Starting Chemo May 2008

Okay...back again after a three-mile walk. It's hot and sunny and beautiful in Seattle. I am officially on a diet. That means I am going to be crabby, but it is time. I have never weighed so much and I allowed myself a lot of slack and it is time to get healthy now that I am feeling healthy if you know what I mean. This is going to be a long post so stop now if you're not into long Eddie posts.

I told my onc, Hank, about Randie today when I went in for my check before herceptin. He shared that he has "seen it all," and that when someone is going through what our dear Randie went through it is a sign that she would have had to suffer more, more, more. He believes her kids would have had to watch her fight with all her might just to be in pain and that, as terrible as her dying is, that it is better for her younger kids to remember their mom the way she was and not to have had to watch four or five years of hell and pain. He says they were already, likely, so distressed that she was in and out of the hospital draining her lungs and being in pain that, he believes, it is almost (not quite, but almost) better that she could pass in peace. He says he has stage four people who were destined to death who have lived twenty years and he has "Randies" who were supposed to breeze through with flying colors who just die. He told me to tell you all that, as an oncologist, it is so difficult to watch people such as Randie go. He was very kind. I miss Randie.

Our vacation -- we had a very good one save the Randie news and, again, I am so grateful and thankful that you got a hold of me right away. I would have been even more distressed had I not known. New York was great; Montreal was elegant; Middlebury was fun for the 4th; and we discovered Portsmith which was lovely. Boston was terrific and all three of us enjoyed. We've heard from Max that all is well as well.

The diet. What can I say? I am a piggy and I must cut back. I am going for the extreme weight watchers concept -- I will write everything down and do something active for an hour a day. I am setting my goal to lose one pound a week to lose 20 pounds and giving myself 26 weeks to do it. 

Herceptin -- two more. That's it. Two more. All vital signs good at this point. Have a mam in two weeks for the other pesky breast and will schedule a colonoscopy to be done before port out. Enough on that.

Jeff -- our friend, Jeff, is suffering mightly from pancreatic cancer. He is going downhill as he goes into round two of, taxotere. 

You all --

Noelle, I hope your kitty is better. I hope business is good this summer or at least picking up and I think it would be cool if we put all of our Randie cash toward a relaxation basket. We'll see what the women want.

Linda, GM out of bankruptcy so fast? Big union issues here in Seattle...Boeing trying to pressure unions into no-strike clauses in contracts. Bummer. 

Kerry, They say swine flu is partying in Australia. I know you are good about walking and staying healthy, but this is your reminder....no swine flu, okay? 

Cristine, Now, don't be mad, but the throw up thing on your bed (bummer that it is) still makes me smile because we have whopper vomit stories around here that make people cry with laughter. Max is not a throw up boy, but Adam did it with such personality and he started day one and still manages a good deal of it even now (though at 12, he finally seems to get it that the best place to throw up is in the toilet). Anyway, someday we will share barf stories. What can I say? Bodily fluids...a fact of life and sometimes runny and funny. Hope everyone is feeling better.

Julie, Your grandpa has a lot of gall hanging around with that gall bladder. He's a tough guy and he will get through...we Westermans send him our thoughts for good healing.

Kristy Softball, baseball, sports, sports, sports. It keeps them off the street and it catapults parents into a whole different subculture.

 Jen, How many herceptins do you have left? Are you on countdown? How is your son spending his summer? I hope he's enjoying.

 Mary, No more infections mehopes. I, too, like Colorado Springs as I grew up in Denver so you and Robin and I should have brunch at the Broadmoor (sp?) Hotel sometime soon.

Robin, Make reservations.

 Otter, Hope those fish are biting and you're enjoying.

Gracie, If they put you on steroids, quit your day job and go be a jock. I think the country is ready for a breast cancer survivor sports celebrity.

Jeano, I sent you a big old smooch when we flew over St. Paul yesterday on our way back. Hope you got it.

Rock, Your words are a comfort to me very often so thanks for that. You are still rocking the bald and I love your spirit in everything you do whether it is ranting, raving, poet slamming or just checking in.

Karin, Do you miss the kids or is it nice to be parafree for a while?

Heather, How's it going in Nelson? Isn't this summer better than last? 

Adrienne, Has your daughter settled in back here now? What is she up to? How is she doing? Any photography? I could check FB, but I want to get a mom's perspective.

Sue, You checking in once in a while?

Randie, I miss you, dear Randie

I am missing someone and I can't put my finger on who...I will catch you next time. Love you all.

Okay, I messed up and sent a card directly to Randie's family. I did send a check to Eddie so whatever everyone decides to do is great. Thanks for doing this for us.

The Broadmoor...here's Johnny! 

Ah, Chris. That's awfully nice of you.

