please help

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2009
    His loss Lisa....an older friend once told me that for a second (or third) marriage, you don't want to be "a purse or a nurse". I don't want to have to take care of someone or pay their way if something happens to my DH. I am quite happy alone with maybe a friend with benefits, or two! Embarassed
  • portiasproudmom
    portiasproudmom Member Posts: 2,125
    edited November 2009

    Oh my, Lisa!  Bipolar?  I wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole!  I worked for a psychiatrist for nearly six years and his sickest patients were those with bipolar.  I can't tell you how many of them had marriages disintegrate during the time I was there.  The spouses just couldn't handle it.  I know I couldn't live with someone that unpredictable.  It's a horrible disease!  You don't need that stress in your life.  ((((((Lisa))))))

    Hugs,

    Karen

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited November 2009

    This is an interesting dialogue. The man I had been seeing for 6 years has Asperger's which makes it extremely difficult for him to deal with emotion. I still hurt from having him abandon me when I needed him. I like the "no nurse no purse" phrase .... but here's the issue. All of us here have breast cancer. Some of us will die from it. Some of us will have episodes of illness. Do you think there are men out there who wouldn't touch us with a ten foot pole? ....how much nursing are any of us willing to do for someone? I don't have any answers and I don't know what I would do if I ever decided I wanted to meet men again or had any hope for a love life. I honestly don't know the answer. I suspect that if I found out someone had a big health issue before I started caring about him, I would run the other way. Regardless of the reason, when a man we care about leaves us, we hurt. Sorry that you are going through this, Lisa.

  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited November 2009

    I have a smilar feeling...we're already at higher risk than the general population, and some of us have significant scars from bc. Would potential suitors consider us looking for a "nurse" because of that?

    I guess the answer is that if we meet while we're healthy and active, it's a moot point. Anyone, at any time, can be hit with an illness or accident that leaves them incapacitated, so we just have to remember that. As my now ex husband said, when there was a possibility that my broken foot might leave me disabled, he just didn't feel enough love for me to stay around. Damn, thirteen years of marriage and two kids just didn't mean anything to him.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2009

    It's not about love. It's about committment...for better or worse. Some people really only meant the for better part of the vow. My ex was one of those.

  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited November 2009

    I know that, even now, I would take my ex in if he ever became so sick that he couldn't keep a roof over his head. It's because despite a divorce, despite years of financial neglect, despite his selfish attitude regarding our children (everything's always on HIS terms), I wouldn't want him dying alone on a street somewhere. It's the right thing to do...and it's part of the commitment I still feel.

    Until I pledge myself to another person, he's the only one I've made that vow with.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2009
    Same here, Nancy, I hope. My ex could very well end up in that position. My hesitation is fear of feeling while I do the right thing. I'd like to believe I could overcome that. Innocent
  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited November 2009

    Wise and perceptive comments and interesting perspectives from all. Judie and Nancy, I like your way of looking at committment.

    Love to all oxox

  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited November 2009

    (((hrf))), I'm sorry you are going through this heartache.

  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited November 2009

    (((Lisa))) - I'm sad that things haven't worked out with Tony. I think that there is mental illness and then there is the basic character of the person affected. Some are objective about their illness and work with their medication and health professionals. Others think that the rest of the world is at fault and they don't really have a problem and I suppose there is a variety of combinations of the two extremes. I hope Tony is able to work things out for a better life for himself.  xx

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited November 2009

    Hi all - happy Saturday,  just a quick pop in.  Amanda didn't get to much info yesturday at her appoiintment,  Ella was facing her back so they could not see her entire heart,  they are looking to find out if all 4 chambers are there /working the SUA can cause heart defects,  they said she weighs in at about 4 pounds which is good for her aga,  just need to pray she gets "growing" again,  she is at a stand still for 3 weeks now. 

    I went this AM to get my nails and a pedicure,  I usually go on a weekday,  but has not been possible lately,  I am pulling my polish out of my purse as I walk back to the pedi chair not paying attention to who is sitting there and I hear a big friendly HELLO, look up and it's my BS,  I knew she lived in the general beach area as I,  it was pretty weird just talking to her like a normal person,  she goes in every four weeks on Saturday, she brings in her own polish like me,  so that if she gets a chip she can touch up,  learned her DH's name "Eddie",   I thought she actually had a beach house,  but she is actually on the 16th floor of this real posh-posh- condo on the Gulf side ( I have paid for no doubt- LOL),  she put her X-MAS tree up last week,  because Christmas is her favorite holiday and she loves having the tree up,  and as soon as she retires she is going to get nail tips,  they aren't allowed in the OR.  I LEARNED ALOT.  And funniest thing of all,  I really wanted to say something,  she was drinking this big fat Latte,  in the brest center that she is head of and also in her office - they only serve "HERBAL TEA"  calming and better for you she always says,  I should have called her on it - LOL

    Happy weekend all.

