under 40 with young children

Yes, Happy Birthday!

On the hair front, just to give y'all a glimmer of what is to come, I finished chemo in December, started growing hair in earnest in February, and I'm happy to announce that I had to go in for a trim this past weekend. So, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Congrats on finishing chemo, Lorena! 

Hi there.  This is my first time on this board, but this is the group I'm looking for.  I'm 36 and was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer a week ago.  I'll be starting chemo in less than two weeks, I'm sure.  I have a two-year-old little girl.  This is my big question... How do you explain this to a little one this little?  Of course I know we won't tell her the whole shebang, but she'll notice my hair soon and I don't want to scare her.  I'm thinking about cutting my hair very short in the next couple of days just to let her get used to that before it probably all goes away in a couple weeks.  Do you think that would help?  Any good books to read on handling this with toddlers?  Any advice is appreciated.  Thanks!

Hi ladies,

I post on the board but have never posted here. I am 36 with two girls 4 and 7 (just turned 7 on Sat). I told my girls I will be better on my 4 year old's birthday (Jan 2009) and will have some hair on older dd's 8th birthday in May. This way they know it is far away but mom will hopefully get better. We baked a cake just for fun last month and my 4 yr wanted everyone to pretend that she was five and her mom was better--it was so sweet. My older dd has started sleeping with old pictures of me under her pillow because she is forgetting how I looked with hair. She talks that mom may die to her friends and I am trying to reassure daily that I will be ok and also trying to not cry anymore in front of her.

They love Hawaii--well who doen't--so I am trying to plan a trip for the family after my tx is over during Christmas. Hopefully I will be able to go. I am bummed that we have cancel all our summer trips and our camping vacation in Yellowstone bbecause of me. But they are such sweet, helpful kids and do not complain much and just brush it off saying--ok next year when you are better. I am finding the issues with my kids the most difficult part--more than chemo, hair everything. At least once a day I get overwhelmed by how much I love them, how cute they are, how little they are and I might not be there for them and I start crying.

I am 38 years old.  I was diagnosed with IDC stage 2b grade 3 on October 12, 2007. I just had a mastectomy(after 2 failed lumpectomies) on May 13th, 2008. I also had chemotherapy first.  I am married and have 4 children also.  It is really difficult to get through breast cancer to begin with, but having children that depend on you makes it more difficult. If you ever want to talk just let me know.

O.K., this is the third thread I've posted this on, but I'm still mad about it and so I'm sorry if some of you are reading it AGAIN.  This really threw me tonight.  And it has nothing (directly) to do with bc.

I just had a really bad neighbor experience. 

The background:  My garage is detached and at the back of our property.  We sit on 1/3 of an acre and have a pretty long driveway down to the garage.  We have 3 structures on the property: the house, the garage and a 1000 sq. foot area we call "the shop".  The only grass is in the front and the girls ride bikes or play basketball in the back near the garage. There are 3 single family homes that have their backyards (which are quite small, really more like patios) up against the fence along our driveway.  The complainers live in the third house, closest to the garage.  Now we are not friends with these neighbors and she has complained about us/the girls being too loud (in our own backyard) before.

The incident:  My girls and I were coming home at about 7:30 tonight.  They are young - 8 and 4. And the 4 y.o. is a screamer.  Screams when she's happy, sad, mad, whatever.  But she's four.  Anyway, I'm trying to get them to help me carry some stuff inside and she's fussing and runs to the front yard.  About 30 seconds later she comes screaming around to the back door (which is thirty feet from the garage) because she thinks there are mosquitos out.  At which point, she runs into the house.  I went back outside to get one last thing from the car and my neighbor comes out and asks me "Do they have to be so loud?"  So I apologized (she is loud, I'm not disputing that) and I said "They're girls - they play and sometimes they scream."  And he says "Well it goes through the whole house and our backyard is right here."  And this is my problem because...?

Mind you, the girls are both in the house now and the whole time it took for us to get out of the car and into the house was not more than 5 minutes - at the most.  At 7:30 PM.  Not 10:00 PM or 6:00 AM.  But this was the kicker.  His wife then buts in and says "Well, if they scream like that again, I'm going to assume something's wrong and call the police."  OH NO YOU DIDN'T.  I could not believe she said that!   But that was just TOO much.  I started to say something, and she interrupted me and said it AGAIN!  WTH?!  So I said, "You do what you need to do but then you can explain to the police why you made a false call."  When one of them started to say something else I said, "You know what?  I don't need to deal with you - I have BREAST CANCER and I'm done."  And I walked into my house.  I am still mad!! 

