I need help, mental breakdown, emotional mess

Fidelia

Dear Jean09,

the ladies here have given wonderful advice. I am from Australia where the economy hasn"t tanked so much BUT as a contractor in IT - I have had a number of vile workplaces with incredibly vile people - I never tell people I have BC because I feel I would be executed by the healthy hens (seen it happen in the chicken house for real - NOT good). My bottom line is I need the money for my family. If I could quit I would have years ago - when things get too bad I get another job (not without a lot of stress if the job market is down!) but within in months - the situation is generally the same - maybe its just me...anyway...I now just burrow in as long as possible - I do whatever stupid task is given me and if it turns out to be undoable - based on the absolute stupidity of the task - I just do what everyone around me does - make up excuses - use the internet - whatever - as long as the money keeps coming in - I keep turning up....I have had my meltdowns - but I have them at home - there is no sympathy in the workplace - ever.....

If you need the money and cannot find another job (which I would be working on - on their time ) just hunker down - let"s face it - unless you are a neurosurgeon - most of us can hide in plain sight and as soon as you stop interacting -as$holes like your coworker lose interest and move onto the next victim.

You have done amazingly to just get back to work - to endure horrible things - only to find out that all the crap about humanity in the workplace is just crap!

Forgive yourself and forgive them and just take the cash while looking around for something else. I learned to let go of the feeling that those who torment you are actually winning - mostly they are complete losers - you just don"t know enough about them to see them get their come uppence!!! If you think anti-depressants will help you generally - why not - the disease is enough to break the strongest person - but it is the disease, the uncertainty and the sheer sorrow of seeing people at their worst when any decent human being would expect a little compassion - that causes much of the emotional overload - you are very human Jean - your coworkers - currently - are not - put them to one side and take the money - until you find something better.

I know it is hard - I spend most of my days currently lurking on BC.org and talking to wonderful people like yourself - and ALL on the company time

Chin up Jean - you are not aone - just not amongst friends when you are at work and as for the fundraising - what does the Bible say about hypocrisy?????? It puts my teeth on edge - fake them out....

Fidelia

Jean09

Fidelia,

I need the money and insurance so I wont quit.  It is just sad how cruel some people can be nowadays.  I have a heart, I feel for people who are in need or are suffering.  The other lady at work who is out with breast cancer is saddended by the non communcation from co-workers.  I am the only one that calls her for updates to see how she is doing.  I've visited her several times and took her some hats and puzzle books.  I do care about her and what she is going through.  There is another male co-worker that had a kidney transplant two years ago.  He struggles sometimes with sinus infections and colds.  It' hard for him to fight infections due to the immune suprressant drugs he has to take for the rest of his life.  Every day I go into work I ask how he is doing, if he's feeling better. He's such a sweet guy.  I just dont get what the world is coming too.  Some people are just greedy, uncaring a$$holes.  Another male co-worker was a good friend of mine.  He has two small babies and was diagnosed with sleep apnea.  So he was struggling to stay awake at work, between the babies and sleep apnea, it was tough for him.  Well, when I returned to work I found out my co-worker lead got him fired for coming in late and sleeping on the job.  I feel bad for him.  It has to be so hard on him in this econony with two small babies.  I've sent him e-mails, I'm trying to help him find another job.  So ya see, I would not make a good supervisor because I"m for the workers, not management!!

jessicav

Jean-

Remember you have been through an awesome experience that the average person could not even fathom Just remember you are a survivor and not a victim. Cover your back. Plan. Plan. Network, use spare time to send out resumes. Pull back on work for employer. Do good job but invest some of your time in you! Go to the book store and spend a few hours. Get a book on dealing with a difficult co-worker or office politics. Get a book on employment law.

Find out what they can and cannot do. Make sure no matter what you are eligible for unemployment or disability or can get severance. Get a consultation with a lawyer if you need to. No one should fear losing their job for having bc. Remove the victim menatlity. 

Your life is different now. Everything is different. Your priorities are different. Put the enegy out that for a work/life environment that soothes you and nurtures you. I walk into the local vitamin store and am amazed how serene they all are in there. It's about the environment. Not  the actual work..

Best wishes,

Remember you are older and wiser then your co-worker. Take your power back in life. 

kclark

Jean my heart goes out to you.  I have worked in some snake-pits but having to deal with that BS on top of BC is horrible.  I agree with everyone who says do as little as necessary to stay under the radar and use that stored energy in your healing process.  You are obviously a conscientious, person with a good work ethic, rare traits in people these days!  Stay true to yourself.

Now here's a moral dilemma.  I just recently started looking for employment after a 2 year break for treatment.  I saw a Recruiter who said no matter what do not divulge your breast cancer.  I feel like this is dishonest.  Am I naive?  It is such a huge part of my life and if I find a job and it comes out after the fact how will that look?