  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited November 2009

    Ladies and UB , God brought us together because you are all my strength , comfort and light. So many of us are going through rough times. Prayers for you all. And the biggest group hug ever.

     Gods healing , bright , white light to you all.xxxxMel

    Peace and love to you all.

    I would like to keep in our hearts and thoughts , the people who lost there lives this past week at the hands of others. And healing prayers for there loved ones. Praying for those in Texas and Florida.

  • livesstrong
    livesstrong Member Posts: 1,799
    edited November 2009

    HI All,

    I had to ready 3 pgs. to catch up!!  UB & I are working at getting back to"normal" around here, whatever that is!

    Sorry to all that have been having it so hard - 

    Group Hug Pictures, Images and Photos"

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited November 2009

    Mel,  you are absolutely one of the most kind and calming and peacful woman I have the pleasure of calling "FRIEND AND SISTER. I love reading your posts,  always so wonderful. XOXOXOXOXOXOX

    Hey AE if you fiqure out what normal is and how to get it - PLEASE LET ME KNOW. 

    I know lots of you have seen this pic on FB already,  but I LOVE IT.  A GOOD SUNDAY WITH FAMILY TODAY.

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited November 2009

    OH YEAH - BARBE WHERE ARE YOU AGAIN -  I WORRY ABOUT YOU LATELY.

    CHECK IN PLEASE. XOXOXOXOXOXOX

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2009
    Oh Cathi, I'm dealing with lumps and masses again. I'm lying low except in a thread that I'm getting myself in trouble with talking about the Susan Komen and the government of Egypt if you can believe it! Like I really care! I'm distracting myself and being cranky and saw that Hallmark commercial where you can record your voice reading a story right in the book so your grandkids can "hear" you read it. That really shook my emotions and I'm getting some for my girls at Christmas in case I'm not around when they need me. Cry
  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited November 2009

    OH BARBE - So sorry haven't seen the thread, I kinda just stick to this CALM PLACE these days. Stinkin lumps and bumps FREAKIN BC, but I hear what you are saying,  don't have "POSITIVE" answer for about another week,  but Onco is CONCERNED  about some scan results I finally had done,  had the scans,  but playing HEAD IN THE SAND WITH THE RESULTS,  I think I will be starting Zometa and some other crap in a few days/weeks. .  I haven't seen the Hallmark comercial but I am working on this DVD VIDEO that I am going to share on Thanksgiving with Ed and the kids.  I just had a feeling something was going on with you - someone as UPBEATas you doesn't just stop posting w/out reason.  MY DEAR ONE we are going to be around to KICK BC Butt for as long as  God wills us to,  so cry when you must - I'll cry with you,  and then we will do some serious A$$ KICKING.

  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited November 2009

    Lisa, Barbe, Cathi and all. sorry to hear all are dealing with difficulties.

    I went to my doctor for my annual physical today. My regular doctor that I have gone to for the past 2 or 3 yrs left the practice and I agreed to see her replacement. He does have the prettiest blue eyes next to my hubby. He asked for a little of my history and I told him about the BC 2 yrs ago and no periods since July 2009. He said he would add the hormone blood test to the list for the lab and he asked me when I had my last mammo. I had told him that I had bilat with implants but it didn't sink in so I told him my ps said no mammos with the implants. He then asked if I was following up with the oncologist, I told him that my cancer was stage 0 and I wasn't sent to an oncologist. I did try drinking plenty of water yesterday to prepare for the blood draw but the lab still couldn't find a vein (after sticking me once in each foot and 3 times in my right arm - against my better judgment). they gave me the option of drinking more water today and coming back tomorrow morning to their office or write up orders for me to go to the hospital lab to try and draw the blood. I told the girls there, you had your chance, I will try the hospital tomorrow. I have filled my 32 oz mug up 2 times since 10:00 am with ice and water and will fill it up again at least 2 more times tonight before I go to bed. I have been running to the bathroom at least every 30 minutes today! If anything it will flush out some of the excess weight I can't get rid of!