The Rant:  Part of me wishes I had not said the part about bc 'cause I would have been just as mad before bc (don't mess with my kids!).  But that is the truth.  I'm done with people like that.  And I really wanted them to have some perspective about their idiotic complaint.  I don't care if it worked or not, it made me feel a little bit better.  "Go in your house and be thankful that's all you have to complain about!!"  And if they can't yell and be loud and be kids in their own yards ('cause I don't let 'em do it inside), where CAN they?!  Sheesh!!  No, SHUT UP!!!!

I called my dh and he was upset also.  We agreed they have probably never had kids and have no clue what it's like.  Although I think he was a bit horrified at my bc comment.  Even the 8 y.o. said "I can't believe you said that."  She actually heard the whole conversation, so I'm glad that's all I said.  (a small lol)  It's a good thing I still have some Xanax.  This is just what I need 2 days before I start chemo...

Thanks for listening, girls...especially if you listened more than once. 

Thanks, nash.  I've had all kinds of great suggestions (especially from the "bitch and moan" thread!) of what I/we could do to them.  We won't do any of them, but it helps to get it out! 

Hi everyone and kelty.  I'd like to join too although I'm 40 (not under 40).  I have 4 young children: 3, 5, 9 and 11.  I will be getting a bilat mx on 2/3/09.   I havn't even told my 3 or 5 year olds yet.  As a prior poster said, they have no sense of time, so I probably won't tell them until the day before I go for surgery.  Hope to get this thread going again!

I just found this and it would be nice to talk to others with the same concerns I have.  I have held on to my faith and tried to remain positive but I still have those days that I cry all the way home from radiation because I am afraid. (it's only two miles haha).  I have 3 girls. 21,15 and 18 months.  I want to dance at their weddings and hold my grandchildren.  All of them.  I want my 18 month old to know how much her mommy loves her and know who I am.  I don't think why me, I think Why NOT me but damn it WHY ME?  I hope that makes sense.  Well, I am off to dance with my youngest.  She is dancing to the mucic of the weather channel.   

kelty, sammi and mason...You are all in my prayers!  Traci 

I´m recently diagnosed at the age of 27. I have e children, 9, 6 and 4.

I´m in the menopause now - hysterectomy with bilateral oophorectomy 10/2007

Hi, everyone. I hope that someone can give me some insight.  I am having a bilateral skin-sparing mastectomy with immediate reconstruction (tissue expanders/implants) on September 10.  I have had two previous surgeries (a lumpectomy and a re-excision).  Although I am surgically "clear", I have made this hard decision after 3 months of deliberation.  I just found out that I don't have to have chemo based on the oncotype dx test.  I know how very lucky I am.  However, I am on several clinical trials to improve my odds, so to speak, over just tamoxifen.  The meds have made me have insance mood swings (one of the trials shuts down the ovaries and induces menopause).

I have 2 girls -  2 1/2 and almost 5.  I have used the words "breast cancer" and have told them about the other two surgeries.  My mom has come each time, so I think they may think all this is a good thing (which I don't mind).

 I really want to know what to tell the kids about the mood swings (if anything) and what to tell them about the surgery (the fact that I won't have breasts for a while, the fact I will be in the hospital at least overnight, the fact that I can't physically care for them for a few weeks).  I also want to know whether to send my 5 year old off to school on the 10th.  It will only be her second week of kindergarten (but she is in the same building and with the same teacher and kids that she has been in daycare with for the past 4 years.) I find that the social worker and child psychologist to whom I have spoken aren't that helpful. 

 I see that some of you out there have or had kids this young when going through the surgeries.  Any thoughts, advice, etc. about how to talk to such young kids?

Thank you so much!

Goodmorning to all above, I felt compelled to type this morning, I use to be in chat a lot and was drawn to young mothers, because I too had had bc when I was 33 and had a 6 week old baby. I want to share my story with you all to offer hope. I am now 53 in Feb it will be 20 years since my fight with bc. Three years after my mast/chemo/recon I went on to be blessed to fall pregnant again. I have two girls that I pray for daily. I didn't do anything perfectly by the book, I just wanted to live, to be there for so many wonderful times I have had since my bc. I stand strong in telling whoever wishes to listen (I am a survivor) and feel blessed for every day since my diagnosis. It was tiring, sickening etc that first year, but believe that the treatments you're receiving is killing that ugly disease, be strong in not dwelling in having cancer, but in fighting to beat it, and having a blessed life after treatments, hugs and prayers to you all kathy (badbabe56)

Badbabe56 -

 I thank you also for your encouragement. I don't post often, but have recently been obsessing over details from my diagnosis and treatment which started in Feb. 2007 and ended in March of 2008.  Definitely helps me take a breath and work on moving on!