Tinkerbell99

hi veryone,

i am new to this thread & 2 months ago i had PBMX & have had so many issues since. My boss is the greatest..they have been so supportive thru all this..i cannot belive its almost 2 months ago. I've been in the hospital 2x since the surgery 1 for celulitis infection & 1 for pic line infection. I have still having a lot of pain & the left side has fallen to & needs to be fixed plus extra skin, the right side which is supposedly perfect i have been having a lot of pain & my dr says i am fine. I am trying to seek a 2nd opinion & i hope to start PT & Pain mang.  I am a basketcase. I am already on prozac for yrs & maybe its justtime to up the dose. I am so tired of the pain & scared that when its time to fix the left side i'll have major problems again too....any ideas thoughts suggestions would be g8t .  i cannot stop crying & this sat is my sons bar mitvah & i cant even imagine what i;ll be like on sat.

thx!!!

Tinkerbell99

thx everyone again

dreaming

I think that one has to engage medical help when there is depression, HR when there are work problems, I found a job during my treatment because my husband did not believed I should not have any  treatments and spoke to me about "quality of life" to make it short, I lost everything because I divorced him after 25 years I was not about to follow his plans.

I learned fast never to mention about my health problems to co workers, and yes one can find a job with insurance,department stores are a good place.

I work in a cancer center and beside my boss, and a couple of doctors,nobody else knows.

My advise is to keep the job and look for something else, and in the new job, do not mention your health problems.

There is also a free phone line to a Federal Agency to report any discrimination based on health,age, etc.

Jean09

UPDATE:

Hello, It's been a few months since I posted and so much has happened.  The company stripped me of my lead title and hired the co-worker as the supervisor.  No big deal, I wasnt up for the stress of the job anyway.

There is still talk of taking us from salary (exempt) to hourly (non-exempt).  If they can legally do this, wont this impact benefits (STD and LTD) that a company offers?  I asked this question to the VP and he stated going from salary to hourly does not impact benefits, but I think it does when it comes to the disabilty benefits.  Does anyone know about this subject?   I"m seriously thinking of getting legal advice, I feel I have been so tormented since my diagnosis.  Also, I asked to apply for FMLA for my follow up appointments because I do not have paid time off accrued due to being out so long.  I was DENIED FMLA - they say you have to work 1250 hours to qualify and since I had been out on STD & LTD I was not elligible.

Another lady I work with came down with breast cancer also.  She has been out 8 months so far. In February she called me at work and said she had been terminated.  The HR lady unlocked her desk and I boxed up all her belongings to take to her.  Then the new boss called her and apologized, he had no idea someone had terminated her.  He told her she still had a job whenever she was able to come back.  The manager now explains the policy of termination at 6 months is at the managers discretion. 

I dont know what is going on, I'm so frustrated.  She is to return in June.  My gut says when she comes back we will then be dropped to hourly and lose benefits.  I'm thinking they will lay her and I off not to long after she returns.

Anonymous

All this burned me up!! I really think you had legal recourse when you were demoted.

You reap what you sow! That little gal that took your place will get her due -ha!  I'm so glad you hung in there - I don't think you will be layed off.

Keep us up to date - Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs

CaseyDoodle

Hello Jean,

I worked in HR for many years and I think your company may be wrong on your FMLA.  I must qualify to say that I haven't worked in several years so things may have changed, BUT my understanding is that you are eligible for FMLA leave once every year.  The "year" is normally the calendar year, unless your company specifies otherwise.  So, if you are out all of August, September and October of one year and need to take another 12 weeks FMLA, you should be eligible to do that as of January 1 of the following year.  Alternatively, if your sick leave ran from December to February, you should still have some FMLA time left, as 4 weeks of the leave would have counted in the previous year.

It sounds to me like your HR department is not doing a really good job of informing the managers in your company as to what is legal and what is not.

Hope this helps.  Good luck.

Jean09

HI Casey,

 I was out on STD for three months and LTD for 5 1/2 months last year.  I went back to work first week of January this year.  I actually worked a little over 4 months last year before I was diagnosed.  Does this still make me elligible?  The company policy states you have to have worked 1250 hours during the previous 12 months.  They also say STD and FMLA run consecutively.

Rose, I am going to begin research into some legal recourse.  Do you recommend a lawyer or maybe contacting the dept of labor in my state?

Marg33

Shoshi; I'm new to this site, just yesterday. I've only been dx last week and I'm having a horrible time coping. I want to reply to your post as it hits home for me as to the anxiety, fear, and with me its sheer terror. I have Panic Disorder to start with and take just 1 med for it going to bed to help me relax, however, right now it isn't helping me at all. I'm not sleeping or eating. I've tried to get in to see my dr. but she was on vacation for a month and now she's booked up till mid April. My surgery is on Apr. 8th. and I don't want to go to anyone else.

I take Xanax and most of the drs. don't want to prescribe it. My dr. knows me and knows I will not take it on days where I'm ok, but on days where I really need extra I want to be able to take it. Its 5 am and I'm still awake. Anxiety and stress is really a hard byproduct to cope with, especially if you get panicked to the max, then its so hard to get that panic level back down to where its manageable.

Its one thing to have fear surrounding all this but its entirely different to have panic attacks alongwith the fear. Its totally debillitating. I don't know what to do

Marg