.

I think this approach will work.  You are a lead because you have displayed leadership in the past.  You need to do this now, and you need to lose the tears.  My own opinion is that the situation is salvagable, but you need to turn it around quickly.  (The other employee is not the issue BTW...she is only taking advantage of a situation where she has had to do more than her share of work.)  And the goal should be to divide up the workload so that you have an equal share of responsibility within a month, or two at most.

The other option is to ask to be taken out of the position of lead, but this should be a last resort.  There are ways to do this gracefully, and you could cite needing some more time to recover, but that you need to make sure you are making a contribution to the success of the company.   I wouldn't quit at this point.....worst case is that I would work and look for something better.

Anyway, good luck.  Again, I apologize, but I think you need to be looking at solutions, not blame and not a pity party fueled by tears and anti-depressants.  And I think that once you are on your way, things will be infinitely better.  Taking the high road is the best way to get there. - Claire

I also agree with Jancie.  I'm also stubborn and so would not let them push me out.  Make them miserable and hold your ground.  Look at the "grunt" work as something to keep you busier and so your mind won't be so much on your dx.  

You've had to get through a terribly rough 9 months - you can take on an idiot boss and co-worker.  So get those anti-depressants, which take time to really start to work, and give them a run for their money.

But,whatever you decide you need to do, come here and rant, scream, cry, whatever because these sisters rock.

My post crossed with Claire's which I think is excellent. 

Jean09, read over Claire's advise again, slowly and use it to your advantage.  Regarding the typing and lymphedema, you may have to get HR involved in that case.  I would get a letter from my onc with that information to back up that you are not able to take that type of work on.  Just letting the work pile up undone can work against you as they can then say you are unable to do your job and use it for a bad review leading toward termination. 

Bottom line, don't react prematurely out of frustration or anger.

Sorry I tried to post something and got completely screwed up in the process. One of the gals asked if she could quit - No. If she is let go, she is entitled to Cobra which the President recently signed a bill that extends the 65% subsidy of the Cobra payment for an additional 6 months. You had to be on Cobra as of October 1, 2008 and the 65% still applies. HR will let her know what she is entitled to. I was let go and was on Cobra as of 10/1/08, therefore I was entitled to Cobra, and still on it until March 31 then I have to be careful myself regarding any Gap to continue a policy that will not cover up any existing precondition.

 Good luck and somehow if what I attempted to post earlier got messed up I apologize for the screw up.  My fingers were faster than my brain.

Hugs

Lexislove: Re what you said " All the stress that your work/job/co workers is causing you is soooooo not worth it.",  I TOTALLY agree.  I got too much pressure from my previous job and I quit immediately when I was dx.   You know what?  It has been even one of the happiest time in my life since I quit,  I am much closer to my kids and family, and I can take care of them much better than before.  $$ is not worthwhile comparing with life, health and family.

One additional piece of advice: Start taking precise accurate notes on your work situation. They may come in handy if you are terminated or demoted or overburdened with menial tasks. It will also help you to refrain from "rehearsing" your grievances in your head. Good luck!

In Canada, this is a human rights issue and it is against the law to discriminate based on illness. The company has to accommodate the doctor's recommendations. In a large company that has an HR person or department, they should be involved and I would never meet with my boss alone - always have a rep with you and make sure that meetings are documented. You do have rights.

When I was going thru surgeries I was in a very hostile work environment, so I understand what you are experiencing. It was hostile to all, not just me. When I returned coworkers acted like I was on " vacation " and were resentful. I needed the health insurance.

So I  decided that in the scope of my life, the petty politics there were not worth je0pardizing my health or care . I did my crying for several days in the bathroom stall, and just thought: WHO GIVES A CRAP ABOUT THEM????

So what if a younger doofus has your former responsibilities? Or they want you to catalogue paperclips? They would do this to anybody who had a serious illness. Think about that: that is who they are. Very sorry lot. As long as the check comes in and your insurance is provided by them..go thru the motions. I left and went to a park on my own every day for lunch to read, took my coffee breaks SLOWLY like I had never done before....and realized that my job is not my identity. It is a loss, your professional status, but it is not who you are. You are more than that.

If it is any consolation, once I went through this revelation to myself....I could see my peace DROVE THE BUGGERS NUTS!!!! They were all back stabbing each other, and the irony was that the company went under 3 months after I returned.

Keep your job and insurance. Do not take this stuff personally: they would be as miserable to anybody else who had a difficult diagnosis. Realize that their loss is that they are poor in spirit.

Moogie 

I have suffered from Major Depression, recurrant and Panic attacks since I sober 21 years ago. I am stable on a "Cocktail" of meds and I have been for over a decade. I know it seems very dark now and I do not want to sound flip or minimize. Part of how you are feeling simply is the result of depression (or what you are diagnosed with). I needed an excellent mental health care provider and therapy (like twice a week) for a long time. I have jumped back into mental health treatment with my diagnosis of BC. I have never had cancer and thought myself the last person to get it. Unfortunately, pulling out of a breakdown takes time, support and love. I have had to work in a hostile work environment (when I got sober) until they could find a way to fire me. My state's Voc rehab department was of great help to me in giving me hope and options, but I had to be "healthy" to act on ideas. Can you afford "Cobra payments" for awhile? I know for me, I simply could not work in a hostile environment. Maybe others can but I simply prefer not to live that way. Give your self time, one day at a time and create a "safe place" in your home for you to enjoy after a tough day. The hardest thing I had to learn was "not to give my power away" to idiots. I am such a people pleaser. It has taken me a long time to build some "boundaries" so I do not have to own other peoples' cr#p and I still attend support groups weekly and have done so for two decades. Any BC support groups in your area? Good place to dump and get new ideas-like you are worth all of the joy and love there is in the world! Blessings

Jean09, I am going through almost the same identical thing here in my office.  If anyone had seen the movie "The Devil Wears Prada", then that will give you some idea of my Manager and her Assistant. I work in a real estate branch office with over 100 Agents for a large corporation. Been with the company 20+ years.  I went back to work full-time in December after surgery in September....

I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place due to age [almost 64], thus too young for Medicare and too old for new employment.  Unemployment would be nice, if bunded with COBRA, that would get me through to 65    

I am currently going through Post-Traumatic-Stress Syndrome, can cry on a dime, feeling very tired, and very frustrated, I need some hugs....

After reading the letters and advice above has been so very helpful.  I need to do is work at a slower pace and not let my Manager get the best of me. She can really push those buttons. Reading between the lines, I feel my Manager wants me to leave.  But I also believe every time she sees me, she is wondering if she will be next to get cancer.... her "hello's" are very cold.  How I wished the previous Manager was still unboard, he would have been very understanding, smiling, and making everyone feel positive.