    Meg, I tried posting pictures through photobucket but got a virus on the computer at work and it is now banned, so I can't post any pictures of my quilts Yell.

    Sheila

  • portiasproudmom
    portiasproudmom Member Posts: 2,125
    edited November 2009

    Just a quck pop-in to say hi to all my dear sisters.

    To Barbe and Cathi:  CRAP!!!  I'm so sorry you guys are dealing with these worries.  I'm sending you hugs, prayers, and positive thoughts.  Stupid bootface.

    I hate having to switch doctors after establishing a relationship with someone.  Sorry Sheila.  What a hassle.

    Mel, your post, as always, made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  You are such a gift to us all!

    Love and hugs to all,

    Karen

  • portiasproudmom
    portiasproudmom Member Posts: 2,125
    edited November 2009

    I just read Sue's most recent Facebook post and she said that she had to have an operation to have a rod placed in her leg.  Apparently, she's broken two bones in her leg.  Ouch!!!!

    Take care, Sue!  We love you!

    Hugs,

    Karen

  • Wren
    Wren Member Posts: 324
    edited November 2009

    Sue,

    Get well soon!!!

    Cathi and Barbe... I'm thinking of you both--sending lots of love and strength your way!

    Wren

  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited November 2009

    (((((((Barbe))))))), (((((((Cathi))))))), I'm so sorry you have these worries. Stinking, poxy bootface!

    (((((((Sue))))))) - so sorry to hear about your broken bones. Am thinking of you and hope you feel better soon.

    Sheila - you poor thing having to drink all that water. Hope they found a vein without putting you through too much pain.

    Cathi - that photo is SOOO beautiful!!

     Love to everyone,

    Jane oxoxo

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2009

    {{{{{{{{{{{{ Sue ! }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Cathi, they are so dear and yes, you are so lucky...sigh.

    On another thread, someone mentioned fat necrosis as a mass. Now, I didn't have radiation and these lumps aren't on my scar lines, but I'm banking on them being fat necrosis! I can breathe now....while I wait for word.  Laughing

  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited November 2009

    The hospital was much kinder today, she was able to get blood with one stick although on my forearm and gentle tourniquet. She didn't even look at my feet even though I requested she try there first. She only had 3 vials laid out to collect blood and the doctor's office had 6 for the same blood tests. By the time she got to the last vial, my poor vein was giving out and she said I hope that is enough I don't want to try to find another vein. I think I will go there from now on to get blood draws!

    Sheila

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2009
    Sheila, you done good! Laughing
  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited November 2009

    Barbe - XOXOXOXOXOXO Did you ever think the day would come when we would be PRAYING TO HEAR THE WORDS "FAT" - LOL

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2009

    HAHAHAHAHA, you made me laugh Cathi! That's great!

  • portiasproudmom
    portiasproudmom Member Posts: 2,125
    edited November 2009

    Wow!  I thought I was going to have to go to page two to find our thread!  Where is everyone? 

    Cathi, Barbe, any news?  I'm doing the b9 chant for you both!

    Sue, hope you're feeling a bit better. 

    Hugs to all,

    Karen

  • Shirlann
    Shirlann Member Posts: 3,302
    edited November 2009

    Oh how I love all you sweet girls!  You cheered me up.  I just am getting old and kinda feel bypassed.  The docs said "No more pap smears", and I was not sorry, but felt old.  And my boys have gone and gotten grey, REALLY grey.  I don't really want them ( I am glad they are doing well, I want my darling little blonde boys).  Shoot, makes me feel so old.  But I am still here, so that is good and I have two fur-babies, my dear Cleo (who got stuck in my closet last night till we found her and and she had torn everything up), she sleeps over my head on a tall pillow built nest ( she takes her paw in the morning sometimes and wakes me up by trying to gently, oh so gently, open my eyes.) and Dusty, the Whippet, on the other side.  My husband gets a little disgusted.  haha

    Love you all, Shirlann 

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2009

    Oh, Shirlann!!! I'm so glad you finally poked your head in. I've been worried about you. Bypassed is a good word. There comes a time when things that would have drawn immediate attention are no longer a big deal because of age. It takes us down a peg or two. Give those boys some hair dye for Christmas and tell them to humor their mom.Smile

    I just finished watching "Mamma Mia" for the first time. Best cheer-up item I've found in a long time. You can't help but feel young and alive with Meryl. Give it a try!

    ((((((((Shirlann))))))))

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