I'm sorry for the silence, people.  There's dumb stuff I want to say but -- I swear I have the maturity of a 7 year old these days -- I don't want to say it if Randie's not here...  I want Randie to come back! Make her come back! I have something to tell her! 

I mean every word of that, petulant and juvenile as it is.

I saw my crush the other day. We had dinner, established our separate peace, and laughed a lot. But I think he has a lot a lot a lot of issues. So we'll be friends, but nothing more. (He's in Chile right now, giving a paper.)  I swear, this country has more staggeringly good-looking men per square mile than any other place in the world. Even the guys who removed their front teeth (it's a gang thing, I think) are really good-looking!

Thanks for being patient with me, people.  I do miss Randie.

Hey Rock,

We are posting at the same time. You deserve someone with baggage that matches yours...no new issues...just ones that coordinate with your own. I miss Randie as well. Sigh.

Eddie - I could never be mad at you and it's comforting to know we are not alone in vomit!  Actually, she did it so often when she was little, that I'm a bit passe' about  it but only after the fact!  And I was the one who volunteered to help with the Randie-isms and have been working on it slowly (do we need to get permission from anyone?). 

Roxi - I sent a card directly to the family, too.  But I will send something else to Eddie, so send another one if you want to!

Chris - Thanks for you lovely post.

Rock - Rip away!  She'll see it.

I also sent a card directly to Randie's family but I am working on a letter to send. I'm not as well versed as the rest of you ladies are. I'm not sure how to put all my feelings down in words.... but I'm working on it.  I'll send it out this week to you Eddie.

BTW Eddie~ I am SOOO jealous! 2 treatments left?!?!?!?! I have 4 to go. I CANNOT wait to get this thing out of my chest and be done with it! To me that is the end. I know I have many more years to go thru testing but that is the end of chemo. WOOOHOOOO! I can't wait! :O)

Chris~ thank you for the kind words to our group. hugs and squishes.

Rock~ he wasn't good enouhg for you anyways ;O)

I put our music cd in my new little car this last week. I keep the list that has who's song is whose in the car as well. It makes me feel closer to you guys knowing which song you picked out.

Hope this week treats each of you like the wonderful angels that you are. Hello to our guardian angel, sweet Randie. Love ya daulink!

Morning girls! We have been having insane weather here for the past few days. It has been bucketing rain 24hrs per day, some thunder and lightning (which is pretty cool given it's the middle month of winter here) and yesterday I got HAILED ON as I fumbled with my keys trying to get my groceries into the car post haste. Today, It's glorious sunshine. I'm not at work today; at 12pm I'm having two teeth surgically removed (ouch!), including one impacted wisdom tooth. Apart from the obvious physical freak-out, I'm having a financial one as well. It's $600 per tooth, and he told me, "You'll get next to nothing back from NIB". Yeah. And the reason for that is that these bastards charge about 4 times the scheduled fee. It goes on and on. I think I told you, the PS charged $4,000 for the re-con and I got $1200 back. AND I have to pay a $700 gap for the million-dollar implants. Dagnabbit! I have better live a long, long time with these new knockers! I was crabby, sick and flat all weekend. Anyone else got an attack of crabbiness alongside their estrogen reduction? I've been doing nice walks every day (even yesterday in the rain) but I can't seem to keep Little Miss Irritable off my shoulder. Even buying 6 new pairs of undies yesterday (and throwing the old girls out) didn't completely shift the mood. Sigh.  Noelle, I think about you a lot and hope that the black clouds are lifting there for you. I want you to be rich and famous, in a good way! Love you allXX have a great day.

I have been away from work for two weeks too. I don't want to go either. Sigh. Listening to two twelve year old kids singing a sara bareli (sp?) song...so sweet. Head under water....it's almost eleven which is when I need to go to bed for work but who wants to stop these two? Ho hum. Goodnight.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JACKIE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

Typing that has made me want a cupcake. I gotta say, there are many wonderful things about Cape Town, but they don't really do cupcakes well.  Shame.

(My friend used to refer to her daughter as a "Klingon"/Cling-on, after the Star Trek species.)

Happy Birthday Jackie!

This week has been hellish. 

The Kitty death deal really crushed me.  I hate all( not really, but kinda) all other cats right now. 

 I am child free for 5 days and too damned broke to do anything but work and run. He comes home for 2 days and then goes away for 2 weeks. Perhaps, once he returns the house will be in order somewhat.The only full weekend I am child free my BF is off to some concert in the mud with a bunch of hippies /friends/ strangers(I hate crowds because there are always annnoying people at them, I hate smoke and scents and all kinds of other things that a concert full of hippies in the mud would bring) Even though one of my most fave artists of all time is playing, and it is in her hometown where she never ever plays I am not gonna go. 

The store is crazy slow, but we broke even in June for the first month since the year started.... and presently one of the tenants in the building is burning their dinner so the store smoke alarm is going off. 

I am finalising the 4 page insurance claim for the flood in May.. what a pain in the ass!! 

 I am officially out of chemopause... oh ya... giddy up wild horsies... don't ever wonder WTF a period is like after a 14 month absence... I have been spotting here and there for months and had a vague period early in June... and have been spotting heavier on and off all month... and WHAM!!!! This week... like a freakin' stuck pig!!! God Help me! I wanted this back why??? 

 I figure I was actually in PMS when I had to put the baby kitty down. I took pics of her before the injection, and I know for sure how sick she was... she looked awful. Although I was happy to see and hear her after a 3 day absence. I have lost pets in varying ways, but never as a fully formed adult and never had to hold one as they died. I am quite sure I have never allowed a cat, or even most humans to be so much MINE as this baby kitten was...

I made a cake last night to send with the kid to the friends cottage and Ran was in the kitchen fecking it all up. 9:30 at night had to get sugar from the neighbours and convert an Australian recipe to Canadian ingredients.. she was laughing her ass off at me I think. 

Eddie, keep me posted about decisions for the Ellenoire relaxation basket for Ran's Fam. I am getting it packed tomorrow, I was going to send it with or without financial help, but Kristy has chipped to make it bigger.

 I love you all.. the garden is finally looking good and despite the slightly cooler temps I am loving the summer weather and I wish you were here to have a drink in the backyard with me.

 xoN

Keeping a running list. Got cards and/or checks today from Linda, Jeano and Mary. Will keep you all posted. Noelle, timing is rough. It would be cool to send an even bigger basket, but not knowing what kind of funds we're talking about yet will hold the basket that you are planning on sending tomorrow back...Do you want to make it a bit bigger and I'll send some of the money we collect to you as part of that then put the rest toward breastcancer.org and some giftcards? Weigh in women. Ciao for now. Happy birthday dear Jackie. Talk to you all more later. Missing Randie.

Happy Birthday Jackie!!

Welcome back Eddie, sounds like you had a great trip!  I placed cash in the card - go ahead and open the card if needed to use for the good of the group. 

Otter - thanks for the postcard, it was the best thing I got in the mail this month!

Roxi - Hope the infection is clearing! 

Sorry to simply pass through, but I received (2)  RFPs today which I have a meeting on tomorrow morning, so off to bed to read.

I miss you all & love you lots!

Jean 

Jackie - So glad it was good and Happy Birthday to You!!!  Cupcakes...yum!!  I understand "being followed" everywhere - we have one downstairs bathroom and it doesn't lock.  I don't think my girls even know what it means to "knock first". 

Eddie - I've got a few phrases so far, but she didn't show up for awhile, so it took me a few pages before I found her.  I agree, anyone who has something particularly memorable should cue you or just send it.  I can probably work it over the weekend some more, if you can wait and then send what I have to you in an email.  I will send you my card/contribution by snail mail before the end of the week. 

Otter - Postcards abound!  Thanks!!!! 

Rock - "Cling-on" -- YES.  But I love them and miss them when they are not here to cling.

Noelle - Really sorry about the kitty.  I think it's those unexpected ones that get to us.

Julie - Sorry about "the return" (You too, Noelle).  Mine has been a bit weird but has indeed returned.  Ick. 

Talking about cupcakes made me think of Randie - wouldn't she be talking about making some great thing with summer fruit right now??  I could really go for something with peaches right about now...mmmmmm...Love ya, Ran...

Got it ... good. Will do. GOt it on all counts. Noelle, go on the basket with Kristy...I will collect money and get gift cards for family. Love you....

Hi Girls! Gracie, your analysis of this 'delayed meltdown syndrome' is spot on. All the BF blood tests last year? Pffft! If I SUSPECT a blood test or all-too-frequent anaesthetic of some kind, I feel nothing but dread. I have lost my nerve. I've used up my quota. My dental job on Monday confirmed all this; I now have Walter Mattheau's jowl instead of my own and it it turning black. Very attractive. I also think that if dental surgeons are going to use a deafeningly loud electric saw/jackhammer, then he/she should provide earmuffs for the patient and earmuffs & sedatives for the people in the waiting-room who must surely have freaked when he was working on me. Kind of undoes all that teaching that parents do: "Don't worry, darling. There's no need to EVER be afraid of the dentist". Yeah, right.   Noelle, I would just absolutely love to have a drink with you in your backyard; I've seen your FB pics!I too fancy getting piratey every now and then.  Julie, it does snow here in winter, and also in summer. I kid you not! It's mad. It snows on the highest parts. Have a look at world map and note how close we are to Antarctica....My beautiful hub has just put a bowl of yummy chicken on my lap and handed me a glass of red. He is so........OH YES!! NOW I REMEMBER!! He's playing cards with his mates tonight. Sigh. Love you all. XXX